desertsoul Posted August 14, 2008 Share Posted August 14, 2008 The biggest thing I've come to realize since my divorce process began is that marriage is a promise that two people have to keep. If one person doesn't mean it, or later decides that, to him or her, it's not worth the effort or unhappiness -- however temporary or permanent -- then it doesn't matter what promises that you yourself made or how strong your commitment to keeping them is. One person can't keep both promises. I don't think I'll ever get married again for that very reason. I don't think I even believe in marriage anymore. And I know that everything is still fresh to me, but even on a purely logical level, I just can't see why I would ever do it again. I may promise to be committed to someone until she breaks her commitment to me, but I can't, in good conscience, promise to commit for a lifetime because it's not a promise that I can guarantee I'll be able to keep -- because she might not let me. It makes me sad that I don't believe in marriage now. I always had before this crap happened. It was important to me. It was a part of my dreams, something I looked forward to because I can't think of any more wonderful way to live than being with someone I love for the rest of my life, growing old with that person, getting to know everything it's possible to know about her, having a family with her, being comfortable being completely myself around her, and just simply having the stability of knowing which face I'm going to wake up looking at every morning. Maybe it was silly of me to ever believe in that. I know my life's not over. I know it's not ruined. But something is ruined for me. My stbx is not a bad person, really. She's made mistakes, but as far as people go, she's a very decent human being. And if she can do this... if she can just throw all of this away so easily, why should I trust anyone to not do the very same thing when things turn less-than-perfect? I know some people on here have been married more than once. How did you do it? How did you keep believing in something that you can never again be sure of? Do I need to just stop dreaming about it? I guess maybe that's what would be healthiest for me, but I don't want to have to do that. Anyway, it's not like I'm anywhere close to even having a concrete reason to consider getting remarried in the near future. I'm just trying to get some stuff straightened out in my head, so any insight would be appreciated. Link to comment
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