permasmile

I think you are at the stage where the healing has started to take hold. If the contact with your ex put you a step back, then NC seems to be the best route. I imagine this is simply a little bump in the road, but you will get back on track. Keep focusing on yourself and keep posting. Oh yes, I strongly advise you do not bring up the relationship with her.

Thanks for the responses. I know deep down that I will get over her and be able to move on. I also know our relationship as it was is not what I want. My main problem at this point is thinking about her with another guy. I picture her going out with someone else, or flirting with other guys and it drives me crazy. In fact, if I could have a guarantee that she was not and would not see other guys I think I would be a lot better. It is an impossible and selfish comment, but I think it shows that I am more upset with the rejection rather than from actually losing her. It hurts to think that she is simply moving on without having second thoughts. Of course she is most likely thinking about me from time to time, but my mind plays tricks on me. ARGH. My other issue stems from not wanting to go full NC. I want to give her and myself space, but I do not want to simply have her fall out of my life. She is a great girl that I have lots of respect for. I know that right now it is difficult as I am thinking about "winning" her back, but as I realize that we weren't "meant to be", I truly hope I can maintain her as a great friend in the future. Right now I just wish I could train my mind to have healthy thoughts. I fall asleep fairly well, but I wake up about 4 hours later and my thoughts always fall on her and whether she is with another guy. I then fall asleep for little hour periods and wake up thinking about it all over again. Very uncomfortable and frustrating.

What do you do? My relationship of 4 years ended almost 2 weeks ago, and I am in worse shape now then I was at the start. Yesterday and today has been nothing but constantly thinking about her and the situation. Even though I was not happy with our relationship as it was, I can't seem to shove away these thoughts. I wonder what she is doing, if she is thinking of me, if she is with someone else etc. I picture the good times, and what could have gone differently. I know all these thoughts are pointless and not healthy, but they still persist. I tried to have a nap but simply couldn't fall asleep. I feel "flat" and would love any advice about how to deal with times like these. Alchohol does not seem to help. It might in the moment, but the next day the combination of a hangover and these thoughts does not go together well. Hard to resist, especially since it is a long weekend over here and it is known as a party weekend. Thanks guys.....I hate to sound depressing. I know I will make it through this, but am hoping to find some more great insight here.

Sorry to hear you are still suffering. However, I am sure you have improved over the last 9 months. There will surely be relapses like what you just experienced, but I imagine the pain has faded somewhat and that the thought are not as intense. The best thing to do is accept it is over, and allow time to heal. Also is a good idea to look into some type of self-improvement. Look at your life outside of a relationship, and what areas you would like to change. This could be as simple as working out to get in shape, or taking a course to enhance your career. Finding ways to enhance your life will make you more content and confident. You will work through this, and find someone else in time. In the mean time stay active and take care of yourself.

Blender - Thanks so much for your post. It was so great to read and really touched home. It is full of all the rational thoughts I am having, and I am sure I will come back to read it whenever my mind starts wandering into the unhealthy thoughts associated with breakups.

Thanks kicked. Right now the biggest difference is not talking to her everyday. Obviously "friends" don't do this but I do hope to keep her in my life more than infrequent contact. Do you guys think it is ok to hang out so soon after the BU? Or is it best to allow time to pass?

Thanks for your input. I think we never really "worked" on our relationship. We both got somewhat lazy and it lost its spark. There is a side of me that wishes we gave it another try. We had some great times, and I can see us together again, but it can't be automatic. Since she initiated the BU, I think the rejection is what is driving me to want to win her back. I really should focus on the fact I was not happy with the relationship as it was, and realize that in reality she needs to "win" me back as well. Has anyone successfully remained friends after a breakup? This girl is such a fabulous person on the inside. She has her head on straight and has a good moral grounding. She is someone I want to keep in my life. I suppose the idea of time healing fits in here. I am struggling with rejection and some hurt; which time will heal. Time may also heal our relationship, the key word being "may". I need to find a way to spend time with her and consider her only a friend....no thoughts of trying to win her back and see what happens. Any other input is much appreciated.

Hello all. I would love to hear peoples insight on my situation. My girlfriend and I broke up last week after close to 4 years of being together. She initiated it, although I agreed that things had turned somewhat sour. We didn't fight or anything, but the romance seemed to have fizzled. The spark just wasn't there. I believe this was partially due to a lack of time being spent together, but nonetheless I understand why she took this route. To be honest, as soon as we broke up, I thought to myself that I could get her back. As odd as it may sound, when we were together there was a certain amount of tension between us as we sensed something wasn't quite right. As soon as we broke up, I felt the tension ease. As though the pressure of the relationship has been relieved, and it allowed us to be more natural around each other. I waited for her to contact me, and we went out last night. In my head I saw us hanging out and her regaining an attraction for me. I guess I assumed that we would talk about "us", although I made sure not to bring it up. Anyways, we hung out and had a good night. There was really no awkwardness and plenty of laughs. However, no mention of "us" was made and besides mild flirtation, it was a friendly evening. Right now I am in a certain amount of pain, but I think it is the feeling of rejection that is getting to me. I want her to feel for me again, even though I know the relationship wasn't perfect the way it was. I also can't stand the thought of her pursuing other guys. Not that this is happening, but obviously the possibility is there. I realize most here will suggest NC, but in this case I am not sure it is the best route. She did make mention that something could happen again between us when we broke up, and I know that this is genuine. However, although I had a good time last night, I feel a certain amount of disappointment. What is weird is that I didn't even feel that attracted to her. No gazing at her thinking how she is the "one" or anything. But I still feel hurt at times. I think it is more from rejection rather than from truly missing her. That may sound a little cold, but it is the truth. Any suggestions as to how to proceed? I still plan on hanging out with her from time to time, and not talking about the relationship or appearing to want her back. I am not calling her daily (in fact I have not called since the bu) and plan on acting somewhat aloof and as though I am content no matter what. I want to go out and have fun with her, but I wish this feeling of wanting her to want me back would pass. I think I am challenging myself to win her back, even if I understand things were not great. Don't get me wrong, she is an amazing person. I have a great level of respect for her and I care for her greatly. Our relationship had many amazing times. I would love to have those back, but the past 6 months or so had been stagnant. Anyways, I really just want to be able to go through the day without letting this situation consume me. I am spending far too much time thinking about it and I do not believe it is healthy. Sorry to babble!! Any thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Hello all. My girlfriend and I broke up a few days ago (after 3.5 years). She initiated it, however I agreed with almost everything she said. Recently our relationship felt much more like a friendship rather than a romantic relationship. Surprisingly, I took it very well. I agree that things were not going well, although I believe part of that was attributable to a lack of time spent together (were each busy in our last year of school). Anyways, part of me is excited to work on myself and move forward. Another part of me believes that this breakup could end up with us becoming closer and stronger. And of course, another part of me is sad. However, for the most part I am ok. I do not have the knot in my stomach and although it is constantly on my mind, I feel decent. The one thought I can't stand is thinking about her finding someone else. Realistically, this is a silly thought. Even if she were to see someone else in the near future, it would most likely simply be a rebound and would be for the wrong reasons. However, this is the one thought that really gets to me when it creeps in my head. Anyone have advice as to how to deal with it?