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I wish, I could say you were right Caro. But, you aren't. In comparison to many, my wisdom, my knowledge, and my experience are much much much more vast than that of anyone in my own age group. I don't say it in a gloating manner, because I hate it. But, I cannot run away from it either, I know it is a part of me and I cannot lie and say it isn't. I have a very highly gifted amount of insight into things, situations, etc. I also have a high talent for nearly anything I do - though I have generally stayed away from the Arts. Examples of my raw talent - While learning graphic design, I surpassed my teachers within the first week on average. The longest one to surpass, the last one, took a month. These were and are highly gifted and skilled people, and were shocked when I passed them in an area that they have spent years on. I self tutored myself in the most complicated programming languages. No language took me over three months to fully master, aside from Assembler x86 (the nearest thing to machine code that there is, its what an Operating System runs on). I created applications... for a destructive cause initially, as a kid - I wanted to cheat the system on several famous games - naturally. I did so, surpassing everyone in the same field. There were several forums dedicated to the pursuit of hacking or cheating whatever game it was that I was looking for, needless to say - I rose to the top in short adue. I became interested in business, solely for the money that I can obtain through the field of business in order to enrich my life and that of my future spouse if there would be one. Currently, I am studying with top marks and have gone far above and beyond the rest of my peers. That, my friend, is indeed an enormous amount of raw talent and skill. Before applying it to computers, I applied it to philosophy which is where I gather my "great wisdom" from. Sure. I sound like I know it all, or atleast you think I'm attempting to sound as such. Trust me, I don't know it all, I don't want to know it all, I just want a nice simple life. That is something I was not allowed to have, since the time of my birth.

The following are to andrew and gfein. I will post replies to the rest now. Find something that IS worth living for. You think I haven't? Do you honestly, possibly, in any part of your mind think that I would, for a minute, consider the aspects of suicide and removing my existence, if there were, by some chance, a shimmer of hope? Nay, my friend. I've searched tirelessly for eight long years - the span of my memory, for all memories before that were savagely wiped away - and there is no answer, there is Nothing I can find that is worth living for. Yes, I found something, one time, not too long ago, but... it blew up in my face. The pain it caused will burn through me like the burn of a fire made scar that never dies down. I am not going to chance that, again. Yeh - being bored totally sucks. Find something that DOES have meaning to you. There's GOTTA be something!!. Your saying the same thing here as you did to the first thing. Tomorrow might not be as bad and tomorrow - you could change the world... I didn't ask to save the world, or change it, did I? I don't care if my life affects it in any way - positive or negative. I could careless if the entire world followed behind me and left this plane of existence - if they want to, why not - eh? Maybe you could tell us a little more about why you feel you have nothing to live for?. Why do I have nothing to live for? Well, lets begin with a question shall we? People live life in the prospect of finding fun, enjoyment, and happiness in whatever crude forms they can carve. However, for someone that does not experience any of those three purposes of life and never will, knowingly - is there honestly a purpose to life? What then is a greater sin (or "wrong" if you prefer that word) - to live life simply peddling away time, being consumed by the political workforce machine and obeying and serving dutifully, without any reason or purpose and with no meaningful compensation OR suicide? Whats really worse - planning and choosing your death when you know you have no more to gain, or waiting for it to happen idly, hopping for the day it will relieve you? So, I will give you your answer to that question while you are mauling over the philosophical merits and complexities of the situation described above. At this day, I am less than a month away from my 18th birthday. I remember my life in fragments from the age of 10 and on - though of course I remember the more recent years more clearly. Before the age of 10, my memory is merely distant dreams, things I think were and might have happened. Since the age of 10, I have gone from one chronic depression to another, endlessly. I haven not had fun - I never even had the opportunity to understand the meaning of the word. I am analytical, overly, and strongly in touch with mathematical and scientific roots; furthermore, I am deeply philosophical and mature - according to several councilors, I handle matters "with the experience and wisdom of someone in his middle ages (50, it was implied in another sentence)". By the time everyone else begins an activity and is having fun, I have already dissected the entire situation in the current location in an highly elaborate fashion and decided that there is nothing of interest here - just a cataclysmic bore. You see, even if I do something - say ride a roller coaster - I still do not have fun, mainly do to my analysis of the situation. Now, where it Really gets fun - I tried to cure myself by falling in love, only to have my love backfire in my face 15months into the relationship. Fierce words were said and bonds were brutally demolished. I will never forget the pain and agony that I felt for over a month straight, day after day. It burned me, and burns me as I think of it - It is a scar, that I cannot heal. In all my infinite wisdom, I am helpless. Now, I am back into my previous state, only at a highly speeded rate (though it did go on pause while we were in love with each other, I felt good for once, but hey - thats not the kind of life i was made for). So there, you have it. Enjoy - the reason why I hate myself. Some call my analyzation a gift, a remarkable trait that should not go wasted. Ironic, isn't it for I would gladly give this burden, this curse, to anyone that wished it. Cheesy?? OK. But so is the permanent solution your offering to all of the above stated temporary problems... - A permanent solution to a temporary problem. Its a catch phrase on these forums, sure, but theres a lot of downfalls to it - it is a saying that is inspirational without substance.

What the hell is the point in living, when you have nothing to live for? What the hell is the point in living, when everything bores you? What the Hell is the point in living, when everything blows up in your face and you become a failure or a public mockery? I challenge someone, anyone, to tell me what the hell the point in living is amongst the situations illustrated above. If your thinking "is he just wondering" or "is he really thinking about doing it" or "he's probably bluffing, just wants attention". Well, NO. All of those assumtions are Wrong. I'm not just wondering, I'm not bluffing, I'm not just wondering. You might ask, then why the hell am I posting here and why don't I just go out and do it, if I was so serious about it, something along those lines, yeah? The Answer is simple, for now, for these next couple months, I'm just peddling away time until I get out of public school - but then, it's on. So, if you read all that, and think your some smart guy with an answer for everything - like me, well then try me! See if you can give me something I can't refute.

Well, things don't look to promising, but I am still hoping for the best. Wish my luck.

Thanks a lot Caro33, I haven't been there but I'll keep that in mind should something ever arise =). I'm glad you've changed your opinion and hope a pleasant future for me and my love ^_^.

Thank you very much. I have been doing some of these things and have plans on doing some of the others. Its good to know that others agree with what I am doing to try and alleviate the situation. I know it has raised trust issues inside of her, but I think to a degree she does trust me once again, if not more - in some aspects. Today we had a speaker from DeVry university come in and speak with us, most of the guys think she's hot, etc. I told her she doesn't have to worry about me ogling the lady and she told me that she knows. I told her over MSN because it is one of our main forms of communication. I cannot meet her at her house at most times and the female gender is banned from my house. Communication is limited to school and MSN, and I felt this to important to talk about in the public - it would make her feel extremly uneasy and if she broke down it would make it worse being that its in public. I know saying it over MSN sucks, I hated it, I wish I could have told her IRL, but that wasn't an option for me. And I think I could have probably allieveated things a Lot more from the beginning if I had an opportunity to tell her in person. Luckily, we are seniors so in the future we will not have to have important discussions over the internet.

Yikes! Sounds scary to me Especially since I have a lot of traditional values. Ahem, er... people generally regard being circumcised as a good thing, why do you consider it otherwise?

I wish I had thought it out, or even posted asking for advise on whether or not I should tell her. Your post and your statements are good, but can also invite a barrier in the relationship. Being that it is and was a serious relationship, I have never lied to her outside of a joke and I told her anything that had relevancy to the relationship. I was brought up with the thought that it is better to hear something first hand with an apology than to find out latter. Yes, it would be near impossible for her to find out latter if I chose to never tell her - but I didn't and don't feel comfortable keeping something from her, I haven't before and never thought doing so would bring such destructive force. I would prefer it if we remain on the topic that I posted rather than question my maturity for a decision I made and cannot take back, because I would. My mental maturity has been rated, by councilors and other professionals, to be much higher than that of my age group. My sense of morals was high, and this in itself was a moral decision to me in that I felt it wrong and immoral to with-hold information about our relationship from her. While I did expect a certain amount of grief, I never calculated anything on the level that she brought it to. I felt at the time, it would be a noble sacrifice to keep a completely honest and open relationship with her. If only the grief I calculated or less had occurred, I would have been able to stabilize things in a moderate amount of time without a high amount of pain on either end. At the catastrophic level that the situation has risen to, I am nearly helpless - or at least feel that way - hence the reason why I am posting and asking for external advise. I thank you for the time you put into your reply and the sincerity and honesty within it. I will do my best to remember it in the future, however, it is a preventive measure - at the moment I am looking for help in fixing a problem that has already occurred. Once again, I thank you and hope you may be able to offer advise that is relevant to my current situation. Quick Note: I know such an issue, in any form will never rise again. I had never expected it to arise in the first place and snipped it in the bud as soon as I could. She is the love of my life, I never meant to hurt her and am ashamed that I did - but alas, time machines do not exist, I have to live with the situation and the crime I've committed and do my best to alleviate tensions that exist as a consequence of my crime. Ah, ok, thank you.

You can get STIs from giving/getting a blowjob, however, there is something that you said thats wrong... There are a Very few amount of STIs you can get or give from giving a blowjob. That being said, there still are some, and I've no clue about anyone else but outside of a committed relationship - I doubt Anybody would want to have that risk even if there was only One STI you could get from giving a blowjob. One STI is really all it takes to make life a living hell. Edit Dental dams are small, thin, square pieces of latex that are used for oral-vaginal or oral-anal sex. They get their name from their use in dental procedures. Dental dams help to reduce the transmission of STIs during oral sex by acting as a barrier to vaginal and anal secretions that contain bacteria and viruses. They come in a variety of sizes and flavors - so you can find a dam that satisfies your tastes. ^-- Thank you google ^_^ lol.

Heya there mike. I wasn't sure about the sensativity on some of your questions, so I PMed you the requested answers. Thanks for the advise, pineapple juice seems to be the popular vote!

Cyber refers to talking about performing sex. In this instance, it wasn't explicit, and the two minutes were mainly spent with foreplay. I'm not good at cyber at all and the girl was explicit or detailed - the furthest we got was to pulling one another's virtual clothes off before I began thinking clearly. One thing led to the next means that we were old pals and I was kind of shocked to see her. We began talking about stuff and how we have been, she had just come out of a relationship so thinking back on it, she was probably glad to cyber or at least almost cyber. No, unfortunately I did not think of the appropriateness of my actions, I was hardly thinking at all. I told my girlfriend because I don't like keeping secrets, no matter how big or little. Though when I did tell her initially, I exaggerated what had happened, hoping that maybe she would want me more - as at the time we were in what you could call a "down" period. Since then I talked to her more about it and gave her the un-exaggerated version. whats OP mean? Edit Kinda off-topic but, has anyone ever punched Through a stud and felt no pain? (A stud is a wooden 2" x 4" that is used to support the flimsy drywall)

As much as I. We both wanted to get married, I know I still do - I think she still does to...

I guess what I'm saying is that she loves me a little bit - a very small little bit. I'm doing all *I* can think of, and I would love some outside ideas. Possibly something I haven't thought of. There seems to be alot of people on here, alot with varied opinions on things. In general, I am a person with traditional values and a hopeless romantic, so to say. Anyways, I posted this because I've never dealt with something like this before so I don't know too much on how to handle it and its tearing me apart =/.

Whats RALPH? =S

-= { ANY AND ALL ADVISE IS WELCOME } =- Table of Contents [ 1 ] - Background Info: Caroline [ 2 ] - The Problem [ 3 ] - Aftermath [ 4 ] - Summary [ 5 ] - So What? [ 6 ] - Additional Information [ 1 ] - Background Info: Caroline I used to lock people (friends) out of my life. I had one friend and we never knew one another in real life, only online, but there was a bit of intimacy one could say. Though I never loved her, she never let me know her or remotely enough about her for any form of love to take place. She began having some issues, I thought about locking her out of my life so they couldn't affect me. I decided not to because it hurts when I lock people out. Her name is Caroline*. [ 2 ] - The Problem Recently, our relationship was going through some bar times. I saw Caroline get online (AIM) for the first time in like a year, so I decided hey why not - so I messaged her to find out how she's been. One thing led to the next, and me and her were beginning a Cyber. After realizing what was going on, and finally thinking about my girlfriend (about two minutes into the Cyber), I stopped the Cyber immediately and closed contact with Caroline. [ 3 ] - Aftermath I was feeling really guilty the next day and wouldn't hold or kiss my girlfriend because I wasn't sure whether she would want me to after finding out what I did. I told her later that night (on MSN). The next few days she was very cold. No hugging, nothing. After a week, she told me she's thinking of breaking up, told me that she didn't feel any love for me. I've been doing all I can for the past week to make it up to her, to cheer her up, and gain her forgiveness. She asked me to do 4 things, 1 was very easy, 1 was moderately easy, and 2 were extremly difficult. Nonetheless, I did what she asked of me and continue to do those things without question. [ 4 ] - Summary To her, I cheated on her. I don't like what I did but I don't like using that terminology either. She has opened up to me a little bit, and said she thinks she loves me a little. [ 5 ] - So what? Loosing her would be like loosing myself. I cannot bear to loose her. She saved my life once, I can never thank her enough. She has been the only thing that has kept me living, wanting to live. I want to marry her. [ 6 ] - Additional Information (+) I have been going out with the love of my life (her) for 14 and a half months now. (+) Both of us are Extremely possessive, protective, and jealous. While this May seem like something small to you (or maybe not), it isn't to her, I know that. I hurt her. (+) I've had some bad habits, but we've been able to get through them, same for her. (+) We are each others first love and I plan to keep it that way! * Caroline: A replacment name for an individual entity to maintain a level of animosity. -= { ANY AND ALL ADVISE IS WELCOME } =-

Yeah i think the feeling or thought that you are inside them (for awhile) is what turns guys on ALOT!! about swallowing.

Really makes you think about stuff...

Erm yeah, I am =/. I guess I will re-post them here as a Journal because apparently you can't post your myspace or anything. I'll probably PM you some questions I don't feel like talking about in the public scope =P. Thanks =D I'll try it!

I can generally control mine to a degree. Sometimes I wanna go quick, sometimes I wanna take my time - as DMX says, my guy goes when I tell em! If your man cums in a couple minutes - why not have him jerk off 5 minutes before having sex? He'll be sure to last 20-40 minutes then! image removed

That's odd. Ask him if there's pain, even though theres pleasure? Maybe your sitting to far up or down? I'm not really in a position to advise on sex, lol. Just trying to think of logical reasons =P. Edit Haha robowarrior, that's kinda true actually. If you enjoy sex, wouldn't you prefer there be a position where he doesn't "explode" so that you can have more pleasure? Never thought about that xD.

I know what you mean. I've tasted plenty of disgusting things, but never gaged. I went down on my gf once but it tasted Extremely acidic, maybe something was wrong but I didn't gag or anything.

I'm sorry for not replying everybody! I didn't expect to get so many replies, some that seem very helpful, so quickly! We are both inexperienced in sexual matters. I am her first and she is my first. So yes, she is inexperienced as am I. I'll attempt drinking a lot of water one time and another time I will drink a lot of juice that she likes. For the other questions: - I'm not sure exactly what it is she doesn't like. I know she said the pre-cum tasted salty and the cum was way to salty, she had to spit it out. - As for the smell and texture, I have no clue. Anyways, I hope some of these things will help =D. Thank you so much guys. I would really like it if someone would give me some comments on one of my other posts...

I had thought about suicide once. I was making plans, for several months. People say things aren't foolproof, only because they never insured that they were foolproof. I knew how to kill myself, without pain, without misery. One thing stopped me. I fell in love. I had always avoided relationships with girls before, but she got through to me - finally. She had tried for years, I'm glad that she finally got through. I let her through in a way, I opened up a path that she could walk - she diligently followed that path and came through to me. Maybe I was looking for a way out, maybe, I was hoping that there might be something worth living for after all. If so, then I was right. I've enjoyed the best 14 and a half months with her I have ever lived. I hurt her. I'll never be able to forgive myself. I wish I could take the hurt back, I wish I could change time. But I can't. No matter how good of a foolproof plan I make, I can't take anything back. Now, I hurt. I hurt more than I have ever hurt. Some days I wish I would just go back to my old plans, and end everything. I can't do that. Not now at least. That would break her to pieces. I can't bear to hurt her again. I hope my relationship will continue to survive. It has helped me to survive, I will do everything I can for it. Some of you seem rather insightful on relationships. I will be PMing some of you asking for advise. I hope you'll reply.

Hey, I'm kinda new to sex and everything so please be patient with me ^_^;;. Anyways, whenever my girlfriend gives me a blowjob, she says it tastes bad - makes her gag - and usually hurts her throat. Any advice on taste or anything else?