FarandAway

The sex is amazing when we do have it. I feel that he is "there" with me. I feel like he is really showing his love. I guess that makes it even worse! If he wasn't there mentally then I would prob just get out of the relationship. I do worry about straying one day. Ill just get so fed up that Ill take the first temptation I see... that would make me a crappy person. The bottom line is that I feel like I have had a cruel joke thrown on me. I have a month and a half to make the decision as whether I move in with him or not.

Im not sure how to "make someone want sex"... It appears to me that he just isn't that into sex in general. I personally have never met a man like this. So this is all new territory to me. a few weeks back when we were travelling, we went out and I let him know I wasn't wearing any underwear under my skirt. I showed him and he said "NICE!"... but nothing that night. I don't know how to make someone be into something that is just NOT in their nature to do... And waiting for my sex drive to diminish is pretty sad isn't it. If I walk away.. I will walk away from someone I deeply love.

This is an update to the thread "learning to accept the lack of sex" Last night he was reading and I was feeling that I wanted to be close to him. So I grabbed him around his belly area.. then out of the blue he says "Im so fat and I can't stop eating!".... I am thinking ... W*T*? So I said "where in the flying hell did that come from?" and he said... "I don't know"... So.. I stopped, rolled over and grabbed my book. I figured that was a "not now honey". By the way he is NOT fat at all.. he is very slender. A few min goes by and I tell him that I am feeling really bad about the lack of sex in our relationship. He seems exasperated and tells me that this must really be a problem in our relationship because I keep bringing it up. I said "um ya think?"... So I just down right asked him everything I could think of... are you attracted to me? He says Yes... I said "do you have some ideas about sex that maybe its a dirty thing".. he said "no".. I said.. do you have any religoius beliefs that would affect it. He says "no"... Then I said.. Do you think that I think you are attractive? He says with a pause.. "I don't know"... I was so stunned! I said "my god.. you are the sexiest man in the world to me"... I told him that he really turns me on and that his entire body is beautiful in every way. He seemed to like that I said those things.. Then I said "remember that time you took me upstairs and threw me down on the bed?"... I told him I would love that more. He said "I guess I am not spontanteous in that area" then he preceeded to say "in my past relationships, the girl was the one to jump on me" and then he used an analogy. He said "I am like a Deisel car. I don't start to well but once I ge going, Im good" I just about fell out of the bed. I felt so devastated. OBVIOUSLY we are not compatable in this area. Then he turned off the light, rolled over, hugged me and fell asleep in my arms. Ok, sounds real nice but I was feeling pretty bad. I went downstairs and walked around for a while in the dark and thought, is this something I can live with? We are good in every area but what do I do now? This is really a tough one for me guys. I mean, maybe in 8 or 10 years, none of this sex stuff will matter because by then Ill be going through menopause and won't he be the lucky guy to not have to worry about this anymore. so for the person in thread that said I was dealing with an unsexual person. Well, sorry.. I think I am. I have a month and a half to give my notice to my apartment complex. Lease will be up. Question is.... do I stay with him and give up sex in my sexual peak with a man that is good in every other way or do I find someone else (if I do) and who knows what problems he will have right? This is nobody's fault... there isn't a pill out there that can fix this. THIS IS HOW IT IS. I feel horrible

Yeah but to me its all talk at this point... he knows i am open to anything.. All bark and no bite... Besides, if he is still afraid to initiate something and he asking me to move in... that's a problem.

for all the responses. I read them twice. Such great advice and its good to know that others are going through the same thing. To answer some of the questions... he does know i am attracted to him. I let him know all the time. One time I did initiate a while back and I could tell he wasn't into it. So I stopped and that was it. I was pretty hurt so I am a little gun shy to initiate now. And while it is a misconception that men should always initiate.. I don't think he is pulling his weight at all in this category. Part of me wants to experiment and see just how long we can go without sex. If it turns into a "no sex" or very long time... then I know what I have to look forward to. Someone said "no sex=no relationship"... I could say this but then what a btch I would feel.. on the other hand... this whole thing could really become a huge problem unless I figure out some other way to satisfy myself. But this isn't about the sex.. or orgasm.. its about being close to someone I love. I am sorry that I see him as an unsexual being and while yes, I do realize that the sexual relationship prior isn't reality but it sure is fresh in my mind to compare to this relationship. I don't need to have my clothes ripped off to feel like a woman... I just want the man I love to take some notice of me.. the woman *he* loves. Thanks all for listening.. I am sure that I will be posting in the very near future.

Hi all, I am moving in with my boyfriend at the end of March. We met in August and things moved pretty fast. He however, asked me to move in a couple of months ago. I pretty much have been living with him for the past few months and we have been doing very well in that area. I feel confident about this but at the same time, I have alot of issues (which he has been very patient about) from my last relationship. This is a big step for me as I was married to a serial cheater for 8 years. This is my first "real" relationship since my divorce so I am a bit freaked. However, I have been working very hard on my issues and try to remember that 90 percent of the stuff that comes up is about me.. and NOT him. One thing that has been an on going problem is the frequency of sex. I have come to the realization that he is just NOT a sexual being. Yeah yeah.. I know.. you are saying but.. he is a man! I am telling you, he is unlike any man I have known. I think he has initiated sex about the 4 times since we have been together. One time he brought me upstairs and pushed me on the bed! More please! I had a talk with him a few months ago because we hadn't had sex in 10 days (this is odd to me at the beginning of a relationship) and I was getting concerned. He had told me that it isn't "all about him" and that I should initiate as well. So I layed it on the line. I said "look, I am a 36 year old woman and my hormones are out of control, coupled with the fact that I am highly attracted to you so the chances of you ever getting rejected is about 1 in 10. I told him I wanted more sex. Period. Our sex life seemed to improve a bit but now its back to the same. We returned from a trip out of the country on the 1st. We had sex on the 3rd and nothing since. I know we have been jet lagged.. then I got my period so its been no bueno. I craved so much closeness to him the other morning that *I* gave him a BJ. Nothing for me because I was on my period. Yippee Yay. He got up.. took a shower. I did my self a few favors . I told him that every person I had ever been with, we had sex during my period and that I didn't really mind it (although I am not crazy abot it). He said, "ok, well, you just have to let me know these things"... but then nothing happened that night.. or last night. UGH! The other day I suggested we get a T.V. in the bedroom and jokingly remarked we could watch porno's and he said he would rather make his own! Im thinking... why don't WE DO THAT?!?! I am just going to have accept that this is how he is. He just isn't a sexual person nor is he an initiator of it. I would think he would want it more but I am just projecting my own feelings on to him. Sometimes my ego gets bruised and I think, maybe I am not that attractive to him? I know.. I know. I guess it doesn't help that prior to this relationship, I had an out of this world sexual relationship for a year. I do find myself missing that when I am feeling bruised or needy. I love him alot and this is huge for me considering my recovery from my marriage. Sure, I could dump him and find some guy that wants to have sex more but then what issues will *he* have? Heck, my husband and I had a great sex life up until the end but hindsight tells me that's because he always had a few girlfriends on the side to spice it up. So this is me learning to accept him for who he is... I know things won't change. I guess my only worries are that at some point down the line, it might strain the relationship..especially if other big problems come up. We are affectionate and love to be together... I just want more sex because once every 10 days or whatever isn't enough for me. Any thoughts appreciated.

everyone for your posts. We talked about it again last night and I told him that it was just a horrible jolt to my system. He said he felt bad because he wished he had just removed them but that he totally forgot about them. He said he never even dated anyone from a dating site. I do believe him. The thing is, I am wearing the poor guy out. I have had "freak out" moments where I just start wanting to run away. This is my first serious relationship since divorcing my husband back in 2004. He has to always reassure me and so forth. I know there is only so much understanding one can have and now I am afraid of chasing him off due to my issues. I am sure I will get over this but it will take me a few days. My body has reacted in such a way that I have no appetite and stomach issues:sad: . This was the same thing that happened when I found out about my ex-husband's "other" life. I love this man and I know he is the best thing that has happened to me. I really didn't think I would ever meet anyone again much less I really didn't want to... As for the dating sites... I told him it would be a nice gesture if at some point he could delete his profiles. I don't know if they delete you after inactivity. I am not familiar with them myself but at this point, I will believe him and give him the benefit of the doubt. However, for me... I will always keep my eyes WIDE open and never give 100 percent of myself to anyone. I just couldn't afford to be ruined again the way I have...

I have been with my boyfriend since last summer. Things have moved fast from the start but that is because we clicked so well. He even took me back to his home country over the holidays to meet the parents and all his friends. I pretty much live with him (still keeping my apartment) and he has asked me to officially move in with him when my lease is up (in 3 months). Now, this is scary stuff for me since I am a divorced woman that was married to a VERY deceptful man that had numerous affairs over our 8 year marriage. Naturally, I am worried about giving up my freedom and plunging in to a relationship. However, I am in love with him and I am emotionally invested in him. He knows my "issues" and has been very good at trying to reassure me he is NOT my ex and knows things will take time for me to realize this. As you can imagine, I have some issues but I have had plenty of therapy and have worked very hard on myself to make sure I don't take any baggage into future relationships. All my friends and therapist agree I have come along way in a short time. We actually met on Myspace. Yeah.. go figure. I have had a site on there for quite awhile and it says Im on there for friends and family ONLY. However, one night while taking an ambien on not going to sleep, I found myself surfing on Myspace when I came accross his profile. I sent a quick email and then we emailed for a few weeks before we had our first date. I really wasn't looking for anyone. But we clicked right away and things moved pretty fast... we started to spend every waking moment together... Now, while on vacation overseas last week, I was on his computer and typed something in the URL area (on Firefox). The drop down box came down and it said a certain dating site. I just about died but being we were at a friends house, I couldn't say anything. In fact, I kept it to myself and decided to not freak out because maybe it was old (from before we met). I put it out of my mind but today after returning home, I decided to check that site. To my horror, he was on there. I completely came undone as it brought back HORRIBLE memories of my past. I approached him face to face and told him about it. I said I wasn't snooping and that it just came accross the screen. He said it was old, he wasn't a subscriber and even said he even had profiles on other sites but they were old as well. He said he forgot they even existed. I said, um yeah but you are on there and receiving emails from them right? He said, no, I never paid for anything (doesn't surprise me as he is kinda cheap like that). I said, um, but that negates the point of a dating site. I said, why would you put yourself up and not receive emails? He said "They all work differently and I just put my profile up but when it came down to paying, I didn't subscribe. He offered to show all his credit card receipts and anything I wanted to see to prove it. He quickly reminded me that Myspace was a dating site too and that I was on that site. I said * * *? Im on there for my friends and family only and it clearly states I am there for FRIENDS only. PLUS my profile is private. Guess he forgot about that part. I said, I had NEVER surfed myspace in my life and it was a freak thing that we met that way... ... I want to believe him and I mostly do. I can tell he loves me and we spend every waking moment together plus I just got back from a 17 day trip overseas with him. He said "I wouldn't ask you to move in and take you to meet my parents in Europe if I was dating anyone else" I told him I was worried he was "keeping his options open" and that I had every right to freak out. I told him to put himself in my shoes and he said "yeah, I would have been wondering too"... ok.. point proven. Now he says he is going to try to remember all his passwords and such and delete himself off of these sites... I told him "in this country, its tacky to be on any dating site when you are clearly in a serious relationship, even if you have a free profile.... We ended the conversation on a good note but I am still feeling horribly ill from the shock... Anyway, I wanted to get some opinions on this. What does one do from here? Do I start to snoop to make sure he is telling the truth? How do I know he is telling me the truth? I don't trust men in general so this isn't good. Im pretty jolted by this and this sets me back in my learning to trust again. Any advice is appreciated. PS. I am 37 and he is 36. I was married for 8 years and he has never been married...

Well, I have just recently realized I am in love (since my divorce) and my thoughts consist of... 1. My god, I can love again even though I was severely hurt by my ex-husband. 2. Does he love me? 3. Help!

I use to believe in this word. I met the man of my dreams, married him and then he cheated on me throughout the marriage. Needless to say, I don't believe in the word anymore. Frankly, its too "la la" land of a term for me. Besides, *he* used that word to ad nauseum when we together all the while having several girlfriends. For me the word is associated with negative things so I don't believe in the word or the concept. Now, is there someone that is a VERY good fit for you? Yes... we all have them and I have found one recently.

Loco, I wanted to give you my 2cents on this. I am a 37 year old woman that was married for 8 years. After my split with my husband, I was dating a guy that was not only long distance (he lived very far away)but was always emotionally distant. Because of this.. and shortly after, I ended up having a casual sex relationship with a friend that I had known for about 4 years. The sex relationship lasted for about a year and I recently ended it due to the fact that I am now in a commited relationship with a wonderful man. It was something that we both agreed to at the time and we were both clear that it would never go any farther. We got along well when we were together and he always made me feel like the sexiest woman on the planet. All things I needed at the time. First of all, many women cannot separate sex and emotions. This is something I can do very well. I kept my emotions in check the entire time except for one weekend, I started to feel a bit more but I quickly put it "in check".... not easy to do but I can do it. I don't think having a sex buddy is for everyone....most times, one party begins to have feelings for the other and that is where it gets complicated. This person I was with is a semi-famous "rockstar" and I knew I wasn't the only person he was with and he was open about this. I found his energy addicting as well as being a completely fascinating individual. I consider him an important person in my life and we are still friends. If you think you can do it without getting feeling involved then do it, but if you have an INKLING that it might be more for you, then I would stay away. And as always, use protection if you decide to do it... but then again, you probably knew that.

I wouldn't move in till the end of March. Also, *he* asked me to move in when my lease was up. He asked me right out of the blue.. So I would say I am not pushing that issue. In fact, I have showed signs of being a commitment phobe! He understands this because I was married at one time to a serial cheater and was severely damaged by it. So if he is having problems with worrying about his independence, I would say he is making it worse by asking me to move in. So, I can't take the blame on that one. Sorry. Every time I say I am going to spend the night at my place, he sulks and gets sad. He always says things like "you are sick of me aren't you?"... I have to constantly reassure him that its not the reason and that I am doing to give HIM room. Ugh..

Thanks for the responses. One thing though, I don't think this is a "see how it feels" kind of thing. When I was in my 20's I had a decent sex drive but sex was different then. I am more confident in my body and physically, sex is more pleasurable now. Also, since I am in love with this guy, I just want to show it and make him feel good. I don't think sex is the only thing in a relationship.. not even remotely. I guess I would be ok with twice a week? Ill go for anything a bit more. I suppose I need to learn to live with this. Bottom line. Either it will kill the relationship or it won't. I certainly don't want to lose him over this even though the sex is very important. We can't have it all right? I just find it ironic that I fall in love with someone in the middle of my sexual peak and he doesn't match it. Ouch.

Beec, I have tried seducing him and when I did... I got rejected. Yeah.. no thanks. Kind of would make you shy away huh?

RayKay, Thanks for your post. Funny... he believes in quality over quantity and has referred to that many times! It's a French thing. But you may be right.. his drive is lower than mine and even though I asked him if it was... *he* doesn't think so. This is a tough one because I really care about him. Maybe he does need to "miss" me a bit ya know? I have the advantage of going home for the night but when I suggest it, he takes it personally and says "you are sick of me"..... its just the opposite .... I love being with him but I hate laying in a bed where I am wondering W*T*F* is going on? I would rather be home in my bed.. alone with my cats then going through that. I guess this is just an incompatability. Go figure... I am at my sexual peak and I get with a guy that isn't interested... just my luck

Artist, I sent you a regular email and a private message. I think you are my twin in this issue. Send me an email if you want to chat. Take care...

Hi all, Hopefully you can shed some light on my problem. I have been dating a wonderful guy since early August. Things have moved pretty fast because we really fell for each other. I am practically living at his place and he has asked me to move in when my lease is up (end of March). We get along in every possible way and when I told him I was in love with him... he said "me too"... lol.. ok.. not bad for a guy! Anyway, one thing I have noticed is that we never went though the "fuc*ing like rabbits" stage. I am 37 and he is 35. My hormones are out of control these days and obviously I want to be with him. When we do have sex, its wonderful but he never initiates(ok a few times he has) and there have been times a full week has gone by without anything. This is when I start to panic. I have brought this up to him a few times because I feel hurt. I thought maybe he wasn't attracted to me. (I have been told by others that I am an attractive woman). I finally brought it up again this morning and told him I feel hurt because I feel like he isn't attracted to me. He got pissed and said "this subject is coming up to much!"... he then got in his car and sped off. Needless to say.. I really felt stupid at that point! So, I sat him down today and asked several questions. I asked him if he ever had this problem in his past relationships and he said "no".. I said, is there a performance problem and he said no... I said, do you have a low sex drive and he said "no".... UGH! Then he preceeded to tell me that he has never met a girl that wants to have sex every day and that we are in an adjustment period. * * * does that mean? I mean... what is there to figure out in the first few months? He said "we have plenty of time and that he doesn't want to have a ton of sex and then only to have it "burn itself out"... ok... I can see where he is coming from but I guess I am just confused here. Maybe I am some kind of nymph but when you go 5 to 6 days in between AND its a new relationship...it can be confusing. Oh and no.. he isn't seeing anyone else.. this much I know. And the other tidbit is that he is French.. not that should mean anything... or does it? Any advice? Please tell me if I am making a mountain out of a mole hill.

I guess I need to come to terms with the fact that this is what it is and nothing more. Either move my my rear end there and hope it works out (give up friends, job, great location). I know from the past he has been very cavalier about the fact that if I move there and it doens't work out, then no biggie. He seems to be a little insensitive to my feelings of this being a big deal if it DOESN"T work out. He says "then you just move back." It's not that simple otherwise we wouldn't have these boards! I just don't want to hurt him and my thinking is if you don't love someone than it shouldn't be that big a deal right? I don't care HOW deep his feelings are for me, why did he ignore my attempts? I figured with his "take it or leave it" attitude with this R that he would have bailed out and NEVER called me again. Why do I have to be a sticker with breaking up? Why do I have to be forceful when I don't want to do this in the first place but feel I have no choice? It's the circle from hell. He likes me enough to NOT break up with me, whatever that is, wants me to move there to "see" if we might work out, I don't want to move to the other side of the country if he doesn't even know if he is in love with me. I am sorry but I think you can be in love with someone long distance. Sure, the every day stuff isn't there but after a year it would seem you would know SOMETHING. Gee, maybe I should jump up and down simply because he wants me to move there... should I be honored? I know everything is a risk. I also know that relationships don't last forever, nothing does. He is a skeptic too. During my meager attempts at asking him about how he feels about me, he says "you realize that many people who fall in love don't stay in love"? Yeah, that makes a girl confident to move accross the country.

I am not trying to get a reaction from him. In fact, my theory has always been one that "if someone doesn't want to be with me I sure as hell don't want to be with him". I have ALWAYS felt that he could take or leave this relationship at the drop of a hat. Why? Because I feel he has no emotional investment in it whatsoever. I really didn't think he would ignore my attempts to break it off. I can tell you that if in his shoes, I would have never picked up the phone to call again. When someone wants out.. they can have it. Maybe I am just putting my agenda on someone else but this is how I feel. So he has feelings for me but isn't in love.. ok that is fine. It should make it all that easier to break it off. He isn't stupid and he knows how I feel so why pretend like nothing happened? No, I don't want to break it off. However, I am terrified of moving there since my roots have been here for 5 years. I would become dependent on him in many ways and that makes me ill to think of. The prospect of him moving here isn't a reality until at LEAST 2007. He joined a start up company that has the chance to be bought in which case he would make enough money to never have to work again. He does hate his location though but feels he MUST be there for the time being. It's suppose Ill try to bring "us" up again but I am sure it will be met with more "phone" silence and frustration. I would even be happy if he said "ok you are right, let's break up" because then at least that would be SOMETHING.

The reason I did it email is I tried breaking it of via phone the last time. He clammed up. Didn't say a word!! I even had to ask "hello, are you still there?" because it was so dead on the other line. Finally, after explaining my reasons that we should let go, I hear a cracked voice on the other line that says "you are torturing me". Then he would call me many times after that. I did it via email because I could get my thoughts out that way better. I even sent a text message that morning that said "we don't have to end it on email, please call me so we can discuss this". I was very frank in the email saying that "i cannot in good conscience move to another state and move in with someone that thinks "we could have a good relationship." The conversation the day I decided to send that email was us talking about "that he hasn't got to that point yet" (meaning in love with me). I asked him, "why he was in a R with me" and he said because "HE THINKS we could have a great relationship" Ummm... we have seen each other alot in the past and have done many things over the course of the last year... that is't a relationship!?! I see this is a catch 22. We find out if we have what it takes to make it ONLY if I move there. Meanwhile, I hate the state he lives in and I would be isolating myself from friends. I could end up resenting the heck out of him. I have a good paying job and amazing benefits. It's all such a risk. I gave him a way out, he didn't take it. In fact, he turned around and did a 180 on me and started phoning me 5 to 6 times a day since my break up email...

have been in an LDR now for about a year now. We really never had a chance to form any relationship as he moved not too long after we met. He lives on one side of the coast and I on the other. We have had amazing times and have seen each other quite a bit considering the distance. He has had very few relationships in his life(we are both in our early 30's) and he has said that I am by his "biggest" one. There has been alot of talk of me moving where he is but I am afraid to leave my work, friends and the city I love. One thing that has remained constant is the fact that he claims he isn't in love with me. He has never said those three words. When I ask him why he says "we never have had effecient communication;we live 3000 miles apart" Then I say "why are you with me?" He says "because I think we could have a great relationship". He has asked me to move there several times but why would I move some place where someone isn't in love with me????? I decided last week to break it off. I can no longer put myself though the agony of having stronger feelings for someone than they have for me. I have made one attempt to break it off via phone but he clammed up and wouldn't say a word. It was very frustrating. I was crying and the only thing he said (in a cracked voice) was "you are really torturing me" This time, I decided to write an email. I was very clear and said "it is time we part" I cannot in good conscience move to a place where a man isn't in love with me and "see" if things might work out. It wasn't a long email.. but it did explain how much he meant to me and that I was setting him "free". The next morning we talked on the phone and I was pretty sure he hadn't read the email yet. I asked him and he said "oh you sent me an email" I said ummm yeah. Well, we both have IM at work. He had told me about an email a friend sent him so I knew he was in his email. Anyway, a couple hours pass, and nothing. Then he starts IM'ing me about normal stuff!!! NEVER MENTIONING MY EMAIL. That was Friday morning. Since then, he has called me more than ever and been "different" and mentioning me moving there and so forth... wtf???? If someone sends you a break up email.. why wouldn't you acknowledge it? Never mention it? Go as if nothing happened? On top of that, to step up phone calls and be extra sweet??? WHY??? If he doesn't love me, then what is this all about??? I am so confused... thoughts please?

Caldus, I was kinda thinking the same thing.. it's like your kinda pregnant? I think maybe he does love me but he just doesn't know what to do with himself... he really isn't experienced in this stuff... What do you mean "its obvious what his intentions are here" Can you explain that? Ok, he wants consistant sex from me? ok.. not to be funny but I am not THAT good! He lives 20 min away from NY city... I think he could get plenty of sex... ugh.. im so confused

Well, at least the signal is clear now. I have been getting mixed signals from my LD boyfriend. He and I have been having some serious talks. We have talked about me moving to his side of the country at the end of the year but lately he has been pressuring me to do it earlier. He is 30 years old and this is his first mature relationship. He will be the first to admit that. He said this is the strongest he has ever felt about anyone. He left my part of the country almost immediately after we met. We have seen each other maybe 15 to 20 times in the last 9 months. We do very well together but the distance has put a strain on the relationship. He has a hard time expressing his feelings for me sometimes but he finally said he wasn't in love with me. This floored me since he has spent thousands of dollars flying out to see me and flying me out to see him. He said he is "almost" in love with me and that he knows he would fall in love with me if I moved there. He said "haven't you noticed that I never say I love you back when you say it?" I said "um yeah, that's why I stopped" Well, don't I feel like have the word stupid written in big black letters on my forehead! At least now I know right? Isn't it better to know you have cancer than to not know what is wrong with you?? I know..weird analogy but you get my drift. He has really been putting on the pressure to move there. He tries to "sell" it to me. Like "we would have so much fun being togther and doing couple things blah blah blah.. then he minimalizes my situation here. Saying, your boss treats you like crap (which he does) and then he says, you don't have a house ( I live in an apartment) and he names the few close friends that I have and says you would miss your mom but other than that you can just pick up and come here. He says that he will take care of me and that if I work I can keep my money and I wouldn't have to pay him anything.. he said you can use it to pay off your debts... ok.. that's nice. I told him that he should find someone close by that he could really fall in love with. I told him that he should have a woman move in his house that he is in love with... he said, But I am close to falling in love with you and I don't want to be with anyone else!! I told him I think I am going to pull back with my feelings for him.. I mean after all, I feel a bit stupid and vulnerable right now. He said if I did that then we would break up... Ummm.. am I missing something here??? Why is asking someone to love you before you move accross the country too much to ask???! JEEEEZZZZ. What the hell has this guy been doing with me all this time? After these intense talks he gets really clingy for a little while..like he is afraid that I might dump him or something... Thoughts please anyone??

Yeah.... his dad had a PHD in finance...

Hello, I have been in a long distance relationship since August of last year. We met at our place of work just before he took another job offer accross thr country. We never had a chance to form a relationship while we were in the same place. We had maybe a month together before he left. Like the beginning of any relationship we talked all the time on the phone, text messaged etc.... He has spent thousands of dollars flying me back and forth accross the country (he makes more money than I do), amazing trips to Las Vegas....you name it. We have always talked of me moving to where he lives. I have been wishy washy about this because I want to make sure this relationship is worth me giving up a good job and leaving friends behind as well as the city I love. The thing is, he doesn't seem to take it very seriously when we talk about it. First of all, getting him to express an emotion towards me is like cracking a walnut with your toes. Forget it... it ain't happening. I think he is just "one" of those guys that doesn't get sappy. He is 30 years old and hasn't had very many relationships much less a serious one. He has told me I am his most serious to date. He is very "cerebral" and hard driving in his life. He is somewhat of a perfectionist (so am i) and not a woman chaser... hence his lack of relationships. But when we talk about my moving to his part of the country the conversation goes like this. (me) "I worry about some things regarding moving in with you" (him) "Like what?" (me) I worry that I will get there and you will think "oh great, maybe this is not what I want" (him) Honey, that will not happen (me) What if 6 months into it we don't work out? (him) Well, then we talk about it and figure out what you want to do. You can either stay here (someplace else) or go back home. It's just the way he says it... so matter of factly. Maybe it's easy for him to run around the country but I don't think he understands how its a serious issue for me. He says I can take a break and paint awhile while i look for work. Another issue, lately is he has seemed more distant. He has decided to go to graduate school so he has thrown himself into studying for the GRE endlessly. He is ALWAYS studying and says he is happy now that he has "focus" in life. Ok, but why do I feel like that has replaced me?? Can't they be two separate things? He has had a deadline at work to do which has also reduced the amount of time that we talk on instant messenger during the day at work. He was going on and on about what schools he wants to go to..and the future..so I asked "where do I fit in this"? he said "ummm what do you mean? What?!? Kids or marriage??" I said "no silly, do you see me in any of this?" "Do you see me being with you?" and he said "yeah I do". That was it.. no elaboration and the "yeah I do was not too enthusiastic" There were times I thought maybe he wanted to end it with me but didn't have the guts to do it so I have given him 3 separate oppotunities to break up and he didnt take any of them. A few times he has been very defensive about our future... he makes me feel like I am pushing him. I will TRY to get some feeling or thought from him and and when I bring up the future he says things defensivly like "what, you mean being with you for the rest of my life?" "I don't know, why can't we just BE". I don't think I have EVER mentioned being together for the rest of our lives or marriage...kids... but he seems pretty freaked and he has NEVER said the words "I love you" ONCE. He has even laughed and said "you are just waiting for me to say those words aren't you"??? Is this typical insecurity of a LDR?? Is he a commitment phobe??? Why can't I get him to express ONE ioda of feelings for me??? If I am lucky Ill get a "gee you look pretty tonight". I can remember all the "sappy" moments from this guy on one hand. Any ideas??? Is he just scared????