Making love VS. Meaningless Sex

[Little Blue Ant]

What do you folks have to say about it? I've been in two long term relationships where I enjoyed the sex, making love, and the emotional connection we shared together. Recently I have been single and have had sex with two girls since. I must say, I'm not too crazy about meaningless sex. I mean, there's something to be said about something "new", but I sincerely enjoy the "love" involved in it. Its not to say that I won't continue having sex with new partners in my singledom, I just thought it to be interesting that I have that feeling about it.

 

What do you guys and gals think?

[NoPainNoGain]

Meaningless sex sucks but drunk sex is cool.

 

Nothing beats being in a tight bond tho

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think sex and making love are two different things that have their own ups and downs.

 

I haven't had either so I can't have opinion over which one I prefer.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If it really doesn't mean much to you then why have empty sex while you are single. It is not like you are going to die if you don't have sex for a while.

[i_win]

I think you can be single and have meaningful sex with someone. Just two people that are friends and happen to like hopping in the sack with one another and releasing some stress without any strings attached.

 

I agree it will never be as good as it is with someone you truly love and care about but not all sex while single has to be meaningless. Maybe it has to do with finding someone that you also like to spend time with, yet are both in positions in life where you don't want the commitment that relationship involves?

[CallingAllAngels]

Personally speaking, I simply could never have meaningless sex.

 

It simply means too much. I have to have a very strong emotional connection...

 

I would rather go without than just have meaningless sex.

[forgingon]

Well, since sex is where a human being allows themself to be the most vulnerable, I think that healthy, balanced people only want to allow their vulnerability to be exposed to people they trust and are connected to...so sex without love is essentially choosing to expose your vulnerability to someone who doesn't value it. I think it speaks highly of your emotional health that you find it less than satisfactory without emotional connection.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you can be single and have meaningful sex with someone. Just two people that are friends and happen to like hopping in the sack with one another and releasing some stress without any strings attached.

 

I agree it will never be as good as it is with someone you truly love and care about but not all sex while single has to be meaningless. Maybe it has to do with finding someone that you also like to spend time with, yet are both in positions in life where you don't want the commitment that relationship involves?

 

 

FWBs are not typically meaningful sex. It is essentially porn star sex. There is no bonding. Just because two people went to a movie together and have a few laughs, doesn't mean the sex will be more meaningful than with a stranger. It is still the pure animal instinct driving you to have sex with someone in which there is no romantic connection.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well, since sex is where a human being allows themself to be the most vulnerable, I think that healthy, balanced people only want to allow their vulnerability to be exposed to people they trust and are connected to...so sex without love is essentially choosing to expose your vulnerability to someone who doesn't value it. I think it speaks highly of your emotional health that you find it less than satisfactory without emotional connection.

 

 

Big deal...while he may find it less satisfactory, he still plans on engaging in it....so that just tells me he is desperate enough to have it that he will settle for second best rather than waiting for someone who is worth it.

[kuiks8]

If it really doesn't mean much to you then why have empty sex while you are single. It is not like you are going to die if you don't have sex for a while.

 

there was that one case...lol

[itsallgrand]

I found the same thing.

 

I'd prefer any day to be with a man who I love, and am committed to and have wonderful sex. The commitment brings all those great benefits of trust, and intimacy that you can't get when it isn't there (or is slack and undefined).

Prefer LOVING as the priority to SEX as the priority. It's sexy!

 

And at this point in time, being much more aware than when I was younger to the true risks and costs of 'meaningless sex' - it just isn't worth it, in my opinion.

 

It has its fleeting pleasures, but those are so exceedingly fleeting that they aren't even worth giving up a good nights rest most of the time. It's a lot of risk/work-little and more unpredictable payoffs.

 

Also, my feelings honestly (for myself) is there is no such thing as completely meaningless sex. Every single act has meant something to me. Just a much less connected bond, less depth. Why put time and myself in that?

 

and graduations in between...

 

I can't imagine, honestly, sex with someone who I felt nothing for, no pull - except lust - as that just isn't enough to be sexy..just a body with no other attraction is not for me.

 

I think unless your priority is sex first above all the rest; 'meaningless' sex is going to be like a drop in a bucket rather than satisfy.

 

If it's good, it's still only a good beginning course...and what's for dinner?!

[WaterIsLife]

Prefer LOVING as the priority to SEX as the priority. It's sexy!

 

 

 

Tell that to my ex!!!

[renaissancewoman101]

I don't like empty sex. I like to have sex with someone I care about and want to have a relationship with. Empty sex is just "empty" and can leave someone with hurt emotions.

[i_win]

FWBs are not typically meaningful sex. It is essentially porn star sex. There is no bonding. Just because two people went to a movie together and have a few laughs, doesn't mean the sex will be more meaningful than with a stranger. It is still the pure animal instinct driving you to have sex with someone in which there is no romantic connection.

 

Well then I guess I didn't have a typical FWB situation because it definitely wasn't meaningless and there was plenty of bonding - there just also wasn't the attachment and relationship behind it.

 

My whole point is just because you aren't in a relationship and are single doesn't automatically make the sex meaningless - because I've had situations where it isn't.

[itsallgrand]

Tell that to my ex!!!

 

Ha! Mine too.

[Censored]

No such thing as meaningless sex.

 

You have a desire/need/want/urge, you fulfill it.

 

Feel good, go home, shower and go to the pub.

 

or

 

Feel good, go to the pub.

[i_win]

No such thing as meaningless sex.

 

You have a desire/need/want/urge, you fulfill it.

 

Feel good, go home, shower and go to the pub.

 

or

 

Feel good, go to the pub.

 

LOL funny comment.

[Day_Walker]

The idea that sex is meaningless is absurd because sex always has some kind of meaning whether it is with or without emotions. Sex is just that an act and if you desire sex and something else then just having sex isnt going to do it for you. Sex can be in conjunction with other things but that means that you dont really want sex, because you want something more. There is nothing wrong with wanting more but just realize the implication of such an action because you are using your emotional state to heighten a sexual experience. thereforeeee an inference can be made that sex in and of itself is some how inadequate.

[sophie274]

I don't want to have sex with someone I am not in love with/do not love. Sex for me is an expression of love - and I would not find it enjoyable with a person I was not in a committed loving relationship with. It would also go against my personal value system.

[_Asti_]

I have only experienced sex in the 'making love' way, in a committed long term relationship. I like it that way, and to be honest, don't want to experience sex any other way.

 

My boyfriend said the same. He was in a previous long term relationship when he had sex for the first time, in a loving committed relationship. Between that relationship and ours, he had random meaningless sex with a girl he knew, and he said he hated it. He wanted to see what it was like, but he says sex without meaning isn't for him.

[GypsyMuse]

The intensity of the experience, the satisfaction, and the "after feeling" are usually much better if sex is with someone with whom you have an emotional bond.

[LW4E]

I've only ever had one sexual partner, and that was my girlfriend who recently broke up with me. At the moment I can't imagine sharing something like sex with anybody else, but I don't think I would ever have sex with anybody that I don't love. The love involved is what made it what it was for me and I can't imagine sex without love involved.

[LBP]

I've done both. The romantic sex is far better, in my opinion.

 

That said, in all my 'casual' encounters I do my best to muster the passion I would have for an intimate sexual act. It's not hard - it's a mindset. I truly believe in that love for the moment and it can take things, if not as high, certainly very close to it. It's the afterwards that is unpleasant. There's none of the comfort that you have in a committed relationship. The physical and emotional rush can be replaced with imagination, effort and skill... but it won't last. It truly is just a drug at that point.

 

So as pleasant as it is to get in regular doses, I don't hunger for it... When the right woman comes along I know I'll get more than enough sexual activity to make up for my current deficit.

[Day_Walker]

The problem inherently is that people want to make comparisons, moral judgments and want to rely on their limited experience. I would argue that you cannot compare the two because have sex outside of a committed relationship and in a committed relationship are completely different. If you hunger for an emotional attachment then you are looking for something beyond sex, wherein sex is believed to be some manifestation of the emotion bond between the two people. This is overly idealistic at the very least, of course it sounds good to say but given the strife and heartache presented on this forum on a daily basis concerning relationship problems and issues, it is merely that people want sex to be more.

 

People dont want to face the fact that sex is just an act, because then they would not know where to turn to when they felt that they needed to express their emotions in their own relationship. Emotions cannot be expressed through a physical act instead emotions are expressed through mind and its perception. Emotions are a construct of what we desire,this means that they are a product of irrationality. This means that emotions dont have to make sense because they are a product of what we wish to believe and not actually based on perception. Emotions are the furthest thing away from the expression of a physical act, yet people feel the need to combine the two in order to satisfy their own insecurities.

[hear_her_roar]

Meaningless sex is fine when you're horny and nothing more, or before you've fallen in love.

However, from what I've experienced (referring to sexual acts, at least, if not sex itself), once you've had that amazing, mind-blowing, I'm-so-in-love-with-you-and-having-the-greatest-sex-in-my-life thing, then it's really hard to go back. Like, it makes everything else pale in comparison.

Of course, you can have been in many loving relationships and not have had that, so this might not apply to everyone.

All I know is that I've known my current boyfriend for years before we dated. He is VERY attractive. But after being in one amazing relationship, the one night stand thing did nothing for him, and he literally chose to not have sex for a couple of years (not sure how many, but I know it's been at least two) because it just wasn't as good for him.

But everyone's different!