Dog in bed with me or not?

[bartels]

I am presently living in a small one bedroom apartment, however, I made an offer on a condo that was verbally accepted, and if all goes well I will close on it and move by September, maybe sooner. I have a 7 month old beagle mix that I got a shelter a few months ago. She is about 98% reliable in terms of being house broken, in fact her last accident was weeks ago, and always by the door, and only number 1 not number 2 if you get my drift. I have a girlfriend that I got about 12 months ago, but not from the same place I got the dog from. She is house broken too, but I digress.

 

She doesn't live with me, she has a house that she rents about a half hour away, but she is with me more than she is there. She isn't around most nights because she works the overnite shift as ER nurse. She keeps talking about switching to days, but as of yet she hasnt done that. So, most nights I sleep alone. When she sleeps over the dog is in the crate as per her request, when she isn't around the dog sleeps with me. Usually between my ankles at the foot of the bed or off in a corner. She rarely sleeps right next to me although I dont stop her if she wants to. My girlfriend says when I move to the condo that the dog should stay out of the bedroom. She doesn't give specific reasons, but lets assume its because she thinks the dog doesnt "belong there" or is dirty or unclean in some way.

 

In fact the dog is relatively clean as dogs go, and if she gets into anything really dirty I have one of those shower attachments and can give her a really good hosing down. My response to her is, sorry baby, the dog is staying in the bed with me when you arent staying over. She says I am not being fair. I have made mistakes in my past relationships, including a marriage. I am controlling, not very considerate at times, and very stubborn and opinionated. This relationship certainly isnt marriage and its never going to be, however I would like feedback from the members as to whether or not I am being out of line with this one.

[hers]

As someone who will always choose her dog over a guy, I have to agree with you on this one. I told my boyfriend recently that sometimes I don't want to stay the night with him b/c I want to cuddle with my dog when I sleep instead of him (ok I didn't say it that mean but that's pretty much what I said). I'm all for the dog being in bed wiht you, and I dont believe in kicking the dog out of the bedroom at all. A guy has to take me and my dog as a pair, dog fur in the bed and all.

 

You say it's never going to be a marriage--that's interesting. it seems liike you already have your answer in that case.

[hers]

Oh and thanks for rescuing from a shelter!

[pinkelephant]

i hate the fact that my bf sleeps with his dogs. HATE.

i think it's disgusting. unless you shower the dog everyday or you at least wipe her down everytime she does #1 and everytime she goes outside.... i dont think so.

 

 

i mean, you shower everyday. whenever you go outside, you wear SHOES. would you wear those shoes on your bed?

 

 

ya. gross.

i'm a dog lover too, but they do not go onto my bed without a shower.

[Loki71]

My dog sleeps with me and my wife so I see no problem as long as it's ok with you. Your house your rules. I think it's great you do consider her feelings by having the dog sleep some where else when she stays over. But when she is not there I don't see what the problem is.

[pinkelephant]

i think it's really funny how you describe your gf like a dog.

[metrogirl]

So you are buying this condo and she is telling you how you should live in it? Phhfft.....

 

It's your house, your dog and your bed. If you want 10 dogs in bed with you, so be it. If she's not living with you and not married to you, she shouldn't be saying a word about it.

[bartels]

You say it's never going to be a marriage--that's interesting. it seems liike you already have your answer in that case.

I was married, I have teenage children...it didn't end well, and there is no reason for me ever to get married again, and I have made that clear to her, and she seems to be ok with it.

[Supa_gurl]

I agree with metrogirl. Not married? she should have no say so. Of course she can have her opinion, but you are the one making the final decision. I love doggies!!

[hers]

My dog snores. So does my boyfriend. But when my dog snores, it's cute. When he snores, it is annoying and keeps me up. Dogs > people...haha

[lady00]

Question: if this is never going to be marriage...why does it matter what she thinks...it's not going in that direction where it becomes her house too. Also...isn't time spent with her time spent away from someone who will turn into your wife?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Forget the girlfriend for a moment and look at it from "Fido's" point of view. Some days she is allowed on the bed and other days not. That is confusing for a dog..they are creatures of habit. I can actually understand why your girlfriend doesn't want the dog on the bed. My last dog used to lie on the bed and I had an extra sheet on top of the comforter because let's face it, dogs do indeed make things dirty..the dog hair, the dirty paws..even occasionally back end residue. My current dog doesn't go on the bed at all. Now, I think there can be a compromise with having the dog in the room on the floor..this way you have the company of the dog but not up close and personal when you are with your girlfriend.

 

Having said all that, I have to wonder why you are with her since you don't seem that keen on her. Does she know that this is just fun for you and you don't see any long-term potential with her? At any rate, if, in the future, there is a woman you do fall head over heels for, you might not be too thrilled having the dog in the bed.

[bartels]

i hate the fact that my bf sleeps with his dogs. HATE.

i think it's disgusting. unless you shower the dog everyday or you at least wipe her down everytime she does #1 and everytime she goes outside.... i dont think so.

 

 

i mean, you shower everyday. whenever you go outside, you wear SHOES. would you wear those shoes on your bed?

 

 

ya. gross.

i'm a dog lover too, but they do not go onto my bed without a shower.

 

You raise interesting points, and they are all valid to some degree.

 

Dogs may track microscopic particles of dirt and feces into the house and into the bed...not from "going number one or number two" because they have evolved in such a way that they do not need to "wipe" after themselves, and they do clean themselves to a certain extent as well.

 

In terms of what they track in, by the time they have walked around on the carpet for hours...as well as their own attempts to clean themselves...plus the fact that they probably share couches and chairs and other furniture with their owners...is sharing the bed that much worse?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

My dog snores. So does my boyfriend. But when my dog snores, it's cute. When he snores, it is annoying and keeps me up. Dogs > people...haha

 

 

LOL. When my dog eats food and has it smeared on his face or hanging out of his mouth, it is hilarious...when it is a person it is just gross!

[Loki71]

In terms of what they track in, by the time they have walked around on the carpet for hours...as well as their own attempts to clean themselves...plus the fact that they probably share couches and chairs and other furniture with their owners...is sharing the bed that much worse?

 

Dogs are actual very clean animals. Thats why I don't care if mine sleeps in bed or not. Again your house your rules bottom line.

[Hope75]

We have a dog who is not allowed in our bed, she is big (Lab) and sheds a lot. But.... we lived together and we own the house and dog together.

 

This isn't your gf's house or her dog- so she really doesn't have a say when she isn't there. You are considerate enough to put the dog in a crate when she is there, and I think that is fair enough.

[bartels]

Forget the girlfriend for a moment and look at it from "Fido's" point of view. Some days she is allowed on the bed and other days not. That is confusing for a dog

 

Having said all that, I have to wonder why you are with her since you don't seem that keen on her. Does she know that this is just fun for you and you don't see any long-term potential with her? At any rate, if, in the future, there is a woman you do fall head over heels for, you might not be too thrilled having the dog in the bed.

 

 

I don't consider myself a "dog expert" by any means, but I have done my share of reading up on dog behaviors, training, etc, and I tend to ascribe to the following notion:

 

When dogs are properly trained and have learned to accept their master as the "Alpha", they accept his or her instructions without question. Some nights in the crate, some nights out, "can" be confusing if it's not dealt with properly. Sure, consistency is the number one thing for a dog, but something like this is not a problem for the dog if handled firmly. In fact, I think she understands that when the GF is over she is going in the crate..she doesnt whine or cry at all until the following morning.

 

My girlfriend understands that I have no intention of getting married, there does seem to be a bit of an "imbalance" in the relationship, she probably IS a lot more into me than the other way around..she has said to me "I hope you dont break my heart" to which I respond to the effect of "I enjoy being with you, I like you, I am attracted to you, but there are never any promises for the future".

 

I guess that sort of sums it up, huh...

[Batya33]

My guess is she is more comfortable fighting about the dog than the underlying truth that you are more committed to your dog, to whatever, than to her. That's good that you've been honest with her, it's just that she's not comfortable being honest with herself so she picks fights over dogs, etc.

[bartels]

Question: if this is never going to be marriage...why does it matter what she thinks...it's not going in that direction where it becomes her house too. Also...isn't time spent with her time spent away from someone who will turn into your wife?

 

A bit off the original topic, but a good point, which I did address on the first page of this thread.

 

I WAS married, for a long time. I am NEVER getting married again. It has nothing to do with her. Now as far as spending time with her rather than with someone else who I might be more into...yeah, that's something maybe worth considering. But..it's "comfortable". How does that expression go?

 

The grass is always greener...or...The devil you know is better than the one you don't...or.. a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush...

[bartels]

My guess is she is more comfortable fighting about the dog than the underlying truth that you are more committed to your dog, to whatever, than to her. That's good that you've been honest with her, it's just that she's not comfortable being honest with herself so she picks fights over dogs, etc.

 

That makes sense. The dog not in the bed thing could really be a sign of the other underlying issues in our relationship...the "imbalance" I mentioned, and yeah, the commitment to my dog. I really do love that dog...I am alone most of the time nowadays so we have a strong bond.

[lady00]

My guess is she is more comfortable fighting about the dog than the underlying truth that you are more committed to your dog, to whatever, than to her. That's good that you've been honest with her, it's just that she's not comfortable being honest with herself so she picks fights over dogs, etc.

 

I agree with this. It's hard to see that in her position though because she is clearly really into you. Objectively, she probably realizes she should leave. This probably has little to do with the dog and a lot to do with her feeling a lack of commitment from you.

[lady00]

I know this may be unsolicited advice, but hey, you are posting here so I'll go ahead and say it: kick the girl out of your bed and keep the dog in it. Find someone who really floats your boat and inspires you to be committed and then see what happens. We have a limited amount of time on this earth and so naturally time spent on the wrong person is simply time spent away from the right one.

[bartels]

I know this may be unsolicited advice, but hey, you are posting here so I'll go ahead and say it: ditch the girl, keep the dog. Find someone who really floats your boat and inspires you to be committed and then see what happens. We have a limited amount of time on this earth and so naturally time spent on the wrong person is simply time spent away from the right one.

 

Ironically enough...I was walking my dog about a month ago and I struck up a conversation with a woman coming out of the church, she was by her car in the parking lot. We chatted for a while, and then I left...I saw her again last week, and she was really friendly, we chatted more, I pointed out where I worked...and she called me at the place.

 

She's obviously interested, and I feel it too..she's attractive, fun to talk to, and she is stirring me. We have been chatting on Messenger a bit and have exchanged a few emails. If I didn't have a girlfriend I probably would have asked her out already and my strong feeling is that she would have said yes.

 

I guess inside I know what I "should" do, but that doesn't make it an easy thing "to" do. I have been going out with my girlfriend for about a year now, for what that's worth. Like I said, it's "comfortable", we have fun together, but there's no great amount of "spark" in it for me.

[Lana0120]

I think you need to compromise. Let the dog sleep at the bottom of the bed, but not necessarily in the bed itself. No matter how clean a dog is, I'd find it off-putting, if I was in her shoes. If you don't see a future with this girl, I hope she knows where she stands! Seems like you need to find someone who is more of a dog lover!

[CarnelianButterfly]

My cat sleeps on my bed a majority of the day and with me if she can. She gets upset if prevented from entering my room because the door is closed, my door and frame are shredded. I'm sure your dog feels the same way. You send her mixed signals as to her place and it will result in a dog that is confused. Its a good idea to pick what you are going to do and stick to it. I suggest you get her a bed that is for her only and put it near the bed and start discouraging jumping on the bed and then encourage her to go to her bed. She won't be caged and will still be near you while you sleep. I did this with my cat, except for some reason instead of using her bed she sleeps in my bathroom sink (go figure, but it keeps the hair and litter dust out of my bed).