melrich Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I would think in the limited mind that a dog has, the dog would naturally see my GF as above her in the "pecking order" of the pack, and accept the fact that she is displaced when the GF is there. That's not how dogs work. If you give them high status in the house (and sleeping with you is about the highest you can give) then they will see themselves as a dominant member of the family and will "protect" that status. Link to comment
bartels Posted June 29, 2008 Author Share Posted June 29, 2008 That's not how dogs work. If you give them high status in the house (and sleeping with you is about the highest you can give) then they will see themselves as a dominant member of the family and will "protect" that status. Well, that may very well be, but at this point that particular issue has not been a problem. When my gf is over, I put her in the crate (the dog not the gf) when we go to bed, and she doesn't complain at all. This has been the system for about 2 months now. She doesn't make a sound at all, and goes right to sleep until around 8 am the next morning. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I guess what I don't understand is why the dog has to be in the crate at night. Why can't the dog be free, but just not sleep on the bed. It seems extreme to put the dog in a crate unless you are still housebreaking the dog. As for the being alone bit...you actually aren't alone...you have a girlfriend...usually when people talk in terms of being "alone" it means being single...not simply having alone time with the security of having a partner. So I would say more accurately that you have a problem being alone in the single sense. There is security and comfort for you to have a partner even if you are ambivalent about that partner. Have you ever actually been partnerless for any length of time, just enjoying your life without the need of having a woman in your life. Link to comment
lady00 Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I was just wondering why you're so hesitant to break things off. That's what prompted me to ask the question. Link to comment
lady00 Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 As for the being alone bit...you actually aren't alone...you have a girlfriend...usually when people talk in terms of being "alone" it means being single...not simply having alone time with the security of having a partner. So I would say more accurately that you have a problem being alone in the single sense. There is security and comfort for you to have a partner even if you are ambivalent about that partner. Have you ever actually been partnerless for any length of time, just enjoying your life without the need of having a woman in your life. I was thinking the same thing. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 If I was the woman, I'm not sure if I would like the guy to break things off with me. It hurts to go through a breakup. Sometimes things can be worked out. Link to comment
bartels Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 I guess what I don't understand is why the dog has to be in the crate at night. Why can't the dog be free, but just not sleep on the bed. So I would say more accurately that you have a problem being alone in the single sense. There is security and comfort for you to have a partner even if you are ambivalent about that partner. Have you ever actually been partnerless for any length of time, just enjoying your life without the need of having a woman in your life. She's only 6.5 months old, and although lately she has been much more reliable, if I leave her alone to roam the apartment, she may chew on an electric cord, or jump up on a counter and grab something, or possibly have an accident by the door..although its been several weeks since the last one. She has gotten much more reliable and I figure within the next month or two she will be able to have the run of the apartment, or of the eventual condo. But not yet. The last time I was without a partner for any length of time was over 20 years ago. You might be onto something there. Link to comment
lady00 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 The last time I was without a partner for any length of time was over 20 years ago. Hmm...that does seem striking. 20 years is a very long time to go without being single. Maybe you are just really used to and comfortable with having a reliable person you can keep going to for affection and all the other stuff that comes with being in a relationship, even if you don't necessarily see a future. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 She's only 6.5 months old, and although lately she has been much more reliable, if I leave her alone to roam the apartment, she may chew on an electric cord, or jump up on a counter and grab something, or possibly have an accident by the door..although its been several weeks since the last one. She has gotten much more reliable and I figure within the next month or two she will be able to have the run of the apartment, or of the eventual condo. But not yet. The last time I was without a partner for any length of time was over 20 years ago. You might be onto something there. My dog was always fine at night roaming around...he just slept. The daytime was a whole other story. I had to crate him for almost 2 years while I was at work or else he would chew up the sofa. Link to comment
bartels Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 My dog was always fine at night roaming around...he just slept. The daytime was a whole other story. I had to crate him for almost 2 years while I was at work or else he would chew up the sofa. Ok, I will let her run around at night unsupervised, but if she rips the couch apart where do I send the bill? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Ok, I will let her run around at night unsupervised, but if she rips the couch apart where do I send the bill? Well, of course you send the bill to your dog...after all, she did the damage, she should have to pay...my dog paid me in dog hairs....he realizes the couch was worth a lot so he is still paying me every day! Link to comment
bartels Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Well, of course you send the bill to your dog...after all, she did the damage, she should have to pay...my dog paid me in dog hairs....he realizes the couch was worth a lot so he is still paying me every day! Ok..well, then I guess my dog pays me back with love and affection and makes me healthier by getting me outside to take her for walks. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Question: if this is never going to be marriage...why does it matter what she thinks...it's not going in that direction where it becomes her house too. Also...isn't time spent with her time spent away from someone who will turn into your wife? Gotta agree. Also once your dog outgrows the pup stage you won't have to worry about her tearing things up. Most dogs outgrow this after the age of one year, some sooner. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 If I was the woman, I'm not sure if I would like the guy to break things off with me. It hurts to go through a breakup. Sometimes things can be worked out. Ren sure breakups hurt. But you don't stay wtih people you are not in love with to avoid hurting them. Are you suggesting he stay with her just so he doesn't hurt her, even if he isn't in love? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Girlfriend sounds passive aggressive. Link to comment
lady00 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Girlfriend sounds passive aggressive. Honestly, and I mean no offense in saying this...both people in this relationship seem pretty passive. Neither appears happy but neither is willing to do anything about it. It's a stalemate. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Lady00 and JadedStar, so the both of you suggest that he should break up with her. That would hurt her. Don't you think maybe he should discuss what he is dissatisfied with her about and give her a chance to maybe fix things. Some things can be fixed. I know my opinions are very different than others. But I don't advocate giving up on things just because feelings aren't there. Feelings come and go, what is once lost can be regained. I guess I have never been the dumper. I don't like to break people's hearts, since I've been dumped a few times before and know how painful it can be. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I do not suggest he break up with her lightly. But i think we are all picking up on some serious unhappiness and this dog incident is but one symptom. Ren, I repeat. you don't stay in relationships to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Sometimes in life you have to. There is no way around it. No good person hurts someone's feelings on PURPOSE but you CANNOT stay in a relationship that has long expired ONLY Because you dont want to hurt someone. That is grossly unhealthy. Pain is as much a part of life as is happiness. If i never went thru hard times in my life I never would have grown. I learned more from my past heartaches than i have from my past happy times. A well rounded person typically has gone thru many ups and downs. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 JS, I know what you mean, pain does help us to grow since life is not all roses. I just feel sorry for his gf because I've been in her shoes many a times, and being dumped does not get easier with each experience. Maybe that's why I'm afraid to go out and find a relationship, since I am afraid of being dumped or broken up with. OP, sorry for going off topic a bit. I do hope you can work things out with your gf concerning the dog. And I do understand why you don't want to break up with her. Sometimes one doesn't want to be the one to inflict pain upon someone else and you hope they will realize and leave the relationship themselves. Link to comment
bartels Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 It could also just be me. I was in a long relationship that just ended recently and maybe I am sort of pulled back and noncommited to my girlfriend because its my state of mind...she's really good for me and I don't think there's anyone out there that I would be more attracted to. Until I get through my healing process I will probably always be this way, and it could even take the rest of my life. Link to comment
riley123 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Hey buddy, I have a beagle too, and she sleeps with me every night. I agree with Metro...your dog -- your rules. Link to comment
ccali78 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 My puppy always sleeps with me. He is my baby boy!!!! Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 My cats sleep with me anytime they want. My bf gets the honor of spending the night with me only occasionally, when he's been a good boy. Pets rule! Link to comment
ccali78 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Actually just woke with my Linus about an hour ago. He loves to cuddle in the morning Link to comment
spartacat Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Hmmm... I say, buy a bigger bed. Sorry to the girlfriend, but what does she care if she doesnt sleep in the bed with you? Also, your bed, your new condo, your dog... She has no say. As long as youre kind enough to change the sheets and crate the dog when she's over, then she really shouldnt be bothered. Just my opinion. Link to comment
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