appleberry
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Posts
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i think u have to go to the stage where u fully accept the fact that u can't win ur ex back, that u've given up totally. that's the time u want to meet new guys and have no doubts about it.
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it's kind of confusing, because in ur post u obviously dont have trouble meeting other guys, since u almost had sex with one of them. i dont know about the residual feelings part because if you did have some for ur ex, you wouldn't be making out with that other guy...
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The question I have for you guys is this: There are certain things that my gf does that bothers me. However, these things aren't sufficient enough evidence for me to specifically say that she's cheating/losing interest, or whatever. On the other hand, it does bother me enough to the extent that I want to discuss these things with her; I like our relationship to be open to communication. On the other other hand, I feel that since I dont have enough evidence, talking these things over with her might sour the relationship even further. It seems like I'm pretty much screwed. Any good advice that can kill 2 birds with 1 stone?
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thanks for all the great responses polaris hit the nail on the head =P i like how you described it as a "conditional obsession." I think i definitely do suffer from that. i do believe it is a control issue once the panic takes over and while going out with friends is a very helpful remedy in theory, in practicality, once i start panicking, nothing is on my mind except trying to get a hold of her. (yes i know, that sounds very wimpy). But anyhow, behavioral modification is one way of handling it. Is there anything else that can have a faster effect? I was thinking along the lines of fast acting medications? like sedatives/anxiolytic drugs? i tried etoh once but i dont know if that works. maybe i should see a psych consult.
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not currently. i was referring to a hypothetical situation and events that happened in the past, where i knew she was mad at me for a certain thing (although very silly) but just wouldn't pick up or go online or reply to anything. i mean, i was left in a situation where i can't even explain myself
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thanks for the reply. i sort of expected your reply because others have said the same thing. the only problem i have with that is: if i dont call, wouldn't it make it seem like im insensitive to her feelings and not wanting to apologize. i always felt that that would drive her away just the same if she feels that i dont even care about making her mad.
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That feeling... that sinking feeling. When my gf doesn't pick up my calls or I feel like she's mad at me for certain things, I get that sinking, churning feeling in my stomach, my heart beats faster than ever, and they won't go away! I don't know what it is: anxiety? panic? Is there anything I can do about it? (other than talking to her of course since she won't pick up), because I can't function normally and can't concentrate whenever that happens...
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I think the reason why people are quick to say leave him is mainly because at this point, telling him you are concerned is very likely to get the same kind of response that he's displaying in the first place; that he'll say he's busy with work and that you are over-reacting, etc etc... sure, you can't just leave him without telling him you are concerned, but the point is that at this moment whether telling him or not might not change much...
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Of course; I was just describing my experience and did not in fact say that he doesn't care about her. You took the optimistic approach and I, being the devil's advocate, took the pessimistic approach. Only the OP can safely say "what he is like as a person" and how he deals with stressful situations If he is the kind of person that, out of 24 hours a day, cannot spare 10 mins to talk, then so be it.
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Nope, i've been in for a while. However, i understand your question and I can say that there ARE plenty of time even if he JUST STARTED school and feel the pressure. School during the first year is usually just 9-5 at worst whereas right now i work more than 10 hours a day and still make time. Yes he needs to acclimatize or find his way around, but that shouldn't pressure him to not even being able to make a few minutes to talk on the phone. Lets say i move to a different state to start a new job and need to grow accustomed to my new surroundings; that shouldn't stop me at all from contacting my gf if i truly love her. Especially nowadays calling is so much easier with cell phones and such. To sum it up, no matter how much pressure he may feel, 20-30 min a day is NOT too much to ask for. If he can't make that kind of time, does he not make time to eat meals or go to the bathroom or sleep?
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Pacific Ocean Provides Too Much Distance?
appleberry replied to Maybe A Cat's topic in Long-Distance Relationships
"keeping your options open" does not necessarily mean "go and cheat on him" but more like "dont get TOO emotionally attached in case things don't work out and you have to go find someone else." -
hmmm i'm in medical school and i can talk to my gf in LDR for at least an hour a day PLUS online (and this is during school and not during vacation). There are a lot of free time in med school and if he can't dish out at least a couple of phone calls every day, then maybe his priority is set on school more than you (yes, kinda brutal but im being honest). I mean, it doesn't have to be an hour but at least 20-30 min a day is NOT AT ALL too much to ask for. That being said, i personally would say break it off, but it's up to you.
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among all things, the #1 is honesty. If you think about it, a lot of problems can be avoided if a girl is honest. Honesty means even if the guy may not notice the lie, she will still be honest