nickbroken

Meh I wanna say I am sorry I wish I tried harder in some ways, I know the mistakes I made and that you made I know this is for the best. I wish I didn't fall into what I did, I wish the stress you put me under didn't help lead to it. I am sorry that this didn't work and that I don't get to spend more time with you, it's been an amazing few months and showed me that I can still open my heart. I wish we could still be friends but that would just lead to pain.

Eh it's not a song it's just some crap I wrote lastnight.

Eh thanks, can't say I remember what I wrote I just write sometimes and don't really pay attention to it haha. Thanks for the positive remark though.

Can you feel it scraping? Can you feeling it breaking down barriers neatly held in tact, clutched sarcophagus tightly ingrown inside this skin. Shedding skin are you still a mess, drooling up and down these walls between us will never break. Can it transcend into beauty this cocoon closely knit. If held too long it will break me. Peace peace I know that I'm only dreaming. Scent of your flesh sweet sound of you breathing. Can rest safely as I star at the ceiling.

Almost a month I think...I don't keep track of every day.....it's gotten easier. Having a bit of emotional day today after a lot of dreams , but all in all it's getting easier.

Day 9 of NC I am tired of it really and I guess I'm ready to move on I accept it and understand I will have relapses, but we aren't getting back together and at this point I don't think I want to.

Well 7th day nc went by still nothing, but today on 8th she came to my parents to see my mom I went to the door she asked for her I said hold on and walked away. Dunno if that counts as breaking NC or not but eh, I was very angry and filled with it for a while, I felt nothing when I saw her but anger. I am moving on and that is that.

Day 6...well for the most part today Ok, then a sudden sadness hit. It's just hard to move on and say goodbye I guess. I wish things were different, but I know I can never go back it's too late for that.

day5 almost done, at times I feel great, I got a new joband I guess that's that, but now I have a deep sense of regret and want to contact to say sorry, I am sorry and regret what I didn't do. Not in a get back together sense, just a sorry because I realize things I did. ah well;

end of day4 well still no contact and wont be tonight had some down moments today just accepting things I guess and coming to terms with my life was a certain way for a long time good times bad times and in the end I guess a waste of time.

Well, day 4. Still no contact on my part or hers as I said I will never hear from her again and if I do it will be on my birthday this month, Not that I want to hear from her. Sometimes I do and part of me does, but the other part just wants to go my way and get over it.

Ok well I just found this, and it looks like a good idea so I figured I'd post I posted a few places about my situation so really no need to bring it up again, this is day 3 of my NC of her. Much to my dismay she has some of my movies still DVD and clothes but I am going to let it go. I feel sad at times I guess, I miss her kid sometimes also....but I guess a lot of the time I feel really relieved. Glad almost I don't have to deal with watching her kid all the time or listening to her negativity. I am happy I can go to bed when I want and not fight over silly things, not be told all the things I'm doing wrong and just well do what I want when I want on my own terms. But sometimes at day I get sad and want to cry and maybe do a little, but a quote I read in some post about NC here was something like "Don't like the pain you are feeling from your situation?NC is the bus that take it away." or something along those lines and it helped a lot. I have been through massive break ups before and even with this current girl, and this time doesn't feel as bad I guess. Because I need to do things in my life need to work on myself which I am, I have to remember how to be happy and have fun and find myself. I will keep this up forever if I can. NC from her , but I doubt I will hear from her until the 30th of this month(my birthday) since that's when I heard from her when we split last time. I will be strong and not talk back.