Sindy_0311

Hi! How is it going? Did you both keep in touch?

Finally went for a drink with my new guy friend. Was weird but great. Still, I’m not sure whether he sees me like that. He is a cutie, actually looking better that last time I saw him. He said something strange… he said: I never had such a deep connected discussion like the one we are having tonight with my ex during 15years… but he also confessed about fooling around and showing me his list of contacts, the girls he is actually entertaining and explaining about how he proceeds etc… I’ve learnt a lot from him about men tonight and also It made me laugh a lot. He is funny. I hope our friendship, if it’s one, will last…

I would choose bonding, of course 😊

Stop watching this crap 😂

After two dates?? This didn’t seem weird to you?

I said luckily, because let’s face it, you dated a hundred guys before ending up with your husband… I will have dated a hundred if I go on like this when I will be 50😂

I see. But luckily you found him!! I think it doesn’t have to do only with men wanting children, but also the famous «40s crisis» men experience. They look at their life, at what they achieved, already had children, a family, good job, earned money, got responsabilities and now what they want is to have some fun, or at least enjoy themselves and feel more free… again JMHO

That was harsh. But somehow I agree… maybe we should start looking for 50 years old guys. I mean, you (and I) are 40 and it extremely thigtens our options… you can be good looking but your age doesn’t lie… My general opinion is that younger guys will date you casually, or not long term relationship oriented. And the guys our age would try to look for younger women, like 36-37… I think that 40 is the worse age for a woman in the jungle of dating. JMO

I previously said « oh please » because some women have such a high esteem of themself that they think guys go crazy about them… Women in general should try to be a little more humble and stop thinking they are so special… Sure he liked you somehow, but this is not the reason why he lovebombed you. He lovebombed you because he is twisted and that is what he does with all women who show him some interest… Hope you blocked him, because someday this narcissist is going to try reach out again for a sweet ego boost… good luck to you!!!

Well my advice (won’t be others opinion I guess) is to lower your standards and start dating men casually… just meet them, have some fun meeting new people without the pressure of having to find THE one. What will happen if you actually never find mister right? Will you stay in your corner for years without sex or fun? Such a waist of time. Lucky you you are actually single, without kids, so you can do WHATEVER you want!! You are free!! How about someone tells you tomorrow that you will never find your mister right… what would you do with your life? I’m also 40, single and dating, I know what you are talking about 😉

You broke up yet?

Looks like he has a crush on her. but I also wonder why you don’t live together after 5 years of relationship…. The question is not whether he has a crush on her… he might have. The fact that you are doubting it, or not liking the way he mentions her, proves that you don’t feel comfortable in this relationship. Either it’s because he is not affectionate enough towards you, or because the relationship didn’t progress the way it should have after 5 years or because you didn’t establish enough trust and went through issues. I think that the foundations of your relationship seem to weak for you to accept to deal with this… I would address the coworker issue one last time, see what he says. And if his response doesn’t convince you, then I guess you have to beak up with him.

I was referring to joyful moments in dating or having a relationship. I like the thrills of knowing someone new and developing attraction etc… I had more joyful moments in that term in the last two years than during my 10years marriage. And if a new relationship doesn’t last, then it’s not a drama, it’s just that it’s not time yet… I will stay positive by enjoying meeting new guys… of cours I also have joyful moments outside of dating 😁

Yes… maybe. Someone told me something very true, some married couples don’t experience even one week of joy together… I divorced to find that again, might it be the illusion of one single date or a few weeks relationship, I’m glad I can experience these joyful moments again. So no matter what, if not with him, I know it’s somewhere out here. The universe is just whispering to me: « not now… » 😊

Oh please…

How are you @Alex39? Everything ok?

No news form the guy… I just don’t get it. I never experienced a first date without the guy asking for a second one… the date went so good… come on…

We will have a drink on Monday. I still need to make my opinion about his “real” friendship intentions… but he is sweet.

You just made my day 😃

I'm so glad you blocked him!! good job! you can be proud of yourself! Now, I don't mean to keep the conversation going, and it's ok if you don't want to answer this: But how do you analyse the fact that he never introduced you to his friends during a 6 month relationship?

ohhhh, so this is how it works here? really? What exactly do you mean by "getting together"? That's funny because a friend (male) of mine told me the exact same thing yesterday... he didn't understand the concept of exclusivity and multi dating... he told me that exclusivity isn't something that you decide together after a few weeks, it's something that comes organically. You naturally feel that you no longer want to meet someone else and you slowly forget about the dating app and just focus on that one person you are connecting with. And I kinda agree that here, in my country, people do this. Often, things start casually (with sex after a few dates) until someone or both developp feelings and drops the first "I love you"... But this doesn't align with all the theories I've read (mainly US authors) and I have to say that whenever I talk about the exclusivity talk, people look at me with big eyes asking "what is this"... I think I might have it all wrong until now... ouch

This... In my experience, some men would try to keep in touch after a breakup for one main reason: Their ego. You all tell me if I'm wrong, but they want to be chased even if they don't want a relationship. They want to feel they are above you, they want you to beg them to come back or pursuing them. They leave the door open for you to do that. And I think thats what he is doing. It often happens with narcissist people. Also the way he unfollowed you but let you see his posts on social media, this speaks a lot: He wants you to see him going on with his life and feeling bad about the breakup... Why would he do that? In my opinion its to make you weak, so that if someday he needs nothing out of you, he can reach out and you will accept... Especially thinking about a FWB relationship or asking you to take care of his pets or even ask you for money... Once you are weak, he can take advantage of you. The way he treats you is really unhealthy. I highly suggest you block him NOW. Don't take the risk to fall in one of his traps... Haven't you heard of these breakups where both would still keep in touch and somehow one would take advantage of the other, turn things into a situationship that can last for years until he decides to drop you again... He didn't come get his stuff, so now he still has a pretext to reach out to you. Don't allow him to do that please. Just send him back his keys, get rid of the petting supplies and block him/unfollow him without warning, you don't need to explain yourself. You didn't answer about him introducing you to his best friends, so aI assume he didn't...See, a man can introduce you to his parents (thats easy to do when you are someone unstable and want to show you are doing great in front of your parents...) even coworkers, maybe he told them you are just a gril he is hanging around with: not relevant. But if he keeps you a secret from his best friends, the people he likes the most, ouch, that's a real problem. He doesn't want them to see you, he's keeping you a secret. I would really appreciate if you could answer this question, I mean this guy is a phenomenon... 😁

So today I have nothing to say, but I decided to try find something... lets see... Oh yes I know. I think I got a new friend. He is a guy I met two years ago, we dated casually for a few month. But we were still in contact. He would ask how I am from times to times. I always enjoyed his conversation, but we didn't see each other in almost 18 month. Yesterday he reached out again and we started texting. I told him that I was looking for a serious relationship but that I don't like him like that and I prefer him not waste his time reaching out to me. He understood, and asked whether we could be friends. He said he enjoys talking with me and hasn't one single girl friend. I agreed. Then we exchanged social media and he started asking question about dating, about girls, about what he does wrong etc... he confessed things he would never have said in a dating context. And it was fun. I mean the guy works alone all day and I guess he needs a text buddy. That's cool. he is funny and makes me laugh. At the end of the day, he said he was tired, I asked whether is was because of our conversations, and he said no, our conversations brightened up my day. (The same goes for me) We will see how this develops and if his intentions are really what he says they are...

Alex, did you meet his close friends? The ones he hangs out with during drinking and smoking nights?

I remember he told you the same a few month ago when you first met... So I presume he didn't have time to go during 5 month.... This is in fact the moments when you can mesure the real potential of a relationship. If he thinks you are too much to worry about when you should be the only thing that give him some peace, this is really bad. No matter the reasons, or what he does now, when someone tells you they don't want you in their life, you hear them and you disappear, you leave them alone. Not in one week from now or in a few days, but instantly. That's why you should cut all contact, social media with him NOW. And just send him his keys in a beautiful envelope. End of story, next 😁 He's no longer part of your life, he decided that, so stop being available for him and his stuff. If you get fired form a job, do you still show up the next morning? I guess not... it's same here.