Sindy_0311

Also have to say that even if observing is great, it’s not enough because it often leads to much of misunderstanding, assumptions and triggering

Disagree. I know he is not her boyfriend, but she made clear she was looking for a relationship with serious potential. In early stage, when we start dealing with someone it’s important to be transparent with our expectations and what we value in a relationship. We observe the person we are dating and decide whether or not they are a good match. Bringing it up as “curiosity” is not pushy, it just sets the tone in a discrete way about who we are and what we are looking for. In my opinion it’s healthier than ignoring something that bothered us and made us questioning their real intention or interest. Again, just my opinion.

Indeed, don’t wait 5 days to set up a date 😅 If you have a busy week, suggest a coffee or something simple. But do it as soon as possible. Don’t let her wait and have doubts about your interest level.

@MsBlonde you are going on a date with him tonight. Correct? I highly suggest you address his 5 days of silence. Not in an agressive way, just tell him something like:”I’m curious about these last days. Were you busy? Because I noticed you didn’t text me as you used to. I hope everything ok with you” then see what he responds and if his answer is ok for you. But PLEASE do address it! Hope you have a lovely diner together!

I don't think so. Let me explain. I have been dating a lot lately, and mainly through OLD. After meeting over 30 different men and engaging with more than hundred of them through text, I know exactly what kind of communication I want, what kind of profile I validate and what kind of interactions in person are red flaggy or have potential, my dating filter sharpened through time. If I notice a behavior I don't like in a man I'm dating, or if I feel a sudden distance, a shift in consistency during a few days, I reach out once more or address it, and if he still keeps distant or vague, I cut him off assuming that he is not that interested. I know I can become easily anxious if I'm not dealing with the right person, I have a strong intuition and my body often speaks for me (sometimes with panic attacks)... So I decided to avoid that at all costs. Last summer I got theses anxiety peaks with the guy I was dating, and I know its because the guy just wasn't right for me... Dating shouldn't bring anxiety. But apprehension, excitement, questioning etc... these are OK IMO. I do that 😉

Ok, first I just had to give a 😅at that… The issue is some people can go on dates, enjoy themselves without any expectation on the outcome, that’s great! BUT some people just can’t do that. (We are all different) That’s why I think it’s important for each of us to be honest about what we expect and stop this whole denial… Dating is not fun when you easily become attached to someone who doesn’t seem to reciprocate. I truly think @MsBlonde should protect herself by acting accordingly to her personality and sensitivity and cut off any guy bringing her any kind of anxiety.

Yeah, girls who get played often have a lot of faith. (Not saying it’s the case for OP) And confidence is also being able to discard wishy-washy behavior because frankly they are better options waiting for us out there. OP was bothered by his silence, that’s why she opened that topic… at these stages of dating, I think women should stop accepting lukewarm behavior like that and address it. If not corrected by the guy, they should move on. Acting like nothing happened is just assuming that it’s acceptable for them when in reality it’s not the case and makes them question themselves. I had a first date with a man lately. We kissed at the end, and he texted me much the following day. After two days he became more distant, after 5 days of him being distant I dismatched him. I have no time for lukewarm, I don’t engage with men who aren’t reaching out consistently. That’s one of my standards. Weekdays are ok for dates. But I think it’s also good if a man can show a woman that he prioritizes her by planning dates during weekends… especially after a few dates. I think this is commun sense… isn’t it? @MsBlondeCorrect me if I’m wrong, but when he reached out the following day saying he would enjoy seeing you again. But he waited 5 days to ask for a weekend when you would be free. So there was not date planned until 5 days after. It wasn’t to confirm a plan as stated below: I will leave it at that. I gave my opinion and I truly hope it all turns good for you!! 🤞 from Switzerland with love!!

They are also based on our personal expectations in dating. And sometimes, having someone with higher standards, helps spotting all the BS we go through. He briefly reached out the following day, but how do you explain his 5 days of silence while he was texting everyday before they had sex? He didn’t even apologized, or gave any explanation, like his shift in communication is something normal and acceptable: wouldn’t be for me. They have been dating for a few weeks yet. This is why I cannot grasp it.

Good point. I never tell guys where I work in early stage. But I guess we both sensed something special on that first date. Maybe he got some kind of hint that I would appreciate his surprise. Also have to mention that he drove me to my door at the end of the date, so he knew where I was living. I gave him permission to do so. (Which again I don’t do so often) But let’s concentrate on @MsBlonde topic… this not my thread.

Why would it be a red flag? He comes see me because he wants to kiss me and because we couldn’t meet as I was with my son. He is just showing through action that he enjoys me… this is not a love bombing strategy, he doesn’t say inappropriate or pushy things, he just makes time and putts some level of efforts in it.

Yes, i was shocked. 😂 I even told him that i dont like surprises. But he came 4 times again after that just to rob a kiss after he finished work. So I guess it’s his way of courting me, or women in general… 🤷‍♀️

Can’t wait to get rid of them though 😅 Maybe I will putt them in a jar and expose them on my chimney 😆

My guy neither. After our first date he came to visit me at work to surprise me. I didn’t tell him where I was working, he searched through the streets of my little town for a decoration store and found me. It was so cute from him.

Doesn’t make any difference in my opinion. They used to text daily and he went silent for 5 days after sex… he now treats her more casually because he got what he wanted… definitely not boyfriend material…

I guess I’m crazy but I never had a man waiting 5 days to text me even in a FWB relationship. What I mean by that is, if a man enjoys a woman, he would never take the risk to make her feel insecure about his interest towards her, even if just for sex… many people are multi dating, doesn’t mean they don’t reach out between dates with others. And now back he is… Oh, also want to mention that Sunday evening is not prime time for a man. Friday and Saturday are date nights. And he didn’t ask her out this weekend, just after having first sex… orange flag IMO Me personally I wouldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. If a man changes his communication style drastically without any apology or explanation about his silence. I next him immediately.

I'm sorry, but I don't think this micro analysis... It's ok for someone not being into texts or emails. but this guy was texting every day and pretty much prior to their first sex, so I assume he isn't being consistent on that level: red flag. And he doesn't priorizes seeing her during weekend, at least he didn't ask her out this weekend. Another little red flag IMO. Some major signs a guy is genuinely interested in a woman are: consistency in communication and a willingness to see her on weekends... don't you think?

So glad things are going well with your guy.😍 I guess @mylolita said it perfectly when she mentioned children. I once read a survey about parents. It appears that people who have children are less happy in general than people who don't. I guess it has to do with the anxiety, the concern and the lack of liberty you get once you become a parent. But just one second of joy or love with your child is so much more important, this is the moment you feel truly ALIVE, even if not 100% happy.

I was thinking the exact same. Apprently he didn't want to see you this weekend as he didn't reach out sooner, asked for another one, but not specifically the next one. And now it's weeknight. It seems sketchy. But at least he offered to go for diner. And I truly hope he will invite you. What day exactly will you meet?

Probably... its been more than 9 month now, correct? in the event he finds a new job, he will need some time to adjust to his new life. See I have been dating a guy last summer for about 3 month (festival guy for the ones who read my thread about him). He was about to change job, for a more stressful one. he was completely absorbed by his new responsibilities and the new adjustments he had to do it was a big deal for him. Thinking about our relationship a few month later, I realized that he wasn't in a good place to build anything with me, even though he liked me and seemed genuine. He was preoccupied most of the time and anxious. I think men in general have a hard time focusing on multiple things. (multitasking is a feminine thing) If you meet a guy who is going through a big change in his life, he probably won't be ready to welcome a relationship. some men even need 6 month to adjust to their new jobs and feel comfortable and ready to shift their focus on something else, a woman for instance...

OMG! I will never do it 🤣

Why don't you suggest go meet him? See how he reacts. this might help you decipher whether the money issue is a pretext. Aren't you afraid your budding connection will fade if you don't see each other again in a timely manner?

Yea thank you! but hey, we known each other for only 3 weeks now, so I'm still cautious. I prefer not presuming he is so into me that he would accept me 100% you know... We barely know each other, I haven't met his family or friends yet, didn't went to his place, this is just the "beginning". So I was wondering whether it was appropriate to bring that up, or if it would kill the attraction. But apparently it didn't...So I'll keep my fingers crossed... According to the "true mirror", I'm not sure I would want to see how people see me... I prefer staying in denial for now 😆

Totally agree. OP you better be prepared for his 5 days of silence after meeting him again. If you do agree to see him again, make sure you both are going on a real date and not just going to hang out… remain skeptical about this guy.

Thank you for your post. Yes its varicose. and it’s not very esthetic. I canot hide with makeup as the veines are swollen. But they don’t appear so big when I’m lying, and i know how to hide them while having sex… it never really was an issue, but these last month they became more apparent. But I had to wait since September for the procedure to finally be planned. I am also skinny. And that’s why they are more apparent. We agreed that we will go to the bath in the evening someday. In the night I will feel less embraced when leaving the pool to get my towel near to it…

Hi! Thank you all for your gentle responses. They all helped me a lot! He came to my place yesterday in the evening. We have been talking about the baths, which one to choose etc, he asked again whether I wanted to go and I simply replied yes, then I said joking something like but don’t be surprised if I jump from one swimming pool to the other, as I told you I still have my veins issues and don’t really like to show my legs in public for the moment. He then said, your legs are good, look at me, I’m far from perfect, and I don’t care. We agreed to go and I was feeling good about it. But we went to sleep very late yesterday, had sex multiple times, and this morning also. At noon we were exhausted (we are both 40 lol) and damn hungry. that’s why I suggested we go eat a burger instead. We agreed to keep the baths for another date. Today he noticed joking in a cute way how my face blushes after sex. It’s because I have a sensitive skin, and the rubbing and kissing doesn’t help at all… maybe also caused by blood circulation idk. I know I’m not perfect, and he neither is. Outside of my personality, he does compliment me a lot. And his answer yesterday was perfect for me. Somehow he always does and says the perfect thing… he asked for exclusivity on our 3rd date saying that he was attached to me and didn’t want to suffer. And we are very compatible. it’s kinda scary but great… will see how this develops. @rainbowsandroses I have been opening up to him about another topic today. I really want to be true this time. Either he embraces it, either he’s not the one…. Have a beautiful Sunday!