Differences in cheating whilst married/or dating

[mariab.]

My question is whether people might try to stick it out when married as oppsosed to just being someone's boyfriend/girlfriend. It seems that you have more to lose in marriage than dating, yet alot of the threads are about people that are in boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. I guess when you get married you are making a vow to bw with that person while when you are dating there might be commitment but not the same. So why should people that are dating cheat? why not just break-up? Weakness? Lack of self-esteem? A desire to get caught? Any feedback?

[Bankers24]

They want their cake but want to eat it to!! I was married when I was cheated on...I filed for divorce the day after I found out. So...for me...it doesn't matter if you are dating or married I am leaving if he cheats!

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

its all on the same level too me............all the same

 

wife and me got kids and she cheat, we need a divorce

 

cheating is one thing i cannot stand, its immoral, its blasphemy, untrustworth, scum, the lowest thing you can doo to a person, its a transgression that will live in infamey and when i see you i see a walking abomination, its dispicable

 

women cheat mainly for attention their man isent givin em

men do it cz the other woman was hot

 

thats a basis on it

[RayKay]

Well, often it is because divorce is a lot harder process, many times there may be children involved. Many too feel a great disappointment in themselves if they get divorced, based on the promises and beliefs they had when they got married.

 

I know plenty of both married and unmarried people whom cheated, some whom stayed together, many more whom went their separate ways.

 

I think people whom cheat even if not married do it for the same reasons those married don't get divorced though ultimately - they are not thinking of their partner/their commitment, the consequences and want to keep the "options" there.

 

Either way, married or not, for me cheating is a dealbreaker.

[mariab.]

Mmm..good points. I can see why married people might cheat and stay together, that feeling of no way out: kids, mortgage, divorce, alimony.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

Mmm..good points. I can see why married people might cheat and stay together, that feeling of no way out: kids, mortgage, divorce, alimony.

 

i'll lay on the streets butt naked and let the sky be my roof be4 i stay in a marraige with a cheater

[russ978]

My question is whether people might try to stick it out when married as oppsosed to just being someone's boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

My thoughts are something like this.

 

In today's society, people seem to date only one person at a time more often than dating around as people used to in the past. If one cheats while in a dating relationship and moves on to the new person, I wouldn't consider it to be horrificly bad. If one cheated while in a relationship and just kept sleeping around while maintaining a 'relationship' with another, its horrible.

 

If you get married, you make a vow to spend the rest of your life with someone. I know I couldn't break that vow and cheat while married and on those same lines, I'd have trouble breaking that vow even if the other person cheated. Personally, if I was in a marriage and my spouse cheated on a single occasion, I might be able to forgive it. If it happened multiple times, it would be absolutly unforgivable.

 

Basically, relationships are nowhere as close to as serious as relationships in the stereotypical way.

[mariab.]

i'll lay on the streets butt naked and let the sky be my roof be4 i stay in a marraige with a cheater

 

You mean your rolls!

[macgyver4ever]

Cheating hurts no matter if it is a marriage or just dating. It's immoral either way, but more immoral (if there was a scale of immorality) during marriage. To the people cheating, I guess they feel it is more acceptable to leave for someone else before marriage, but if you are in a committed relationship, there should be no looking around.

 

In my case we were just dating, but the first time she cheated (kissed my roommate while drunk) it was the night before I was taking her to pick out a ring. Even after that, the weekend before she asked to take a break she was gushing about our life together, our kids, and how happy we would be. It was very close to a marriage, and if it wasn't for the other guy, we would be married. I know I shouldn't blame him, but he knew about us, saw trouble, and stirred the pot. Even after she told him NO, he kept pushing, until it broke.

 

Cheating is bad. It hurts a lot of people, in ways you will hardly understand.

[miracle29]

its all on the same level too me............all the same

 

wife and me got kids and she cheat, we need a divorce

 

cheating is one thing i cannot stand, its immoral, its blasphemy, untrustworth, scum, the lowest thing you can doo to a person, its a transgression that will live in infamey and when i see you i see a walking abomination, its dispicable

 

women cheat mainly for attention their man isent givin em

men do it cz the other woman was hot

 

thats a basis on it

 

 

Cheating is wrong, however there are MUCH worse things a peson can do. I promise. I watched my Mother put up with 29 years of Verbal, Mental, Emotional abuse. I bet she wishes he would have cheated, found someone new and left her be!

 

 

 

I DO however agree with you that men and women usually (not always) but usually don't cheat for the same reasons.

I also notice most MEN get caught...and many women do not.

[miracle29]

Mmm..good points. I can see why married people might cheat and stay together, that feeling of no way out: kids, mortgage, divorce, alimony.

 

 

 

Once a person has children..the game TOTALLY CHANGES.

 

It has to be much easier to leave a situation without kids. I have a friend who has NEVER cheated, but wants to leave her husband badly. They have one child. He is totally un affectionate and she is getting tired of it. She wants out but due to his connections...she is afraid he'll take her child from her. So yes..Children..change things.

[servedcold]

In today's society, people seem to date only one person at a time more often than dating around as people used to in the past.

 

By most definitions of dating, people do much more casual dating before marriage these days than in the past, when dating was considered courtship and a prelude to marriage rather than something in and of itself.

 

With respect to cheating in a relationship, sure the cheating doesn't rise to ten commandment status, but it is still a horrible act to profess love and commitment to someone and then break that promise. Though it's not a marriage vow, it's a promise nonetheless. Then there's being lied to, which is as bad as the cheating itself for many people in a relationship. Being lied to is always a bad thing, much worse though when lied to by someone who professes love.

 

EDIT: Our social culture is plagued with selfishness and emotional dysfunction today where people line up the next relationship in a dishonest fashion before ending their current involvement, this may be the most common cause of posters' presense in the breakup areas of ENA. This is truly despicable behavior that wasn't socially tolerated in past decades, now no one cares about what others do as long as they are getting what they want when they want it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

most people make the false assumption that people cheat because they are disatisfied with their partner (whether married or not). that is usually not the case.

 

people who cheat do so because they are selfish and want the benefits of being in a one on one relationship, but the variety and excitement that cheating can bring. they are frequently perfectly happy with the partner, or just bored, and are selfish enough to cheat to satisfy a passing fancy, or to get even with their partner, or build their own ego, or any number of reasons that have nothing to do with wanting to break up with their partner.

 

the important point being that most unselfish people WOULD leave a relationship before they cheat, because they don't want to betray someone that once meant something to them, even if they have now decided that partner is not right for them. it is hard to break up, but even worse if there is the betrayal of cheating heaped on the emotional load of a breakup.

 

so that is why there is cheating, married or not... being married is more complicated legally to dissolve in the event of cheating, but cheating in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is just as common, becuase it is based on the individual who is cheating being selfish and dishonest. that doesn't relate or married or not, but to the character of the person cheating.