Demonblade

Well, I don't know how to write a flirty note. I've never done and don't know how to say/write/do anything flirtacious. Can you help me out with that?

I didn't want to go on so I stopped after poems. All three of those are what I do feel and would do. I don't like going on and on so I stopped after poems. What I meant was, if so many people (must've been about 70 people) just came up to me and said we would, could it really be true? (I'm not asking if you guys think we would.)

I have a crush on my best girlfriend, Snow (that's her nickname). We've known eachother for 5 years (I've had a crush on her for 2 years) and there are a few things I'm not sure are true. I believe I am in love with Snow but I don't know for sure if I am really in love. If I am, it'll be the first time in my life I really have ever loved anyone. I can't get her out of my mind. I remember the exact time, place, and date we first met. I'm always happier when I am around her. I looked at a rose and it reminded me of her. I can close my eyes and see every detail of what she looks like and sometimes I can even hear her voice. And most of my poems are about her. (I'm thinking about posting here them later). Am I really in Love? Everyone I know and a few people I don't (even a sales clerk) told me that they thought Snow and I would make a cute couple. Is this actually true? Please reply everyone.

Honestly, I'm a bit perplexed. You've known her 5 years, but you don't know any personal stuff, not even her favorite cologne? I find that odd. Are you a "best" friend? One of her best friends? Is it that you've never thought to ask, or is it that guys in general don't think of these things? So do YOU have a favorite cologne? And does she know what it is? And these might seem like irrelevant questions, but I actually have a reason for asking them. If you haven't even gotten close enough to her to ask her some basic personal questions that good friends usually share, I wouldn't think it would work very well to dive into the more complicated, sensitive and intimate stuff you've been wanting to know about her. It goes back to what I was saying before about making the emotional space safe and unconditional. It's possible that you care about her, but perhaps you haven't conveyed it well enough for her to feel it. And again, the kind of sensitivity you need may be beyond your capacity. That's not a bad thing, but you should be realistic about what you're trying to do. The most important word I can think of at the moment is EMPATHY. We are best friends. It just never occurred to me to ask if she had a favorite cologne. I don't have a favorite cologne, but I only where Curve. What are the questions I should ask that will make her feel comfortable enough to let me in. I do care about her, but I'm not too sure how to convey it to let her feel it (if I haven't already).What do you mean that the sensitivity needed may be beyond my capacity? I want her to know that I am always there for her. Well, can you tell me how to be more epathetic? I'm capable of being a great comfort to others, but much less capable of feeling comfortable enough to let them know intimate details about me. Part of that is because I've spent so much of my life in the caretaker role and have gotten really good at it. And part of that is because I can sense when others aren't capable of being good caretakers to me. So I withhold information from them. She may not feel safe with you because it's difficult for her to feel safe with anybody. Or she may not feel safe with you because you've communicated in some way that you aren't capable of being sensitive to her needs. So far I'm still clueless as to which of those it could be because I'm not getting enough information from you about what's going on. No, you see, she doesn't let anyone in. Her closest friend is 'J' (I'll keep her name to myself) and she knows as much as I do. What is all of the information you need for this? So was she yelling with words, or just making loud unintelligible sounds? If with words, what did she say? If it seems too personal PM me. She looked away (don't know why) and yelled that she doesn't tell anyone anything and that would include me. (Just a reminder, her tone was like she was afraid) People pleasers (aka doormats) are the way they are because they are typically and habitually trying to protect others from something, often to their own detriment. Well, I know that in everyone's wall, there is a door. What can I do to get her to give me the key to that door? I care about her a lot and I want to try to help her relinquish the pain or anything else that is causing her to do this. All of our friends, the entire gang, is very worried about her (they won't tell her and neither have I).

So I'm getting this feeling this is a very casual friendship? In my friendships I'm very chatty and tell my companions all about what I like, what I don't. IOW when I'm comfortable, I'm very opinionated and open, and if they're paying attention they get to know all about me. You say you don't talk about yourselves? Does that mean you don't know her dreams and fears? Do you know what she wants to do with her life as an adult? Do you know her least-liked or most-liked subjects in school? Do you know what teacher she likes the best? Do you know what music she likes? Do you know if she likes a cat or a dog or a goldfish for a pet? Her favorite color? Her favorite cologne? And why is that? I know all of that. I just don't know any personal stuff about her or her favorite cologne. She says she doesn't have any fears (which I don't really believe). She knows the only fear I have. Forgot to mention what made her yell at me. It seemed more like a fearful yell than an angry one. Before I knew about all of the walls she had been putting up, I asked her if she wanted to be closer friends and she said yes. She asked me to tell her what was depressing me from before and I told her (she was very comforting about it). A little bit after I told her I asked her if she wanted to share anything personal with me. That's when she started yelling. Good thing we were in private when she started to yell. I don't know why she keeps me a secret from her parents. I asked her and she said that she didn't want to say yet. Her tone sounded as though she was trying to protect me from something.

You seem very sincere and caring. And you remember the date and place you met? But you were 11 at the time, right? Oh, that's very sweet. Just to give you some more info about me... I'm 49, and been in therapy for 20 years. Four years ago, I started reading psychology books to try to understand what's been going on with me. So far I've read about 40 psych books. In some ways I ended up knowing more about my problem than my psychologist even though she has her Phd. But she still often misunderstood how to help me before I read those books. I'd been spinning my wheels in therapy for years because some therapists don't understand this. But those who do have written a lot of books, and that's where I finally started getting some relief. My problem is multi-layered and would take too long to explain. It also takes a long time to reverse the damage so I don't know if I'll get much better anytime soon. While reading all those books, I also came to understand other people who also suffer. My trauma isn't as bad as some others. But I have a tremendous amount of respect for those who suffer even worse than I do. I can usually recognize when a person is self-rejecting and emotionally traumatized, and your friend seems to be suffering in that way. I also know what it has done to me when my therapist pushed too hard before I could handle it so I would caution against that. When you push without understanding, you only re-traumatize the person. I don't know how your friend feels, how bad it is for her. But I know it's probably harmful for you to pressure her. What I've described in my earlier posts are the kinds of things I would need from a friend in order for me to feel safe. If she won't tell you about her past, my advice about creating a warm and welcoming place still applies. It might take a lot of time for her to finally experience that safety with you over and over and over before she opens up to you about her past. Or maybe she will never do it at all. You have to also be prepared for that as well. When I ask about the "dynamics" I mean how you two interact with each other. How you treat her, what you say to her, how she responds, if she seems comfortable and appreciative of you. If she's closed up, you might tell me what you said to her and I can tell you why that made her yell. Sometimes we expect a certain response and get something different. I can sometimes tell you why that happens if I know more of the details. Well, I compliment her every once in a while (you know complimant her dress, personality, etc.) and we talk about a movie one or both of us saw and find some way to make fun and insult it. We don't talk much about ourselves, but we talk about a lot of different things. Whenever we're talking, or if I just look at her, she smiles (I do too). I treat her as best I can and she does seem very appreciative and very comfortable around me. We hang out with one or two of our friends. But her parents don't know about me yet. Yes, we met May 18, 2000 at our karate class. I still remember our sensei screaming at us for 20 minutes to get the two of us to stop talking and start doing whatever we were supposed to do at the time. (We even celebrate our friendship on May 18 every year)

We usually hang out with one or two of our friends. She is very calm. She decides what we do, where we go, and the only time we eat anything is when we go to the movies (which is rare). I'm don't think I'm controlling and I don't try to be (I don't think I've ever been controlling). I'm not very opinionated. She seems very happy that she knows me and we've been friends for over 5 years (we met on May 18, 2000, I remember where too). What do you mean by the "dynamics". (I have a limited vocabulary sometimes. I'm just happy to be around her.

I would really appreciate if both everyone answer my question. What do you feel is most important in a relationship?

But how do I get her to tell me things like her family history and whether she was often told to disregard her feelings, if her concerns were often dismissed, or anything else like that? She won't tell me anything.

What do you think I should do to help her with this?

You say she's done this 3 times? It could definitely be a problem. Sounds like she might not be able to think of her own needs in a relationship, like she only sees herself as a type of doormat for others. If this kind of behavior dominates her personality, it means she can't say no, even it's it the best thing to do. It means she can't even think of herself as having separate needs from another person. Sometimes a person like this loses her awareness of her own voice, and her own sense of entitlement. Would this also cause her to put up walls? Because she won't share literally anything with anyone. Not even her best friends. She won't even tell me anything and I've known her longer than any of one else.

I'm sorry, but I don't want "etc, etc". Can someone please list all of them (or as many as they can)? Sorry if I sound bossy.

I don't mean that, but thanks though. I mean what do you feel are the most important things in a relationship. I know commitment is one, but what are the other things?

I admit I was wrong for thinking that she wouldn't persue a relationship with me for that/ That really isn't much of a reason is it. Can someone answer these two questions please.

Lets say someone that she knew comes up to her and told her that he/she liked her. She would go with that peron and have a relationship with that person, not because she feels the same way about them, but just to make them happy. Can someone tell me why would she be doing this? I hope you guys don't mind me asking another question but, what do you guys feel is the most important part of a relationship?

Yeah thats what I meant. Not that I think its bad to be gay or bisexual. I'm just not too sure if she would want to be in a relationship with me because of that. Okay.

I have a crush on a girlfriend of mine. Shes bisexual (I'm not bisexual or gay) and I don't know if a relationship with her would work out. Am I wrong? And all of the people (there were only three) she only went out with them to make them happy. Why would she be do this?

How did you know you are truly in love? Please post the signs that mean you are/were probably in love and, if you have any, your love story/stories.

I have one. I was in a 2 year relationship and my girlfriend, on our second anniversery (in 2002), hung herself. She pinned a message to her chest and her father gave it to me (her father found it, but didn't bother to read it since it was for me). She wrote (to keep it short) that she never has and never will love me. In early 2004 I developed a crush on my best girlfriend (we'll call her Snow) and in October, 2004 I started getting messages from my dead ex, in my dreams. She said that she knew that I have a crush on Snow, that she would keep hurting Snow if I kept my feelings for her, and see her kill Snow. Snow would tell me the next morning that she would wake up to seee an angry ghost of a teenager by her bed and whenever she did she would feel a severe pain in her head or chest, like she was hit with something. She would describe the ghost and the description matched my dead ex perfectly. The messages would get more and more graphic as the days went by and it was the same way with Snow's pain. They stopped when me, Snow, and a few of the other girls performed a seance to talk to her and since then I haven't had a single message from her, other than an apology. I was also told that I had a gift and that it the line between the spirit world and the material world is much easier for me to cross. Don't know what that means, but I think that is why I can control a quija board much better than my neighbor, who has been using his since he was 14 almost every 4 days (he's 50 or 60 years old now).

"The Pain" The pain inside builds up everyday, and every breath is painful, I look in the mirror and see a person who tried to change themselves How can I explain how I feel,.... The struggling I suffered..... every morning I wake up I can hear the voices of pain... The days are to short, and the nights are too long, and every day my heart grows weaker,... as days pass by The wind gets colder, as my days turn older, the memories from the past haunts my night..... This pain I can never forget, it makes me who I am today... "I Die" I lie here waiting thinking Thoughts without purity I can see your eyes I can smell your scent I can feel your touch I can hear your breath and taste your flesh If my sins were yours, we would both lie in this hell together but it could have all been better If I gave you my mind I would have talked to you If I gave you my body I would have given you my respect If I gave you my heart I would have given you my devotion If I gave you my soul I would have given you my trust I open my eyes wondering would you do anything would I do everything What's left of me drips down inside of you You sleep, I dream You hurt, I bleed You cry, I die "Welcome to my World" Into the broken stream, of lost and shattered dreams. A world that is desolate and lonely. My cries go unheard, my voice dead in all of my words. Lost is my soul. Heart black as coals, or so they think. Welcome to my world. Home of sadness, harbor of war. Frozen shores of broken hope. This is my world. Once lit by love, now lies in betrayed and disrepair. Holding my head, to stop the horror I see. Sometimes I want to die. The abyss is calling me. Welcome to my world. Sanctuary of darkness, home of evil. The cold, dark water calls me. I can't ignore it. I fade into black. This is my world. My happiness is sucked by the monster. The one who abolishes peace. No hope for me, no escape from the nightmare. The voices haunt me. In the only refuge I have. The darkness that wins will absorb into me. Bleeding into me, the monster's haughty laugh. His hand, the blood is dry. Welcome to my world. The soulless monster's eyes are burning red. His haunting voice says I am dead. I hear him. I smell him. His vile breath reeks of death. No one can save me. The agony he brings. My heart sings to be torn out. The monster has done so many times. It is my blood on his hands. How divine. He whispers each time. You are mine. I control your destiny. And it happens again. Welcome to my world. Welcome to the horror of my soul. "My Antidote" Every night I lay in bed with pain and desperation I pray to God that I won't wake again my mind blank with anticipation. I wake the next morning and look around I realize I am still here God didn't save me from this damn place and I bend over and bleed from my fear. My mind is in a trance they say I'm not me, I'll get over it eventually... the truth is I ran out of tears So I bleed the pain all out of me. Smaller and smaller I become I'm wasting away from here soon I'll be gone inside of myself meanwhile, it's with this pencil I will disappear. As I run this pencil back and forth against my pale skin blood gushes out and I have a new scar and through the cut lead poisoning rushes in. I smile at my silver cuts and all my bones you can see jutting out I smile at my disgusting life while away on a cloud i float... this is MY ANTIDOTE. "The End is Near" Silent screams Tears unseen As I slash To create a gash So that this will all be over In a flash No more depression Or trying to make a good impression No fake smiles Or secret trails No more wishing I was dieing No longer staying up the whole night crying No more lying No more denying My end is near But I feel no fear Thou I shed a tear As I watch the blood flow free Dripping out of me Mixing with my tears As they hit the floor No one knows what is going on Behind my closed door My vision fails As death impales my heart And I know now my end is here.

My tittle says it. Can someone tell me how you know when you are close friends?

I am going to be talking to Bridget over the internet later. 1) Should I ask her what she meant by "Too bad we can't do anything about it? 2) Also how do I bring up the subject on how I like her and what she thinks of it?

Alright. But there is a good chance I might not move. So what if I DON'T move. Also, can someone please answer this for me?

I am leaving tomorrow so I would appreciate some help by tomorrow. A little history, me and Bridget have been friends for 5 years.( link removed States how we met.) After a short time I developed a small crush that has snowballed. One of our friends told Bridget the I liked her and 2 days ago I asked her about it. Heres the convo, word for word. Me: Hey Bridget. Bridget: Hey Sam. Me: Um, Renee told me that she told you that I liked you and that you didn't believe her. Bridget: Yeah. Why? Is it true? Me: Yes. Bridget: That sucks. Too bad we can't do anything about it, with you moving and all. 1) What does she mean by "Too bad we can't do anything about it"? 2) And why is it that she says "Hey" (She says Hey instead of Hi) EVERY time she sees me? This is how it goes: Bridget: Hey, Sam. [she talks with someone in the group. We hang out in the same group] Me: Hey, Bridget Bridget: [As she is passing me 5+ minutes later] Hey, Sam. Me: Hey, Bridget. Please answer both questions.