mysteryman22

well its been some time since I started this thread and things are a lot better. I have taken advice from those who gave it and it has helped. Little by little the sun is starting to shine again in my life. After re-reading this thread I can see how far I have moved on! Not saying that I will totally forget her, she will always be in my mind but as time is going by the feelings are residing. I know that a part of me will always love her to the day I day and would want to meet her for one time but I also know that she will still be with him and more hurt and suffering will come. She's probably happy as she is, probably got 2 more kids with him too Anyway, I am looking to move on - getting arranged married next year and thats something to look forward to. Like you say ... after re-reading this its really helped. So thank you.

Like you say Life goes on. She is not worth the effort and yes it is very draining on me. It is time to be positive, lift up and move on.

Everyone has something in the past that they wish to keep to themselves. In this case this was fairly serious. I know you are shaken up but it looks like this girl actually cares for you and wants to be closer (not sure if your in love). But to actually say that stuff and to share that stuff with someone requires a lot of respect and trust in the other person. She trusts you. Not sure why she told you that, maybe because it was a burden, she wanted to share everything with you and to let you know where she has come from etc. Like you said she is ok now, its in the past - thats where it should stay. Hope that helps.

Yes I am "from that culture". This is what has happened to me. It is not to say that I am being forced to do this. It is part of religious laws and long term traditions. To tell you a bit about this it is like part of the culture from where I come from. It is not "uncommon" for people in our culture. Some people who are far from the culture (the rebels, so to speak) who are acculturated into western ways prefer to find their own wives, going out clubbing, drinking, having pre-marital sex etc. They say they are religious or that they are from the culture but they only fool themselves. Now some of you will be questioning. To put it into perspective. For example. THis is an american site, so if someone didn't celebrate erm I dont know (from the UK) lets say some one didnt celebrate independence day or something like that which was at the centre of the american culture then they are not a part of that culture. Anyway going a bit off topic. Back to the topic. Arranged marriages ARE still extremly popular in culture. Approx. 80% of marriages in our culture happen this way and also in the middle east and other areas they happen like this. It is not all that scary, it is a BIG gamble but you both can choose, you do have a say as to who you would liketo marry otherwise it is not legally biding. And as some of you ahve stated, it can be extremely rewarding if you both try. They tend to be more stronger than love marriages. You will love eventually. Like i said it is a gamble. approx 7 out of every 10 arranged marriages work. Anyway, what I was really wanting is someone from this culture (of arranged marriages) who has either been in this situation or is about to be in this situation to state what they would do. Does the lady expect sex or does it really matter if it does not happen that night and to build a relationship first. Its personal i know but every little helps.

Just wondering what you would do. Scenario: You are getting married to a lady who you have only seen pictures of and heard stories about from family members. You are getting warm to her. You have had a prior relationship and it did not work out and so you know this will be the best, both religion, culture and personal self. She is nice, warm hearted and you know she is safe (i.e. trustworthy). You both have not met (yet) but you ache to meet her. On comes the wedding, which is done in a foreign country as that is where she is based (after marriage you will arrange for her to come back to the UK). Anyway, You both sit next to each other for the first time in the wedding reception (due to religion, culture etc). You both are happy, but at the same time nervous. Moving quickly on. Now comes the time when everyone else leaves, the wedding music dies down, the last conversations of the day end with relatives and you two (bride and groom) are sent to your decorated room (large bed, flowers, warm etc etc). It is THE WEDDING NIGHT, the "honey moon" so to speak. You don't know each other etc. What would you do? You have waited for this time for a long time. You know that the first time you have sex you want it to be special but you also dont know this lady fully, you dont know what she expects but you know that she is shy and that she will not say "lets have sex, or why didnt we have sex etc". You know that she will be a virgin too, due to religion, culture etc. So she may not be fully sexually aware as you are. You also dont want to upset her, do disappoint her -you dont know if she would be expecting to have sex tonight (wedding night). You want her to be happy. You want her to have everything you would want. She is afterall now your wife. What would you do? Again, would you wait, just talk and get to know each other and once you go on a "true" honey moon somewhere have great sex? Again lol what would you do.

Go for her mate, dont leave things and have the wat ifs, woulds coulds . . that is pure pain and is hard to get rid of. Also be honest with yourself, do you really want this lady or is this jealousy kicking in? Are you really going to be better at bf n gf than best friends? Do you see a future as a couple? Do you think it will work for the long term and not lose her as a best mate if you break up? Do you think if you wait, stay as her friend and once the air has cleared then you may ask her out or osmething? Basically, think of your options, you know the lady more better than anyone of us on here, think do you want to be beside her in bed, or beside her as a friend. The choice is obviously yours, and the repercussions or benefits of your choice will be yours too. Good luck mate. Hope that helps hehe

First of all sex with blood cannot be justified with any parameters. It is purely 100% wrong. Now the funny thing is that this was the exact time that my ex had the relationship with her brother ( ), coincidence I know as the ages dont match, she was 21 when it happened and so was he (hence twin) but hey it shows how much incest is out there, even in the UK! I have been at the other end of this. As you said during the first few posts, what would happen if either of them had a gf or bf. Well I was close to being one, but got shunned. And it stung like hell was having a party. I tried to make sense into her but eventually she didnt listen and had a child with him. That is so wrong, it makes me so sad and upset. Wish she was here. But anyway, back to the point, just explain to them that it is wrong, family life will be ruined, help her and him get through this, I know with my well ex it was her twin who was pushin things, trying to get her into his way of mind. Saying things like "its ok, its only me" you know mind games in order to satisfy his lust. Disgusting. Make her and him understand what they are doing is wrong, force them apart if need be, Save them from a mistake, from a mistake which will happen. More importantly save them from the fires of hell. Help them out. Its very frustrating, i know, i gave up with my ex, the emotional pressure was just too high, not that I didint love her, i was in a corner, my world around me dwindling into a small ball, not knowing what to do and bit by bit he poisend her against me. Dont let that be the case, make them see sense. And hurry, time is running out. Good luck to you mate. Nice job. I know old thread but hey you may still come to read this and hopefully it will help. Good luck

Run for the hills She is mentally Disturbed. Hehe. You know I guess most people have been in love some time or another. Actually getting away from someone who you would have done so much for is hard. Yes I am getting back on my feet and looking forward to the arranged marriage, but I think I will always have those memories of what could have been at the back of my head, hidden under all the layers. I still sometimes think "how is she" "is she happy" "should i go and see her, if i do what would happen" but then I know that it will not be worth anything. It is over now and I have to deal with it. Not knowing what is happening is not great but well I know that I am still stuck in the moment where everything was fine. Things have changed since then and it will never be the same again. Thinking if we were together I dont think I could cope, esp since it was her brother and well he would still be around, knowing and looking at them btoh, I would feel sick, still in love but sick. I wouldnt be able to cope with having a sexual relationship with her in case she would be thinking about him and knowing her brother has been "there". I dont know. It is a mess. I wish she gets help, cos I know her, and I know that eventuall, 1 year, 2 year, 10 years she will wake up one morning and think "OMG what have I done". She will break down big time. At the moment since everything has happened she is being manipulated by her twin brother. But hey, life goes on. It was after all her own choice. The end.

I finally got rid of the gifts that I had for her. Wrapped them up, wrote a letter saying how much I loved for her, how I care for her, how she meant so much, you get the picture. Also said how much she hurt me for him and that I had to let go. I sat under a bridge and let it float away into the river. It did help and did open my mind up. I can't help thinking about her but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. Thanks for your help.

just be honest with her, tell her how u feel. Like the person above said a letter can do wonders and women do like people going after them, esp ones they like. Seems that she did like you as friends and was comfortable there. Is there is someone else in her life? mate, if you love her then let her know, show her. Give her jestures and compliments. Above all you both need to talk to each other, sit her down and ask whats wrong. Go the extra mile.

I was wondering, just out of pure curiosity, what is the best way to take a womens virginity? Sorry to be graphic, I know the women bleeds during her first time and that it is painful for up to a week in some cases and that . . . . . . what I want to know is how the man can reduce the pain and increase the experience so to speak both during the first sex and afterwards , I mean, a nice atmosphere, foreplay, communicating with one another, best positions to use, u know that sort of thing etc. . Firstly, what are the ways to make her happy during her first time? Secondly, if you (i.e. the ladies or even men) had a second chance at ur viginity what would u want different? or what wud u have done different for the boys who have taken someones virginity? Hope that makes sense lol. Looking forward to some comments. Thanks and enjoy

lol it is true. . . indirectly speaking here, smoking causes the ateries and veins to narrow, which in extreme cases but also in general it can lead to less blood flowing to the penis, i read it somewhere or someone told me i, its all to the with the amount of blood going into the penis which makes an erection possible. Anyways, only trying to help. Safe

So do i . . . so do i I think by now her parents would have found out, and its just so messed up for him. Even if he has been adopted, he finds out later on in life and goes to find his parents! what would he think, he would feel sick. oh sorry the poor thing dont we all wish we could turn back time eh. Guess we have to deal with these things. Good things come to those who wait.

Yeh i did kind of thnk that. I just though, before everything happened that it would be great, we would have so much fun and be relaxed, I knew that the true relationship wouldnt not be until we met but that didnt and dont think will be happeneing now anyway. There was so much to get past, her brother for starters, then she was scared about what my parents would think and how (if) my family would accept her etc, he played on her feelings so much. nevermind. oh. Anyway, about the arranged marriage, it is a scary thought but I do see something coming from it, i know the lady and I know she is good, safe to be with and trusthworthy i.e. wont be going anywhere. I know a relationship, a true relationship will take time to build but I am willing to work hard at it to keep her happy and to make life generally full. THat it, i just need a relationship, well someone close to be around at the moment. but yeh, i do think something will come of this.

penis size depends on a lot of factors not just genetics, it also depends on ur diet, whether u smoke, and how healthy in general u are. Most large men i.e. fat (sorry to offend anyone) think they have small penises but in fact its all the fat around the penis area that makes it look like that, when they lose weight they gain like 1" approx. (plus/minus). Penis size is the male thing, it makes males think they are dominant etc, having a small penis also makes men think they are not "male" when in fact other factors count. It all depends how happy u are with yourself and how much self-confidence u have. as the person above says . . its not the size that matters, its the way u wiggle the worm hehe. I know this aint what the topic is abut but i think it will help. Anyway, there are numerous ways to increase size, first is lose weight and havea healthy diet, it all helps increase the blood flow to the penis area, this blood is what makes the penis erect as it expands the muscle vessels in the penis, there are ways to increase the size of the muscle vessels. The penis is just like any other muscle, if it is not exercised then it can become weak hehe. Arabs, for generations have exercised their penises using penile exercices such as jelqing (sometimes called milking the penis) and penile stretching. This all can be found by googling for this information. Again, if penile exercises are used then they have to be used frequently, its just like going to the gym for a week and seeing gains then stopping, u dont lose the mass, its always there but ur body loses tone, same with penises, if u exercise it and give up then eventually u lose the tone. Penis exercises are good as long as u keep it up . . most people see gains within a week, some a month and most a few months (3-6 months) most men see gains of like 1-3 inches in length and a few inches in girth when continously doing these exercises. Other ways include, dangling weights from ur penis to increase length but thats all it does, increase length, making the penis seem skinny. Weights are dangerous too as they can cause vein damage, thus loss of sensation of the penis. Others are pills which aim to increase blood flow to the penis, these tend to be poor aswell. Finally there is the extreme surgery, this is done by taking some tissue from some part of the body and adding this to the penis, they have to cut the penis, most cut a ligament in the penis which can cause limping and when u get erect ur penis doesnt face skywards hehe. Best method is penile exercising. It works well so long as ur commited to it, only takes 1 hour a day, and some exercises can be done anywhere, when in the office etc . . that is called PE exercises i think, sorry i cant remember right now. Anyway, penis size and race, i think its a myth too. Not everyone is the same, and porn has a lot to do with this thing that black men have large penises. I think asian men do tend to have littler penises but its all on race, genetics and personal health. Hope this helps. Take care

Yeah so i hear, but there is a lot more to it than that which I cannot say. I do know that both of them need help but i guess iv done my bit. the rest is up to the god and their souls.

I still have not gotten rid of the gifts, going to do that this weekend when I have time alone from family. This is personal and I want to get rid of it . . to finally let go. As for the above, well here it is. Advantages of knowing her: @ She was someone who I could talk to, to tell anything about anyone or anything, @ I could be there for her, be her friend in times of need @ She was fun to be around, someone who I could make laugh and that would listen, @ She was beautifull physically and inside and although had a erm "different job" that required a different mental attitude meaning being fierce, she was still very loving inside, @ She was also very warm and cheerful Advantages of meeting her: @ well it'd calm me down, i could (or would) have been able to touch her etc, see her smile, see how she lived and meet her mates and she meet mine, @ i owuld be able to catch up with her, but also if they would be together then that wud hurt. Disadvantages of knowing her: @ Well obviously its emotionally draining on me @ i Find it difficult to talk to her now that she is with him @ I always sense and my heart always tells me that I want her, and not having her is torture to me emotionally. @ She needs help, all this i love u oculd be due to the fact her ex died and she still hasnt gotten over that, @ she is erm dangerous if crossed @ Her twin gets angry and very tempermental, almost insane when i talk to her in a way which is me showing my feelings to her @ she became less erm u know telling me things, less open thats the word yeah she became less open with me which i hated. @Tried staying friends, was really good at times, had jokes, shared things, but i told her that she couldnt erm talk about stuff with him, she was upset but ok, said friends but no baggage, guess only did that cos she was the one who i could talk to about anything, but then fell into feelings which hurt and was a spiral. @ nothing could happen now anyway as its over, its been too long, she has probably either moved on with him or is alone and traumatised with what has happned, its finally clicked in her mind what she's been doing so to speak Disadvantages of meeting her: @ well now, i am engaged (arranged marriage) so its no no @ well id see her, may get emotional, heart may pound, may become cautious @ well she is ok when she is nice to people but hard to control when she is angry @ Her twin may find out @ Id want to hold her but i know i owuldnt be able to so that would hurt @ Main thing is, what she seemed like on text could be totally different to what she seems in person, and vice versa, what i seem on text could be totally different in person, u get me? Advantages of going to find her: @ id be able to see who she is @ id be able to tell her how i feel @ id be able to know who she really is DIsadvantages of going to find her: @ she would be confused @ she would get annoyed and ask why i found her @ it would be intruding @ its not worth the hassle, emotionally Erm sorry i added the last one, its helped to, it is quite suprising to see though, cant believe there are more disadvantages than advantages This has been a good excersise to use, really helped. One thing still is though, i know you've helped me a lot but, i still keep thinking that she is in cars going by me! i know sounds strange, but i know her granparents like live on this road near me and well when i go on that road im like seeing in cars to see if i can recognise her! does that make sense! lol it doesnt happen all the time, im not crazy, far from that, it only happens like 10% of the time, even less. Does any one know why? and how to reduce that happening? She wont be coming back, i dont think.

yeah thats all true. I guess first thing is to dispose of the gifts, I mean they are a burden to carry. Then it really is a case of thinking things through, i know advantages and disadvatnages, i did kind of do that but at a time whn I was tooo much in love blindness. I guess if we did meet it would be uncomfortable, especially with him being around, and I know for sure that he is jealous and gets easily wound up if anyone touches her. Guess they both need counciling. I know that, its just hard to accept, hard to accept that the "illusion" has finished. It is partly true, was an illusion but also that I did care and love for her. She was smart, caring and a happy bunny, but now things are different. Time to move on. Thank you for the comments. Been a help. little by little, corner by corner the sun will rise again

Thank you. You know you both are right, It is time to move on. Its going to be hard but I have to do it. I'll tell you somehting, we were supposed to meet up around her bday, I was all ready, everything was planned, bought her personal gifts. But she did not show. I knew she was with him the night before as she told me this, but that was as "brother and sister" but that day she told me they stayed in a hotel together. Made me sick and angry, I can remember I felt emotionally strained and could not think straight. I still have the gifts, hoping to give her them one day and making her smile. It is time to let go I guess. First step is letting go of the gifts. Was a necklace with her nickname on it and a teddy, I had visions of her having them being happy. I guess all of this is visionary and in my mind

how do i let go. You know when I stopped I was so love sick, I was talking to everyone thinking that was her, my mind was a mess. Im over that now but I still am just eager to see her one time. I dont know, maybe that is what is haunting me. I dare not to think about her too much and what we used to do as that just brings back memories so I block them out. I know.

yeah she has had a lot to go through. I just, I dont know I just wish I could do something to ease her suffering, I mean as long as he is there then nothing will change and that is both disturbing and upsetting. Something needs to be done in order to re-awake her frm the sin. Oh i dont know. I guess im getting as confused as her. I am really trying to get past this and it is working, step by step . . one step back, two steps forward so to speak.

No, i have tried to talk to people about it but its so difficult, with it being a lady i aint seen and only texted and then to top it off that she is u know with her twin, kinda not the thing Ican talk easily about to people. I mean the hardest thing though is letting go. I still, i know how this is going to sound, I mean i still think for some reason that we still have a chance, and that is my heart saying it, not my mind - if that makes sense. Also, i have one desire just to see her in person, i know i know, i just want to tell her how i feel to keep my soul at rest but I know or sense that there will be repercusions for doing that.. . . very deep quotes. Thanks. hmmm

you know, it was so real. I know its a difficult concept to grasp unless you have actually been or had a cyber relationship, its exactly the same with texting. The worst part was when she said some things which made me fall to the floor. That was when i knew that nothing was going to happen. I don't take things personally, I appreciate the comments and everything helps. TO answer your question I am in perfect mental health. I really care for anyone who comes in my path, it is just the way I am and have been brought up and guided through my religion. It is not as if I cant see those disturbing facts, brother and sister having intercourse, I really get upset thinking about that as it not only affects her but her family and now her kid! which last time I knew was going to be adopted, who knows how that has gone. I am not a fool either, just I guess as they say, really truley love blind. I really appreciated your comments thank you and this is really helping, I have closed myself down in the past but not anymore. I think like you say, it is time to move on. This is my way of allowing me to make that move. I know sounds strange.

Can I ask why you would think it is disturbing? I dont mind, end day it will help me see a different perspective, which i really need right now. Yeah i hear what you are saying and I appreciate the comments, i guess i am thinking back to a time when she was ok. As for being messed up, well i do love her and like i said we had opportunities to meet but just didint. I had uni to go to and she had work. I know u probably say they are excuses but oh its hard to explain. I guess I hear what you say and I should leave it at that. What about thinking about her all the time, thats something i cant seem to get past. I keep feeling for her, maybe is it cos we never met? or something more. Meeting is all just another story. I have actually thought of going to see her. but i wont. I know she needs a lot of help and that what makes me want to see her, i.e. to see if she is ok. She has lost everyone close to her you know, friends, family, had her car sprayed "INCEST TWINS" i just feel for her and want to help her. i dont know.

im also like upset because we were the best mate, and now when she probably needs me the most to help her through things im not there for her. Im really not sure if i should contact her again and face yet another conflict and possible pain from it.