Sindy_0311

You said your reaction was a bit silly...

I think you were nervous because you have developed strong feelings for him. ^^

Don’t worry, you are not being rude. I wasn’t telling you how to stop interacting with him, but rather why (sorry again). And I wasn’t specifically talking about the guys you met last year, but about the one that you might meet soon if you give yourself a chance to be 100% emotionally available for him. What exactly are you learning about yourself? It’s not mean to wish someone good luck and the best. But I do think people need to set better boundaries based on their expectations or what they want for their lives. If you are attracted to someone and wish for something more but the OP cannot meet you there, then you distance yourself, it’s common sense. In this case, I don’t think it’s a friendship (friends don’t kiss each other), so I don’t see any harm in deciding to distance if it doesn’t lead anywhere for the moment. Man, If I had to remain friendly with every emotionally unavailable guys I’ve dated, I would be on the phone 24/7. At some point, you decide what’s best for you and just take some distance to move on and find someone ready and that has the same desires as you. I had to clarify, but I will leave it at that.

I totally agree with all that's been said by @Kwothe28 I think in your case, the wisest thing to do would be to send him a text like: “I do enjoy our conversations and meeting last summer. But as you may know, I have a lot going on and often don’t have much time to respond to your texts. As I don’t want to left you on read, I suggest you hit me up if you wish to come visit me, and until then I wish you good luck to find your dream job. I hope everything turns out well for you.” In my opinion, you are way to invested in this, and I do think that the connection you sense with this guy might prevent you from recognizing the right guy once he shows up. I think it’s time for you to move on Kim. This whole messages and texting isn't helping you in any way. Still, you don't cut him off completely: If he calls in six months when he gets a job and wants to come see you, if you are still single, then great. If he never calls, then you will have saved 6 month of your life and maybe overcome your attraction for him and met another great guy. I’m afraid this situation will drag on indefinitely… Think about it.

I do send voice messages when I’m in a hurry and don’t have the time to type long texts, I send them when I’m in my car most of the time, when I have some time to reply… when a guy asks me to send a voice message so that he can hear my voice, or when he calls me, it’s more meaningful to me. Also I do enjoy it when guys take the time to write long texts with paragraphs… I’m not a voice message fan..

These are just assumptions. Unless he says “I want to hear your voice” this shift isn’t something to read into…

I do think it could be laziness. Men often don’t like typing all these damn words. I would have been more enthusiastic if he had called you instead…

A man being jealous doesn’t necessarily mean he has feelings for a woman. He can show a possessive side just because he is a man driven by his testosterone and wants to have them all for himself… (which apparently he does) drop this one…

Usually, when someone asks you out on a date and you have to reschedule, YOU should propose another time and place... Its not on the other person to do it IMO Maybe he thought you weren't that interested as you didn't reschedule it... But anyway, I agree with others, he dosent seem to be boyfriend material...

If you want a serious relationship, you better leave that guy alone. He isn’t for you. Always believe men when they say they don’t want anything serious. Why would you do that? This isn’t going to change anything… he doesn’t seem into you… sorry for you

I know it’s not easy. My kid slept early tonight, so I took some time for myself and watched Jane Eyre (I read the book several times and saw all the adaptations) Do you know the scene where they mention the string from the chest? When you feel so strongly for someone… Every time I watch this movie, it reveals so many things about who is important to me… and the truth is theres always this special person coming to my mind… I don’t know if you feel the same, but I just wanted to share this as I thought it might resonate with you. Have a lovely night 💫

I totally agree with the heavy flirty thing or men coming on too strong. Not a fan either. And it would definitely be inappropriate from his part In my opinion. However, I was referring to flirting in a way of showing that there’s some level of attraction or interest. Like complimenting and making OP feel special about something... this kind of exchanges you can have with a person you are interested in. Since you’ve known each other for some time and kissed, I guess he got the hint that you don’t view him as a friend. So it wouldn’t surprise me if he tried to gauge your interest level in a suggestive way or say something about that kiss (which I guess wasn’t nothing….) It's good you still want to plan dates even if they don't lead anywhere. Me, when I have a crush on someone, I’m not capable of going on a date with another guy and appreciate him. That’s why I always try to overcome my crushes before dating again. otherwise I know its a complete loss of time. 😅

Sorry he got rejected for the job. I know some fields are very specific. I have always been working in art galleries and when I left my previous one I knew it would take some time to find another perfect job. That’s the reason why I worked for 18 months in a basic job I really didn’t like while improving my knowledge through online courses, until I found my new art gallery. It took some time and I knew I wouldn’t find something so easily so I hope it will turn out good for him. It's good he is keeping in touch and being friendly with you. Do you sometimes flirt over text? Did he ever mentioned the kiss you exchanged, or does he compliment you in a flirty way? And how about your dates? Are capable of meeting other guys without comparing them to him?

What is it that makes you attracted to him? Is he good looking?

I do walk. But as I wrote above, OP didn’t, so I’m trying to adjust to how she operates and recommended she addressed it.

I totally agree, and I wouldn’t have gone either. But since OP decided to go, the least she can do is address his silence…

I quoted this section because I think people don’t have to wait to be in an established couple to have these discussions. She knows him for one month now and noticed something that made he feel uncomfortable. Why wait until being a couple to speak up. It’s in the dating stage that compatibility/values are being examined. If you act like you are ok with someone’s inconsistency in communication in early stage, but once in a committed relationship you bring that up as an issue, how do you think the guy will react. He will think to himself well I didn’t sign up for this. So better be clear since the beginning about what is important for you and what you aim for. This whole concept of having fun, being easy and enjoy the process, fake it till you make, is just not authentic or being true about what we really seek for in a relationship.

I guess we should all stop being so authentic and just play the game… Sorry but I just don’t get it. You will wait two/three month, observing that person to find out that the only thing you did was jumping to conclusions because you didn’t have the nerve to speak out… Great… so be it…

Also have to say that even if observing is great, it’s not enough because it often leads to much of misunderstanding, assumptions and triggering

Disagree. I know he is not her boyfriend, but she made clear she was looking for a relationship with serious potential. In early stage, when we start dealing with someone it’s important to be transparent with our expectations and what we value in a relationship. We observe the person we are dating and decide whether or not they are a good match. Bringing it up as “curiosity” is not pushy, it just sets the tone in a discrete way about who we are and what we are looking for. In my opinion it’s healthier than ignoring something that bothered us and made us questioning their real intention or interest. Again, just my opinion.

Indeed, don’t wait 5 days to set up a date 😅 If you have a busy week, suggest a coffee or something simple. But do it as soon as possible. Don’t let her wait and have doubts about your interest level.

@MsBlonde you are going on a date with him tonight. Correct? I highly suggest you address his 5 days of silence. Not in an agressive way, just tell him something like:”I’m curious about these last days. Were you busy? Because I noticed you didn’t text me as you used to. I hope everything ok with you” then see what he responds and if his answer is ok for you. But PLEASE do address it! Hope you have a lovely diner together!

I don't think so. Let me explain. I have been dating a lot lately, and mainly through OLD. After meeting over 30 different men and engaging with more than hundred of them through text, I know exactly what kind of communication I want, what kind of profile I validate and what kind of interactions in person are red flaggy or have potential, my dating filter sharpened through time. If I notice a behavior I don't like in a man I'm dating, or if I feel a sudden distance, a shift in consistency during a few days, I reach out once more or address it, and if he still keeps distant or vague, I cut him off assuming that he is not that interested. I know I can become easily anxious if I'm not dealing with the right person, I have a strong intuition and my body often speaks for me (sometimes with panic attacks)... So I decided to avoid that at all costs. Last summer I got theses anxiety peaks with the guy I was dating, and I know its because the guy just wasn't right for me... Dating shouldn't bring anxiety. But apprehension, excitement, questioning etc... these are OK IMO. I do that 😉

Ok, first I just had to give a 😅at that… The issue is some people can go on dates, enjoy themselves without any expectation on the outcome, that’s great! BUT some people just can’t do that. (We are all different) That’s why I think it’s important for each of us to be honest about what we expect and stop this whole denial… Dating is not fun when you easily become attached to someone who doesn’t seem to reciprocate. I truly think @MsBlonde should protect herself by acting accordingly to her personality and sensitivity and cut off any guy bringing her any kind of anxiety.

Yeah, girls who get played often have a lot of faith. (Not saying it’s the case for OP) And confidence is also being able to discard wishy-washy behavior because frankly they are better options waiting for us out there. OP was bothered by his silence, that’s why she opened that topic… at these stages of dating, I think women should stop accepting lukewarm behavior like that and address it. If not corrected by the guy, they should move on. Acting like nothing happened is just assuming that it’s acceptable for them when in reality it’s not the case and makes them question themselves. I had a first date with a man lately. We kissed at the end, and he texted me much the following day. After two days he became more distant, after 5 days of him being distant I dismatched him. I have no time for lukewarm, I don’t engage with men who aren’t reaching out consistently. That’s one of my standards. Weekdays are ok for dates. But I think it’s also good if a man can show a woman that he prioritizes her by planning dates during weekends… especially after a few dates. I think this is commun sense… isn’t it? @MsBlondeCorrect me if I’m wrong, but when he reached out the following day saying he would enjoy seeing you again. But he waited 5 days to ask for a weekend when you would be free. So there was not date planned until 5 days after. It wasn’t to confirm a plan as stated below: I will leave it at that. I gave my opinion and I truly hope it all turns good for you!! 🤞 from Switzerland with love!!