mysteryman22

why am i still upset, i mean its been a yr since we last chatted, which only lastsed for about 3 weeks anyway. She did ask me if we would want to meet but also said that the other thing i.e. her baby would be there. and thats not something you'd want. its just like, i know what is upsetting me, my dreams of the perfect lady have been shattered.

yeah i know that beec, that is something i think, but its in the back of my mind. I also know that she loves me, or maybe I just say that to comfort me. I know that I don't want her to be hurt, that is 110%. I keep thinking the what ifs, the buts, coulds, woulds . . you know. I know this will sound strange but sometimes i even think she is around me. i know sounds strange, very difficult to explain. oh I know, i guess it was a one way connection

Iv tried before, every time i left and come back iv been in conflict with him, he is so persistent! He even told her lies about me to get her to think his way. I know that when iv been gone he has been poisoning her mind against me but oh i dont know. What a mess

not bs mate, its the truth. Why would you say that?

deleted due to copy

its the best i can do . . did this a few days ago I was in love, with a lady that I met over texting. I Was in a wap room when she caught my eye and started texting her. She sounded really nice, warm, funny and down to earth. ANyway, started chatting that evening and I really liked her, gave her my number and said id text her sometime. That night once I left i gave her a text to get to know her a lil bit, she was nice. We ended up chatting all night. A few weeks past and we were still texting, every minute of the day, when doing washing, going to work, at work, anywhere, we were inseperatable. We started getting very deep and started to know thing about one another. I found that she had a rough life, she was extremely beautiful and rather down with her bf passing away. She told me a lot of things and that day she told me that she had feelings, really deep feelings for someone but she didint know what to do as she was scared. At that time I had feelings for her, i can remember now, going under a bridge and texting her, asking her who it was, getting very anxious, wsa it me? I picked up courage and asked her if it was me? she said yes but was scared to say, by that time we still hadnt met and were texting for about 5 and half months. Anyway i was overjoyed and told her that. We got REALLY close emotionally and bonded like glue. was about a yr still texting and she seemed odd, said her twin brother was trying it on with her. I was shocked and yet I stil cared. She said she loved me and wanted me. Said she could see us grwing old together. I tried to help her with the twin issue but he was so persistent. He wouldnt let go. I texted her other bro and he said they always were close, eventually i got his number from my love and she wanted me to ask him to stop saying these things. I tried my best but he wasnt having any of it. Time went buy, days, weeks and he started doing things like when they play fight he'd kiss her or when she was having a shower he would go inside naked or when he would constantly tell her how beautiful she was and oh you get the picture. She tried to commit suicide because she felt so depressed. I still loving her, loving her so much that I could do anyting in order to stop her from hurting, I helped her as best as i could. We still hadnt met. But he was getting closer and closer, he was playing real mind games with her trying to change her to his way of thinking. A few weeks past and she was upset. . she said they were play fighting and that they kissed;-( that really hurt me. THey kissed and she was confused, she said she didint know what happened. ANyway, time went on and he kept on persisting. She was my loved one, my best friend who was also who i loved. i owuld do anything for her. not let a pulse in her body feel pain is what i wanted, i wanted her to be happy, if that meant me not being. Anyway, cutting it short, a few weeks past by this time id known her for nearly 1 and half to 2 years, still madly in love and still not met. One night she came all off on me, i knew she had something on her mind but wasnt quite sure what, i had a very good idea what but i wasnt going to say it, in case it hurt her. I asked and I asked her what it was that was on her mind but she neglected to tell me saying it was tooooo personal. I persisted in asking, she still didnt say and thinking hte worse had happened i finally asked her did she sleep with her twin. she said no and got very angry. i apologised knowing that she was lying and that she was very upset. she finnaly said it;-( she said she was upset, went to her bed room and in came the twin;-( she said that he comforted as she was crying and that oh i rememeber these words clearly, i dont like them but i have to say them. She said htat he kissed her on the forehead;-( then on the cheek;-( and that on the lips with which she replied in the moment of it all and they had intercourse!!!!! with her own brother, her twin. I was shocked and i, for the first time was speechless. I still loved her, my heart, it was as it wanted to come out of my chest. It stung. again we were still only texting, but i knew she was the one and thoguht she thought the same, which she said numerous times and her older brother said numerous time that she told him that she couldnt wait to meet me in person. all i wanted to do was to hold her close, touch her lips with mine and give her a long long warm hug. anyway, she said she was upset and was really panicked about the situation. she said she felt awful, disgusted and that she wanted to be dead. She also said that the first thing that came to her mind when they finished intercourse was me and how she had blown any chances of us ever being together. i said it was ok and that i still loved her dearly. She was so upset but i stood by her, even then. saying that we will get through this. i was still very hurt and coming to terms with things. my mind went a bit love blind. i said, short term pain for long term gain. we could and would get through this, i had enuf love in us for the two of us to get through this. she wasnt having it she said she knew it was over. anyway time went on i was still texting and so was she. we went on and off going into a relationship and again we not met. She contiued having intercourse with her brother, her twin. I didnt know what to do, i couldnt take itanymore, it was too much even for me, knowing that the one i loved was being held by another man that happenede to be her brother. oh. i went along with things hoping that she would see sense. she didnt. she was getting really upset as she was really confused by now, not knowing whether to go for me or her bro as she started faliing in love with him. She started comparing us both. me still in with the long term i stayed with it knowing that we would get through this. eventually she got really depressed and i knew something or someone had to back down. not one of us wanted to, i loved her for all the world and more. my heart pounded everytime i talked to her and thought about her. again we did not meet. I knew that i had to do something so knowing that I would lose my gem, maybe for good i, i said i couldnt text anymore and she was really upset. I did it for her, it was the most hardest thing i ever had to do, i cried and wept all night for a long long time. A few months past and i was seriously heart broken, not knowing how she is, was she ok? did she miss me? did she love me? all those things. My mind was a mess i couldnt think properly and i just wanted her, beside me in bed, around the table, in the park holding hands, whatever. I picked up corouge and texted her, she was overjoyed it was me. found that she was still with her twin and that something new happened. they had had a baby boy that they put up for adoption for obvious reasons. I just couldnt take listening to that firstly because she was still with him and didt bother finding me and secodnly because she was stupid enough to have a kid with her bro. I know the answers to both of these as i know her very well but thats too deep to say. ANyway, we texted for about a month and i couldnt take it nor could she as she still loved me. I left again and again i was heart brocken, wounds opened up. this was like 3 years since we knew eachother. again a few months past and last october i texted again for the same reasons of missing her. And again the same, she was still with him, which made me both annoyed and angry as i thought she would have seen sense and be with me. but i know the reasons y she scared and probably just sees me as a nother blike now. Anyway since last october 05 i aint texted her and she not me as the last time i did she started lying and saying that the time under the bridge when she was scared to tell the person who she loved was really me and that she used me ot get her bro jealous, she said that to make me go. she changed but i knew the lady who i knew was still there, all confused with the persistent twin and that she couldnt breathe with all the emotions. I left and from then i aint talked to her again. I still love her though and everyday since we met iv thought about her. why is she still with him!!! why? WHY! why does my heart still seek her, why does my heart still feel her pain? i keep thinking that did she really love me? that since we never met should i pop into her life? that will she still be with him? is she ok? is she happy, truly happy. The answer is that I dont know and it makes me very upset and longing to know. I still feel for her and love her but its too hard to talk to her. i dont know, i guess i am as confused as she is. All i know is well i wish i had another chance and i wish that she didnt do what she did. it hurt. i could get over it but she was scared saying that she knew that if we slept together id be thinking of him and that wud i ever think of them two, u understand? my heart answered that question, i loved her with every inch of my body and there was nothign to worry about. I know that its left a dint and that im finding it hard to let people in. The reason why i did this is that i needed to let it out. its my way of dealing with it i guess. And no commmetns about that she didint love me as it is extremely hard to explain that she did unless uv actually been in a similar situation. Anyway i cant stop thinking about her, my heart is recovering but slowly, im worried about her and me, will i love again . . only time will tell, will i love as much as i loved her, i dont think so. she was my one and only. with respect

This is my story of my love. Oh I still love her. It sounds surreal, I know. I want to tell the story properly so sorry if its a little on the lond side. This one still has a lot more to it but it is more to the point. Comment are welcome but thats not the point of why I am doing this, this is something dearly close to me and I need to let it out. It is a long read so sorry to those whom don't like reading long threads. My apologise to you. For the rest of you who want to know my story, then read on. Oh and Happy X Mas everyone too. Next yr the dead will be born again. I was in love, with a lady that I met over texting. I Was in a wap room when she caught my eye and I started texting her. She sounded really nice, warm, funny and down to earth. ANyway, we started chatting that evening and I really liked her, I gave her my number and said that id text her sometime. That night once I left, I was full of warm feelings. I can remember now, laying in my bed, feeling the cold, wrapping my duvet around me to keep the cold out and having the mobile in my hand not knowing whether to text her or not. I eventually gave her a text, something like "hi u there?" just as an ice breaker really to see if she would actually reply. It was exciting. I wanted to get to know her a lil bit more, she seemed nice, down to earth and someone who you could talk about things with. I can remember the feelings that I felt, I didnt really know what to say but I did want to chat to her. Well I relaxed and we ended up chatting all night. A few weeks past and we were still texting, every minute of every day, it was the first thing I did when I woke up and the Last thing I did when going to bed. We did it when doing washing, going to work, at work, around friends, when shopping - anywhere! we were inseperatable. I can still remember now, our first fall out, it was over something that I had said to her, I can't remember exactly what I said but it came out as if she was a loose woman. By this time it was about 6 months since we had met and we were getting close. I had feelings for her as a friend. She got angry and I was devastated, I even cried! I know how this sounds but I really felt for her, she was just like any other woman, telling me things, me telling her things, just like two best friends. Anyway, we started getting very deep, she always asked me why I was so happy? She kept asking there must be something that makes you unhappy? Well to be honest I didn't even think I was unhappy, I was too chilled a person to think about anything like that, life is too short for moaning anyway. We started to know things about one another, day after day, week after week we built up an overview of each others life, some things that we told each other we would definitely not tell anyone else. I found that she had a rough life, she was extremely beautifu, with black hair and blue eyes and rather down with her bf passing away. She had a bf currently, who she adored. Thinking about it she was more interested in me though than him. He was within her ethnic group, was smart and had a good career. They both were extremly well off, is the way I put it. She would text me morning, noon and night. Sometime she didn;t text me but I knew that was cos she was working, or with him. I didn't mind, two lovers eh, nothing to worry about, it happens. Then I started getting confused. Feelings, feelings that I had never experienced before came to life. I think I started feeling for her. Her parents, as she told me, were persisting her to get married to this lad, he was beautiful and well presented and had a good career to - he would fit nicely into the family structure. She told me that her parents were pressurising her to get married, as like I said, they probably did this as they knew her ex commited suicide and past away, which left her devasted. It made me feel for her more. She asked for my help and I said basically go with your heart. She left him, saying it wasnt what she wanted. Which I knew was the truth anyway. 6 months had passed now and we really did know each other a hell of a lot more. We still didn't know we felt so much for one another but it was going perfect as it was, tbh love with her was the last thing that was on my mind. She was my friend, my best friend. She told me a lot of things. That a man came onto her, he couldn't resist her beauty and when they danced he had a erection which made her laugh. She told me they had sex. A few nights after that everything changed. I remember it clearly. I was at univeristy, I had gotten home was relaxing and had a text from her. She was upset, which made me upset as I am the type of person who likes to please everyone. Anyway, I asked what was wrong, why she was upset. She had been drinking, which made her emotions more highetened than before. Anyway, she told me that she thought she was in love with someone who she shouldn't have been with. Someone who she didn't know what to do or to say. Suddenly, a surge of excitement and adreneline had hit me, I was outside having a cigarrete pacing like a mad man lol. I wanted to know one thing. Who was this man? More importantly, was this man me! How my sense realised what had happened. I was wishing she would say me. I was hoping she would say it. But she didnt. She didnt know what to do. I wasnt willing to wait and ask her another time. I was too damn curious by now. I wanted to know, and I wanted to know right now. Was it me!? Oh please. I picked up the courage to ask, knowing that if she had said no that everything would have collapsed, our strong friendship would never be the same again. I asked her remembering going under a bridge at night, the glowing yellow lights under the street tunnel shining over me and I asked her. "precious, is it me who you love?". She was shocked. By this time I knew how to read peoples emotions by the words that they used. It was a gift that I developed. She laughed "haha omg! moo. erm erm". (I dont know the exact phrase she used but it was similar to that, nothing too harsh but something just a lil joke, like we used to play with each other). I asked again, "come on precious, is it me? oh have I made a fool of myself?" then I got a reply. I couldn't wait to read it, i was like a kid in toysRus at xmas wanting that gift. If that makes sense. I closed my eyes and read the text. It said one word. "yes". THat was the most amazing word that was said to me. Yes. Yes I love you. I couldn't believe it. What was I doing, its over text for gods sake, but then I did know this lady, very well. She had been hurt in the past, had a traumatic life, I loved her so much, she was smart, witty and knew what she wanted to do. Plus she had many businessess and clubs which I was just so gawed about, she was fantastic, a smart funny, beautiful women with businesses, I love a women to have independance its fantastic. For the sceptics right now, I know how this sounds but I have back up of everything, so I know what she told me was the truth. Anyway, that night, we just talked, told each other we loved each other, well I did. But she was reluctant to say it as "those three dreaded words" meant a lot, especially asher ex had passed away which she was mad over heals in love with, they would still be together right now if he hadnt died. It did make me think sometimss, but I understood. She told me about how they had met and what he was like, was hard to listen to but it helped so much in understanding her situation. I loved her more and more. We got REALLY close emotionally and bonded like glue. Anyway, over time, we didnt even think of meeting, with hignsight I know she wanted to meet me now, her brother texted me telling me she couldnt wait to see me and hold me. He told me that he hadn't seen her like this over a boy ever. But it was never to be. Pain and suffering was to come. It was about a yr that we were still texting and one night she suddenly seemed distant, as if someone had taken her mind to a far away planet in shock, awe and confusion. Like a brick had just hit her. I asked her what was up, that I was there for her whenever she needed me - a promise that I kept up until recently, as you shall see. I asked her again, and again, and again. It was odd, she kept quite. Didnt want to tell me as she was scared what I would think and be ashamed. I asked her that nothing would happen, "tell me precious, whats wrong lovely? whats on your mind!?" I said. There was a sudden pause and she said things. things like "oh Im scared, i dont want to lose you;-( Im worried sick, oh i dont know what to do moo I dont!!!". I knew something serious had happened. She was never like this before, not that I can remember. Anyway, I asked her and told her everything will be fine, just tell me. She did. She said that her twin brother had been hitting on her. I moved back, WHAT!!!! did I hear that correctly?? twin brother what, how, eh, why, OMG. that is what went through my mind. I just couldnt seem to sink it in. It hit like a rock. Making sure that I was there for her I comforted her, told her to tell me the full story. She did. She told me how he had been after her for a few weeks now, how she had resisted him, knowing full well how disgusting it was. She was very upset, confused and I guess traumatised with what was happening. Worse was still to come. Pain, suffering and sacrifice. I remember when she told me, I was coming back from work - I didn't know what to do. I wasn't going to lose her, well not without a fight. I knew at that time how much she cared and loved me. It was impossible to let go. The next few days, the next few weeks even were very emotionally draining. I was excellent at giving advice, but this was something that I had not come accross. Incest was something that I didn't even know at that time, it was an alien concept to me. Why, oh why would someone want to do that. It was disgusting. Anyway, he kept coming on to her, slowly, bit by bit, step by step. I could see he was tryingto influence her, change her mind into his way of thinking. It was extremely upsetting, I didn't want to lose her, she was special and I knew we could have had a long term relationship living happily together. It was just so surreal. My best friend, my special friend - what was happening! Anyway, a few days had past and she was getting more upset, she told me that they were play fighting and that he had tried to kiss her. My mind, my heart was being plummeted. Surely she wouldnt be the same, think the same as he did. Oh the rest will take too long, I will finish it another time. "> said her twin brother was trying it on with her. I was shocked and yet I stil cared. She said she loved me and wanted me. Said she could see us grwing old together. I tried to help her with the twin issue but he was so persistent. He wouldnt let go. I texted her other bro and he said they always were close, eventually i got his number from my love and she wanted me to ask him to stop saying these things. I tried my best but he wasnt having any of it. Time went buy, days, weeks and he started doing things like when they play fight he'd kiss her or when she was having a shower he would go inside naked or when he would constantly tell her how beautiful she was and oh you get the picture. She tried to commit suicide because she felt so depressed. I still loving her, loving her so much that I could do anyting in order to stop her from hurting, I helped her as best as i could. We still hadnt met. But he was getting closer and closer, he was playing real mind games with her trying to change her to his way of thinking. A few weeks past and she was upset. . she said they were play fighting and that they kissed;-( that really hurt me. THey kissed and she was confused, she said she didint know what happened. ANyway, time went on and he kept on persisting. She was my loved one, my best friend who was also who i loved. i owuld do anything for her. not let a pulse in her body feel pain is what i wanted, i wanted her to be happy, if that meant me not being. Anyway, cutting it short, a few weeks past by this time id known her for nearly 1 and half to 2 years, still madly in love and still not met. One night she came all off on me, i knew she had something on her mind but wasnt quite sure what, i had a very good idea what but i wasnt going to say it, in case it hurt her. I asked and I asked her what it was that was on her mind but she neglected to tell me saying it was tooooo personal. I persisted in asking, she still didnt say and thinking hte worse had happened i finally asked her did she sleep with her twin. she said no and got very angry. i apologised knowing that she was lying and that she was very upset. she finnaly said it;-( she said she was upset, went to her bed room and in came the twin;-( she said that he comforted as she was crying and that oh i rememeber these words clearly, i dont like them but i have to say them. She said htat he kissed her on the forehead;-( then on the cheek;-( and that on the lips with which she replied in the moment of it all and they had intercourse!!!!! with her own brother, her twin. I was shocked and i, for the first time was speechless. I still loved her, my heart, it was as it wanted to come out of my chest. It stung. again we were still only texting, but i knew she was the one and thoguht she thought the same, which she said numerous times and her older brother said numerous time that she told him that she couldnt wait to meet me in person. all i wanted to do was to hold her close, touch her lips with mine and give her a long long warm hug. anyway, she said she was upset and was really panicked about the situation. she said she felt awful, disgusted and that she wanted to be dead. She also said that the first thing that came to her mind when they finished intercourse was me and how she had blown any chances of us ever being together. i said it was ok and that i still loved her dearly. She was so upset but i stood by her, even then. saying that we will get through this. i was still very hurt and coming to terms with things. my mind went a bit love blind. i said, short term pain for long term gain. we could and would get through this, i had enuf love in us for the two of us to get through this. she wasnt having it she said she knew it was over. anyway time went on i was still texting and so was she. we went on and off going into a relationship and again we not met. She contiued having intercourse with her brother, her twin. I didnt know what to do, i couldnt take itanymore, it was too much even for me, knowing that the one i loved was being held by another man that happenede to be her brother. oh. i went along with things hoping that she would see sense. she didnt. she was getting really upset as she was really confused by now, not knowing whether to go for me or her bro as she started faliing in love with him. She started comparing us both. me still in with the long term i stayed with it knowing that we would get through this. eventually she got really depressed and i knew something or someone had to back down. not one of us wanted to, i loved her for all the world and more. my heart pounded everytime i talked to her and thought about her. again we did not meet. I knew that i had to do something so knowing that I would lose my gem, maybe for good i, i said i couldnt text anymore and she was really upset. I did it for her, it was the most hardest thing i ever had to do, i cried and wept all night for a long long time. A few months past and i was seriously heart broken, not knowing how she is, was she ok? did she miss me? did she love me? all those things. My mind was a mess i couldnt think properly and i just wanted her, beside me in bed, around the table, in the park holding hands, whatever. I picked up corouge and texted her, she was overjoyed it was me. found that she was still with her twin and that something new happened. they had had a baby boy that they put up for adoption for obvious reasons. I just couldnt take listening to that firstly because she was still with him and didt bother finding me and secodnly because she was stupid enough to have a kid with her bro. I know the answers to both of these as i know her very well but thats too deep to say. ANyway, we texted for about a month and i couldnt take it nor could she as she still loved me. I left again and again i was heart brocken, wounds opened up. this was like 3 years since we knew eachother. again a few months past and last october i texted again for the same reasons of missing her. And again the same, she was still with him, which made me both annoyed and angry as i thought she would have seen sense and be with me. but i know the reasons y she scared and probably just sees me as a nother blike now. Anyway since last october 05 i aint texted her and she not me as the last time i did she started lying and saying that the time under the bridge when she was scared to tell the person who she loved was really me and that she used me ot get her bro jealous, she said that to make me go. she changed but i knew the lady who i knew was still there, all confused with the persistent twin and that she couldnt breathe with all the emotions. I left and from then i aint talked to her again. I still love her though and everyday since we met iv thought about her. why is she still with him!!! why? WHY! why does my heart still seek her, why does my heart still feel her pain? i keep thinking that did she really love me? that since we never met should i pop into her life? that will she still be with him? is she ok? is she happy, truly happy. The answer is that I dont know and it makes me very upset and longing to know. I still feel for her and love her but its too hard to talk to her. i dont know, i guess i am as confused as she is. All i know is well i wish i had another chance and i wish that she didnt do what she did. it hurt. i could get over it but she was scared saying that she knew that if we slept together id be thinking of him and that wud i ever think of them two, u understand? my heart answered that question, i loved her with every inch of my body and there was nothign to worry about. I know that its left a dint and that im finding it hard to let people in. The reason why i did this is that i needed to let it out. its my way of dealing with it i guess. And no commmetns about that she didint love me as it is extremely hard to explain that she did unless uv actually been in a similar situation. Anyway i cant stop thinking about her, my heart is recovering but slowly, im worried about her and me, will i love again . . only time will tell, will i love as much as i loved her, i dont think so. she was my one and only. with respect