Boyfriend seemed like he was going to hit me

[sweetpea]

Going out a few months. Had a few fights but nothing physical although I might have grabbed his wrists and just held them to get his attention. He might have pushed me gently a few times. That's it.

 

Yesterday we fought and he raised his fist like he was gonna hit me! He got this scary look and then said sorry I would not ever hurt you. It's hard to forget that and I love him.

 

He has no history of abusive behavior that I know of but now I feel a bit scared. Do you think I am being too worried? He never hurt me, and we usually solve our problems together and it works out ok for the most part.

[flower99]

I think you're both crossing the line in your fights.

You grabbing his wrists is making the argument physical. You shouldn't be doing that..And he should not be pushing you. You both should be using words to work out your problems, not physical force.

 

You two have only been dating a few months & you've begun a pattern that will quickly lead to physical violence if it's not drastically changed fast.

[barbielovesmac]

You've only been together for a few months and you are having fights where you are BOTH getting physical with eachother?

 

This is not healthy at all ... and it's just a preview for the future.

[shikashika]

in all fairness.. you have done more' physical' almost-abuse than him.

 

What if he was grabbing your wrists?

 

Why were you grabbing his wrists? If a guy were doing that to his girlfriend it would be shady... so i think the same works for you.

[sweetpea]

We both say we bring out the worst of each other. It's very strong feelings that we have for each other, good and bad ones. We are like married already! LOL.

[blender]

Honey, if you saw a "scary look" in his eyes, and he also raised his fist, then you are wise to feel concerned. And if being with him brings out a side of you that allows you to "grab his wrists to get his attention" then this is NOT a healthy relationship and you should no longer stay invovled.. period.

[barbielovesmac]

We both say we bring out the worst of each other. It's very strong feelings that we have for each other, good and bad ones. We are like married already! LOL.

 

when in a relationship you are supposed to bring out the good in eachother ... not the worst. that's not healthy sweetpea. it's not a laughing matter at all. you've only been dating a a short time.

[shes2smart]

We both say we bring out the worst of each other. It's very strong feelings that we have for each other, good and bad ones. We are like married already! LOL.

 

If I was with someone who was "bringing out the worst" in me, I'd be out the door.

 

Healthy relationships bring out the best in both partners....not the best & worst or the worst.

[shikashika]

We both say we bring out the worst of each other. It's very strong feelings that we have for each other, good and bad ones. We are like married already! LOL.

 

yeah but it can get dangerous when BOTH of you don't know where to draw the line physically!

[flower99]

We both say we bring out the worst of each other. It's very strong feelings that we have for each other, good and bad ones. We are like married already! LOL.

 

I'm married & never have i grabbed his wrist nor he pushed me. This isn't like a marriage it's an unhealthy relationship.

 

I was in a relationship for 2 years were we had really strong feelings/love for eachother, but just like this relationship you are in. We brought out the worst in eachother. In time you won't like what you become neither will he. And as time progresses it gets worse & when you stay together & one day perhaps have a child (like my ex & I did) your child will watch it all & cry during it & that's what he will live & learn. it's sad. don't live like this.

Sweet pea, if you already know you bring out the worst in eachother, get out. Know that the worst in eachother will not bring happiness.

[blender]

We both say we bring out the worst of each other. It's very strong feelings that we have for each other, good and bad ones. We are like married already! LOL.

 

It's "like we are married already".. oh my, what kind of image do you have of marriage? Becuase the "drama' of emotions you have described are not about "love or marriage'.

 

what you have described is about two unhealthy people feeding off of each others unhealhty issues and confusing it with love.. there is a huge difference between healthy, respectful, fulfilling, kind sincere love and the type of "high and low emotions and drama" you are describing..

 

don't choose to stay on this rollercoaster of emotions for too long, because you might get addicted to the drama and lose a precious part of your sincere heart along the way... this is NOT a healthy relationship.. and it's not anything like a "good marriage".. that's for sure.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

married couples don't hit each other ... so i dont think thats a good comparison.

 

another thought.... if you guys usually work things out together.. why would you need to grab his wrist to get his attention... wouldn't/shouldn't he already be paying attention?

 

He definitely has a temper... and if pushed..i wouldn't be surprised if it did get to a point that he did hit you ...or you both get increasingly more violent with each other.

 

but hey if you are cool..with being afraid of your boyfriend.. then by all means.. continue with the way things are.

[sweetpea]

If I was cool about it I wouldn't ask!

[barbielovesmac]

If I was cool about it I wouldn't ask!

 

but you were like cracking jokes say "its like we're married LOL"

[someguy88]

If he's raising his fist now he'll be dropping it on you later. Get away from this guy. It is sooooo not normal for a guy to raise his fist when he's angry, no matter how riled up he is.

[SapphireNoir10]

Well, personally I think you have a rather unhealthy relationship at the moment. I would suggest either counselling for the both of you for anger problems or calling it a day.

 

It only takes once for him to cross the line or you to cross the line and someone ends up seriously hurt. There should be no physical violence in a relationship. You dont hurt someone you love. You want to protect them and never see them hurt. No matter HOW angry you are.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

If I was cool about it I wouldn't ask!

 

i dont want you to feel like we are attacking you ... but i just don't see any good coming of this..

 

you need to feel safe with the person you are with .. communicate and talk things through.... be respectful of one another.... and you most certainly should bring out the best in each other not the worst.

 

everything you said about your relationship is scary ... and i can tell you from experience.. these kinds of relationships never work out - they don't get better, you dont adjust to each other- things like this get worse over time..

[sweetpea]

but you were like cracking jokes say "its like we're married LOL"

 

I made a joke because that's how I deal. I know we have a problem. I still don't think he would hit me.

[flower99]

I still don't think he would hit me.

 

BUT you still agree that you two bring out the worst in eachother? That's a huge warning sign.

Continueing in a relationship with someone who brings out the worst in you, will turn you into someone you don't recongize. into the worst side of you.

 

And physical violence (holding wrists & pushing) especially so early is an unhealthy relationship. And always progresses.

[karvala]

Have to say I agree with others. You should *never* make an argument physical on either side, and neither side should tolerate it. I have never hit a woman, and once I was with someone who on one occasion completely lost her temper and hit me. That was the end of that; I told her it wasn't acceptable, and my options for the future would be either (1) to hit her back, which I didn't want to do; (2) to be a punchbag, which I didn't want to do, or (3) leave, which I did. If you were grabbing my wrists, I'd warn you not to do it the first time it happened, and if you still did after that, again it be game over. It is simply unacceptable.

 

You should also never be scared of physical violence in a relationship. If he looked sufficiently threatening at the time that you were actually scared, it's probably only a matter of time before he goes further. As flower99 says, it usually progresses once it's gained some degree of acceptance from either side.

[RayKay]

Many people think abuse means just hitting. It doesn't. Abuse can be pushing, grabbing, causing fear...and thousands of other forms.

 

This is dangerous.

 

And this is NOT healthy. Love does not cause you to "bring out the worse in each other". That is a very dangerous hollywood cliche in my opinion. When you love someone, it is undoubted that you are going to go through some tough times together, where you feel emotions in a way that hurt - but bringing out the "worst" in each other? That is codependent, and unhealthy....not love.

 

And I have to say, I find the comment "it is like we are married already" quite sad, because to me, marriage is not like this at all....I have been living common-law with my boyfriend for over three years, and never, never have we been physical with one another or brought out the "worst" in each other. We have certainly had some disagreements, but never, ever had we grabbed the other, pushed the other, even raised a hand at the other.

 

We have had to explore ourselves in ways that could be painful at times, or unintentionally hurt the other (not physically, but just by miscommunications, fears, insecurity etc), but we certainly do not bring out the "worst"...and instead we focus on bringing out the best in one another, and ourselves.