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ccali78

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Everything posted by ccali78

  1. ccali78
    Oh and we have been broken up six months which makes it worse... Yes we saw eachother up until last weekend... But it still has been over 6 months...
  2. ccali78
    Day 1 and hopefully this will be my last day one... No it did not go well... I have made every mistake you can... He said the up and downs hurt really bad... I need to stop them and I am going to pray to god. I just do not understand myself at all... So I need to forget...
  3. ccali78
    I just blew it... I quit.. I am clearly destined to be unhappy... I will think positively...
  4. ccali78
    Day 4!! It really does not seem that long, but I certainly wish it was longer. It certainly helps that he is respecting me by not contacting me either... I am going to make it longer than a month. Maybe even a lifetime... Atleast I felt love and this is my second love. So I know that I healed from my first love and will for my second as well...
  5. ccali78
    Today is Day 3!! I am so proud of myself. I still do not want him back as a boyfriend. I just miss him as a friend... I wish there was a switch you could hit that would make it easier to be friends. I guess that comes with time and patience
  6. ccali78
    I wish I could forget his cell phone # after 5 years I have it memorized. Maybe one day I will forget it. But who am I kidding. I remember my grandmothers phone # from when and I called him more often... Wouldnt it be nice if he would change his number LOL...
  7. ccali78
    Day 2 I really want to do it this time... I hate cell phones. I wish they were never invented LOL... Doing better than yesterday. It is just hard loosing what I call a friend. I do not open up to many people so I do not talk to many people. I need to work on that!!! It will be 6 months in 2 days since we broke up and 4 days since I last saw him. These numbers will grow as I am determined...
  8. ccali78
    So today is officially Day 1. I need to come here and post everytime I get weak and want to be his friend. I need to move forward without him as my friend. I know he thinks I will text him back saying I am ready to be friends. But that does not allow me to date and move on.. So I am letting go of our friendship in hopes I will find the person I am meant to be with. Wish me luck and I will keep posting I promise and will not respond to anymore texts from him... I still want to change my number but he would have to change his for that to work 100% both ways.
  9. ccali78
    Ok so I have not contacted him today but he came over last night as I was lonely... Which makes me fine today. I am always fine after I see him and do not have to talk to him. I am going to wait until I have some time to join this thread. I think the pressure of saying I am going no contact makes me contact him. It is like I am challenging myself like I always do. I do not understand how I can stay sober as an alcoholic for 95 days now but not stay away from contacting him... It baffles me. I sometimes wonder if I am addicted to him and transferring some feelings...
  10. ccali78
    I have to start day 1 again... (and I am sure there will be more) I feel like an idiot. I do not know why I keep doing this to myself.. I just miss him as a friend and I know you will all say well he was not a good friend. But he was my friend and the closest confidante I had... I accidentally sent him a text yesterday. I meant to send it to a guy with the same starting initial breaking plans for coffee nothing big. I realized it a bit later. I immediately shut my phone off as I realized he was on the plane home and I did not want to deal with it.. I was just over-reacting of course (go figure)... So I turned it back on to a few texts of who is M... I just told him the truth. He did not respond back and I felt really good about that. Did not hear from him for the rest of the night.. I slept awesome.. Until I woke up in a panic of he does not care I am dating (I know selfish and trying to fulfill my needs when he does not have or want to pathetic). So this morning I text him saying it is easier to have him in my life as a friend than not at all. I know this sounds so stupid but when he is my friend I feel safe and can move forward and even went on a few dates. It is when he is not my friend that I am weak. Even if I do not see him or talk to him everyday when he is my friend I am ok... When he is not I feel lonely... I guess it is my own fear of being completely alone. After I found out he was dating someone else I was devastated (only becuase he was still sleeping with me) and I got over it and this morning I thought to myself maybe he is with her and that is why he is not texting me back and guess what I was ok with that. I said if he is he is happy and than I am ok. I do not care if he dates others as long as we are friends. Does that make sense... And I do not want him back only because I know we did not work and would not work. There are too many problems and I know personally I could not let them go so know my future lies in someone else, but I still want to be his friend...
  11. ccali78
    Hey everyone I am back and officially on day one. I am taking this challenge seriously now. I know now it is for my healing and moving on to a better life for me. This is not a challenge to get him back, it is a challenge for me to be strong (even when I feel weak) and to heal. I am ready to heal and try to move forward. I need all the support I can get and am happy to have everyone to go through this with. His birthday is in 13 days and I have added that I will also not be contacting him then either. I am so excited to work on me and move past this...
  12. ccali78
    I realized today that although I love him. I am not in love with him. Just feeling rejection. It is a strong thing to know that I too had fallen out of love but I was willing to try.
  13. ccali78
    Broke contact I stink. Puppy was neutered is my dog but in X name and Vet hospital would not sign over to me. He had to call. I needed to get some advice and the vet said needed to speak with owner of dog. Explained situation was not good enough. Uggg... SO it is all set he is in my name now...
  14. ccali78
    Day 4. It is hard today. I cannot believe how I feel. So sad. Probably grief. I cannot contact him it will make me feel worse and not help in the healing process. Why do people have to be so mean. Can they not just leave for the sake of leaving. Why do they have to find someone else first. This is my second long term relationship and the second time it has happened. I feel like it is me. I am too nice.. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I give too much. I do not know. I just sent my first ex a text that I am completely over asking what was the worse mistake I made in our relationship. We broke up 8 years ago so I think I can take his response LOL.. No feelings there...
  15. ccali78
    Yankee be careful. I do not want to see you get hurt. I went LC and now I am happy we do not talk and I think I have a crush which is fun and will keep my mind off of the ex. That is all I ask be careful and make sure you can handle any outcome good or bad going in...
  16. ccali78
    Day 3 Here and feeling ok..
  17. ccali78
    Day 2.5 This is hard. I do not get it I do not want him back, but I want him to chase me so I can have the last laugh. I know revenge. I will get over it and I need to stay strong. So please everyone help me...
  18. ccali78
    Still on Day 2. I hate that we have the same friends... I mean friends that were mutual friends long before we met. All my best friends know him and are friends with him and i have talked to them about everything for support and find all they all knew and did not want to hurt me fine. But why while I am sitting there telling you we are working things out do you not say just move on instead of listening to me cry. I feel betrayed by everyone.
  19. ccali78
    Well stillsmiling. I honestly do not have to worry about him contacting me back.. He is not so that is a great thing. It was truly unintentional. You can go back in after you see the email to follow your progress and it says who read it. I like to know to see if the email went through and that is when his name stuck out as if it were highlighted. LOL!! But the good thing is I am ok now. I need to not worry if he thinks I was contacting him. It is nothing personal. Does not address what he is doing in his life and maybe he will not be cheap and make a donation
  20. ccali78
    Is this breaking contact I am so good today. But I think I just broke contact by accident and I am so mad. I do not know what to do. I do this walk to raise money for animals every year and I have a whole contact list. Well it is 9/7/2008. So I sent my final email to everyone saying last reminder to donate. Here is the bad thing. X is a contact on there. I am so mad at myself. I wish I could retract but it is sent from the internet and I literally have 100 people on the email. Why do these things happen. I am doing well do not want to talk to him. Do not want to know what he is doing and I AM HAPPY. Is this breaking contact?
  21. ccali78
    Starting Day 2. Still feeling strong. I do not want him in my life... This is very liberating but it still hurts. But my anger makes me happy. I never felt that before..
  22. ccali78
    Day 1.5 I am doing good today. I do not know what he is doing or what he is thinking. He was such a weak person and he made me weak. Just extra baggage really. I feel like I dropped 10 lbs (that i did not need to loose lol) and I am happy. Happy to be free. We were not happy. We were just both sick individuals. I think he was using me until someone came along and she did and I should say god bless her...
  23. ccali78
    Trie. I am so sorry. Stay Strong. No one knows why people leave they just do and it is no fun when you are the dumpee. Take time to find yourself. I am just asking people not to talk about my ex. But we were not together as long as you and did not have kids. I give so much credit to people with kids that have someone walk away you have to be really strong.
  24. ccali78
    Yeah best advice leave them alone. I didnt and my ex will not speak to me but I am ok with that today. I am ok with everything today. I am beautiful. I am not 30 yet and I have so much more of MY life to live..
  25. ccali78
    So today is day 1 again. I have not texted him since early yesterday and I do not want to. There is no answer he can give. He cannot stop the pain and I want me back and to be happy. I got a new hairstyle last night I love it. I having been taking care of me getting facials, pedicures, shopping and doing the selfish things I like and I do not need to be home to cook dinner or be alone while he is busy working at his failing start up company. I am free!!!!!!!!
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