In what way are you a better or worse person because your heart was broken?

[lostandhurt]

Hello all,

I have been wondering to myself that if my stbx hadn't broken my heart so badly would I have looked in on myself and wanted to find what was missing or could be better. She told me "you will never change" but with a few words and actions on her part she changed me forever! I look at so many things differently now than before and even though I had thoughts about certain things they just didn't affect me that deeply like they do now. It's like having that tear in my heart has actually let more deep feelings in. It is strange to think this way but I believe I am a better person because of this. How about averybody else?

 

lost

[nickbroken]

Stronger person, better shape, better at communicating, better at knowing myself, write so much music now, focused on myself my life is actually 100$ better since the relationship ended, I just have momentary lapses of reason and miss the family life I had...but other than that eh I can't complain.

[lostandhurt]

nick that is great. I hope to be there some day but my journey is just starting. I feel different and think different and I am a better person but I just don't know what will become of me.

[anggrace]

"Having gone through failed relationships, I have learned so much about myself. I've also learned how incredibly tricky and complicated it can be to merge two lives together. But the best thing is, I can and will appreciate certain things that I know I would of taken for granted before. For this I am SO thankfull. Appreciation is the essense of romance and love and without my past experiences I might not of ever really loved to my fullest ability."

 

This is something I posted before. I completely get what you're saying. I think heartbreak can be a blessing for sure.

[NorthDallas40]

I think I'm still pretty much the same good person as before - I never stopped doing the positive things I always did, and to her credit my ex NEVER had anything but good things to say about me. My self-esteem never took a hit, even after the breakup.

 

But I have learned that relationships aren't always "all or nothing" for both parties. And that's not bad - it's just that both people need to be on the same page, whatever their level.

 

I was never clingy or needy, but I did have a lot more invested in the relationship than she did. The breakup has allowed me to "let go" a little more and not put so much emphasis on the other person, if only in my own mind and heart.

[tazthecat]

Since I've had more than my share of breakups, this one being the worse, they all changed me..

For the better? Well after 8 yrs, I realized how weak she really is, and the morals which I thought she had are founded on lies, deceit and deceptions..

At least I never married this woman and had kids..It's bad enough my cats suffer.

I also realized that without her, I'm still me..I mean, I like my video games, my writing, my music, and the things that made me who I was before, during, and after her...I was afraid I'd no longer have interests in these things after my heart was purged out of my chest.

For the worse? My ex was my best friend, as well as my lover..We went through trials together that would of broken most relationships... She was my "soul-mate", I'm sure of that, not that there can't be more than one soul mate for someone, I just gotta go out and find her..

 

Trust....After her, I will never trust another woman 100% again..I'm ok with this, it is what it is. I know myself, and it sucks for the next woman who enters my life. And the worse part?

Until all 4 of my cats die, or she falls off the planet, or I get abducted by aliens, well every two weeks we will be swapping 2 of the 4 cats!!

 

If theres some kind of lesson in all of this, then the test must be f-in good!!

[itsallgrand]

I believe in myself more now.

 

It's the only thing that counts at the end of the day, and no one can really give it to you. You just have to do it.

[civilservant]

Taz, the fact that you believe we can have "more than one soul mate" and that you just have to "find her" is an excellent attitude and puts you half way there, I think!

 

Actually in my opinion that statment means he dosen't believe in soul mates, period. I know I don't!

[lostandhurt]

Taz, I don't know how many times I had said "I will never" do something only to correct myself and say "I probably will never". We were together 20yrs and I trusted her completely only to be betrayed. I might be guarded but I would like to think I will be able to trust a women that much again.

[darkpumpkin]

Many things from getting in shape to becoming more out spoken and having courage to take risks but the major thing I have learned.

 

THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THEN ONLY LOVE.

[bobsiesprincess]

better = i have learned so many lessons about relationships and life that will stay with me forever. i am a stronger person and realise i can get through anything. i know exactly what I want from life and make sure I go out there and get it and make myself happy.

 

worse = serious issues with trusting people, made me a bit cynical about people.

 

overall though, I am glad this has happened. deep down i dont want to be settled at 21, and I know im a better, more rounded person because of this breakup.

[browneyedgirl36]

I believe in myself more now.

 

It's the only thing that counts at the end of the day, and no one can really give it to you. You just have to do it.

 

Yep. Exactly. I learned that even if HE isn't here for me, I am here for me, and that's what matters most.

 

To his credit: He did hep me to feel more secure about myself in terms of my appearance, which is HUGE considering the self-image issues that have plagued me for years. He was always extremely appreciative and complimentary of my appearance -- my whole body -- and it made me realize how much time and energy I've wasted being down on myself for not being "perfect." I'm a little concerned now that I'm spoiled for good, though, that I'll expect every guy I'm with to be this way and that if he's not, I'll have to get rid of him.

 

As far as being "worse" -- I don't think I'm worse for having been with him. I'm sad right now, though, and I don't feel like dating anyone else. I hope that passes soon because I don't want to end up not finding anyone else because I'm wallowing in my misery over him!

[kuiks8]

I am much better. Through my marriage and the inevitable break up of my marriage i found myself. Meeting my soon to be ex husband gave me the insight to know who i am and that I want to be independent and free. I have on numerous occasions thanked my ex because he enabled me to finally love and cherish myself and he gave me the room to grow and when the time came he let me leave with grace.

I have said it before and I mean it. I will always believe in love, it has a purpose and no matter what the outcome or the duration i think you can only be better from having loved.

[coco3]

I am a better person also. I have realized that I should learn to trust my instincts, to only allow myself to be treated the way I deserve. I've also learned that people are better judged by their actions and not so much by their words. Lastly, i've learned to find out who I am whether I am in a relationship or not and to know that those two people should be the same.

[Johnathan]

Well I'm wiser in relationships now for the most part. But sometimes, I'm not always wiser in relationships....Now I'll actually get called out on being too distant, unavailable, or whatever you want to call it...which is just my mechanism for not wanting to get hurt again.

[Maverick32x]

my last girlfriend changed me for the worst.... I smoke now (trying to quit) and I'm EXTREMELY pessimistic about relationships and girls.. used to think that "where there is a will there is a way".. but now I really don't trust any girl no matter how many sweet things she says to me..

 

I just assume they're all the same and will back stab you the minute you turn your back... (obviously not true)

 

I've defintely started to guard what little is left of my heart... can't afford to lose the rest!!!

 

but I don't regret my relationship... It was the first time amongst many girls that I really truly felt that I was in love with someone.. and I'd do anything to get that feeling back.. (obviously not with her.. but with someone else!!) So yea, I guess after that I do believe that true love does exist, because from my end- I actually opened up, gave my all to a girl.. and yea, I know I can do it.. just waiting a bit to give it another shot

 

so i guess it wasnt all bad now that I think of it...

[musashi]

I realize the man I need to be to have the woman I want

[nic2463]

I think you look at yourself after being dumped,think well there must be something wrong with me as the didnt want me anymore but the truth is its their issues the ex.

We are fantastic people and dont need them to validate us.

[kuiks8]

 

but I don't regret my relationship... It was the first time amongst many girls that I really truly felt that I was in love with someone.. and I'd do anything to get that feeling back.. (obviously not with her.. but with someone else!!) So yea, I guess after that I do believe that true love does exist, because from my end- I actually opened up, gave my all to a girl.. and yea, I know I can do it.. just waiting a bit to give it another shot

 

so i guess it wasnt all bad now that I think of it...

 

Sometimes writhing it out makes you realze that you are actually hopeful...

Knowing you could do it once and successfully for any period of time means it can happen againg. It's good that you are waiting till you are ready...Takes maturity to know in yourself that you aren't there yet!

[Amok]

I think getting your heart broken makes you appreciate other things in your life better. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

 

In the long run, it has also made of me a more positive person who always strives to makes things better.

 

Also, when you break someone's heart you'll know how they'll feel, and you'll know how to minimize their pain.

[Star14]

I've only ever been in two relationships- the first one taught me to love and trust someone completely. The second one bought alot of heartache but also proved that I could love someone unconditionally and unfailingly. Unfortunately, the way it ended left me very bitter. Started smoking earlier this year but thankfully had the sense to stop now.

I also learnt that while it is alright to believe in people and give them chance after chance, I have to accept that some things cannot change.

[NoPainNoGain]

Hello all,

I have been wondering to myself that if my stbx hadn't broken my heart so badly would I have looked in on myself and wanted to find what was missing or could be better. She told me "you will never change" but with a few words and actions on her part she changed me forever! I look at so many things differently now than before and even though I had thoughts about certain things they just didn't affect me that deeply like they do now. It's like having that tear in my heart has actually let more deep feelings in. It is strange to think this way but I believe I am a better person because of this. How about averybody else?

 

lost

 

 

Now I know what I want in a relationship and what I dont want in a woman

[pryda]

Better in so many ways, and it comes down to one word: determination.

 

Personal determination to pull myself up off the floor, and a sort of competitive determination (initially) to come out of the situation better off than my ex.

 

I was DETERMINED to make myself fitter and more physically attractive - and that's exactly what I've done, in fact I've pretty much exceeded the targets I set myself.

 

I was DETERMINED to break the cycle of sadness I was stuck in for like 6-8 weeks after the break-up - and I'm now happier than ever.

 

I was DETERMINED to learn as much as possible, to just reach right in and scoop out as much sheer experience from the relationship as I possibly could - and here I am, feeling more prepared than ever for my next relationship.

 

I was DETERMINED to reap the benefits of being single, and I have - with more time dedicated to my studies, I'm getting better grades. I've also achieved much more with my creative hobbies too.

 

Seriously, this breakup motivated me more than anything else in the world ever has. I hate feeling that anyone is above me, looking down on me, pitying me, and that's exactly how I felt right after the breakup. She was calling the shots, I needed her and without her I was suddenly nothing. But that realisation alone motivated me to become what I am now - happier, stronger and more confident.

[Dancerdlk]

I agree with misskitty. I learned not to be so needy and depend on my partner.. also not to need constant reassurance. However, he set that up because thats all he ever did was send me sweet texts about how much he loved me, our life to gether blah blah blah.

 

now he has a new girl (a week after we broke up). i am sure he is feeding ehr the same lines - maybe not yet.. but they're definitly relaly interested in each other adn i dont think its a rebound. which breaks my heart.

 

however, i have now been on both sides of the end of a break up.. and i learned that i can't push.. and honestly, sometimes you just can't hold back the river... you have to let go, and flow with it to see where you end up.

 

Maktub.

[lostandhurt]

I would like to thank everyone that responded. There seemed to be a theme to most posts. I know this experience has taught me more about myself in 2 short months than I learned in years and years of trying to be more than I was. I know if I learn from this, all the pain and anguish will not be for nothing. I know if LOVE ever gives me another chance It will be so much more to me. Good luck to us all

 

lost