velvetapathy Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 "I love you but i am not in love with you"-so i was told this from my ex right before she broke up with me and I am still confused as hell as to what it means. I have searched through these forums and googled it and other similar phrases and the most I can come up with is they still care about you but all romantic feelings are gone for some reason or another.What is everyone else's thoughts. Link to comment
spinstermanquee Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 It usually means *I need to break up with you but like you as a person so much I am trying to make it as easy and painless as possible* From the POV of the message recipient, it's not so great. From the POV of the deliverer, they are being as kind and honest as possible. From the POV of an outsider, bless her for not ripping your heart out and trampling all over it. She did a kind thing to tell you it wasn't going to work out. You will love again, please don't lose heart! W Link to comment
jujubes Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Yep. They still care about you deeply, the same way you can feel towards a good friend or family member, but that "in love" spark is gone. Their feelings have become more platonic instead of romantic. A lot of people say the "love but not in love" thing is just an excuse, but I can say that it DOES happen because I've experienced it. Link to comment
velvetapathy Posted August 31, 2007 Author Share Posted August 31, 2007 Does anyone think that it's possible to get that "spark" back or is this one a lost cause in most cases Link to comment
Shin kensen Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 It's the biggest load of BS saying there is. It means "I don't like you any more, but I don't want to hurt you, so I am going to use a generic break-up comment and hope it's not transparent to you" Link to comment
Shin kensen Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Does anyone think that it's possible to get that "spark" back or is this one a lost cause in most cases most cases it's a lost cause. But trying to pusue it will cause emotional hurt. Link to comment
eleanorrigby1 Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 it means basically translated: "I feel awful doing this because i know you are going to be upset and i know that you really love me, but i dont feel the same, i dont want to be with you, it isnt working and i am not inlove with you. however, we have spent time together and your company will be missed, but not in the way you want it to be. Im really sorry, please don't hate me.." I have had it said to me and I have said it myself. Its 'love' in the way you love a friend, or a dog, or a chocolate bar. Its like "I really 'love' this.. but i can live without it and choose to do so" She hated that she had to hurt you and tried to spare your feelings. Sometimes when people use this line the other person is left thinking "if you love me why are you dumping me?" the truth is, they are dumping you because they dont. Harsh but true. You need to stop analysing what she said to you because in moments like that people will say anything to get it over and done with the least pain possible, its not easy to have your heart broken, but its not easy to have to break someone elses heart either. she struggled with it and she did it the best way she knew how. You need to move on now, stop focusing on your breakup, remember tthe good times you had, put them in abox in your mind and look to your future without her. Link to comment
eleanorrigby1 Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 when someone says "The spark isnt there.." I truly believe that it wasnt there to start with. I have used that line to so many guys in the past and i had someone use it on me too. It means "You filled a hole, you were nice, you made me laugh, but in the longterm i dont fancy you enough.." anyway this isnt about a 'spark' being lost, she broke up with you, she didnt ask to work on it, forget it babe x Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 I love you as a friend/family member, but not as a lover/life partner. Link to comment
real_life_101 Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Sounds like your girlfriend is still pretty young I hope. Everyone knows that all longterm relationships lose that fizzle after the first few years. The love that you share better be for friendship. How many couples that have been together for years still feel like they are in the honeymoon phase. ( none ). They are the smart people, that know that that phase ends and that your love is more of a friendship. Some people feel they can rekindle it by breaking up and making up. Never works!! Just move forward and hope you find a smarter girl next time. Trust me you do not want to be with a honeymoon phaser, you will spend the rest of your life trying to please her. Link to comment
velvetapathy Posted September 1, 2007 Author Share Posted September 1, 2007 Sounds like your girlfriend is still pretty young I hope. Everyone knows that all longterm relationships lose that fizzle after the first few years. The love that you share better be for friendship. How many couples that have been together for years still feel like they are in the honeymoon phase. ( none ). They are the smart people, that know that that phase ends and that your love is more of a friendship. Some people feel they can rekindle it by breaking up and making up. Never works!! Just move forward and hope you find a smarter girl next time. Trust me you do not want to be with a honeymoon phaser, you will spend the rest of your life trying to please her. We are both 22 and have been together for 2 1/2 years.. This was my first long term relationship. Still pretty confused as to everything but with the help from ENA I have been doing much better... just now starting to get some of the clutter that has been accumulating around my house cleaned up. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 All i can tell you is that if the message is delivered to me I move on. It normally means something like can we be friends because i don't want you totally out of my life but i dont' love you or want a relationship with you. You don't want to settle for that. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 They are only 22 and should not settle anyway. It means she is not in love, simple. I loved my ex and when I met him fell madly in love, but it turned to love. Confortable love. I was 22 when I met him and after 11 yrs, we grew apart. There are some ppl that crave the high from the goo-goo ga-ga stages of love, when that goes away (and it ALWAYS does), they seek the next high. You're hurting now, but you'll see as u move on in life, you will realize she is not someone you would pick to be with as let's say a 30 or 40 yr old man. We change so much hence why I think marriage under 30 is not smart Link to comment
Stambler Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Plain and simple? It means "I want to beak up, but I'm extreemely selfish and don't want to feel guilty, so I'll throw in the bit about still loving you.." It's nothing but selfishness, anyway you slice it... Link to comment
LBP Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Marriage under 30 isn't smart? People have been getting married under the age of thirty for thousands of years... Link to comment
StartinFreshBaby Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 It means that all of the chemistry that she once felt is now gone. You should be thankful that she was upfront with you because she could have kept stringing you along and found someone new to cheat with, then you really would have been hurt. Try to remember that everything happens for a reason. As far as if you can get it back, Why would you want to? How can you be with someone who doesn't love you the same or more? I think you should just go out w/ the guys and have fun. DON'T LOOK FOR A NEW GIRL because the best ones come along when you least expect it. Good luck. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Marriage under 30 isn't smart? People have been getting married under the age of thirty for thousands of years... Yeah and the divorce rate is over 50%, and that doesn't include ppl staying together b/c they are too afraid to leave. People change too much from their 20's to their 30's. Everyone i know that was married in their 20's are not divorced. My point, live a little, get to know yourself then pick a marriage partner. Chances are, the marriage will last. People just change way too much Link to comment
Coyote9 Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 Yeah and the divorce rate is over 50%, and that doesn't include ppl staying together b/c they are too afraid to leave. People change too much from their 20's to their 30's. Everyone i know that was married in their 20's are not divorced. My point, live a little, get to know yourself then pick a marriage partner. Chances are, the marriage will last. People just change way too much That would certainly be me....married at 21, divorced at 34. Interestingly enough, my divorce was much more amicable than several of the intense relationships I've had since, I think mainly because there was a context to the breakup rather than one day one person simply up and leaving as has been the case on other occasions with other ex's. Link to comment
iminpain Posted September 2, 2007 Share Posted September 2, 2007 "I love you but i am not in love with you"-so i was told this from my ex right before she broke up with me and I am still confused as hell as to what it means. I have searched through these forums and googled it and other similar phrases and the most I can come up with is they still care about you but all romantic feelings are gone for some reason or another.What is everyone else's thoughts. I love you but I'm not in love with you means: I love you as long as you're not in my space. Link to comment
fivespot Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 It means she values you, but no longer wants a relationship with you, nor does she look at you and see you as a boyfriend. As others have said, it's complete and utter bullsh*t to have to hear this, but at least you're hearing it. Instead, she could have told you she wanted a break, then dragged you through the dirt for a few months, constantly telling you one thing, like she loves you, then doing another like dating other guys. Like I said, for as sh*tty as it is to hear this, be thankful she's being up front about it. It's your red flag. And you don't have to stay friends with her. Any dumper that wants to stay friends with a dumpee is what most others have said...feelings of guilt and EXTREME SELFISHNESS. She can have her cake and eat it too? Get bent...that's what I'd tell her (and that's what I have told the ex when she pulled that crap on me). I'd rather never see her again than have to live through the pain of hearing stories about her new boyfriend because I'm still her "friend." F*ck that! Link to comment
alwaysthegirlfriend Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 I think it's a load of crap. I think they say they love and care about you as a friend but aren't in love with you that they want to be in a relationship with you. I think that people need to stop using this line and tell people straight out. No more down playing. People should just say... "Hey look I'm not in love with you and don't want to be with you anymore" it's not that hard to tel the truth. (sorry i'm in my angry tone) Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 sometimes it is an inexplicable loss of feelings on one side of the relationship. The first time my ex broke up with me, he said he lost his feelings for me. That scared the crap out of me. I am afraid of relationships and of having someone I love tell me those words. Link to comment
velvetapathy Posted September 7, 2007 Author Share Posted September 7, 2007 thanks to everyone who answered, This was my first major relationship and the breakup really hit me hard... I am starting to think that I am way to analytical sometimes and I really should just let go as there is very little hope of her ever coming back Link to comment
eleanorrigby1 Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 ... I am starting to think that I am way to analytical sometimes and I really should just let go as there is very little hope of her ever coming back Whether this is true or not you should behave as such, I know it sounds awful but having hope at a time like this only causes more hurt. When I first had my heartbroken the guy said that he cared about me a lot, that he loved me but wasnt 'inlove' with me, that he wanted to stay friends because he liked spending time with me blah blah. I never saw him from that day to this. When I cried to people they would say "he'll be sorry" or "he'll be back! begging for you back, he will realise what he lost!" When someone finally gets the courage to dump you, its because they don't want you anymore and when people say these things to you and make you analyse everything that was said during the breakup conversation, they don't help!! I sat for weeks by the window, waiting for him to turn up with flowers declaring his undying love, saying how he had missed me and wanted me back. Each week that passed that he didnt turn up felt like being dumped all over again. That was four years ago and I have never seen him since. This was your first big heartbreak, your first big love and it will hurt like hell, we know, but it will pass and one day you will love someone else. Don't analyse what went wrong, what she said or hope for her to come back. It ended, the end. Next chapter... xx Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Did you ever try to call him or get in touch with him to find out what happened to have it end this way? Or you just let it go? Link to comment
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