Sindy_0311

You are being curious 😁 We met yesterday. I did sent him the location on Sunday. We met and spent almost 3 hours together for a drink. In the beginning I felt a bit intimidated, so I just let him talk. He mainly talked about his business and activity as a coach, then he talked about his personal life. His ex-girlfriend broke up with him last December after cheating on him. (3 years together) He said he got really hurt and now feeling better but still having ups and downs. He asked about me, me marriage, my work, my life and at what point in my life I am. I told him that I’m enjoying meeting new people, and willing someday to find a partner. I mentioned that I’m usually cautious not meeting people who struggle with a recent breakup and that I would have appreciated him being honest about it in our first exchanges (which he did not. He said he understood) But then, we just enjoyed the evening. We were more relaxed, we laughed, talked a lot, he opened up a lot. We were sometimes touching each other, him on my shoulder or fixing my jacket. He was very (overly) chivalrous during the whole time. He also jumped to pay for the drinks and offered to drive me home when the bar closed. He opened the cars door (they don’t automatically do lol). I went out the car, hugged and thanked him. He said he would text me to ask how my surgery went (its scheduled for tomorrow). No kiss. I didn’t want at this point, but I felt like he wanted to because he seemed confused when we parted… According to the topic, I think the issue is this guy doesn’t seem in a good place. I felt sadness and disappointment from life in general. He is going through therapy, and is still healing from his past, childhood traumas, tough things… I didn’t feel this before because we didn’t exchange enough. I mainly saw what he portrays on social media, which is someone strong and ambitious, happy with his life. But right now, he clearly is not. Even his work seems to annoy him. He used to be a coach, and now he does more paper work, financial stuff which keeps him away from what he loves to do; coaching people. He also said how he struggles in approaching women in real life. Like make the first move or engage in conversations… (it reminded me of Yoga’s last topic about the man who don’t court women anymore. He is the archetype of those men, very masculine on the outside but so sensitive/feminine and often criticized for being so) Now the first exchange we had through text on the dating app was like usual: what are you looking for, what kind of relationship, where do you live, do you have kids, asking about values etc… I didn’t feel any issue in his responses… would we have texted more, maybe I would have sensed some things. I did feel some connection and familiarity during the date, like teasing and sitting very close to each other. I’m attracted to him, but I will let the ball in his court… Now HE has to figure out whether he wants this to go further according to what point he is at in his life.

Hi! I’m glad you are meeting new people. I never tried meetup, and from what you describe it’s like OLD. Don’t they organize group brunch’s, museum visits or things like that? I considered trying meetup a few month ago, but if there are guys reaching out and trying to get one on one dates, I might change my mind, because I thought it was more to do activities in a group of people…

This whole testing thing sounds so crazy and stupid. But let’s be honest, I think we all do that at some point. Now I know that if I reach out to him before he does I will have this little voice in my head wondering whether he would have done it. And it would make me feel uncomfortable. I remember the guy I dated last summer, the festival guy. I actually reached out to him after our first meet, after almost 48 hours of silence. And during 3 month I wondered whether he was spending time with me just to please me or because he knew I liked him and he liked that feeling. If I had not reached out, maybe he wouldn’t have either… it’s often said that a relationship ends the way it began. In this case it was true. He wasn’t available enough and too nonchalant. I guess this is the lesson I had to learn and apply now. I won’t reach out to mister perfect, if he doesn’t, no harm done, I have two other “good guys” asking for a meet. @rainbowsandrosesyou were right about this SM mistery. Someone said higher that as a coach he might be self absorbed or superficial, really I don’t know what he is about. so I will get down back on earth and stop my fantasies… (maybe i will stalk his social media until Monday and stop afterwards, he is such a cutie 😂)

Thank you for sharing. Yes this is the point. they are on dating sites because they want to find someone and maybe they didn't find the right one in real life. Its intimidating because only by seeing some pictures, social media, and some videos you already get the sense that you will like the person. Too late, I have been going through his social media quite a lot... But I think I will just treat him like any other guy. I'll try avoid talking about his work, and try to discover more about his personality to see whether he is compatible. He didn't seem willing to talk about his professional activity so I'll respect that, because I don't want this first meet to turn into a CrossFit discussion that would lead nowhere... I think it's ok to reach out tomorrow in the evening to set the place for the meet if he doesn't. He asked me where I wanted to meet him and I didn't tell him because the conversation turned to another subject. I will suggest the place tomorrow... I already heard his voice, so I think I will send him a voice message so he can hear mine too. Stakes are high Now according to the topic, what I experienced is that on OLD apps, when you don't exchange regularly with someone (like 2 or 3 days in a row), the conversation dies and we actually never meet. It just fizzles out until one meet someone they are more attracted to or get another interesting match. Which is often my case. I sometimes used to reach out after a few weeks again, only to find someone who wasn't that interested anymore... I think it's all a question of momentum. You sense some chemistry over text and you just enjoy the conversation until one suggests a meet. Once the meet is set, conversation usually dies a bit until we meet. And from there, you start texting or calling like you usually do with people you know in real life. Now, if you begin texting someone online, you have a few usual exchanges in the first minutes/hours and you exchange phone numbers and decide to set up a meet, I think there is no need to keep in touch in between. I just hope he won't bail... because this guy, frankly he is the personification of my mister perfect 😅 omg I feel so nervous... If I get the chance to actually meet him on Monday I don't know if I will be able to say a word in front of him. im so excited. I never experienced a crush like this without meeting, which makes me now understand how people can go for months entertaining long distance relationships with someone they never met.

This topic is interesting because I’m experiencing something different right now according to texting and knowing each other before meeting. I used to text with guys during a few days before meeting them in person. Usually they would reach out once a day at least. On Wednesday I matched with a new man (50) on a dating app. we had some exchanges during the evening and at the end of that conversation he suggested we go for a drink some time. I replied positively for next Monday, he accepted. Then no news during 24 hours. I reached out asking how he was doing and he replied in the evening saying he has been busy with work, but gave me his phone number so we could set things up easier for Monday. We had a few more texts after that. Today no news at all. I watched his instagram and found out that he is the head owner and coach of a famous CrossFit center and that he used to co-present a tv show and knows some celebrities. He didn’t mention he is a coach during our conversation until I brought it up. I do CrossFit, we have acquaintances in commun. And I can imagine how busy he is throughout the day. Him not texting makes completely sense. Why would he? I’m just a random woman he matched with on a dating app. This made me rethink this all texting before meeting… as Batya suggested, it’s maybe better to text only to set up dates after the first exchange. But I have to say I don’t feel very comfortable going to that date now (he might/probably cancel it til then) because I feel like he’s out of my league and he doesn’t seem curious to know more about me. He is an abstract concept, and I can’t stop thinking about him, wondering whether we will actually meet on Monday. I already feel so intimated. First time it happens. First time that a guy seems healthy enough not to give me more importance than what I or any woman/man deserves at this stage. I just hope he won’t bail on me, or laugh at me during the date if he actually decides to show up, which I doubt very much 😅 Now I’m just here, sitting back and waiting to see what will happen on Monday, but the true/little anxious me wants him to reach out and make sure that he isn’t going to ghost me…

Look, my post might sound out of purpose, and I completely own it. You opened this thread to share your OLD adventures. And you met a women, I guess I’m not wrong by saying this is the first woman you met in real life since you opened the thread. Let me just say something. I’ve been meeting guys through apps for almost three years now. And frankly, none of them was ready emotionally to get into something serious. At the point that I removed my profile from these apps because NONE of the men I met on these apps were reliable. I’ve met about 50 guys in 3 years, I can’t think of one who was healthy enough to engage in a relationship. Now I know that if I meet someone who has a profile online I will have to deal with a complicated persona and I will date him casually only. My man, my partner, I will find find him somewhere in real life, doing my things, when I don’t expect him. I hope you found a partner in the lady you are currently dating. But please don’t get to smitten and protect yourself. As me and some of my friends would say: it’s no coincidence she is on an OLD app… (I’m on these apps because I have things to resolve too) Most men I met on the apps had things going on, were not ready, or not willing to engage in something serious. Statistics say that you have to meet at least 10 person (OLD) to find one that fits you In some way… Maybe I was the unlucky one… I just say it with my love and consideration, please be cautious 🙏

Just been thinking today, every Monday, when I pick up my son at school for my week of custody, he wears the exact same clothes as the previous week when I dropped him at his dads. I know he puts him the same clothes on just to make me understand that isn’t to acceptable to mix his stuff. And surely because the clothes I buy are less fancy… my son already told me… i feel so ashamed edit: I wonder how my son perceives this: “look this is your uniform for mummy’s week… “

I don’t know, I have to seek informations. I read this today on a Swiss website about divorce: « In the event of substantially different incomes, the parent who earns more owes a pension to the other parent so that the child's lifestyle is the same, whether he is with dad or mom. » I will call a jurist this week, ask him how to deal with this after school club thing, the fact that he forces me to pay for a nanny in black because I can’t afford full time, the health expenses in case of désagréments, if the fact that he lives with someone officially and therefore has less expenses plays a role etc…

Just after our divorce he had money issues and I helped him. I lent him smth like 700, he gave me back but I did help because I knew he wasn’t financially comfortable either. Now that he is living with his girlfriend, who earns way more than him and come from a wealth family he is over controlling. Sometimes I wonder whether it doesn’t come from her. (She used to type the texts he sends me, I know it because they are written correctly, and he doesn’t speak French well, and he didn’t deny when I brought it up) I don’t know what’s going on…

Last week he told me I have to buy another soccer’s outfit, bag and shoes because he doesn’t want our son to travel with his stuff from one appartment to the other. I will have to spend at least 200 on that, and the same goes for his toys, clothes shoes etc… we don’t share anything even thought we live in the same neighborhood. When I decided to bring him to a dentist in emergency because he had some pain, he wasn’t ok because he said he already had an appointment three weeks after and he could wait. So I paid the bill. He didn’t participate. Is that normal?

No, I don’t think he would provide. 6 month ago I asked him whether he would be ok paying half the after school club I wanted my son to go. He didn’t agree and unfortunately their don’t have part time agreements for divorced parents. Meaning that you pay full time even if your kid goes half time. Which is why I decided to keep my nanny, was too expensive for me alone. Also he receives the family allowance and gives me half of it after paying my sons health insurance. He even benefits of social financial help for my sons insurance. A few month ago I asked for me but they reported a part of the help on my sons insurance. I’m sure if my ex husband would have asked for it, based on his financial situation they wouldn’t allow anything. I think I will discuss this with my brother in law tomorrow. He helped me do budget and cutt all unnecessary expenses one year ago. Now it’s time to assess all this… and find other ways. Because obviously it’s not working.

You are right, I think I just needed to vent yesterday. Maybe time to look for another job and make more money… that’s the only solution and I will focus on this now.

I had tough evening. I went to a restaurant with a friend of mine. We have been talking a lot about parenthood, especially single parents. I told her how I was struggling financially. Trying to provide for my son but also knowing that my situation is not the same as his dads and that the more he is growing up he senses the difference. I live in a small appartement. He has his bedroom and I sleep on the couch in the living room. I cannot buy new clothes whenever I want to, I can’t take him on holidays, I can’t buy him expensive toys. And I’m trying hard to make it. But I know he feels that I’m stressed, anxious and I don’t want to make him feel bad about my situation. My friend she told that maybe I should just leave my son to his dad because she experienced living with her mom and feeling her anxiety. I work full time job, I barely see my son throughout the week. The only entire free days we can spend together are Sundays, twice a month. His dad lives in a 150m square rooftop with his new girlfriend. He shares coasts with her, and me, I’m still miserable in my tiny apparement trying to make it through the end of the month… I don’t even can afford having my own car. I feel tired and exhausted not being able to give my son the life he deserves, and am considering leaving full custody to his dad. At least I won’t damage my son with my anxieties and stress and let him enjoy the life he deserves with his dad.

I agree. I referred to the “talking stage” as two people dating and seeing if there is some compatibility or potential for something serious. Obviously now they were just talking/texting each other, which is not the same as dating someone. Maybe my English wasn’t clear enough…

OP, didn't you already invite her and she declined? Edit : From the last thread: "asked her if something is wrong or if there's something bothering her, but she said no. So, I suggested that maybe we should meet since we've been texting and talking on the phone for months, but she said she's not ready yet."

Four month after my divorce I had a casual relationship with a guy whose mom was living next to my building. I didn't know it when we started to hang out together. But once the relationship ended, 2 or 3 month in, I would often bump into him. More than previously obviously. He even saw me going home with another guy someday. And another day I was talking outside with one of my friends and he looked at me weirdly and the next day texted me, "why can't you even say hi.." This is why I would never try to seduce a neighbor. Not even talking about the days my hair isn't done and I meet him in the elevator 🙈... This kind of proximity isn't not really healthy for a relationship IMO. But in your case, I would just wait to bump into him again and try to have another casual conversation. Any other moves would be to obvious and intrusive. (but let me mention that I'm Swiss, one of the coldest species of this planet lol)

So stop initiating, and let this fizzle out... Why would there be anything wrong? You are not her boyfriend, neither are you her friend, you were just "talking". She changed her focus and she has the complete right to do so without owing you an explanation. Maybe time for you to do the same. have you considered talking to other girls on a dating app or IRL? Just a little tip (JMHO of cours) : When you start interacting with a girl, being it in real life or texting, please see it for what it is: talking. There are no feelings of love involved, you don't know each other, you don't know whether you are compatible yet, etc... After the "talking stage", meaning after you both had a few dates, have been hanging out casually and decide to make the relationship official and be committed, then you can start open up about your feelings and discuss this "distance thing", have more open communication. Prior to this "official stage", she doesn't have to answer to you about anything.

First of all, you aren't the only one single guy looking for his perfect match. You can be perfect, good-looking, have money, its doesn't guarantee you will find a woman. There's nothing unfair about it, this is just life. Some people find their person, some don't. BUT, let me say this: People actually like you based on how you make them feel about themselves. People don't give a sh*** about others (except family or close friends). It doesn't matter to them if you look perfect and if you have all good qualities if at the end of the day you don't make them feel good about themselves around you. People are self-absorbed, have all kind of insecurities, struggles in life, and your Oh So Perfect appearance and personality, don't help them feel good about themselves. Tell the women how beautiful they look, compliment them, ask about them, make them talk about themselves, their lives etc...Also show some vulnerability, tell them about something that makes you feel insecure while focusing more on the other person and you will see your results go to the roof. Btw, given how you talked about yourself, I would run... Wishing you good luck!

Is she reaching out to you? Or are you the one always initiating? I Suggest you stop texting her, and if she does reach out simply tell her that you rather keep it at that, as you aren’t looking for a text buddy. But if someday she’s open to meet in person and that you are still available, it would be with pleasure. You wish her well and THIS is the closure you need. asking whether she is loosing interest is way too needy and desperate… she’s not your girlfriend, not even your friend. She doesn’t owe you nothing. And frankly you aren’t loosing anything outside of a few words on a screen form time to times. for the note: I cannot understand how people loose their mind over these virtual/texting “relationships”. Have you ever seen Catfish the tv show on MTV? I find it scary how they value the people they are texting/calling more than people present in their lives. They are often very naive and so out of reality. I suggest you watch an episode someday. I wish you good luck and happy Easter!!

Reach out after a few days / weeks… They don’t do it because they miss a woman to much and can’t live without her. Usually they just want to make sure they still have access to her or because they are bored.

So you got sexual without having intercourse early stage? After how many dates? And what exactly were you doing?

I’m a single mom too every two weeks. Be both have 50% custody. It allows me to go out on dates, meet my friends, work on my projects and workout more when my son is with his father. I don’t think the issue is the fact that you have a kid or are a single mom. The issue could be that you don’t have much time on your hands to meet men and build a connection with the men you are dating. Some men I have dated these last two years were sometimes bothered by my lack of time. Especially the ones who didn’t have kids. They knew that every two weeks they wouldn’t see me. And early stage this situation is not easy. I sometimes had to wait two weeks before going on another date with a guy. (we only had weekend dates because of our work schedule) And when you hang out only twice a month, it’s not easy to build a close connection. That why I decided to date guys who live close enough to catch up when we have a couple of hours. Maybe you should try to date man who also have kids. They are more likely to understand your situation. And frankly if men don't commit to you, its not because you are a mom, its just because they don't like you enough. I wish someone someday finds a recipe to overcome this... I had the same feeling this morning when I woke up, mornings would be so easier if I had a mans arms wrapped around me... If someone has some advice to share outside of the commun "enjoy your life, workout, meet your friends", that would be very welcome... how to deal with celibacy and its loneliness?

Agree. Why do you accept it if it bothers you? I always suggest going out for a drink, a walk, a movie first. And then we can go back home and cuddle etc... With some exceptions: when I feel tired from work and don't feel like going out again, like last Monday. I had a date with a guy I'm casually seeing, he came over. I asked him to bring drinks and he did and also bought us some sushis which I didn't expect. Last week he had tickets to go to a sports event he bought a long time ago and unfortunately for the both of us, it was our last night of the week without our kids. So he asked whether he could come over at 10pm after the event. I told him no, because I don't like it so late. He didn't come. Create your own culture. If it's bothers you, then just don't do it. This will help you filter guy's true intentions even better.

So what?? Did he ask you out? Said that he has changed and wants to be a good man to you? if not, reply politely but stay cold. Yeah, he just wanted an ego boost, he got it! (they all do that btw) For your own sake, forget about this guy.

Do you feel like there is a lack of chemistry in the kisses you exchange? When waiting to have sex, I think it's a good thing to gauge compatibility with kissing and cuddling. What do you mean exactly by "not passionate"? Its is in the duration? Or the lack of "tongue contact", or is just that she doesn't seem to melt when you kiss? Why is she asking you to spend the night then? Why put herself in a "dangerous" situation if she wants to ovoid sex early stage? I don't know but I feel like she is trying to feign control instead of letting the anticipation and the beauty of the unknown let this relationship progress at its own peace... Its ok to say that you are willing to wait until you both feel comfortable getting more intimate, but making it CLEAR NO SEX, sounds a bit hostile. I think she is a good woman, but the things she says are typical of people who got played or token advantage of in the past. I hope her insecurities won't bring any issues later on. Wish you the best!