blueangel Posted September 7, 2007 Author Share Posted September 7, 2007 Wow, all of you really have been through so much. I've felt pieces of each thing you described. Abuse, slightly-I've seen bits of it, when I was younger, my friend was spanked extremely hard to the point of tears in front of me by her father. Then, recently, another friend of mine...Kira...was walking along the side of the road with a bloody face and crying. I will never forget that. My mom's boyfriend is mean to my mom, explosive. My deceased exstepmom when alive was emotionally unstable and slightly harassed me, always an undertone in her speech towards me of challenge even though I was young...oh but always with a fake smile on her face though, which made it confusing for me to understand how to handle it. I know what it's like to want to kill someone. I felt that towards my mother before, even imagined acting on the impulse in the moments she most pushed her way on me, and then a friend of mine named Tiff, the one who said "I hate you! I hate you!" over and over again to me in the halls of my school... I wanted to kill her for the pain she caused me. I've wanted to kill them all!!! lol jk. Anger and pain mixed together...transforms your being into something disasterous...not hopeless though. Sometimes I believe in God and sometimes I dont.I pray to him every night. Things still keep going wrong however, and not much is answered. But I believe i am becoming a force myself, so maybe he's acting through me more than towards me? Love you all. You're AMAZING. Great rolemodels, inspirations, and it's impacted me a lot to read all this. Feel free to never stop sharing yourselves. Link to comment
blueangel Posted September 7, 2007 Author Share Posted September 7, 2007 ^ But don't forget about the child within while you grow up no I hear her always. wanting held sometimes. wanting silliness and laughter at others, even when those around her are being cold. she never goes away. thanks. Link to comment
NKP Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 Losing my father to suicide when i was 11, it hit me hard when i was 15 i even tried to do myself in aswell. I am now dealing with it and getting my life together and i am a stronger person now. Getting raped by my own brother over and over years ago, the pain i went thru, the feeling of loness, the fear of being touched by anyone anywhere could never get close to anyone and would totally freak if they got to close to me and the hate i had against him. I have now forgiven him for it we just dont talk about it but i will never forget what he did to me, but i cant hate him for a mistake he made when he was 16 afterall he wil always be my brother. My sister has depression and drinking problem i tried to be there for her for so long but in return i just got abuse so i pretty much just gave up, she has a 7 year old boy and hes not happy wtith his mother can tell from his eyes always look so sad and always breaks promises to the poor boy but when i see him and spend time with him, weather its home work or just playing around having fun the smile on his face just brightens up my day so much and i will never know how my sister can make so many promises to him and break em all the time and go on like its okay Link to comment
blueangel Posted September 8, 2007 Author Share Posted September 8, 2007 An excerpt from Michelle Phan's Closer to the Light online site. There was one story about a young girl who tried to kill herself at the tender age of seven, She'd been the victim of horrible child abuse and chose suicide as the only way out. She climbed up at the top of a hill, and positioned her sled to ram into a wall. She accomplished that, and covered the ice around her with blood. She left her body and was enfolded by what appeared to be a big umbrella and everything was very dark; later she saw the being of light who stated firmly: "You've made a mistake. Your life is not yours to take. You must go back." At first she refused, she woke up and suffered intensely, going in and out of a coma for some time in the snow. She decided to make another attempt to slide down into the wall, then what seemed like a vision came into her mind. She was shown a tree encased in ice and snow, and was told that she was in the winter of her life now, but that summer was coming and her leaves and apples would bloom again. She finally returned to her body and underwent a long recovery process. The incident changed her approach to life, she began to stand up to injustices, and now, years later, she is happily married, with three children who are surrounded with the love she never had as a child. She wears an umbrella on a charm necklace to remind her that "When you hurt yourself, everything is hurt." Link to comment
Cimmie Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 Getting an email from the man I loved telling me he'd been lying to me and cheating on me. My grandmother being diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was a teenager. The day I graduated, which was against the odds and the proudest day of my life. A certain day in the mountains last winter, which is the lowest I have ever been. Link to comment
blueangel Posted September 9, 2007 Author Share Posted September 9, 2007 The day I graduated, which was against the odds and the proudest day of my life. Nice... Link to comment
redrose85 Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 I loved reading everyone's stories. Really powerful stuff! Blueangel- I didn't get myself an umbrella pendant, but I did buy myself a ring, a filigree gold and diamond band (it only sounds expensive lol) and it symbolizes that I am strong, and I can do better for myself. Like a promise ring to myself, cheesy as that is Link to comment
blueangel Posted September 9, 2007 Author Share Posted September 9, 2007 I loved reading everyone's stories. Really powerful stuff! Blueangel- I didn't get myself an umbrella pendant, but I did buy myself a ring, a filigree gold and diamond band (it only sounds expensive lol) and it symbolizes that I am strong, and I can do better for myself. Like a promise ring to myself, cheesy as that is That is such a great tool to use to remind yourself of that mindset and of how far you've come... and probably looks good too!! Not cheesy. I should do the same...hmm that's a really good idea!! Link to comment
Leonhart Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 All of the events that have made me into who I am today, are ones I'd rather forget ever happened in the first place. Link to comment
blueangel Posted September 10, 2007 Author Share Posted September 10, 2007 All of the events that have made me into who I am today, are ones I'd rather forget ever happened in the first place. Starting anew is truly life altering. Take with you the understandings if not all the memories you've gained from your past. That's what I choose to do. Good luck to you *hug* Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 Family stuff. Deleted Link to comment
anggrace Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 It was life changing... To see my nephew and neice born. When I was alone, fully independent and truly happy. When I took my first road trip and realized the effect that being out in nature had on me. It freed me from alot of negativity in my life. Link to comment
blueangel Posted September 10, 2007 Author Share Posted September 10, 2007 You've been through so much. I dont know how you made it through it all. But you did. I bet you're an amazing mother. Before Elaine was diagnosed with brain cancer, there was this one night she was drunk. And she was yelling downstairs at my dad. I woke up hearing her hauntingly calling my name, "SarahhhhHh!! Sarahhhh!! Your dad hit me Sarahhhhhhhhh!" My dad told me she pushed her way at him and it was accident. I believe him. But after that incident of her being drunk, my dad prayed to God and said "Please God clip her wings a little. Bring her back down to earth." And a few days later, she was diagnosed. Instead, she was taken away from earth. I cried so hard at her funeral, not for her, but for her son. Crazy weird and sad things happen in life. And a lot of us are good people left to deal with it. It's a mess, this world, much of it. But that's where it gets it beauty from. Nothing is sure, nothing is perfect and that opens all doors as to how you may decide what to do with it. It isn't easy, but it's choice. And that's what builds our souls. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 You are so right, blueangel. I feel stronger each day that goes by. And I hope you do also. You get to this point that you say, OK World, throw something else my way. I'll show you I can take it. Like a fighter who gets hit so many times and gets back up and fights harder each round. Link to comment
blueangel Posted September 10, 2007 Author Share Posted September 10, 2007 You are so right, blueangel. I feel stronger each day that goes by. And I hope you do also. You get to this point that you say, OK World, throw something else my way. I'll show you I can take it. Like a fighter who gets hit so many times and gets back up and fights harder each round. I believe you ARE strong. Keep fighting, we all are, to live. Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 Today Changed My Life Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 When a close relative was diagnosed with cancer. Link to comment
blueangel Posted September 11, 2007 Author Share Posted September 11, 2007 Today Changed My Life How come? Link to comment
NKP Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 Seeing my family ruined from drugs Link to comment
MissTee Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Getting caught shoplifting when I was 15 Getting dumped by my first love Meeting my current love (the man I will marry) Link to comment
Cooperstown Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 The moment that probably changed me the most was getting dumped after a four year relationship with my highschool sweetheart quite some time ago. While at first I had a lot of problems, alcoholism being the biggest. I learned a lot about myself as a person. Instead of being so guarded it opened me up, it changed my personality a lot for the better(according to all my friends). It showed me how much people cared about me and that it was ok to depend on other people and that it was ok to show emotion. It was a very long road of personal growth, finding myself, and maturing. But that is not all the experience did for me. Going through something like that gave me experience dealing with something very difficult and I in turn was able to use that knowledge to help other people that had to experience these feelings themselves. While it was a long and painfilled road I learned more about myself then I could have dreamed. It was the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me and I am exponential stronger because of it. Link to comment
Cooperstown Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 Oh lets add to the fun! Coming to the realization that it does not nor will it ever matter how good I do in baseball because I'm 5'10" and I don't throw low 90's. Meaning I need to constantly be better all the time and work that much harder. It's been both a blessing and a curse because it has really tested how far I'm willing to go to achieve something. It also means a lot when the people you care about most tell you that they admire your determination because there is no way they can do what you have been doing. Basically it has been and will always been an uphill battle facing constant cristism not based on effort or ability but on size alone. Link to comment
blueangel Posted October 25, 2007 Author Share Posted October 25, 2007 Well I've gotten a lot stronger since those last painful moments I wrote here. I've been seeing life in a more lifted manner, probably because I'm not fighting myself anymore. Its been a slow coming down for me- to just accept myself as I am, pain baggage and all- as well as the good shtuff! It's what makes me who I am today, and able in any way that I am able. I couldnt imagine being happy all the time! Even if life is hard, I face it. I face the pain it brings, feel it, let it out...a big rollercoster of mind racing, but it's all okay in the end. I can never believe things are hopeless. I need to be there for myself as much as others have tried to be. This moment has changed me now. Link to comment
love4life Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 My first broken heart Graduating college and entering the real world My father's death Moving into my own place Changing jobs Seeing my mother grieve and, eventually, accept my father's death (after a period of depression and alcoholism) My sister's divorce My most recent heartbreak Link to comment
Balbina Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Hmm... Parents seperation spending the summers of my childhood in Europe as a result Parents remarrying and seperating twice, each Losing my eye in a car accident Subsequent surgeries and overcoming obstacles related When I stopped dating messed up guys because I realized I deserved better Getting my settlement Cleaning out my social closet Choosing to be happy Organizing my life Ending my last pseudo-relationship ...Every day is a challenge and I've noticed that every day changes me. Link to comment
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