Vessa

How's this? "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Otherwise, you and your family have my deepest sympathies."

That's the expression that I want to get accross, but the word "condolences" scares me somewhat. It doesn't sound like a word I would use -- too formal, I guess. And yes, they're words. But words are very powerful -- which is why I don't want to choose the wrong ones.

Flowers might be a little much, and I don't know if I can afford them. (I'm a poor college student.) What do you think of, say, a picture of some sort? I'm an artist -- I could make her something. I'm sorry to hear that. I was thinking of sending a poem, but if you say it might make the pain worse, then I'll try to avoid that. I have a lot of respect for my professors, and this one is particularly nice. I just want to let her know that I understand how she's feeling and that I'm not some brainless desk-monkey taking notes.

Simple and quick is what I'm looking for. That might work. I was hoping for something with, "I hope you feel better" or something like that. Yes, it's a small class. She's getting to know us individually, learning our names, and so forth.

Hey everyone, My professor recently emailed us to say that the reason several of her classes were canceled was because her mother passed away a few days ago. I feel really horrible for her, and I would like to email her back with some kind words, but I'm having trouble finding them. I don't want to say anything that'll sound rude. Any suggestions?

Sounds like the kinds of dreams I might have. Personally, I don't rely on "interpret your dreams" books because I've had reoccurring dreams about volcanoes, but the description I've read has nothing to do with the meaning that I later figured out. (Turns out that I have volcano dreams when I'm REALLY stressed.) Try to think about how you've been feeling lately. What have you been thinking about recently? Has anything happened in your life? Any big events? Every time you have one of these dreams, think about those things. One or more of them could be the cause.

I understand that all adolescents have a rough time with life. However, let me assure you, I had no average adolescent experience. In my original post, when I mention nightmarish relationships and other problems, I'm not referring to the everyday highschool break up or scuffle between friends. I've never been an adolescent or teenager. I had to grow up when I was ten -- because that's when my life turned into a Hell-on-earth. I hate to be so ambiguous, and I wish I could fill you in more, but I feel that much information about my past is too touchy for me to divulge.

I've been working on this for quite some time now, and it's a lot easier to tell myself that it's okay to make mistakes. But I'm still working on it. Sometimes I get into truly nightmarish moods that I just can't break out of. *laughs to herself* I've had almost a decade of counseling -- that was how I managed to change my behavior so dramatically. I have a good therapist that I trust and talk to easily, but for various reasons (transportation and the like) I haven't been able to see her for the past several months. Generally, I act as my own therapist. While I've never had professional training of any kind, I have read and know more about psychology than I should. Every day I examine my feelings, beliefs, and problems so I can try to solve them. I don't think I could live my life if I didn't do this. Yes, I've done a lot of examining -- but there's a lot to examine. Recently I've come to the conclusion that a major reason I commit so many mistakes is because I have very little self trust. I've been looking into any helpful books or other materials on this subject. I AM very vulnerable and scared, but I also have a very stubborn determination to get through this. What else can do I?

My ex and I have rebounded .. more times than I care to count. Each time our relationship ended, I found that I missed her and wanted to get back together with her. So, within a month or so, we'd do that. But old problems would return and new ones would arise. As I said, we went through this several, several times. At this point, I have hardly a drop of motivation to restart a relationship. It has completely drained me -- the mere thought of going through it again literally makes my head hurt. I believe the reason I wanted to get back together with her (and still do, if only to a miniscule degree) is because I dearly miss how our relationship started out. It was some of the most wonderful months of my life -- but then it ended. We've both changed too much to ever regain that relationship, but being as great as it was, we'd do almost anything to have it back. I think your ex really misses his relationship with you. He might be trying to find it again in his new girlfriend. As for you, it is normal to feel that way. I'm there too. If you consider getting back to him, give yourself a nice LOOOONG time to think it over. Have a nice LOOONG talk about why he dumped you, and what you both want in the relationship if you choose to start it again. If you do get back together with him, don't expect the relationship to be the way it was before. It may or may not be, but if it isn't and you end up wishing it was, then that'll doom all of your efforts to sustain the relationship.

Hey everyone, *takes a deep breath* I've had this problem for such a long time, and although I've made progress with it, I'm hoping to get some advice that might help me along a little more. A majority of my past relationships have been disastrous, and I've had to deal with a lot in my short lifetime. (I'm only 19.) I used to be a real .. well.. something that rhymes with "witch." However, over the years (eight years) I've made so many improvements that some people who knew me from a long time ago almost don't recognize me. I still deal with all of my issues, but nowadays I handle them much better. But I feel a load of guilt now. I feel terrible about the ways I've treated people in the past, and the memories haunt me continuously. My family, good friends, and boyfriend (soulmate?), many of whom have known me through during my difficult years, continually tell me that I'm a good person and that I shouldn't give up. Sometimes I manage to convince myself of that, but most of the time I can't imagine it. I feel like a monster -- I'm terrified of hurting anyone else. The way I've been dealing with this is by preventing people from getting close to me or pushing them away. Doing this makes me feel like my soul is being crushed, but I do it because some part of me feels I absolutely should. *sighs again* So what should I do? How can I get over this horrible fear of hurting others? I need all of the support I can get, but I can't have that if I don't let people give it to me.

I understand how your friend is feeling. I've "e-stalked" my ex before, and I've had it done to me. I don't know any professional advice for this one -- it's a toughy. Here's what I think: Wanting to be with an ex is alright, but thinking of it compulsively (and acting on it) is not. Why does he want her back so badly? Maybe he has some insecurities that need to be worked out. He shouldn't be attached to his ex so much that he can't stand to live without her. Keep being a good friend to him, and if it comes down to it, maybe some professional counseling might help.

Loving yourself is one of the hardest things to achieve, and once you have it, it is a truly grand accomplishment. I think the reason that "all things seem to follow" has somewhat to do with psychology. As Carl Jung theorized -- we see our "shadows" in others. Our "shadow" contains the things about ourselves that we cannot admit to thinking or believing. You'll end up pointing these things out in others, when really you see them in yourself. For instance, if you find yourself looking down at people who dress or act a certain way, it's probably because you're ashamed of how you dress or act. Aside from that, just think about it. If you're always complaining about disliking yourself -- calling yourself "fat," "stupid," "ugly" -- what will your friends, family, and partners think? It may really upset them to hear you saying such things. I see a major change in myself during those moments when I truly love who I am. Suddenly, everyone seems friendlier and happier. I think a lot of people doubt that self-love exists because they've never had a taste of it. Sometimes I still doubt it .. but some part of me encourages me to keep trying.