Sindy_0311

I wasn’t ending the conversation, I just took sometime to answer to one of his texts. Maybe he got bothered that I m a slow texter 😁

For some clarity, here are his texts: -I wanted to ask you something, these last days have you continued to chat with other men? It's out of curiosity - Ah OK. Not being someone who runs several hares at once, I had put the rest on hold..but I understand - I understand but I'm not like that... if I follow you that means you're going to meet all of us and make a choice. It's a kind of speed dating...I think it spoils the magic of the meeting, even if it's only virtual. At the last one: - Okay, I'll leave you for tonight. You probably have lots of messages to answer 😜... I am teasing you Have a goog night. Talk to you tomorrow 🌛 (google translate)

I know and I'm aware that this one is showing controlling behavior. I'm not trying to make this thread about him, because its not, its just an exemple. I'm also talking with others. but this guy I know him by far, he lived in my city when I was younger and used to go out at the same places, bars, his groups of friends knew my group of friends at that time. We already saw each other without really engaging. I don't think he is a bad person maybe he was feeling to familiar... so I guess I will go on that "date" because im curious about seeing him again. We have been talking for a week now and he seems really transparent about who he is, where he works, shared his social media, and he is very polite (except for that remark)...Maybe this will just turn into a "friendship" as I suppose it will...

Do you mean that being exclusive is the same as being "official" girlfriend/boyfriend?

in fact I usually don't date multiple people. I do it in the beginning when I don't know nothing about a guy or if I'm not sure about my attraction towards him. but once I become attracted to him and see some kind of potential, I drop the "others" because Im not willing to engage with them, but not because I've been asked to be exclusive... Also heard that guys consider woman who are mutlidating like *** teaser or playing the fields, its very pejorative. I know a lot of them who don't like it at all and couldn't even consider dating such women. The question was more about this concept of exclusivity once you are starting to see someone more regularly. I read this somewhere about men: "Unless he makes you his girlfriend, you don't owe him any loyalty... " and I kinda agree with it... Why would he want you as a girlfriend if he already gets all the benefits and knows that you're not going anywhere because you accepted to be exclusive... In my opinion it should be either: A: We are dating and also free to engage with other people if we want to. B: We are in an official relationship and loyal to each other. There is no space for the in-between (understand exclusivity)...

This is a good point! But can you apply this to OLD, because frankly there are a lot of avoidants on those apps… and you can’t really figure it out after one or two dates…

This is also a famous sales technique. The less choice you give the client the happier they are with their purchase… but you cannot expect someone to choose the only one painting that is hanging on the white wall of the gallery.

Sorry I didn’t get it. Yes HE did. And by the time I was posting here he was waiting for my response and double texted me something like: ‘well I’m going to bed, I presume you have many texts to reply to, just kidding… 😜’ This is so annoying.

Hell I didn’t say that. I told him that if someday we happen to feel something special, or that we have a true connection, exclusivity will come naturally. I didn’t mention the speed dating or better option thing.

Yes i told him that I was speaking to other men. Because he asked. I then told him that if he wasn’t comfortable with it I understood and asked him if he still wanted us to meet on Friday. He said he wanted to. He told me multiple times how he is a monogamous type etc etc… but I didn’t ask him to be, so I presume I can meet other guys… 😂

I also know of some people agreeing to date exclusively, but not making it official though. So what’s the point in making it exclusive? IMO It’s like having the boyfriend/girlfriend benefit without having to « commit » or introducing to family or share worlds… if you feel like you don’t want to share your SO with other people, why can’t you just label the relationship?

I just wanted to open a new topic about exclusivity because I have heard many contradicting opinions about it lately. Do you think its a tool for guys or women to take control without having to commit? How is it that people get inconfortable in early stage when you tell them that you are dating others? A man I met online just asked me whether I was meeting/talking to other guys, I replied honestly and he told me by text that I was kinda “speed dating” to choose my better option. We have a first meet planned on Friday and he already brought that up… he pretends he feels uncomfortable about it… Here in Switzerland people don’t speak much about the exclusivity concept, it’s either official or it’s not… that why I’m thinking that it isn’t worth anything at the end… What you guys think? 🙏

Oh please 😂

This is why it’s so important to meet people In real life asap. As @Batya33 said, don’t wait more than 2 weeks. If it’s not possible to make it because one has a trip planned, ask them to reach out to you when they come back but do not keep texting in between. if a guy cancels a first meet and doesn’t reschedule it, I immediately step back and wish him well. I don’t let time wasters a chance to make me loose my precious time at this stage. But unfortunately I let them do it once we engage in a relationship 😁

I don’t understand why you say he wasted your time? Because of the texting?

I don’t think he wasted your time. You never met, he was just a number on a screen. Maybe he was talking with multiple people and at the moment he decided to give more energy to the one(s) he felt more attracted to… I sometimes also start a conversation, text for a few days and then change my mind because there is someone else I feel more “connection” with… this is just how it works. Don’t take it personal. Also have to say that I have been texting with many many guys on online dating sites, sometimes we met, sometimes not, but I don’t get emotional at all about it. As long as I don’t meet the guy, he remains an abstract concept to me… I have no expectations at all.

This can resonate so much to many of us. I will magnet it on my fridge as a reminder 🙌🏻

Did he do it?

The guy showed you exactly who he was but still you sticked to him. You didn’t run from it when you first had serious doubts… I’m not blaming you, neither him, but I suggest you try to be more skeptical when starting to date someone… observe, if you see something you don’t like, address it and if not corrected, leave. Dont get so emotional that you get to the point to struggle to let him go.

You weren’t played, you just made a poor choice…

But he didn’t want to make you his girlfriend… these were just words… please always look at men’s action. Look at them like you would watch a silent movie, and you will have the answers you need…

You wanted to figure out if his nonchalant behavior was him faking a lack of interest?

I was thinking about this compliment thing. I think it’s ok if a man isn’t complimenting you as much was you would like IF he is good in other areas and you feel secure in the relationship. This can be applied to many other aspects. For instance if a man doesn’t want to vacuum but he provides in different ways, it’s still ok. The problem with your guy was not only about the lack of compliments, as you said he was nonchalant and had other negative traits. At the end you didn’t feel safe in this relationship, that’s why you ended up playing games. Just to say that you were not best for each other….

Let her reach out to you. Give her a few days. There’s no hurry. If she wants to see you again she will let you know.

So I assume her work schedule for the week isn’t allowing her to see you? How is that? Does she have night shifts?