Sindy_0311

Also have to mention that he opened up about a cancer he had a few years ago and the fact that he had one testicle missing. He goes through testosterone injections and also mentionned his body not being as perfect etc…

I have been reading all your posts! Thank you so much! I’m still having two hours time to read others insights. I might not reply tonight, but I will keep you updated tomorrow anyway. Have to go shave my legs now lol

Ask him what he was planning to do... If he wants to take you out, to dinner or share an activity, its a good sign. If he just wants to hang out, then you know what to do... Or just decline...

Because he asked a few days ago, he knows I enjoy baths and I accepted to go. Today I just started thinking about it after he mentioned how he is looking froward to share that activity together... He might not get why I changed my mind.

I knew you would say that lol... So should I tell him the reason why?

Hey ya all! it’s Saturday, and tonight I’m having a date with a guy I met 3 weeks ago. We go along well sofar, we saw each other about 8 times, and had sex for first time last Tuesday. Tonight, he will stay over and he invited me to go to thermal baths tomorrow. Now the issue is I have a surgery planned in March to remove some unaesthetically veins on my left leg, I already mentioned that to him in a random discussion. I really want to go to the baths, it’s something I really enjoy, I'm sure we can have such a good time there. But I’m not sure about telling him my leg bothers me. I don’t want him to be disgusted or look at it. I know that sounds silly. I feel very comfortable with this man and wonder whether I should tell him about my little issue. Or should I just propose something else to avoid feeling embarrassed. Once we will be in the water, I will be ok. What would you do? Would that be a turn of for a guy? Have to mention that he already saw me naked, but when I’m lying, my veins aren’t so apparent. Guys, you have 4 hours to help me on that, I won’t be online after that. 😁 Looking forward to read your insights.

I totally agree. I think having some kind of talk will just add more pressure on people when in fact you cannot predict anything at early stage. You can loose interest after having had sex, or after disliking something in their personality, the talk doesn't change anything. I think a couple should have sex on the 4th or 5th date if really they are in alignment... Things unfold organically after that...

Yes, they keep in touch, they continue texting or calling depending on the form of contact you had prior to it, but you sense some distance. They are less smitten, less "into you" so to speak. This is something I have experienced with almost all men in the beginning. They also need to precess their feelings, whether they want to go further in the relationship or not. Best to assume that just after first set a guy will not chase harder, the relationship will shift into nothing more comfortable and easy if really they is potential for something serious.

I didn’t say men ignore women because of hormones. But I read some articles saying that just after first sex men tend to be a bit distant until testosterone comes high again and they have the desire to court the woman again. I noticed that in my previous relationships also. That’s why I never jump to conclusions during the first and second day after first day with a man. But in OPs case, it’s different because he went completely silent…

Well I think he did. Since she told him she was looking for something serious, he could at least let her know that he isn't interested anymore. I can't bear these fading behaviors. Also have to say that often times, after sex happens, a man would be a bit less communicative for 2 or 3 days, because of their hormones, but generally they come back strong once the desire is back. But if really there is nothing at all during three days, better assume he changed his mind. So sorry for you.

In other words, call it entertaining a relationship with a scammer… These virtual relationships often last for years, I think this is so dangerous.

In my opinion you are reading between the lines way to much… he just sent you a selfie, great so what? If a man is interested in you he will show it, he will text, ask questions etc. Men are not that subtle, they are straight forward when they like a woman and want to know more about her.

Why do you want to give him space? I think he is already having all the space he needs… seems like you let him have total control over the pace of your conversations. You are just here waiting for a text from him to text him back. If you want to FaceTime, just ask him. Why wait until he reaches out again?

So essentially, you are good looking, smart, have money to travel, good job etc.. What a boring profile! This is all superficial. I hope you get deeper in conversations with women. Do you compliment them? ask questions? Try to know them on a deep level? I'm curious? How actually they flake out? Do you text/call them after the dates? Do you court them? make plans? Because I've known some guys waiting for the woman to set plans and initiate everything, I think this is the best way to make them loose interest...

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this situation. But frankly I cannot understand why a guy would start engaging with a girl living that far away if he is genuinely interested in pursuing a serious relationship with someone. It makes no sense. In my opinion, he either is a scammer, or someone who is waiting for an opportunity to meet you someday, to have a chill evening, maybe sex and then disappear without taking the risk to meet you down the streets of his city. I highly suggest you block this guy and find someone near you. (max 1 hour drive) If you aren't ready to block him, ask him for a FaceTime call. If he isn't capable of doing it, then you know you are dealing with BS. That simple. Oh girls, please stop investing time and energy creating your own narrative based on nothing.

Or just call MTV's Catfish team 😄

I recently made a profile on happn. But didn't want to pay the subscription to see the likes and messages. I did it just to browse profiles and see whether I would like a guy. To avoid paying, I put my instagram link in the description, explained that I wasn't able to see the likes and messages. (For the note, my instagram profile is neutral, just one selfie and random "art" photographies, my full name doesn't appear on it, neither does my location) In 3 days I got about 40 new subscribers on my instagram. Some of them even sending DMs. I started engaging with a few men, and frankly it was great. Its way more interesting to be able to see these men's social media page, more selfies, more interests, hobbies etc... and at least, they didn't just had to swipe right to get a message from me. Somehow it felt more authentic than starting a conversation on a dating app. I highly suggest you try this... I also like it when a guy puts a link of one of his social media, it helps me figure out the profile better. Since last summer, no guy really catched my intention on the dating apps. But through instagram, I finally started dating one and really enjoy him so far. Maybe you could also try this...

I was talking to a friend of mine today. He said he was on dating apps, but mentioning that he was looking for friendship. It reminded me of your thread. See, the thing is, when you subscribe to a dating app, it’s commun sense that you are single and looking for a potential relationship (serious or casual). If you are looking for friends, you don’t put a profile on an app… This is where we had a little argument. I told him that the people you meet here are not applying for friendship, even if they say so after they learn about your intentions. These women, they subscribed, choose their best profile pictures and engage with men, they aren’t interested in friendship. But yes, they might think, well this one is different, maybe he can catch feelings along the road… not healthy at all. (And I assure you, some women like this kind of challenge) My point is, you don’t do dating apps to make friends. If there’s no match, you say it and make things clear. If you don’t, women will still entertain the relationship with hope for something more…. « Maybe I can make him change his mind » It’s a complete waste of time for these women. So Please make friends elsewhere, not on dating apps… it’s a jungle… I agree, but even more since people aren’t straight forward about their real intentions…

Can you clarify this point also?

I think she is testing you. I agree with @Cookie24, she sounds like a woman with abandonment issues. She confessed she was falling in love with you, and she maybe hoped for more from you. Also the 3 month deadline is something people struggle to overcome when they are afraid of rejection. They rather pull away than let their significant other do it. (I'm telling you because somehow I have been there) What I suggest in your case, is you keep texting her from time to times, asking how she is doing, wishing her happy holidays, just let her some time, a few days/weeks to calm down. And if she still responds to your texts, then you know that she didn't loose interest yet. Just be here, but not too pushy, be consistent through time, show her that she is important to you. I could be wrong, but this my take on it! Wishing you a merry Christmas!!

You said she mentioned wanting something serious. I'm not sure whether OP told him she wanted a serious relationship or just a relationship. @Clarissamango can you clarify? Because it does make a difference. It's always better to be clear from the beginning to try avoid confusion and disrespectful behavior. My point is that guys who are pursuing casual relationships don't necessarily date woman looking for the same. I even know of men pretending they are looking for serious on dating apps to attract more quality women in their beds. She saying that she's looking for something serious isn't even a guarantee to meet good guys. What she should do instead is showing her boundaries sooner by her action. She shouldn't have gone to his place on a second date, she better go on dates in public places. This is something I learnt from you, Batya, and wiseman. You know how to spot those guys because of your experience. According to OP's guy, you wouldn't even have engaged a discussion with the guy because of his poor profile. right?

I don't understand your point here. ***boys don't care if a woman says she wants something serious, They try get sex anyways. They don't wait for the ***girl to come around lol

I understand that this situation was is a bit confusing at the beginning... You kissed at the end of the party. And when you offered him sleeping on your couch he declined, saying he rather offer coffee someday. This, at first sounds like a guy who is genuinely interested in taking things slow and trying to know you better. If he was after sex, he could have come and sleep at your place, but he didn't. After that things became more confusing I think. Maybe he realized he wasn't that interested in you, maybe he never was to begin with, but because you had a great time at the party he kissed you, just for fun... some people do that. My feeling is that this guy is emotionally unavailable or has self-confidence issues. He confessed he wasn't into sex and depicted a poor image of himself while talking. If a healthy man is attracted to a woman, why would he say those negative things about himself? It makes no sense. When seducing a woman, they usually present the best version of themselves, even tend to brag a bit about their accomplishments etc... A man talking negative about himself is a huge red flag in my opinion. Maybe he was expecting you to reassure him by telling something like, you are more than a 6 or I think you are high value etc... from what you describe he sounds like a man struggling with his masculinity and seeking reassurance. I guess it would have gone worse through time...better leave this one alone... and, no, don't hang out with him as friends, he is too complicated to have a healthy friendly relationship with. I quoted the part you explain about texts. I'm wondering why you reached out again when you felt that he was pulling away. My advice is, when a man pulls away, you do the same. I also think that you were the one always reaching out to him. "Shall we leave it at this for now?" - if a man suggests leaving it, you better believe that it is what he wants... I'm not sure to understand at what point you need more clarity... He is a colleague you kissed once after a party, you had one "date" together and things just fizzled out because he wasn't interested for more. End of story, next. Happy Christmas to you from Switzerland!!!

Did he mention a serious relationship or just a relationship. Because from my experience, ***boys often use this term without specifying what kind of relationship exactly. Could be a casual, or FWB relationship as well.

Who reacted like a Jerk? She said she didn’t want to pursue because they are not a match. And he didn’t reply, pretty commun…