wtm78 Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 meeting people is easy... talking to girls is easy.... getting them to respond is easy... dating is easy... getting a girlfriend is easy... but finding someone you love and love you back... it is so difficult.. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I agree! That's why it's so difficult how some can let something special fall away-grass is greener mentality. Link to comment
novaseeker Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I agree! That's why it's so difficult how some can let something special fall away-grass is greener mentality. I think it happens more now because of (1) perfectionist expectations (i.e., unless the person is perfect, it would be the dreaded "settling") which have always been present, but seem particularly common now, coupled with (2) the huge impact that the online world has had (with thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people available from the comfort of your own home, why stick with a person who is great but not perfect when someone better could be a few clicks away?). These are feeding the grass is greener syndrome I think. Link to comment
CaptainNapalm Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I think the main problem with people today is that they don't know what they really want and are schooled by society to always go for the bigger and the better deal. This is becoming more of a concern in the modern world and especially in metro areas. Why buy when you can lease a car incase a better one comes along in a year you like, why settle for last years cell phone when a new one just came out, why use playstation2 when we now have playstation3... we are constantly bombarded by media/ads/companies/commercials/etc. to buy this, get that, upgrade to this, change that, and so on. I think people get into the habit of always changing thigs and going for the new that they subconsioulsy start treating people the same way. They meet, date, and after some time think they are starting to miss out on something better out there. What people have to learn to do is to identify who they are and what they want out of life, then they have to really ask themselves what they want in a partner, what they must have, what they can settle on, what they can put up with and above all they have to understand that as they are not perfect neither will anyone else be perfect nor perfect for them. Too often do people expose of themselves from good relationships in an attempt to seek perfection or the bigger and better deal which they will not find. What they will find though is themselves getting older and missed opportunities passing them by. Link to comment
Russ Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 Mail-order wife? They're paid to love you. Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I don't think it's difficult to find somebody to love. But finding a person compatible with you, and wanting to commit to you through thick and thin, that's difficult. Link to comment
Russ Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 That doesn't mean people should automatically settle for less. That's illogical. And it's natural for people to want to have the best of everything. That mindset came before mass media. Link to comment
novaseeker Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 That doesn't mean people should automatically settle for less. That's illogical. And it's natural for people to want to have the best of everything. That mindset came before mass media. The problem is that noone is perfect by definition. Everyone has warts. Everyone has dark sides. The quest for the perfect person is a fool's errand. That doesn't mean you stay with the first decent person who comes along. But the urge to constantly upgrade, which I think in many ways is based on what he wrote there, is certainly something that is causing issues in relationships today. Link to comment
MD Geist Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 meeting people is easy... talking to girls is easy.... getting them to respond is easy... dating is easy... getting a girlfriend is easy... but finding someone you love and love you back... it is so difficult.. HA! I wish it was that easy!. Link to comment
Russ Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 Isn't there a saying about knowing if someone is the one for you within 24 hours of meeting them, somehow? I'm sticking with that one, personally. I agree that people need to learn the lost art of logic, and figure out that they'll have to make compromises in the best of situations, but that doesn't mean they should completely limit themselves either. Link to comment
fivespot Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 Wow, captainnapalm, great post!!! Russ, I see what you're saying. We shouldn't have to settle for the first thing that comes along, but eventually we all have to settle. But I don't see that as limiting ourselves. I mean, you'll always be limiting yourself on some level. Link to comment
JimmerJammer Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I think that what is really at stake here is the fact that men actually want more from women and women want more from men. Equally though all we really want is to be real, for them to be real and for those around us to be real. I agree with captainnapalm. We are constantly bombarded by the media and by advertising around us both physical and suggestive. What happens IS that we are told what to like or being showed what we NEED to buy ourselves, when we buy into the idea we are no longer making CHOICES for ourselves. This translates into not taking the time to figure out on your own what to buy or to save up for what you want as one comes to expect things without effort. The problem though when it comes to life and when it comes to relationships and finding happiness is that we only get these things when we make choices in our lives that reach us to our goals. The only problem for many is not knowing what will accomplish this or what choices to make that will get us there. Then when that happens you're not being true to yourself or being real as you let something or somebody else make choices for you. Often ones that stilt your progress or leave you feeling empty or drain you of energy. The truest thing I find now, that I feel begins to speak volumes is the fact that many of us are surrounded by people being fake or by others not being true to themselves or real to us. They don't call, they forget, they pretend to fit in, they promise you something and don't follow through, they lie, they cheat, they steal, they manipulate. When you really get down to it, you may feel you get away with it, but you lose those close to you, you lose the trust of others, you lose the respect of others and just in general you aren't doing very well in the world if you make those choices in your life. This also is why so many are unhappy and displeased with their lives and so many men and women are so sick and tired of the BS that goes on. All we're really wanting is truth and authenticity. We're wanting someone to call when they say they're going to, or not say something just to get in your good books, or to buy you gifts because they think they'll get something back, or pretend to love you so they can have you stick around or whatever. The point being that often we're asking for the real deal and the real deal very often is someone who we at first find attractive and has it put together last. The thing also being that for those who desire this, simply attraction is not enough and to be real, authentic and true is a very difficult thing to do surprisingly. It's often easier to be fake or to make choices that allow us to be fake, but it doesn't make our life better. If anything, things in our lives often indicate to us that we're not happy with this and that we want it to change. The tricky thing though is that it starts with us. Link to comment
Iwantittoend Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I agree that there are so many fake people out there. I've been in countless relationships where I was manipulated and told things just to please me, but they weren't actually true. Going through that makes it so hard to trust people, and finding someone that will be true to themselves and to you is one of the hardest things to find. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 Here are words of wisdom from an older couple, I'm 52 and my bf is 60. He told me this: I stay with you because I know you're the best that I can get. You stay with me for the same reason. There are sexier, thinner, younger people out there than us. But we know we will probably never get any of them. We get along, know each other very well, and have few disagreements between us. Like he said, we are the best each other can get. Link to comment
jayn-16 Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 Here are words of wisdom from an older couple, I'm 52 and my bf is 60. He told me this: I stay with you because I know you're the best that I can get. You stay with me for the same reason. There are sexier, thinner, younger people out there than us. But we know we will probably never get any of them. We get along, know each other very well, and have few disagreements between us. Like he said, we are the best each other can get. Hey this sounds like you are forced to stay together. Why don't you stay together because you love eachother ? Link to comment
arcadefire Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I think it's easy to love someone. But it's hard to have someone to love you back. At least from my experience. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted June 5, 2008 Author Share Posted June 5, 2008 Hey this sounds like you are forced to stay together. Why don't you stay together because you love eachother ? no jayn.. love is about knowing that there are many fishes in the sea... but all i need is you... and that what thejigsup is trying to say... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 love cannot be love if it was so simple. why would you want to love someone so easily? loses luster. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted June 5, 2008 Author Share Posted June 5, 2008 ghost, love is actually very simple.. but somehow it is people who make it so complicated.. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 ghost, love is actually very simple.. but somehow it is people who make it so complicated.. no way. it takes a great character, a hot body, and family values for me to fall in love with a girl. it doesn't just happen for me. so if it's 'easy' for you, i think you have some clinginess problems. but that's me. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted June 5, 2008 Author Share Posted June 5, 2008 no way. it takes a great character, a hot body, and family values for me to fall in love with a girl. it doesn't just happen for me. so if it's 'easy' for you, i think you have some clinginess problems. but that's me. you know.. if you dont agree with what i say.. you dont have to accuse me of clinginess... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 you know.. if you dont agree with what i say.. you dont have to accuse me of clinginess... lol. you didn't agree with what i said. and i also said 'that's just me.' don't get huffy puffy. it's someone's opinion you don't know. Link to comment
poloplayer Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 it takes a great character, a hot body, and family values for me to fall in love with a girl. Nice - I like your style Ghost. Link to comment
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