Mettaone

Thanks for your support you guys, you are all very sweet people.

Well, if you have not read my post before, my ex e-mailed me maybe a couple weeks ago now. She asked me how I was settling in to my new found city and wanted to know how I was doing. I never responded. I know it is somewhat of a good thing but I also feel like crap about it. Life has been so hard. I've been living in this new city for over a month now, started school, and still have not made any friends. I'm just wondering when all the pieces are going to come back together again. I'm giving myself these goals and I'm doing good with them but I sometimes wonder what's the point. I know it'll be a good in the long run but sitting in this silence, not having anyone to really talk to about it, it's just so sad to not be able to share my life with someone else.

That's great you are thinking about culinary school. I actually just started going to culinary school in Providence, Rhode Island. Have you ever had any experience in the food industry? If not, I suggest you give it a go here in the states first. It can be quite tough and demanding. Don't let that get you down though. That's just how it is in the restuarant world. You can get your feet wet that way and see if you truly like it. I've been cooking for the last 4 years and finally decided to put myself back in school. Most of my class mates are fresh out of high school and I'm sure most of them will end up changing their minds at some point and may not want to be a chef. If you want to go abroad that would be very exciting. I would almost suggest the program in Paris, France. It's well known. That's the true Le Cordon Bleu. Good luck with everything.

I'm right there with you girl. If you take a look at my post you'll know. I was in a very long relationship too. I haven't exactly healed though. I did not respond to her last e-mail. I know she is wondering how I am but I'm sure most ex's that are compassionate enough try to contact the people they broke up with just out of guilt. I'm sure they care but replying is just to painful. It's been about a week since I got her e-mail and I just haven't responded. I don't think she would want to get a e-mail saying that I'm still alive and breathing just so she can feel better about the situation. So, it's just better not to say anything at all. I think it would be best for you to not respond unless you are really struggling with it and you think something good could actually come out of it. If not, don't. I truly wish you the best. I've been single for close to a year now too. I've never felt so empty. It's rough. But, hopefully sayings aren't all bull * * * * and good things do come to those who wait. Take care.

Thanks.....but I really still have no idea as to what to do. I know that some day stopping by won't be an issue considering I'm now on the East coast and she is in the mid-west. It's so hard to not respond cuz' she is such a sweet and wonderful person. But a friend is not what she could be to me. So, I guess I'll just have to sit on this one for a while. I just sometimes feel that she is contacting me cuz' she may still love me, but I don't want to fool myself is she doesn't. Our relationship truly was something out of this world. She obviously needs this time to figure herself and her life path out. I just wish the fluidity of a female's sexual orientation would just stay in one place. The change from being with women to men........C'mon. That's really ripping someone's heart out.

Okay, if you haven't read my post before it's the one titled I can't stop struggling with this..... So it's been a few weeks since my ex last contacted me through e-mail. I was very brief with her then because it has been way to difficult for me to talk to her, even through e-mail. I love her so much and I just can't say much more than that. She just e-mailed me again today asking me how things are and if I'm settling in okay? Why must she send those little things? I know she cares and that's why she does it but it's breaking my heart everytime. I really don't know how to respond. It may sound crazy but I really don't know. For me it just all relates back to my feelings everytime and I can't just be casual in my e-mails with her. What the hell should I do? Leave it alone and not respond? Or be brief with her again. I can't do this. I miss her so f***ing badly.

It's good to know that I'm not the only one going through this. Luckily my ex didn't cheat on me but it felt like it in a way. I'm so sorry that that happened to you. You really don't deserve it. I can't tell you how hard a time I've been having. You can read my story on here. It's very similiar. I was left very heart broken. It's too difficult for me to speak to her now. I don't know if I'll ever be able to knowing that she will be with men and possibly want children with one someday. I guess all I can say is that this will take so much time to get over. I think it will take me years and I don't think I'll be ready for a relationship for a very long time. I feel so scard. Hopefully we'll both find the right person someday. But I guess this is the time where we have to allow this to just be what it is. It's sucks. I hate being alone. To be able to share love with another is the greatest feeling ever. Maybe one day our ex's will realize they had something good and they lost it. Only time will tell. The best of luck to you and me too.

Thanks for the advice. I saw a counselor for a while right after we broke up and then another counselor when I moved back to where I grew up. I know it wasn't enough but I've been so stubborn thinking that maybe I'm allowing myself to feel this way because what else could I feel. My love for her meant the world to me. Hopefully, it'll just slowly fade. Even though it's been 9 months since I last saw her it's like I can still feel her and then this complete sadness fills every part of my being. I've been looking into my break up situation so much. It's very similiar to what happened to Ellen Degeneres and Melissa Ethridge. I guess some feel there is more fluidity in women as far as their sexual orietation goes. Being with women and allowing that to be what it is and then being with men and allowing that to be what it is. Not really lableling it. I still have a hard time. I mean I get it to a certain degree but it doesn't make me feel any better that this * * * * had to happen to me.

This is a long one......just please bear with me. My girlfriend and I were together for 6 years. It was a wonderful relationship. We grew into these beautiful human beings and helped each other out through so much. She was an extremely motivated person who always pushed me to better myself. We spent all our time together. Only 3 days apart in 6 years. I'm sure that wasn't the best idea but that's just the way it turned out. She was working toward her Phd in Buddism and that in itself is an extremely intense thing to study. I was an aspiring chef and still am. I was her first serious relationship and first woman partner. She did not put labels on herself and had only been with two men before we were together. That was something very hard for me to deal with. I could never talk to her about that. It made me too uncomfortable. I've only fooled around with guys when I was younger but there was never any sex involved. I'm simply attracted to women. I'm not interested in men. Unfortunately, our relationship got to a point where I was trying to decide whether or not I was going to go to culinary school. I didn't want to leave her for school, so I figured I would wait for her program to be done then she could follow me like I did her 2,000 plus miles away from where we grew up. But, she wanted me to go without her. It got to a point where I told her and her father that it's really hard to be pushed into something when you don't feel ready. She stop pushing and all the sudden things began to change and one morning we woke up and she looked at me and told me " you need to do what's best for you". My heart dropped. She told me she was going through some major life changes. I also found out that she had a connection with this guy that was in the same program as her in graduate school. Nothing happened between them but it made her re-evaluate her entire life. She was also feeling a deep gut feeling about maybe wanting to experience child birth at some point in her life and I don't feel that she believed that 2 women could rightfully achieve that. I fell to pieces at that point. She said she was ready to know what it's like to live alone and experience life on her own. She was feeling strong in herself and was ready to stand on her own. School had made her feel more confident. I felt like she was just dropping me from her life. It's so hard for me to believe everything she said. I don't think she'll ever want to be with women ever again and she even said that herself. I can't even begin to process that idea and understand why she couldn't be happy with me when everything seemed so perfect before. It made me feel I had nothing to give to her. She got into this horrible accident when she was 17 and a woman ran out in front of her car (this women was just on her daily jog I suppose) and 3 days later she died in the hospital from head trauma. I know this freaked my gf out BEYOND belief and she was struggling with this for years. I helped her out through all her break downs and truly loved being there to get her throught it. It really makes me sad though, because now I feel I was just there to help her get through that rough time in her life and that she doesn't need me anymore. I feel that now she has gotten past that and no longer needs my support. She feels we need to know what it is like to be separate. I didn't speak to her until after 7 months of being separated and nothing had changed in her at that point. We were e-mailing each other most of the time, since the time that I had left her in our house alone. I guess for the first few months she was really struggling, she even e-mailed me and said she couldn't stop crying, but she knew that had to happen. The e-mails went on for a little while longer but then they would die out. All I could tell her was that I missed her and I still loved her very much. I didn't know what else to say and now, my e-mails to her are just short. Last one was a week and a half ago. She asked me if I was in my new place and how is it? I said to her yes, I'm in my new place. It's okay. Love. That's all I could write. And I haven't heard from her since. We had a house and a car. All those wonderful materialistic things in life but I left them all behind. I've finally moved from coast to coast to attend culinary school because I know I need to do this for myself. But, not a day goes by where I don't think about her. I love this woman so much. My life has been flipped upside down. I hardly know anyone anymore and feel so lost sometimes. It's been 9 months and nothing has changed in me. There was so much intensity there between us. She doesn't regret any of it. She says she is happy we met when we did, but it's time for us to move on. I really wish I could understand. Can anyone tell me anything to help? Has anyone else gone through something like this. I've met a couple of people who have. But it's still not doing me any good. I've searched for so many different answers. I'm just so up and down. Thanks for reading.