Sindy_0311

It's not reasonable. And I think this is the same question everyone asks : Why is he not reaching out. And the answer usually is.... I let you figure it out by yourself 🙂 JMHO

Here, I disagree... IMO he is lukewarm. For me, the issue is that they are dating long distance (they already exchanged a kiss, so I guess we can call it dating), they met only twice in 6 month, and maybe it will be like this for more month. If he doesn't reach out, doesn't call or shows some kind of effort to keep it going or make it progress by at least reach out with a simple text, it's just that he isn't into her enough, or simply not ready to date someone. I don't care if he's an introvert. I am too, I hate phone calls, but I enjoy talking to a guy I'm interested in, which he is supposed to be since they kissed and know each other for a long time now.

of course not... what's exactly the point? Sorry I don't get it

Basically you had two options: 1. Ask him about his texting method and try to progress things... 2. Move one I don't understand the big gap between these two options and think you are lying to yourself about your ability to move on that easily... I just hope I'm wrong.

Yeah, but you wanted to tell him that you like more texts from him without sounding clingy. right? If honestly you think you don't want to invest more of your time on this, I suggest you go no contact, you block him if you need to, because you NEED to take him out of your system. It's great you go on dates with others guys, but you will never find a good one if you still have HIM in your mind. YOU have to decide now what's best for you. Letting him reach out again in a few month, or moving on now?

I think this is because I don't want people to fool me. I'm always suspicious about their intentions. I will continue hang out with him but with low expectations. will see how it goes through time.

Sorry for my bad English. What I mean is: try not to reach out first. Let him come to you. I think any kind of relationships are based on investment form both parts, something like 50/50. It looks like you are doing more efforts than him to get the communication going. He isn't showing much reciprocity in the sense that he isn't reaching out. some dating coaches would say: Do never invest more than the other person. If you don't reach out, maybe the communication will fade until it dies. And that's ok. It just means that he didn't reach your level of interest. I have been dating one guy a few weeks ago. We saw each other twice. he was silent so I reached out once. we exchanged 3 texts and then he just disappeared. Never reached out again... thats how it sometimes goes. People let things slow fade because they aren't into it. He can't come because he has no money? or is it lack of time.....?? Why isn't he asking you to come visit him again? Did you tell him that? is this the reason why he isn't inviting you? Its been 6 month now (or even more) that you are thinking about this guy. you saw him twice, in 6 month. you exchanged one kiss. And now you will have to wait another two or three month to see him again, and in the mean time all you've got is an enthusiastic texts responder and all the fantasies you built around this guy. I'm sorry but this is way to much of energy spent on a guy who doesn't match your level of interest. Just let him for now.

Why don't you try not reaching out to him to see whether he will. I'm sorry but I have a feeling that the guy is not really into this. He didn't come visit you last summer and doesn't seem eager to see you soon again...Did he invited you to go back to his city to spend time with him? Because from what I understood he isn't financially comfortable enough to come to your city....

I get your point. I have been friend during two years with one of my exes before having a relationship with him. Then We have been together during one year before my marriage, and four month just after it. We always kinda kept in touch through the years. He is still one of my best friend. I don’t see him often, but whenever I need to talk to someone he is there, and vice versa. We have been romantically involved but most of all we are important for one another because we have similarities and a strong connection due to our lives and experiences. I’m not even sure we won’t try it again in a few years… it’s possible. this kind of connection is not something you can just erase. I’m not saying it’s the same with the other guy, but to be honest, he is the only one “casual” guy I felt something special with. I think we are not compatible on many point (sexually included) but still…. What do you suggest me to do?

I know he is not my friend. I don’t give that label to anyone after a few weeks. I was just trying to see whether there was a possibility he would be interested in building a platonic relationship or friendship with me, or call it whatever. Apparently not. So I will distance myself. No big deal.

I think I was clear. When he reached out a few weeks ago, I told him that I’m not interested by casual sex anymore, he then asked why I was still on the dating app, I replied that I might find someone willing to build something more meaningful. Then I said I would be ok to have a drink someday as friends. (In fact I used the word “pote” which means buddy in French) after that he asked to meet. And since then he is the one who brings up the fact that I friendzoned him, using that exact word. He also calls me his buddy. So I guess I was clear enough…

Absolutely not up for that… not now lol

Yes I understand. Also when you mentioned him introducing me to some of his friends or other guys, I don’t think he would do it. One thing clear, I don’t want a FWB or anything with him. Maybe it’s a bit to soon to jump to conclusions yet. Maybe he didn’t fully understood what I told him. Because at the time we were hanging out together he would be insisting and I would finally accept. maybe he will grasp it… maybe not. We will see. I will stick to plans in public places for now, and no overnight thing.

I guess it’s not. I’m just trying to make new friends, enlarge my social circle. But apparently this is not the right approach.

I don’t know because I have never been in this situation before. I mean I had male friends, but they almost all tried something through time. But i never kept I touch with someone i dated casually. I enjoy his company because I think we are similar in some ways. And i don’t think I would be the only one woman on this hearth having a male “friend” secretly hoping for a hookup. Maybe I should just go for it. Lol

I don’t think so. He sometimes tells me about his dates, joking about women’s weird behavior etc… I told him more than once that I wasn’t interested by casual. He invited me to go to his place, and I told him that I preferred not. Frankly we have been talking about what happened two years ago, the intercourses. And he said some things that made me think he is not honest with his intentions now. But I enjoy his company, he is funny, very interesting and I always felt comfortable with him. So really I don’t know…

What does it mean when a male friend tells you he ratter see you than going out on a date? For the context, I met this guy two years ago through OLD. We saw each other 3 times. We had sex at that time. I wasn’t pursuing a serious relationship and neither did he. Than things faded out as I met a guy I had a real crush on. He would sometimes reach out to take some news but I didn’t keep conversations going. A few weeks ago he reached out again and we started texting a bit. Then I told him that I prefered not going any further as I was not interested in casual stuff anymore. And as I know him he might not be interested in just being friends, but surprisingly he agreed. We went for a drink two weeks ago, nothing happened but it was great. He was a gentlemen. Since then, he reaches out every day, also commenting my stories etc… Yesterday he asked for a drink tonight. Saying that he rather see me than going on an other date. He also mentions us going on a weekend trip, asking whether I chose the destination etc… is this a correct behavior for a guy who got friendzoned? Or is he still trying to get something out from me? I am asking because it’s a new situation for me. Never friendzoned a guy I already had sex with and I don’t want to open up to him only to find out that he was after booty… What do you think?

I meant the way she is dating, she somehow acts like a teenager. Also sorry for speaking in the third person…

You saying it's no biggie surprises me a little. When there is a kid involved it's a biggie in my opinion. Don't you remember, when I suggested the guy I was dating to meet my son after two month you said it was to early and we all conveyed this. Now if the relationships fails, his dad will not be able to afford this expensive apartment alone, he will have to move out again, and in my city, you don't find apartments that easily... it often take more than 3 month to find something. But as I know my ex husband, he will stay with his girl even if they don't get along well. (He did the same with me during 3 years until I decided to go). Just wanted to clarify, but not my thread, so I'll leave it there. I don't think Alex just wants a Ken in her Barbie house... If she wanted a man to provide for her, help her with her house or pay her bills, she would never have dated a broke guy. She would look for a more financially reliable guy. The reason why she invested in this guy and overlooked all the red flags in the beginning is because of her strong physical attraction to that guy IMO. When you are highly attracted to someone, it's easy to look past the flags. I think we all have been there at least once. I see her relationship with this guy more like a teenagers love story. You are all in, naive and rushing things because of your hormones and physical attraction. But intellectual and emotional compatibility aren't that important.

I was thinking about my ex husband and his new girl yesterday. She agreed to move in a new apartment with him after only 2 month of relationship, and this is something I just can’t understand. For having dated guys, I know that after a few month, things change, you realize who is the person you have in front of you. This happens after the infatuation stage of a new relationship which is often caused by stress and has in fact nothing to do with real feelings. My ex husband conveyed to me at that time that he kinda liked her and that it was convenient (bigger appartement, a nanny for his son, he can spare money…) Now here they are after 7month, already living together. She is controlling, extreme jealous, they fight etc… they already have issues because they rushed it… to bad… (especially for my son) My point is, I would never move in with a guy after 2 month because I have boundaries and need time to trust someone… if they want to be part of my life, they have to earn it, by action and consistency through time. So Alex please, don’t give guys so much from the start… be skeptical. Always. Protect your heart.

Let me chime in… I don’t think taking time out from dating will help @Alex39. In that regard I agree with @Batya33. She already spent 4 years alone, and ended up with a “jerk” as we conveyed he was… I truly think that time alone doesn’t heal or make you progress. I’m a farm believer that only experience help you grow. Therefore I suggest she keeps going on dates, meeting guys and implement the lessons she learnt. In my opinion, she accepted this relationship because she still lacks experience or discernment, and this is something you gain by interacting with people, and surely not by hiding in a cave… If you go on interacting with guys, you will refine your standards more and more until you meet the one that meets them… Again JMO…

I might sound pessimistic and harsh but I don’t think people give a damn about your place or it’s decoration… I like to decorate too and often get compliments about my place, but that’s it. It doesn’t add more value to the person I am… it just makes me feel good and happy about my place. But never would I think about making others jealous… 🤔 Do you really think people care about your house or achievements? I personally don’t think so. People are self centered, and they only like people who make them feel good about themselves… outside of your family and best friends, do not rely on people. Once you get that, you will feel free, stronger and start speaking up for yourself. Why wait until 2024? Just start now. This is typical of people saying they will do just to give themselves a good conscience. Saying you will do something in the future actually doesn’t mean anything if you don’t currently do. I’ve dated many men pretending they would hit the gym soon, never happened. Everyone says that, especially the lazy ones. Would you have begun 6 month ago instead of hanging out and loosing your time with the other jerk, you would already be in a better place and shape…

I do get your point. But if I had wanted a child and didn’t met a partner to do it, I would have done one by my own…

This… i experienced the same since my divorce. My friends don’t go out, so what? I started a gym activity two months ago, when I finish work, I go workout to a CrossFit club for one hour and then go home. I don’t need to go to a bar to meet people and interact. I have the social interactions I need for the day, I work on myself, becoming stronger, physically and emotionally. It might take more time than just meeting someone in a bar but it’s worth it. Patience is key I think… you are ONLY 32… come on

I’m just catching up on this… sorry this happens to you but I think the issue is not the break, but rather how he handles it… I agree with all that’s been said here. You proposed the break and he accepted it(??) He doesn’t seems anxious about the idea of loosing you. He texted you, but did he asked to see you? I mean it was clear that it would last one week, right? You had your Saturday night available for him, but he didn’t ask to see you. So now, here you are wondering whether he will make plans for the next one… didn’t happen yet, and tomorrow is Friday… My take on your situation is that you gave this guy an easy exit and now he will just slow fade. This is so commun, believe me. Just for the notice, when you start counting who is reaching out first, like you said 80% him, looking for signs that he actually likes you, the answer usually is: the guy is not that into… Just let him fade away and consider it’s over… you deserve someone who is ready for you. All the best 💫