michelle25
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Everything posted by michelle25
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I'm glad to know this is what others enjoy as well. The other night I went out to this club near by the beach, and it was such a scene. Everyone was trying to look better than the other, my girlfriend and I were getting hit on by guys that were much older, and I ended up getting drunk and having a hangeover. hmmm... It's fun once in a while, but as you said Raykay, maybe I'll just stick to the pub type bar from now on... Honestly, having my alone time is so important to me, and as you said tareesaw, I will live it up now when I'm single. =)
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Yea, it's my preference! I don't have a boyfriend, so it CAN get lonely, but I am very active with school, my job, church, so I'm confident I will meet someone someday, and I will have all my "alone time" out of the way.. Sometimes though, I do get down in thinking that I may be single for the rest of my life. haha.
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Hello Everyone, I haven't posted here in a while, but just had a general question.. I got out of a pretty tumultous relationshp a while ago, and since then, I've kinda changed. I guess in a good way, because my priorities are different, I've matured... I go on dates here and there, but I'm not really interested in anyone yet. I'm in school, taking 2 summer classes, and I stay active on my own. To add, I'm 24, have a lot going for me, yet I don't like to go out that much. By going out I mean on friday and saturday nights when my friends are out at clubs are bars, I am at home. It's not that I don't have friends, its just that I stay home more than I go out. Do other 24 year olds feel this way? Please tell me I'm not the only 24 year old left that prefers to have a glass of wine and watch a movie at home on saturday night.
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You are right. I have a lot of time on my hands until Im going out with my friends, and I think thats when I get into trouble. Yes, he does NOT deserve any of my time or attention. Even thinking of him for a few moments isn't even worth my time. The fact that he can ignore me for all of this time says enough. i'll remember the time he told me to "shut the f*** up" and when he made me leave. I bet you if i was to go to his place this weekend, I would probably be thrown out of his place anyways because I said the wrong thing or moved the wrong way. At least Im around people that truly love me, and would never dream of saying the things he has to me. Thanks for the encouragement. I will get through the weekend by being strong and not calling him.
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Thank you! I know I will get past it. I am confident I will. I think im having a "moment" since its the weekend, and I would already be at his place right now. He ignores me, calls me horrible names, treats me like a child, and I still think of the good times. Crazy.. I can't even imagine how good it will feel to be with a man who will allow me to be myself, love me for me, and would never think of putting me through this hell that my ex has. I don't know any different, stayed with him too long,and started to believe this is how I should be punished if I "act up." In all honesty, men are always showing interest in me, Im on my way to a great career, and I have a lot to offer someone because I was brought up in a strong family where I was taught to love and be loyal. (sorry, had to make myself feel good again.) I guess I will move on, find happiness, and my ex will always be the way he is, treating women lousy, and never finding true happiness. Maybe he will be happy, who knows, but at least in my heart I know even though I wasn't perfect, I was loyal and loving to him, and gave him everything. Thanks for the support. I will do NC and not give in, but it does get hard at times. I think soon i will be laughing at the fact that I was so 'in love' with this man, and it took me so long to leave him. I've heard it from many that if I keep doing NC, I will be kicking myself and saying, "what the heck was I thinking."
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Well, overall I've been doing much better. I haven't made contact with my ex since I texd him tues, and we haven't spoke since Monday. I was foolish, and tried to make up with him on tues, even after he yelled at me, told me to shut up, and threw me out of his place. I thought maybe he would feel sorry too, and text me back. Nope. but, he gave me a blessing in disguise, because since he hasn't contacted me, its made me see what a truly uncaring man he is. Some things are still bothering me though. He usually ignored me or gave me silent treatment after we fought no matter who's "fault" it was, but I think this time I really pissed him off. (what else is new.) I can't get over that before we got into the fight monday, he bought me some nice things, and i left them at his place not knowing we would break up (AGAIN). In the angry email I wrote him the night he sent me home, I said to f*** the stuff I left at his place, get rid of it all, and basically forget all that we had together. I was SO mad, (see previous posts) over his treatment towards for such a small issue, that I lost it before I let my head clear. It really hurt and angered me how he wouldn't let me talk, kept cussing me out, and basically shut the door in my face on my way out, now ignores me. What is wrong with me that I feel bad about the angry email I wrote?? Maybe Im worried he actually did throw all my stuff out, and he could care less about me, and im sitting here thinking of him. By doing NC, will I soon start caring less and less about him? I guess Im just clinging to the few times that we had fun together, when he bought me nice things, etc... I know thats only half, if maybe even a small portion of him, and I need to really focus on who he really is. Why do I miss him? Its the weekend, and Im not going to call, but the fact I wrote such an angry email, and he is still ignoring me hurts so much.. I miss him, feel angry, and hurt all at the same time. I wish I could just be jumping for joy that im out of this verbally and mentally abusive relationship, but Im not.
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haha. you're right. he is near 40 years old, and he still acts like a child. i guess I was the only one that would put up with him, thats why he is still single in his mid 30's. I don't wish him bad, but i don't know if any woman will ever make him happy, nor take the crap i did. it was the routine I am missing, not him or his antics. thanks!
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I need to let it go with everything I have. I love him so much, and he has been my "way of life" for 3 years now, and I don't know if soon, once my head is clear, I will feel relief, but right now I feel so sad. We really didn't do much together either . We went to lunch/dinner together on the weekend, did some sort of excercise activity once a day, and then it was just sitting around from 3pm til we went to bed. Being young, a lot younger than him, that just was kinda boring to me, but I just wanted to be with him so I didn't complain about it. Im thinking that if I stick with strict NC, and give other guys a chance, I will see that this man was SO not worth me staying around for all this time.. This was my first long term relationship, so does this happen? Was I just clinging to the "routine" we had for so long? I Feel that he has said and done so many hurtful things to me, that I may have more anger and bitterness about him than i ever realized. I need to find some way to stick with STRICT NC, and not give in to calling him. He has been ignoring me, so he has made it easy to become angry, and not give in to his attempts, which have been none.. He's never been the kind to apologize, he admits he has an anger problem, but never says he is genuinly sorry nor shows it in any way. IE: flowers, a note, a nice gesture- never! I am ALWAYS the one, no matter who's fault it was, getting him flowers, writing notes, saying Im sorry. Thats not normal is it? I feel I try so hard to make up each time we fight, yet he throws everything back in my face and ignores ME. Like it was ALL me and he needs to teach me a lesson. Sorry, I was just venting, because Im really hurt and angry over all this.. I see the light, and I will do strict NC from now on. I have to, i can't keep feeling like this.
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Hubman. Thats exactly what I need to work on and realize, as most posters have said here. I am not perfect, but relationships are supposed to build each other up, not break each other down. All I know is no matter what I did or didn't do, him telling me to shut up, constant ignoring me every time we have a fight, hurts so much. I texd him last night very insignificant, and he has been ignoring me since Monday. Sad isn't it? I had a contribution in the fight, but he was the one who threw me out, told me repeatedly to shut up, and kept making me feel like I was so inferior to him. He is ignoring ME. I feel like just changing me number or something. Im so sick of having my head messed with by this abusive jerk, and I know the key is staying strong, doing NC, and believing that I will find the right man when I let this man go.
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No, I never have and never will criticize my boyfriend of put him down for anything. If i had the urge, and I have, I walk away from the situation and return once my head is clear. He has done some nasty things, and I still have been the one to apologize, try to make things right... Maybe thats why he felt he could do so much to me, because I never yelled at him for his actions. I sure let him know that it hurt me, but in all reality every wrong move I made he was right there to yell at me or tell me to shut up... I have my answers, and I will keep reading these posts over and over if he ever calls or if I have the urge to call him...
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Good, I thought so Beyondthesea, but 2 people have already suggested it may be something I did, and even being in the midst of all this, my heart is still saying that I am not perfect, but I did not deserve that treatment. I was so cool with him through all his hard times, respected him, his privacy, took care of his place everytime he was gone, and if I said or did one thing he didn't like, he lashed out. I pointed out before that not once, and I can say this in all honesty, have I called him a name, been cruel, cussed at him.. thereforeeee I know that his reaction to my imperfections is way off base. Thanks for encouraging me and letting me know it would never be right to go back to him. It is like Im trying and trying over and over and it never seems enough. Awful feeling!
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Could it be me and im not seeing it? i know his reaction isn't right but do you think if i did something different he wouldn't react the way he did, or will he treat anyone, no matter what they are like the way he treated me.
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I was myself. To point out, I was NOT once cruel, and I can say that with all honesty. I never put him down or yelled at him, but of course I was upset and it lasted for a few minutes when he said cruel things. It hurt so I stayed upset for about 30 min. I did give him attitude sometimes, but I always apologized. Im not saying Im perfect by any means, but RayKay you are right, I did not provoke him in any way that deserved verbal abuse. He was basically asking me to be perfect, because if I did ANYHING he didn't like, he would yell at me. Sometimes he would be patient but most of the time not. I see my girlfriends and the way they act around their boyfriends and I do nothing different, in fact not too much bothers me, Im actually a chill person. I wonder sometimes if it really was me, and if I was different maybe he wouldnt be so verbally abusive. I don't know, but I dont think I did anything to deserve him blowing up every time he did. For example yesterday, I thought he didn't want dessert anymore, so I bought myself something, and he saw it and said "so you buy yourself something but not me, go figure." He said it with such cruelty. Then he kept telling me he was sick of this, sick of that, told me to shut up and made me leave.
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Thanks! I believe there is that right person for everyone too if we just let it happen and not stay with the jerks. =)
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blender: Thanks so much for the encouragement. I will forget about my stuff, and focus on myself now. Those good times were just moments, because he could snap and be so cruel the next minute. I can do this, i know, I just need to forget my things, forget what he is thinking or why he doesn't care or call, and just move on! I will post here if I get weak, but I know ultimatley what needs to happen, because he will not change and just blame it all on me.
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Yes, I put to much hope in him, and I keep clinging to the good moments when he is kind and shows so much affection. In all reality i know that i can have that all the time with a "normal" man. I just kept hoping that he would see I am a good girlfriend. It won't happen, he is verbally and mentally abusive and that won't change. I have to do something extreme now to never go back to him again. I know many women who have left men for much less, and I want to be that strong woman again.
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Thanks Hub! He is not worth the trouble. He has proved it by saying and doing all those cruel things, kicking me out, then not even calling me at all. He is not worth it, neither is my stuff Thanks for the responses! I feel better. =)
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Robowarrior, the things he got frustrated with were SO small. I decided I wanted to change my order, he gets mad and tells me he has to do EVERYTHING for me. Not true, he just does it when I don't even ask him to or want him to. He yells at me for everything, if I don't do things right away or his way, im yelled at. His little "playful" hitting and being forceful yesterday did scare me, and he did it with a sneer on his face that just made me sick. I know deep down that whatever I do he will always find a problem with it...
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Thank you Beyond the Sea, Is it normal to be feeling so crazy and hurt right now. Im at work and just feel so much anger that he hasn't even called me or cared to apologize. You are right about my stuff. I was just going to email him and say I wanted my bike back, then I saw your post. I guess I can get a new one, and going to get it would be bad, even if I made sure he wasn't home. He was so cruel yesterday, and I saw a side of him I never saw, and he still blames it all on me. Will he ever see that I was such a loyal and loving gfriend to him? I tried SO hard and all the effort I put into trying with him seems so worthless in his eyes. I know I didn't deserve the abusive words and the cruelty, but why do I still feel so angry and the temptation to contact him. Thanks for your response. It stopped me from contacting him again. =)
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For those of you who know my situation, I have stayed pretty strong up until yesterday, staying away from my (ex) boyfriend. Well, I gave in for the last time on Sunday, and went over to his place to talk things out and in my head end things on a good note. That was so dumb of me I know! Anyways, things were going so well, we got outside and played some sports together, sat on the bench and talked for a while, and it was really nice. He was being so sweet. We go to lunch.. Long story short, I pissed him off for being indecisive, and he ends up getting mad at me and saying, "I always have to think and do everything for you and it gets so old!" He hurt me by saying that and I was sad, and he told me to 'snap out of it now or I go home." The scary thing was when I was on his computer and he "playfully" hit me after I said something he didn't really like. I told him to not do that, even if it was jokingly. So, with a smile on his face, he started to get really forceful and rough with me, and I told him to stop. he was holding me with force, and hitting me, not hard, but doing it in a really weird way. Eventually he just became so bossy and so cruel over every little thing he told me to get out and I left. He blames it ALL on me, and is ignoring me and doesn't think his cruelty and damaging words were wrong. I left some things, a few nice clothes, a bike under $200, and maybe some other little things at his place. He doesn't live around the corner either, and Im debating whether I should just leave my stuff behind and never look back at him or deal with him again. Is this stuff worth going back, even if he won't be home? I wrote him an angry email last night saying to just keep my stuff, and to s***w everything that had to do with us. I was so hurt and upset, and he hasn't even called to apologize or anything!
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I read each of your responses, and was so amazed at how much an outside perspective of the relationship can really open my eyes to what kind of person I truly have been dealing with. I can try and I can be loyal, yet none of that matters because he will always be who he is. After reading each of your posts, I realize there is no point in giving him a chance or believing his apologies. it wont get me anywhere to try and make him see its so much of his doing that destroyed the relationship. He will always see it as all my fault, and if I tried to change his opinion, i would drive myself even more crazy. I was looking at the dr. carver article, and on link removed on how to identify if your man is mental and verbally abusive. He fit almost 9/10 things on the list. i literally broke down and cried because I have felt so trapped, and so miserable trying to prove to this abusive man that I am a good girl, I loved him so much, and I wanted so much for him to see my good side instead of the constant "bad things" he thinks I always do. The fact that he yells at me, tells me to shut up and has told me im always wrong, makes me cringe now. I have not responded or talked to him, and I will take this day by day with NC. I appreciate each post so much! Each one of you have been a blessing to me, and I need to be strong because I will be fine soon. That strong, loving, and happy person will come out very soon once this man is out of my life.
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All of your advice has really helped me so much. In fact, when he called me back twice today, I ignored it. Then, he left me a voicemail, and said he was sorry, and he never says sorry. Should i believe him, or continue to ignore it. I texd him back and said that i responded to his email He had emailed me before he called me saying, "you need to learn more facts, and learn more things before you speak." basically he was telling me that I need to not talk unless I know what im talking about. The thing is I just share my opinion on so many things we talk about, but if its not right TO HIM, its always wrong. Anyways, I replied saying that his behavior was cruel and unnacceptable. Since then, he hasn't tried to contact me. Should I just continue doing nc, and not even pay attention to him if he contacts me again? He leaves for his mothers out of state for a week, and I was supposed to stay at his place a couple days after he left. I know i cant contact him, but I hope I will stay strong when he may come around...
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Thank you!
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Thank you all for the posts. I guess I have no excuse for going back. I try to say its because he is so nice when he isn't having an outburst, or if I didn't act this way, he wouldn't be so cruel. I KNOW Im so wrong in that thinking, and I need to give up on him for good. The thing that will keep me away is that he's starting to scare me with his temper, and he BLOWS UP over the smallest things. I may need therapy, you are all right, because I NEVER EVER took any crap from men before, and they were really good guys too. For some reason, this man has a hold on me, and I know for my safety and sanity I'll find a way to do NC full force and put this man out of my life 100%. NOTHING i do is good enough, he loses it over the smallest things, he ignores me, and I end up saying sorry for things he should be begging me for forgiveness for. He is so kind one minute, then the next, chaos... Im sick of feeling like this. He has anger problems that have nothing to do with me. all ive done wrong with this man is show unconditional love. Im not perfect, but I was so loyal and loving to him, Im done doing that to someone who doesn't care. I will be ok. Im strong, there are other men that have shown interest and I need to go out and date other people, because I don't want to spend my 20's being scared of what to say, do, or how to act. Thanks for all of your posts! Just sharing it and hearing some of your responses makes me stronger already. I will be strong, because I always was until meeting him. I can do this, with the help of my loving family and friends and this forum, I will leave him for good.
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I am sad to say I caved in and went back to my boyfriend. bad move i know. Please read my previous post to get the whole situation. yesterday, I said something he didn't like, and he was already sick of my "attitude" and he basically made me leave. He said I don't want to deal with you tonight, just go! My drive home is pretty far, so it sucks to drive when Im angry, and in traffic. He wouldn't even let me talk, just made me leave. Later that night I said I missed him, and if I could come back. he ignored me all yesterday, didn't call me or answer my earlier texts, but I still wanted to make things right and be with him. So, he said ok, and I came back. I brought pizza and as soon as I walked in he started bossing me around, telling me to get him ranch dressing, get a plate for him, and when I didn't right away he said, "listen to me, get the plate right now!" He was treating me like crap, when I was making such an effort to make up to him, and just get him happy. He is so cruel that way! Then, this morning we were taking a drive, and a fast beat song came on the radio. I said, 'you don't like these songs do you?' He said, "i don't like techno, there's a difference." I said it just sounded like techno, and he WENT OFF! He said, "you are WRONG!" "You are always wrong, nothing that comes out of your mouth is right!!" He lost it! I tried to talk and say it was just my opinion, and he said, "shut the F**** up, shut up, shut up!!" He was yelling at the top of his lungs, and people outside of the car were staring." I may not know as much as him, but he constantly tells me im wrong, that I embarrass him when everything i say is wrong. Im younger than him, and he is smart, but half the time im not wrong like he says. What is wrong with me. Why can't I have the diva attitude and never look back on this man. All he has been is cruel to me, telling me Im always wrong, yelling at me, kicking me out, telling me to shut up. Im about to break down, and I still have feelings for him. What do I do to never want to see or care about this man again.?? It may be that I want to let him know that his anger and outburts are not all my fault, and make him feel the pain I feel when he overreacts at everything. I guess that will never happen, because like someone told me on this board, a man like this is sick in the head.