At which point does being a virgin become "too weird"?

[Go Habs Go]

Like what?

 

Slapped? Drink thrown in your face? Beat down by a bunch of guys?

 

Sex won't be one of the things you get.

 

 

There's MANY easy girls in that type of environment.

[jonny15]

There's MANY easy girls in that type of environment.

 

I have been there, and they don't want anything to do with me.

 

 

 

And i'd never go after a drunk girl.

[Go Habs Go]

I have been there, and they don't want anything to do with me.

 

 

 

And i'd never go after a drunk girl.

 

 

Do you put yourself out there? Simply showing up isn't enough.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Do you put yourself out there? Simply showing up isn't enough.

 

Yes, you actually have to be enjoying yourself.

 

You said you hated alcohol, johnny. So, I have to assume you are very uncomfortable in those situations?

 

I know men who just sabotage themselves. They are determined to have a bad time because they just 'know' that it'll be a bust. I can't tell you how many times I've had to sit with him at the table and convince him to have a good time. We stop inviting out when we get sick of his attitude.

[ProtestTheHero]

While I agree that women definitely have more opportunity to have sex, when almost all of those opportunities end with the person hating themselves due to social pressures, it's not really an opportunity.

 

Every time a man has sex, he ups in value. Every time a woman has sex, her value is lowered. Pretty hard to retain value when you have an extreme want for sex.

 

Now, there is always the option of not caring. But, even though I've only had one partner and I've been with that partner for going on 3 years, I still do not disclose nor like people to think that I'm not a virgin. It's still a struggle due to my social and religious background.

 

Well, as a guy that went to church every sunday morning, evening, and Wednesday night for 17 years with a Southern Baptist mom and a Nazarene Dad, I understand what you're talking about. But the difference between self-loathing and lack of opportunity is one is self-induced and the other is controlled by...well, others. Not to say that the conditioning isn't important, a struggle, or effective...the first few opportunities I had to have sex with my ex-gf were shut down by me because it didn't feel right. I know my upbringing was a part of that.

 

A couple months later and I was fine. Any self-imposed difficulties are a lot easier to solve. You can fix yourself, alter your perception, and desensitize yourself to some things. You can not make other people want you. We can talk about the social elements of this but by and large it's not common to find a guy who is very much put off by a woman who has had sex before or thinks she's terrible for not being a virgin. I mean, if she slept with an entire school team that's sort of a nefarious accomplishment but when it's your run of the mill "I like to go out and every now and then go home with someone" then that's the sort of stuff most people would find normal. It's 2010. Sex has been "in" for a while now, and most guys and girls who look down on others for having sex are doing it because they aren't having sex themselves. A lot of it is resentment, very little is driven by purity. "Purity" certainly is not on my top 10 list of attributes for women.

 

And I would never say that there aren't guys out there who shoot themselves in the foot. I have yet to see Johnny green light any idea in this thread, and that's something to think about.

[Go Habs Go]

Yes, you actually have to be enjoying yourself.

 

You said you hated alcohol, johnny. So, I have to assume you are very uncomfortable in those situations?

 

I know men who just sabotage themselves. They are determined to have a bad time because they just 'know' that it'll be a bust. I can't tell you how many times I've had to sit with him at the table and convince him to have a good time. We stop inviting out when we get sick of his attitude.

 

 

I'm uncomfortable in those situations myself. I don't drink and I'm fairly shy, but I still try to be as personable as possible. The key is picking a setting you enjoy. For some, it's clubs. For others, it's libraries.

[jonny15]

Do you put yourself out there? Simply showing up isn't enough.

 

I've approached women, and it's always been no.

 

Sometimes it;s not so nice variations of the word no.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I've approached women, and it's always been no.

 

Sometimes it;s not so nice variations of the word no.

 

How do you approach?

[Go Habs Go]

I've approached women, and it's always been no.

 

Sometimes it;s not so nice variations of the word no.

 

 

How many women have you approached?

[jonny15]

Yes, you actually have to be enjoying yourself.

 

It's hard to with the crappy music and drunk people.

 

You said you hated alcohol, johnny. So, I have to assume you are very uncomfortable in those situations?

 

I am, but it's a place where women are. So I have to atleast try.

 

 

 

I know men who just sabotage themselves. They are determined to have a bad time because they just 'know' that it'll be a bust. I can't tell you how many times I've had to sit with him at the table and convince him to have a good time. We stop inviting out when we get sick of his attitude.

 

I don't have a good time in a place like that because it sucks.

 

The drinking itself is a big turn off.

 

That and I don't dance either.

[MD Geist]

While I agree that women definitely have more opportunity to have sex, when almost all of those opportunities end with the person hating themselves due to social pressures, it's not really an opportunity.

 

Every time a man has sex, he ups in value. Every time a woman has sex, her value is lowered. Pretty hard to retain value when you have an extreme want for sex.

 

Now, there is always the option of not caring. But, even though I've only had one partner and I've been with that partner for going on 3 years, I still do not disclose nor like people to think that I'm not a virgin. It's still a struggle due to my social and religious background.

 

 

Your much younger than I thought you where. You seem very mature and wise as if you've been through a lot and my instant thought was you where in your 30's maybe 40's, I never thought that you where in your 20's like me.

 

You are a very mature person for you age. Thats not a bad thing either.

[jonny15]

How do you approach?

 

With a simple hey, or what's up?

 

 

I don't do pick up lines.

[jonny15]

How many women have you approached?

 

I don't know.

 

 

I doubt most baseball players keep track of how many times they strikeout.

[Cognitive_Canine]

So, you don't dance. You don't like the music. You don't drink. And, you can't meet people.

 

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is what it means to be insane.

 

You need to find new environments or change your views.

 

To be completely honest, you are going to have a hard time finding a woman who doesn't drink or understands why you doesn't. And I can almost guarantee that none of those like minded women will be found in a bar.

[Go Habs Go]

With a simple hey, or what's up?

 

 

I don't do pick up lines.

 

 

That's something I say to my friends.

[MD Geist]

Like what?

 

Slapped? Drink thrown in your face? Beat down by a bunch of guys?

 

Sex won't be one of the things you get.

 

You need to get out there and see for yourself because those girls are not going to come to you.

 

I know I could be getting my **** on tonight if I really wanted to. Party girls don't care at all if your a virgin or not however they also don't care if you have an STD.

 

Just keep that in mind. You just need to go out there and do something about it.

[ProtestTheHero]

If you don't want to do it in a club/drunk environment, that's fine. There are no set rules here, lol. The thing is, you can't be awkward. You can't be nervous because then she gets nervous (and not in a "Oh I'm excited" way, a "I hope he lets me live" way). If you can be funny without being cheesy, talk to a girl like she's just another person and mix in some personable comments and keep stuff interesting then you won't have a problem. You'll either hit it off with her and you can date or she'll want to hang and you might meet her friends. Social networking works in jobs and it works with women. The more people you know the easier it is. If you aren't funny, aren't interesting, are shy, hate alcohol, hate dancing, hate clubs...you're screwed, and not in the way you're wanting. "Hey what's up" won't cut it. Half of the dating profiles I read say stuff like "Only message if you got something other than 'hi' or 'you're cute' to say." If you're in the library, ask her about the book she's reading. Don't even waste money on PUA stuff, just ask open ended questions that can't be answered with a yes or no but give her something to work with. I am like a 4 out of 10 and I can do this, so you can too.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Your much younger than I thought you where. You seem very mature and wise as if you've been through a lot and my instant thought was you where in your 30's maybe 40's, I never thought that you where in your 20's like me.

 

You are a very mature person for you age. Thats not a bad thing either.

 

Haha. Well, thank you.

 

I try not to disclose my age for anonymity. Also due to the rampant ageism that I come accross. Seems like whenever anyone disagrees with me they like to pull out the age card like it's a win-all, end-all to any opinions I may have. But, as you can see, stitching posts together reveals things that we often don't want everyone to know.

[Go Habs Go]

You need to get out there and see for yourself because those girls are not going to come to you.

 

I know I could be getting my **** on tonight if I really wanted to. Party girls don't care at all if your a virgin or not however they also don't care if you have an STD.

 

Just keep that in mind. You just need to go out there and do something about it.

 

 

I don't like party girls myself, but you have to put yourself out there regardless of the setting.

[jonny15]

So, you don't dance. You don't like the music. You don't drink. And, you can't meet people.

 

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is what it means to be insane.

 

You need to find new environments or change your views.

 

To be completely honest, you are going to have a hard time finding a woman who doesn't drink or understands why you doesn't. And I can almost guarantee that none of those like minded women will be found in a bar.

 

I just simply don't see what is fun about being out of control mentally and physically.

 

A drunk woman is not in the least bit attractive.

 

I'd feel like a rapist if I tried to take advantage of one.

[jonny15]

That's something I say to my friends.

 

 

I really think i'd look stupid saying, "What's up baby? Cant I hit that?".

[MD Geist]

Haha. Well, thank you.

 

I try not to disclose my age for anonymity. Also due to the rampant ageism that I come accross. Seems like whenever anyone disagrees with me they like to pull out the age card like it's a win-all, end-all to any opinions I may have. But, as you can see, stitching posts together reveals things that we often don't want everyone to know.

 

Well nobody needs to play the age card with you anymore.

 

It came to me as a complete shocker that your so young, yet so wise, so mature. The advise you tend to give is spot on most of the time and thought you've probably been through these types of issues long ago and as with older girls they seem to think its not such a big deal.

 

Only that could have come from experience, but I don't know what you've been through, I had to man up my whole life without a father figure, thats why I do connect with older girls. Its just hard to date them.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I just simply don't see what is fun about being out of control mentally and physically.

 

A drunk woman is not in the least bit attractive.

 

I'd feel like a rapist if I tried to take advantage of one.

 

I understand not wanting a 'wasted, passed out drunk' girl and being turned off by wasted persons.

 

But, alcohol is a spectrum. I drink a bit here and there when I have the time. It's about knowing your limit. I've only felt out of control once and I was among good friends. Almost every single time I drink, I just barely get a buzz. It takes me a good 2-3 shots to get to that too. And then I just coast the rest of the night on water.

 

Most people who drink do something similar to that. Alcohol users are not all obnoxious, falling all over the place drunks. In fact, most are not.

[ProtestTheHero]

I really think i'd look stupid saying, "What's up baby? Cant I hit that?".

 

You'd look stupid and you'd get a "no." You understand there's middle ground between "hey" and "let's have sex" right?

[Go Habs Go]

I really think i'd look stupid saying, "What's up baby? Cant I hit that?".

 

 

Just start a conversation. Even if it's about the damn weather.