liberation

After 2 years of much trouble and pain we are still friends. The trip abroad was teribble. Out of a whole week, only one of the days that we spent together was a happy one. The trip was filled with her parents splitting up, her brother fighting with everyone in sight, and a bigger gap appearing between us. I didnt speak to her for months after the trip. Six months down the line the bastard boyfirend eventually left. After many more relationships she eventually found her match and is now due to get married. It took me nearly two years to get over her comletely. The first relationship that your ex gets into is always the worst for you. No matter who the guy is you WILL ALWAYS HATE HIM!! it gets easier and easier after that. It is also a tough one for her new men to understand that she is just "still friends" with an ex. That is why i try and stay away as much as i can. The moral of the story is, if your ex finds a new guy. Leave it, stay away and start again. Remaining friends with an ex and watching her live a new life with another man is just pure Torcher. Dont do it, its heart renching stuff. But if you have a heart of stone that cannot be broken and you are willing to go through the pain, at the end you will have a friend that knows you and will understand you better then anyone. To be honest i wouldnt have gone through the pian that i did, and next time i will just leave it. Dont waist time on something you cannot fix. Move on, move ahead and work on things that do work. FIND SOMEONE ELSE!!!

Thanks for all the advice so far, you all have been great. Recently my ex broke up with her boyfriend. They had planned a holiday this week, but since the break this didn't happen. So feeling down and having nothing to do for nine days, I recommended that weekend away would be a good idea. So we decided to book one as soon as possible The room comes, with a double sofa bed and one single room. It seems apparent that two people have to share the sofa. She refuses to sleep with her friend so it looks like we will be sleeping together!! I have spoken to her about it and she said we will have to see when we get there. we have shared beds in the past but that was when we were together. I am just worried that if this thing happens its going to tease me so much, the girl of my dreams, lying naked next to me, and i cant do anything about it!! talk about look but don't touch!!! Ok, last night I took my ex and her friend to a local pub and they both got very drunk. We met a group of foreigners that worked in the local hotel, they where Swiss and very friendly and we all got chatting and had a great night. I felt extremely jealous when a guy from the group gave her his number, my blood boiled but I took a deep breath and said to myself that i needed to cope and get use to this, because one I'm only her friend and two she needs to have fun to completely get over the last idiot she went out with, and three this is nothing compared to the cattle market we are going to at the weekend!! So I shrugged it off and tried to think nothing of it. After the pub she mentioned that the guy she just met would probably just use her and she didn't want that. She's looking for someone to really love her, care for her, to bring her up when she was down etc. I wanted to say right there, right then that I could do all of those things she wanted!! But I had to bite my tongue, as only last week she asked if we were just friends. I told her that I did still care for her, but at this point in time she needed a friend and thats what is was going to be. However being drunk and chatting away after the pub, she slipped up saying that I was fit and suddenly became quite embarrassed, and changed the subject very quickly!! I see her every day now after the split with her ex. She rings me, I ring her, I'm crazy about her. But I don't know if she would want to go back with me, I'm so tempted to make a move this weekend, because I cant stop the feelings I've got, they are so strong, all I can thing about is her!!! The only thing that is holding me back is the fact that she has only just split up with the love of her life. She has said that she isn't going back there, and I believe her, before she was always confused and wouldn't speak about him or the reason for the past break ups. Then a few days ago was the first time she told me everything, what he did, how he did, and how much he ****ed her head up. There is so many thoughts and ideas going through my head. Should I pull a girl in front of her to spark any hidden feelings there? Wait, pull no one on holiday and just concentrate on making her laugh and flirt with her to show she is special and see if I can win her round? or just be that good old friend, sit back watch her have the fun and just be patient showing that I will always be here, and that I'm the caring, looking out for, great fun guy she really needs? Please give us some advice, its driving me insane, and I am only just 3 days away from what may be the worst weekend of my life or possibly the greatest!!!!

Thanks for the advice so far, its been a great help, but since you asked some questions about the past i'm gona give you some background on the whole situation. The reason for the break-up was due to her just gone boyfriend. He was her best friend. It seemed that when I started the relationship, I interrupted them coming together. She has no friends and being with him gave her that. She loved being with him and his group of mates, they where the same age. The problem also was that she found it hard to talk/meet with my friends due to the age difference and the fact that she is a very shy girl. I don't think that this relationship with him may be totally over, as they've had small breaks in the past and there relationship has always been rocky since they dated. Also he broke up with her so that means she is hurting and waiting for him to ask her back, but he told her that he needs time. She told me that she couldn't hold on for him to make up his mind and said that is was over, (weather she can be that strong is a different matter as she has no friends and feels extremely lonely at the moment as her mum and dad are on the verge of a break-up too!!) today, I saw her talking to his friends, I could see she missed them and the group she once had. On the weekend I took her to a local bar, with the only other mate she's got. Her mate is a big girl and is quite lively, so I thought this would be excellent for her to get out, meet some new people and have a dance and a drink. The night was quite hard for me as she met a guy there she knows and said she liked him. I felt extremely jealous but smiled and said, "good for you, go for it!" because at the end of the day, I am her ex and she is looking fir some at the moment to take her mind off of things, being a new group of mates or a new man. However he didn't make a move that night and she was sad that nothing happened. I decide to leave her alone when they were together and enjoyed the night. When the bar was going to close I noticed her sitting alone, she was crying, I asked her why, she said that no-one fancied her, no-one wanted to talk to her and that her mate was fat and she had men chatting to her all night, she was not having the same problem that she was. I told her she was beautiful and that I wouldn't ever go out with a stupid, sad ugly girl ever. Imaged to cheer her up eventually and she smiled all the way to the end, till I dropped her off that evening. She even rang me the next day and I went to see her. We decided that we were going to do a project together involving building a car (she's into cars big time!!) and this made her allot happier, and I felt that this something could maybe keep her mind off things and bring us together.) I feel that sometimes she wants me around but other times that she doesn't, for example today. I asked her if she was free this week, she replied that she wasn't, she was working every night, I then replied "that's a shame because my friend is running the night tomorrow" she then said, oh me and this guy from work are going to play pool tomorrow, maybe we could come after that. Should I still try to see her and hang about with her as much as I can or give her some space and not call/see her as much let her come to me, or give up completely?

So you think i should take things slow. I haven't felt like this about her in a long time. I cant stop thinking about her!!! The biggest problem is that I'm scared she will get back with her ex or someone else and i will be pushed away again, it seems that I've got a new change to sort things out and show here what a good time she will have with me. So you think i should just act the good friend and hide my feelings? I turned up at her work yesterday night to find a guy talking to her, he's always there when i arrive to see her. I joked the other day about if he would be better for her then her ex. She said "no way, he's a nice guy but i wouldn't go there" Jesus I'm already jealous about her and I'm not with her!! The thing is that when she does commit to a relationship she is 100% trust worthy, I know, I've seen it from both sides, so i guess I'm just worried that she may find someone else, i.e. this other guy, and I will miss my chance....

A few days ago my ex split with her boyfriend. I have been friends with her since we broke up last year. I havnt seen her as much as i used to because she works 6 days a week and her ex hated her seeing me (although he was best friends with her when i was going out, and i didnt mind!!) Since she has split up with him i have seen her nearly every day, for a bit here and there. My heart is still there, i still love her so much. We are getting on better then before, i kiss her goodbye but i really want more... Should i just hang back, give her support and hope she see's that im still the man she fell in love with 2 years ago and just hope she wants me back? Or confess my true feelings foe her now and make a move while she is single and the irons hot?

I have a situation thats also the same. I dated my ex for nearly two years but was always pagued by her ex boyfriend/bestfriend. We did love each other and things were really cool. However when we split (she did it) i managed to get a new girl. I kept in touch with her and stayed friends. However that ended only after 3 months. I still had very strong feelings for my ex. It killed me to find out that she is now dating her old bestfriend. I had the choice to run or stay. I found that staying friends with her was the best thing that i have ever done. You should still hang out with her. You will see a new side to her also, as i have done with my ex, beacuse you will be friends you can show her you very true side (you know the one i mean, talking about girls etc which you could never do before!!). It is very hard seeing and hearing about her new man, do avoid meeting her when he is around, and try to avoid the subject of him as it will only kill you hearing about things. You never know, maybe she may see what she has lost and learn that you are really the true man she needs, because you are still there looking after her. Put it this way, you were her first true love, the same was with me, and it would be best for her to try new pastures beacuse of this, she needs to grow into a full woman. It shows how nice a person she is for 1, splitting with you before she cheated, as this shows she really does care about you. 2 she obviously still cares about you as she still wants you around. The route that i am taking is that one day she will get the "seeing new guys" out of her system, and she will break from the current guy she is with, if i dont find a new girl by the time that happens im sure we will get back together agian as i know we are soul mates, i am very close to her, even closer to her then her new bf, who she has known longer than me!!. Plus the bonus is, you now have a really good female friend who you can totaly trust in and who will give you help and be there for you when you need it. Good luck. Liberation. "DoNt Stop Till Ya DrOp"

Well i went on holiday with her for a week. It was very difficult, we argued on the 2nd day beacuse i told her about stuff as my feelings were gona burst out of my skin. She didnt like it and said that she thought we had gone over this already, that I am just a friend and she is going out with her new bf who she loves. She said that i had to stop using the term "we" as there was no "we" to stop kissing and hugging her, to stop all touching. However some days she would hold my hand, be fine with me hugging her and even allowed me to do a foot massage which we both new was very sensual, she loved it, it was clear. I even caught her looking at me on several occasions when we slept (in separate beds) But every time she recived a txt message from her bf she would slip into b.i.t.c.h mode, but then things were cool again. One night we had a really deep chat, it was about 2 hours long. She admintted to me that i was great but because i didnt do the things she does now (like smoke dope etc) she found it difficult. Shes 19 and im 25. Thats the problem i think, its the age, ive done all that stuff and her going out with this new bf has made her mentally younger again (as hes the same age) but yet she wants to do older things like go to clubs, eat in fancy restuarants, live the high life which i can provide. Maybe i should just keep as friends and give her time, she may come round. I know most people would say, tell her to off and find a better girl. But i cant, this girl i really do love. I have had relasionships before but this one really has caught my heart. I cant stop thinking about her. I know she needs me. I dont know weather to say its all or nothing or to just go along with it, but is it worth the pain??

Nearly 4 months ago i split up with my friend. We lived together for 2 years. Problems were caused as her best mate was in love with her and wanted to be with her. Eventually we split, and 2 months down the line they went out. They are going strong at the moment but she tells me that she isnt 100% on him. I love her to death, i cant stop thinking about her. She is spending christmas eve with me, coming round my mums and dads house to have christmas dinner, and spending the whole of christmas with me. She is also spending the whole of new years eve/day with me 2. And also to top things off, i am going on holiday with her and her family for a week in january. Now i cant understand how she must just think that we are still only friends and how she can do that to her current boyfriend. I mean i would hate an ex going on holiday for a week with my girl? also to spend christmas and new year with them!! hes only staying at her house on christmas eve when she finishes the evening with me! Is she just in denial that she is in love with me still? and cant let me go? Give us some advice people it driving me mad.

Go for it, the basis of a strong relationship is friends, ive always lernt that. If you start with just sex it can come to a horrid end as when the lust wares off, there is nothing. But it sounds to me that you have a very firm ground to start a relationship. Kiss her when it feels right, other wise, she could drift, maybe shes waiting for you to make a move??

Well the thing is, ive just met with my ex, and asked her about wot happened, she said take one day at a time... wtf does that mean? is she leaving her options open? Plus the girl who i was with, has only texted me, she split with me, and is in a position where she cant think things through at the moment, as she is working all the time. This is apparently gona change in november, but can i wait that long? There is also a big problem with her being best friends with my best friend ex. He would hate me going back out with her as there is a link to his ex. I know my ex liked the weekened, i asked her and she said she did. She knows that i could have a chance with this other girl. But im gona go for my ex, there has been some massive changes, (the ones that split us up have gone, (she used to be best friends with her ex boyfriend, and he kept trying to get her back, but eventually ***ed the whole thing up!!) so now maybe theres a change of bliss, however i will hang back and see, if things go well or not, maybe i should take her advice and just take one day at a time......

Ok, i split with my girl who i had been seeing for 4 months. We split beacUse she was too stressed at work. Anyway, my old ex (the one before my last girl) was and still is a very good friend, she has been very supportive. Anyway at the weekend she came out, we were up the club and well, we snogged. Anyway we had a great night, she came back to a party with me and we kissed and kissed, slipped away from everyone and really talked about each other and how we felt. I told her i loved her, and she said the same, but was it the drink'n drugs talking? Still, yesterday i spoke to her on the phone, and asked her about us, she said she didnt know... i really enjoyed the night and loved kissing her again, i got so turned on!! But, i get a text from the girl i saw for 4 months asking how i was, im now worrying if she may want something again, well, if she does i defently want to go back with her as situation split us, nothing else, and this girl was the start of a new life for me..... but then i have my ex who i really still like, she is living real close to me, but she dosent know wot she wants, grrr, god, why are things so complicated??? Should i ask her about the weekend? or not, should i just see what happens? should i make a move on her, or leave it and wait to she how she feels and wait till she tells me? or not act and see if the other girl wants to start seeing me more (im sorry if this is confusing!!)

I didnt tell her, i was afraid she would run... maybe i should, but we have now split, she says that it is her work. She is too streesed at the moment, and a relationship is something she cannot do. God, im heart broken. How could i feel this bad when i have only known her for four months? She said when things have sorted themselves out, then maybe we can try again. I dont know wot to do, its killed me. Should i stay friends and keep contact, or forget about her forever, she is the first person who i really connected with. I think she really does care, she kept stressing it, that we did work, but with her current situation and her working six days a week, ontop of her maybe having to move into a new house soon, (as the current one she lives in is on the market) she may have to move at any time, plus she said "the stress and strains was making her a different person". Im just angry that for once things where working out, and life the bitch that it is, comes and stings me in the arse! still, maybe there is hope.......

I have been dating this girl for nearly 3 months now. We are getting on so well, and havn't argued once. I met here through my best friends girl firend. She is best friends with her, they are very very close. The first problem is that 2 weeks ago her best mate and my best mate split from a 5year relationship. I got worried and thought it could have an effect on us, though i dont think it has. Since then we still get on really well. she works very hard. 6 days a week, She also lives some distance away from me. We get to see each other at least once a week. but im worried that this could affect us if we wanted things to get more seroius. I cant drive so this makes thing harder. Im also started to get stronger feelings for her, i sent her a txt telling her she ment alot to me. I had a good reply but i dont want to tell her the true side of my feelings incase this scares her away. I dont want to suffocate her, but i would like to see more of her. MAybe i should get my licence and wait till then to start seeing more of her. Do i tell her about my true feelings? tell her i would like to see her more? or keep cool, hangback and wait till i get my licence or for her job to change. She says she may be geeting alot of holiday at the end of the year, or a new job as she wants her weekends back.

Thanks for the advice. Im still confused in what to say though, i dont want here to get parinod about her, and get her thinking that anything could, or would happen. I must admit i made an advance on my ex a week into seeing my new girl, but my ex was disgusted by it and made it clear that its always going to be a no go area. I however know now that it was a stupid move. And like i said my girlfriend is very special to me now. So ive decided im going to tell her tomorrow about us, but how? when, and what do i say? should i say that i am going to keep in contact with my ex and we are going to stay friends? maybe get them to meet each other? or what? should i just tell her and then not mention when i see her? My ex is close to me as she has no-one, all her friends have gone, and the only friend she has is me, so i cant just leave her, but i do need to move on, and this new girlfriend is the way forward. I just dont want to drop my ex like a lead weight and go through the pain process of trying to loose a really good friend.

This is really playing with my head, 3 months ago i split with my ex, we both decided it wasnt working and parted. It was the easiest split up ive ever had. I meet a new girl exactly only a week later, and we are getting on like a house on fire. However a week after that my ex rings me up, she has lost all here friends and has no-one. So beeing a nice guy i kept in touch and kept her company over the next few weeks. We are getting on better then we ever did, even better then when we were going out!! I only get to see my new girl once a week, which is not a bad thing, but makes it really nice when i get to see her. I really do like my ex, but i know that the new girl in my life is for me. The big trouble is, i havnt told my new girl about her, and that i have actually seen my ex 4 days out of every 7 since i got with her. My ex knows all about my new girl, and she keeps telling me to tell her, but i am worried that i will loose my new girl. I am currently trying to get my ex setup with this guy she knows. Do i wait till then to tell my new girl, so that she feels ok that my ex has a new man, or tell her now? or just keep it quiet and hope for the best?