xtina75

First let me say that I sorry to hear about your difficulties. While I don't have AS I have battled depression and social anxiety for many years and have recently started to come out of it. This may sound trite but I am a firm believer that your outlook paints the world around you, ergo you become a self fulfilling prophecy. If you think you are a jerk you may be perceived as a jerk. If you believe you are on the outside then you quite possible dwell there, albeit mentally. There are many caring people in this world. I'm sorry if I sound like miss mary sunshine but you have to stop being so hard on yourself. You are not alone. And there is nothing wrong with asking a friend for a hug. She or he may not realize you need one. And you are right, no one is going to come along and save you. You have to save yourself. I didn't start to heal until I realized this and started doing something about it.

In complete sincerity, could you guys please explain to me the appeal of Ren fairs? I've heard the appeal from a guy's POV but would love to know from a woman. Do you go to battle too?

What is considered normal is what is familiar to us and what we can relate to. I completely agree with this statement but don't you think as you age your idea of what is "normal" changes? Like when my bf and I first started dating 10 yrs ago I had come from a relatively sheltered background and found pretty tame things abnormal. Now, looking back, I see that I needed to open my eyes more. So I am wondering if maybe in another 10 yrs I will realize that he wasn't all that abnormal. Ah the mental circles! another question: Is the ideal relationship one that is unconditionally accepting? Because if I came home w/purple hair, a green pirate patch, wearing a clown suit, and I told him that I was going to blow my savings so I could start a foundation for poodles against Oprah he would hug me and say, great, as long as you are happy I am happy. Sigh, I wish I could do that. But something is stopping me. This is when I feel like I am the a-hole.

I need some honesty here. I have come to the conclusion that I don't like some of my bfriend's hobbies/actions b/c I am worried what people will think of him/me. But it's not just little stuff...like at easter, he told my family he used to bite his cats to tame them, just like the cat's mother would. I have a really conservative family and I wanted to die. So fine, it sounds kind of stupid but this happens all the time. And he gets annoyed when I try to edit him. He also likes to attend a spiritually forum in the city (Landmark--anyone ever been?) which sounds a little cultish, but maybe I am wrong. He's looking for answers but not in the same places as me...I don't mean to paint a 100% ugly picture because on a day to day basis I know I love him. I just want to know if anyone out there has ever dated anyone that sometimes made them cringe? Am I being shallow? Focosuing on our differences is not going to keep us together but man, somedays they are glaringly apparent.

Can your father help? I had a really hard time talking to my step father and so I asked my mother to bring up some of the issues I was having with him first, so when we talked he wasn't caught off guard. It turns out he was just as scared to talk to me. Being able to share your feelings with someone takes practice. Can you start off small...just light talk and then as you grow more comfortable move onto more charged issues? Step situations are delicate--I know it's really hard but have faith.

I guess one of my hobbies is worrying...I have tried joining him but walking around cemetaries at 4 a.m. is a little freaky. It's funny...kind of. But this is definitely something I need to accept so we can move forward. At least he is not at strip clubs, right?

Could someone please tell me if they are dating someone with strange hobbies (ok at least i find them strange). My BF is into paranormal research and likes those Ren fairs, etc. I say to each his own but these hobbies are not my idea of a good time and I don't know if it's worth ending a 10 yr relationship over. We are supposed to get married and he told me if I have issues with his hobbies I need to accept him or maybe he is not the right one for me. He is a great man and very good to me but sometimes I feel like we are on completely different wavelengths. Like he's happy chasing ghosts and I'd like to go for a bikeride. He doesn't force his hobbies on me but he wants my support. But I dunno, I find it all really silly and maybe we need to be with people with similar interests. Anyone?