Does This Sound Fair To You(bisexuals)?

[JadedStar]

I love to argue, I think the truth is somewhere in between, I think many unhappy marriages can be improved by being more in tune with the other partner's needs and more open to new ideas. Learning to negotiate and being honest about what each partner wants out of the relationship and life in general would go a long way in solving a lot of problems. I'm done, it has been fun.

 

I agree with you, but allowing a spouse to sleep with someone else shouldn't have to be on the table.

 

Other than that, yes i agree that each partner should be open to new ideas and trying to be in tune with their partner.

[Pocket Rocket]

I really hate it when I see bisexual women using their orientation as an excuse for cheating. It doesn't matter if it is a man or a woman - you are engaging in intercourse with a PERSON other than your significant other when they are not ok with it - it is cheating, and there is no other way you could paint that picture.

 

This just makes life harder for the rest of us who are seen as promiscuous and taking women on the side. FGS, keep your pants on!

 

I don't think the husband should be ok with this if he isn't. Why should he be any more ok with this than if she realised she hadn't explored her sexuality with enough men before getting married? If it matters that much to her and they can't agree then let them go their separate ways.

[IMAbadman]

I love to argue, I think the truth is somewhere in between, I think many unhappy marriages can be improved by being more in tune with the other partner's needs and more open to new ideas. Learning to negotiate and being honest about what each partner wants out of the relationship and life in general would go a long way in solving a lot of problems. I'm done, it has been fun.

 

SPOT ON! Exactly right. I think the key word here is "negotiate".

 

Negotiating should not compromise your self-respect, morals, values, or disrespect your partners either.

[IMAbadman]

I don't think the husband should be ok with this if he isn't. Why should he be any more ok with this than if she realised she hadn't explored her sexuality with enough men before getting married? If it matters that much to her and they can't agree then let them go their separate ways.

 

 

Amen. That goes either way in a relationship.

 

You negotiate a mutually acceptable outcome or you decide to part ways. It's no different than running a business.

[lukeb]

No, that's the definition of being a doormat. I'm not going to pretend to be able to write a good definition for love, but that's not it. Love involves a measure of self-respect as well.

 

I am sorry you feel that way, ofcourse to love someone and not be loved in return is the greatest tragedy of all - (ok i got that from Moulin Rouge)

[Lucy__lou]

I am sorry you feel that way, ofcourse to love someone and not be loved in return is the greatest tragedy of all - (ok i got that from Moulin Rouge)

 

to be loved and not loved in return is something which happens to most of us. It's a mundane fact of life, a reality for anyone capable of loving, because some are more capable of loving than others, and some are more easy to love than others.

 

I don't know about love being about putting the other person first, but I do think real love involves wanting that other person to be happy, and finding joy in making them happy, and for the strong, being loved back isn't a prerequisite for giving love. For the strong and independent person who is centred and happy and whole, it it possible to love another regardless of it being reciprocated or not, and to not be destroyed if it's not reciprocated.

 

I wouldn't trade in my ability to love to avoid this so called tragedy. I think it's a gift just to be able to love. I'd rather be able to love, and not be loved back than to be loved by another but to also be unable to love.

[Flux]

If a bisexual woman was in a relationship with another woman, I'm sure the woman wouldn't allow her to 'experiment' with men. I think tbh being bisexual means when you settle down you'd have to sacrifice the gay/straight side of you... or just leave it to the fantasies

[MollyElise]

What do you think of the situation (which is mine) where a husband is fine if a woman has girlfriends that she gets frisky with from time to time, without him being involved?

[IMAbadman]

What do you think of the situation (which is mine) where a husband is fine if a woman has girlfriends that she gets frisky with from time to time, without him being involved?

 

 

Well... as long as he's OK with it. I personally could not do that with my SO.

 

Does he feel that he can have other partners to that he can get frisky with?

[MollyElise]

If he was interested in getting frisky with another man, I wouldn't have any problem with it, he's not though.

 

Could he get frisky with another woman, HELL NO. I also would never sleep with another man.

 

Honestly, when I talked to him about it at first I thought he would have a problem with it and was totally ready to be 100% monogamous, but he's like, if that's what you want to do more power to ya.

 

It's such a non-issue with us...

[IMAbadman]

Wow. I guess to each their own. As I mentioned I personally could not allow or do that. I guess I'm selfish when it comes to my SO. But hey if you two are OK with that... can it be that wrong?

 

Wish you the best.

[greywolf]

What do you think of the situation (which is mine) where a husband is fine if a woman has girlfriends that she gets frisky with from time to time, without him being involved?

 

To me that tells me that he considers same sex relationships between women to be unimportant and not to be taken seriously.

 

Because after all, two women are just waiting for the right man to come along to show them real pleasure, right?

[MollyElise]

greywolf.. honestly I get the same undertone as what you say. But my husband is very sexually inhibited... I definitely see this as my bait in a way to pull him out of that, while, of course, enjoying myself

 

slam away.

 

Edited to add... thinking about it more... yeah he doesn't take "same sex relationships between women" as important and while they can be, I don't necessarily think they have to be and I think they have a tendecy to not be sooo 'important' (i.e. drama filled??) I sleep with almost all my girlfriends from time to time, we are friends and think we're each beautiful and love each other... But I would feel the same way about these women whether or not I licked their puss... okay, it's just another layer to our relationship with no ownership or anything more than a loving friendship that appreciates a beautiful body attached to a sexy head.

[greywolf]

i do understand what you mean. however, heterosexual sex doesn't have to be serious either.

[Pocket Rocket]

MollyElise - I think what greywolf is trying to get at here is that your husband sees girl on girl sex as harmless.The justification here is that it is 'just sex'. However, if it was a man and it was 'just sex', just as it would be with a female friend, your husband would probably not think it so harmless. He probably does not find that you having sex with a girl would be as much of a threat to him as you having sex with another guy.

 

There is nothing wrong with the two of you being comfortable with an open relationship. The problem here is that not everyone finds same sex intimacy as acceptably harmless as your husband does. They view it with as much seriousness as a partner wanting to sleep with someone of the opposite sex. To expect someone to just get over it and be okay with their partner going to bed with a person of the same sex is what most people are having a problem with. If both partners agree that is fine as long as all parties are informed, there are no misunderstandings and everyone is on the same level.

[abbynormal91]

What the hell? That is rediculas. When you get married you have commited yourself to another person for life. Being Bi isn't a free pass to cheat.

[abbynormal91]

Well that woman didn't say those things. She was a little disappointed her husband wasn't enthusiastic about the idea. It is the others in the forum who said those things.

 

Also another question. One of the woman also said that it is hard to stay monogamous when you are bisexual because she always feels like she hasn't explored with other females. Do all women think this way? Is it not very possible to stay monogamous?

 

That is BS. Bisexuals can be just as monogamous as Heterosexuals or Homosexuals. It depends more on the person than the orientation.

[tina-rocks]

Totally agree with this post.

 

My moto is we simply love who we love so should not make any difference if she is married or not. It's the intention that matters.

 

Marriage is supposed to by it's nature be Monogamous. Why marry otherwise and if this is a recent discovery and the husband is not happy with it then the only answer is divorce.

 

That is BS. Bisexuals can be just as monogamous as Heterosexuals or Homosexuals. It depends more on the person than the orientation.

[unabashed]

As far as defining monogamy and "cheating," I think it's the couple that has to decide what's right for them. There are many variations on open relationships--whatever works for the two. Other people make moral judgments...but don't they always?

 

I have known some women who identify as bisexual who say it's very difficult for them to be in one relationship with either a woman or a man. They feel incomplete or unfulfilled because, no matter who they are with, they always feel something is missing. Both women that I am thinking of are married to men and have had relationships with women, with their husband's knowledge and agreement. It never has worked out, though, because the desire for someone is usually about more than pure sex. Both of them have fallen in love with the women they were with, and had to break off the relationships. I can honestly say that they are miserable and feel hopeless that they will ever find happiness unless they can be with both a man and a woman at the same time. I find this hard to relate to, but I have to take their word for it that this is true for them. I can see that it could lead to significant depression.

[lukeb]

I totally disagree with tina-rocks, marriage is by its nature a formal contract between two people to share their lives together nothing more. It is up to the two people involved to be honest with one another in what they want out of life, not for others to impose their morality on them what shape their marriage should have.

[Pocket Rocket]

Oh no. I can identify with this and it is one of my biggest fears and why I hold myself from starting a new relationship. I really want to be with a woman at the moment, but my sexuality is all over the place I am afraid to enter into a relationship and hurt someone. I just can't do it. guess it's polygamy for me I'm doomed...

[ColorBlue]

I'm here kind of late, I don't really come here that much but topics like these really bug me. That isn't fair at all, no one should ever expect to throw away their morals and values away just because their SO wants them to for their own satisfaction. Comprimising and all that is a good idea but..being a doormat for "love" is just terrible, a person should have some Self respect. =| I believe in the putting your SO's happiness before your own, but only because thats what I feel like is right, but to an extent. If this were to happen to me, and my girlfriend (who is bi sexual btw hehe, we both are) wanted to go off and "romp in the fields over yonder" and was actually mad at me for not going along with it, I'd feel pretty upset. It's because it would feel like I'm not good enough for her, so she has to go and find someone else. How is that right?

 

This whole marriage argument you got going here lukeb, it doesn't really work. Two people should Not marry if things like this are a huge deal. He wants a Monogamous relationship, she wants to sleep around with other people. I'm not sorry to say that I disagree with you on this, they really shouldn't have married if this was to become a problem, not that anyone can really see the future..but she should've known, right? Why is it so important to "explore her sexuality" with other women anyways. She has a husband, she should be happy enough with what she has. Maybe if he agreed with it, like, if he could join in or something like that, then it'd be ok but..well I'm rambling. I just dont agree.

 

Anyway, these bisexual topics are always hot spots for me, I really hate seeing people reinforcing that whole "BISEXUALS ARE UNTRUSTWORTHY AND THEY SLEEP WITH EVERYONE" stereotype, and I usually get mad or frustrated at people who support those people that use their bisexuality as an excuse to sleep around.