lux848 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 hi, long story short. i was immature and cheated on my ex when we were together. we've been together for close to 5 years. we have broken up for over a month now. this time she's the dumper. when we were together i'd have sex with woman whenever we had a fight. i think under 10 times. my ex has told me she wants me back and so do i. but thing is she just told me that she had given a guy oral sex once. she said she felt dirty and really bad and would never do it again. after i heard that i felt really bad. i told myself i would never cheat on anyone again. she doesnt know i cheated on her. should i tell her? even she cheated i still want her back cuz i cheated too. we live not very far away in NYC and its really easy to run into each other. i know i wont cheat again but will she? any input? thnx Link to comment
Hayles Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 You really need to think about what caused the relationship break down in the first place - cheating is not always a cause - but a symptom of something deeper... If you get back together, those problems will still be there, unless you can work out what they are and how to fix them... I don't know if that helps! Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 You both cheated? clearly neither of you were happy in this relationship at all...so why would you get back together? what has changed? Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 i know i wont cheat again Sure you won't. Link to comment
Portage Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Sure you won't. Yup it is too tempting and your cheating cycle is implanted. Link to comment
zzeitgeist Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Every time you guys fight you go and screw some chick? Time to work on yourself bud, you shouldn't be in any relationship if this is how you act as soon as things aren't picture perfect. Link to comment
lux848 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 Every time you guys fight you go and screw some chick? Time to work on yourself bud, you shouldn't be in any relationship if this is how you act as soon as things aren't picture perfect. i havent cheated for over 1 yr now. i felt bad every time. so that's why i stopped. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 It doesn't sound like you respect her very much. Love and respect go hand in hand. I think you need to work on yourself also. If this happened to your little sister and her bf did this what would you think? lost Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Yes, I think you definitely need to work on yourself. I wonder if she would really want to get back together with you if she knew that whenever you two had a fight, you would go bang some other woman. You need to figure out why you felt the need to cheat during the rough times in the relationship. You guys have been broken up for one month...I suppose it was during this time that she gave the guy oral sex...well since you are broken up, that is not actually cheating...that is certainly nowhere near what you did. Also, she has been honest with you...you have not been honest with her. Link to comment
musashi Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I sympathize with you, Lux. I, too, did the same thing with a past ex-ex-ex-ex. I cheated on her often and felt like crap for doing it. We were together for 7 years and I did love her. She was a workaholic and I was a party animal in a touring band. Recipe for disaster. I swore that I would never cheat on a girl again and that was 20 years ago and I have never done it again nor will I. It is a feeling I never want to experience again because I lost so much respect for myself doing it. Wether you get back together with her or not make a pact with yourself that, no matter the temptation, you will never violate someone's trust like that in the future. I have made plenty of mistakes in relationships since but infidelity has never been one. It has always allowed me to walk away with my dignity intact knowing that I gave the relationship all that I had. Link to comment
lux848 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 You guys have been broken up for one month...I suppose it was during this time that she gave the guy oral sex...well since you are broken up, that is not actually cheating... she told me she did it last year. when we were together and we didnt have a fight at all at the time. Link to comment
GizMo567 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Could you trust each other after that?? Would the relationship even remotely be able to function if either of you had a fight and the other one went into the same old routine?? These are just some of the questions you have to ask yourself. The fact that every time you fought you ran to another girl to have sex says a lot. It really is a hard habit to break and i would suggest that you do work on yourself. However, if you want the relationship and you are willing to make a effort of not running and cheating every opportunity you get after you fight, then it might be able to work out. The only other question remains: How are you going to mend this relationship after all the cheating if it's not going to be an open relationship..? Link to comment
Mustang Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 People make mistakes. I made one with my ex. I was drunk in a club and let some random girl throw herself at me. We kissed for about five seconds. Let it be known that I felt AWFUL about this. It meant nothing. I don't even know why or how it happened. I will never do it again. To make matters worse, my ex found out the following morning. It killed me to see somebody I loved in that much pain because of me. My ex loved me more than anything. She cut her trip to Australia short because she missed me. I will never forget how hurt she was and I will always regret it. Actually, I think this is part of the reason why my ex said that things "changed" because four months later she bolted. Maybe she tried to forgive me but couldn't let go of how hurt I made her. The point is, I messed up for five seconds and I regret it more than anything a year later because I love my ex more than anything. You sleeping with "about ten girls" without any real remorse suggests that you don't love this girl as much as you say you do. Sleeping with one girl in the heat of the moment... OK, it happens. But ten times? Surely you'd feel bad the second time? Third? Seventh? That said, if you care for her and if you can both work out the reason why you both didn't remain faithful and you KNOW you won't cheat again - not SAY you won't. KNOW you won't. (there's a huge difference). Then go for it. Link to comment
lux848 Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 You sleeping with "about ten girls" without any real remorse suggests that you don't love this girl as much as you say you do. i should have been more clear. i had sex with my ex-ex a few times. i actually dumped my ex-ex for my ex. when i was together with my ex-ex i made out with my ex and fell in love with her so i dumped my ex-ex. but my ex-ex and i were never meant to be together due to our difference in age (she's older than my mom). we knew that from the beginning but we went ahead anyway and it didnt work out. yes i've been unfaithful and i really regret it. i felt weird and bad every time i cheated on my ex. i guess karma has got me and my ex cheated on me when we were together. i really dont know what or how to feel. i dont even know if i should tell her that i cheated on her before. the last time i cheated on my ex i made out with her sister. Link to comment
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