At which point does being a virgin become "too weird"?

[MD Geist]

Moving is hard to do when you've never done it out of state or town.

 

I'm not saying I'm not opened to it, quite frankly I want to change from this but I don't know where to begin or start, I don't make much money, My career is going to be variable with being an investor.

 

I can look past a girl being a non-virgin my only major concern is will she except me being a virgin at my age with zero relationship experience?.

 

If she has all the other atturbutes like she's curvy, she has no kids, out going, patient and such I don't care at all. Its when I have to tell her she's my first is what worries me a lot.

[obs]

As someone who has told someone that exact thing at 29, it's not nearly as big a deal as you think it is.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Do you generally have a hard time with change?

 

2-5 years seems like a long time to prepare for moving.

[WomanWriter]

IMO, being a virgin is great, but having low self-confidence is a big problem.

[Perfect Dark]

You are focusing too much on being a virgin. I think it's worse to have no relationship experience at 30 or whatever than being a virgin, no offense.

[MD Geist]

Do you generally have a hard time with change?

 

2-5 years seems like a long time to prepare for moving.

 

Everybody does, its just not going to happen over night.

 

Its a huge deal for me. A very large leap into the known.

 

I'm planning as well as I can because I don't want to end up struggling financially or worst end up out in the street.

 

Besides I'm finishing up with what I need to do to provide me a well paying job. I just need to hang in there.

 

You are focusing too much on being a virgin. I think it's worse to have no relationship experience at 30 or whatever than being a virgin, no offense.

 

I have no relationship experience at all. I've never had a girlfriend or been on a true date. I've been on one and that wasn't really much. The rest have been coffee dates or hangouts.

 

It is that worry alone that really concerns me, Telling her she's my first for everything like I don't know how a woman is going to take that. Some say they would enjoy showing a guy how they like it done. others won't and prefer an experienced man.

 

IMO, being a virgin is great, but having low self-confidence is a big problem.

 

I agree. That means your stuck!.

 

 

As someone who has told someone that exact thing at 29, it's not nearly as big a deal as you think it is.

 

I really hope its not.

[LightbulbSun]

You are focusing too much on being a virgin. I think it's worse to have no relationship experience at 30 or whatever than being a virgin, no offense.

 

Yes, but what about those that have no relationship experience in their late 20's/early 30's? You basically just made me feel worse about my situation.

 

It's a catch 22 situation...how do you get experience if you don't have experience?

[Fudgie]

Times are changing. People no longer run out and start having kids at 18 (okay, some do, but that's not the norm). Men and women are staying in school for longer amounts of time and either by choice or financial strain, decide to put off the whole "relationship" or family bit. I know some people (older than me) who have just dated casually or not much at all. It just wasn't a priority for them. My own father was a bit of a "late bloomer" and didn't do much of anything with women until he was in grad school.

 

I don't think it's "weird" at all unless you MAKE it weird yourself. Now, if you want to be with someone, you just have to go out and make it happen.

[AuburnLady]

It astonishes me that so many women DON'T want a male virgin. I ONLY want a virgin. And it's not for some kind of power trip. To find a man that's kept himself clean and intact is ,almost, impossible. I hate the thought of a guy carrying STD's or having slept around. I would love to find the right guy,one I would love,teach,nurture and want to be with forever. I wish there were more out there and no,the age really doeasn't matter to me. In fact,the longer he's controlled himself,for the want of 'making love' not just 'sex' means a huge amount to me.

[jonny15]

It astonishes me that so many women DON'T want a male virgin. I ONLY want a virgin. And it's not for some kind of power trip. To find a man that's kept himself clean and intact is ,almost, impossible. I hate the thought of a guy carrying STD's or having slept around. I would love to find the right guy,one I would love,teach,nurture and want to be with forever. I wish there were more out there and no,the age really doeasn't matter to me. In fact,the longer he's controlled himself,for the want of 'making love' not just 'sex' means a huge amount to me.

 

It would be really hard to find one at your age that isn't a monk, preist, disfigured, or has locked himself in his parents basement for years.

 

If i'm one at that age, I might as well randomly wave a shogun at some cops so they could take me out of my misery.

[ClarenceRutherford]

At which point does being a virgin become "too weird"?

IMO, There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age.

Of course, admitting that to someone might raise some eyebrows, esp. when someone is in their 40s...

 

At 26-27, I dated 29 and 30 y.o. virgin women (who were waiting until they got engaged or married). Not saying me and those girls didn't do sexual things... just not all the way.

 

I have a work colleague who's in his 50s and is a virgin, judging by his facebook posts (says the only kiss he got was from a drunk girl in a bar). This guy is well-respected in his field and has a lot of friends, so I don't think there's something wrong with him...

 

I had limited sexual experience before I met my future wife at 30. 3-4X in HS at 17-18 with same girl, then 2 separate encounters 25-26. She had only one partner yrs. before me.

Yes, both of us released a lot of pent-up demand 3 mos. after we met.

 

If you ever are in a situation that you can have sex and you're really ashamed of not having done the deed yet, just don't tell the girl that you are a virgin.

There is no way for her to find out! At worst, she will think that you need some more practice to get better.

Practical advice.

 

Virgins aren't necessarily better than non-virgins.

Those who have had sex aren't automatically superior to the virgins.

It's all a matter of opportunities and life choices .... and the kind of person one is.

 

 

Plan to address the other posters' dilemmas on dating and meeting women later...

[jonny15]

I have a work colleague who's in his 50s and is a virgin, judging by his facebook posts (says the only kiss he got was from a drunk girl in a bar). This guy is well-respected in his field and has a lot of friends, so I don't think there's something wrong with him...

 

And why is he a virgin at that age?

[ClarenceRutherford]

And why is he a virgin at that age?

Not sure why.

Don't know him really well, is a colleague at another co. in my field. But see his FB posts.

 

He lives in a very rural area (think small states) and has had the job he's at for years, so maybe availability of single women has something to do with it.

[DD123]

its not weird unless you make it weird. which you will by over thinking it. so just chill.

[jonny15]

Not sure why.

Don't know him really well, is a colleague at another co. in my field. But see his FB posts.

 

He lives in a very rural area (think small states) and has had the job he's at for years, so maybe availability of single women has something to do with it.

 

There has to be something wrong.

 

Social Anxiety?

 

Very ugly?

 

Smells funny?

[scarlett27]

stop worrying i would rather meet a man like u then some dog who has slept with anything with a pulse but u need to work on ur self esteem x

[dreamalong]

It's not like a health condition that your partner should know about before hand, also it's not like girls when there's clear indication that give it away. You may not have experience but for sure you know what to do "sex education" is everywhere it's not like old days when guys were depending on what they hear from friends and may be very misleading and confusing.

 

So most likely she will not ask you and you don't have to tell, later on when you know each other well; it will not make any difference when she knows.. if things will not work out for one reason or another; next time you will already have acquired the "experience" you are worried about.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There has to be something wrong.

 

Social Anxiety?

 

Very ugly?

 

Smells funny?

 

There are plenty of married men (and women) who have all of the above characteristics.

[jonny15]

There are plenty of married men (and women) who have all of the above characteristics.

 

I was thinking in extremes.

[Oneironaut]

It astonishes me that so many women DON'T want a male virgin. I ONLY want a virgin. And it's not for some kind of power trip. To find a man that's kept himself clean and intact is ,almost, impossible. I hate the thought of a guy carrying STD's or having slept around. I would love to find the right guy,one I would love,teach,nurture and want to be with forever. I wish there were more out there and no,the age really doeasn't matter to me. In fact,the longer he's controlled himself,for the want of 'making love' not just 'sex' means a huge amount to me.

 

I'm 43, and I don't want a virgin because they have no idea what they're doing. I know...I met a guy online a few years ago who lives near my parents, so when I went to visit them, I stopped in and spent two nights with him. I was 41, he was 24 and a virgin (YES, I'm a cougar, lol...). The chemistry did NOT make up for the fact that he didn't know what he was doing. I'm past the age of wanting to teach a guy what needs to be done.

 

As for STDs and having slept around...not everyone who ISN'T a virgin has diseases or has been promiscuous. My ex-husband is 39 years old, and has only had sex with a handful of women in his life. He's not a virgin, but he's hardly a man- * * * * * or diseased.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So his lack of life experience compared to you, the fact that a few years ago he was just a teenager, and you are old enough to be his mother, didn't bother you..but his lack of sexual experience did! There are lots of sexperts in their forties.

 

When someone truly cares about a person, that person not being sexually experienced doesn't really matter. It is when the sex is the prime motivation for being with someone and the relationship is optional, that having sex with someone experienced becomes of crucial importance. People who are in love have remained with a partner despite all kinds of major setbacks including being mistreated....so if love causes people to stay in all kinds of difficult relationships, a lack of sexual technique in the beginning is not going to be a dealbreaker.

[Oneironaut]

So his lack of life experience compared to you, the fact that a few years ago he was just a teenager, and you are old enough to be his mother, didn't bother you..but his lack of sexual experience did! There are lots of sexperts in their forties.

 

When someone truly cares about a person, that person not being sexually experienced doesn't really matter. It is when the sex is the prime motivation for being with someone and the relationship is optional, that having sex with someone experienced becomes of crucial importance. People who are in love have remained with a partner despite all kinds of major setbacks including being mistreated....so if love causes people to stay in all kinds of difficult relationships, a lack of sexual technique in the beginning is not going to be a dealbreaker.

 

As I said, I'm a cougar...I like younger guys, but I like them to be experienced sexually, which was the point of the post to which I was responding. She prefers virgins, I was simply stating my reasons why I do not.

 

No, it wasn't the deal-breaker, we broke up for other reasons, but I learned from the experience that I have no interest in teaching anyone how to have sex, at my age. If that makes me shallow, so be it. Everyone is different.

[galaxy71]

The inexperience of some of you guys is showing. Walk before you run. Learn to attract women before thinking about whether a potential girlfriend will lose interest in you because you are a virgin or inexperienced. I don't know what the point of some of these posts are. Guys who complain about how women don't want to date inexperienced guys are not getting rejected because of their inexperience. They are getting rejected because they are too shy or too socially awkward. In the first five minutes of a conversation between a man and a woman, a woman isn't going to judge a guy on how many relationships he's been in or how many women he seduced. Instead, they are going to judge him on basic things like appearance, confidence, body language, lifestyle, and social skills. Once you can attract women, the inexperience issue will evaporate. A lot of women won't care if a guy is inexperienced as long as she feels chemistry with him. Even if a woman loses interest in a guy because of his inexperience, the guy should be able to replace that woman with somebody else who doesn't care about his inexperience.

[MD Geist]

Best thing to do is go out and rack up the mileage before you hit that "Certain age" i have yet to meet a girl who will legittmately want to have a virgin boyfriend while she's not a virgin. Bottomline women don't like virgin men at all. Lie to them if your still one and tell her afterwords. She'll just reject you.

[ClarenceRutherford]

There has to be something wrong.

Social Anxiety?

Very ugly?

Smells funny?

You've described yourself in some of those categories.

 

Wouldn't say he's great-looking. Think most would call him below-average. But he has a lot of other qualities that make up for any supposed lack of "looks."

 

Am not gonna ask him personal info like I do here. His FB post may have been in jest, though it looked serious. Doesn't matter anyway. He may not really be into relationships. There are people like that. (He's no oddball).