grymoire

Just being curious... why do you women have to lie and say "I don't want to ruin our friendship". It's just a translation for "I don't find you attractive enough to date". This whole friendship thing is a lie and you know it! Anyway you don't like the guy so why don't you have the courage to tell the truth instead of feeding the poor guy some bullshyt like "Oh you are my friend and I don't want to lose you". You don't mean it, so why say it???

No, you don't mean any of it! In your previous post you have mentioned this -> "HE really really likes me. He's so lovely, and I could never connect with someone better, but I'm just not that into him." You like him but only as friends! In your own words you are more into bad boy types. And this guy seems to be a decent man and its well known that women do not want decent and caring men as their boyfriends, they are relegated to "just friends". You are one more example! You say you would be worried about losing the friendship if it didn't work out between you two. But what would you do if he says he cannot continue to be your friend after you refuse to go out with him? Save all those dialogues and be upfront about the situation. Just tell him that you made a mistake in agreeing for a date but now you have changed your mind. You will only be fooling yourself and that poor guy if you say the above dialogue.

I have a feeling that this is the beginning of the end of your friendship. Sorry to be so direct but that's what I think. You women have no idea how much a rejection can hurt a guy. Once rejected the ego is bruised and self-esteem takes a deep plunge. Do you think he will continue to be your friend after you cause him this much pain?

In typical womenese language you got to follow your heart

If Monsieur comes accross this post he is going to break-down

Please tell me that you are kidding Prenkle! Do you mean to say that your guy friend is more worthy than your boyfriend? And if you really really like a guy and didn't want to lose him you will have him as a friend instead of a boyfriend? I am really finding it so hard to believe.. By this logic all the guys that get the "Sorry but I don't want ruin our friendship" should actually feel happy.

Hi Diggity, Yes, I do not hope that my friendship with this girl will turn into something more! I believe that attraction and feelings should develop naturally and not be forced. If she doesn't have feelings for me fine, I am sure some other woman will. Yeah, I don't pay for her at all. When we hangout for dinners, lunches, movies etc we pay ourselves. In fact right now she has booked the tickets for Pearl Jam concert for both of us and I owe her money hahaha I am now very clear that she values my friendhsip very much and loves to spend time with me but thats all there is to it and nothing more. I have learnt a valuable lesson from this experience. And I guess it will help Monsieur also. The days that followed her rejection were pure hell. The pain was very difficult to bear but I realized that in time it will heal. And I also found that as I began to see her less and less the emotional attachment started to reduce. Its simple and has been mentioned in these forums time and again but I just wanted to say that it definitely works. Seeing and being with our OA is the cause for all the craziness that makes us want them even after they rejected us. Once we begin to reduce the time that we spend with them by default the attachment will begin to lose its strength. And in time we will be completely over them and start meeting new people. I hope this helps! G

No, I did not put myself in the Friendzone. When we went for lunch the second time I gave her a compliment and she said thanks. She probably got the clue that I am interested in her as more than friends. After few days we went for our first dinner and I again complimented her and this time she told "Please don't say that... please don't make such comments.. I am your friend". So it was clear that she only saw me as a friend. And if she saw me only as a friend then she could have very well mentioned about her long-distance boyfriend. Is it not? Also Lansing, you have written you began dating only after 6 months. I am surprised how you managed to do that. Usually by that time guys fall into the friendzone right?

but eventually i asked her why she never mentioned her bf to me and she said that they were "on again/off again". but i don't understand what's that got to do with me. she cud have still mentioned him right?

No, when I met her it would have been over a year they both were bf/gf.

Did you pay for those dinners? Buying food and bringing it over to her place is fine 'cos any friend would do that.

Okay, after she got a new boyfriend if the amount of time she spent with you reduces that is acceptable. But if she is not contacting you at all after getting a new guy then that means she used you until she found herself a boyfriend. Why did you do her so many things that she never asked for? Can you please tell me what all the things you did for her?

I can perfectly understand you Monsieur! I know the pain of getting rejected by a female friend. You know what's the best thing to do? Completely ignore this girl, give her the impression that you don't need her at all in your life, have your own things to do, and most importantly date and get intimate with other women. If this girl comes begging to you for some attention kick her to the curb and say that you are busy having fun with your girlfriend and hence don't have time for her.

Monsiuer, why do you feel this way? Is she using you in any way? Can you be more specific? Does she make you do things for her?

Yeah, I understand your point. But if at all I know anything about this girl its that she is brutally honest. She puts things as it is and doesn't care about hurting peoples' feelings. She means what she says... She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship when I asked her out (she had just ended a 3 yr long relationship). It's been 6 months since the breakup and still she is single. Even if she does get a boyfriend I really don't care 'cos its none of my business to see what she is doing with her life. Of course it would hurt me a bit 'cos I had feelings for her but I cannot halt my life for this woman. I will just start dating other people.

Thankx Markers! The reason why I feel this way is because this girl is hell bent on pursuing the friendship with me. She puts in lot of effort so that I don't walk away from being her friend. Once I just remarked that I may have to go back to my country and she said "You are breaking my heart. I will come to India (my country) and see you". She insists on having lunch only with me. We meet for lunch and coffee 3 to 4 times a week and this went on for like 8 months. And she is the one that initiates it all the time. Of course I don't pay for her but I am just wondering why she wants to hang out so much and yet not willing to pursue a relationship with me.

Diggity, Can you please explain this "stringing along" thing. I think you know my situation. I conveyed my feelings to my female friend and she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship with any man now as she just came out of a breakup. She has been single for the past 6 months and keeps telling that she doesn't want a boyfriend now.. I have accepted her rejection but continuing with her as friends. I do not hope that my friendship with her will turn into something more. I take her rejection as the final answer. Anyway my question to you is this. Since I am her friend she and I hangout for dinners, movies, lunches, games etc. I do not pay for her. Do you think this girl is stringing me along? After reading your reply I feel so. She pleaded me not to break the friendship after her rejection. I am wondering what she is upto exactly...

Reading all this gives me the impression that my female friend has clearly played me!! I first met her in a train. We had good conversations and started meeting for lunch. During our second lunch I asked for her number and she gave it to me. We then hung out a lot and she talked about her guy friends and girlfriends. Nearly 2 months later I accidentally found out that she had a long-distance boyfriend!! By this time I had developed feelings for her thinking that she was single and I got emotionally crushed.... To this day I have no idea why she kept her boyfriend a secret.

It's very very simple Monsieur! If you care for a woman, treat her well, see her as a complete person, then you are her FRIEND If you only want to sleep with a woman, don't care about her feelings, and disrespect her on a consistent basis, then you are her BOYFRIEND

Sorry bro, I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that I am angry with that girl friend of yours who is making you go through all this. It's her loss!!

Can you please explain this? She rejecting you should be enough reason to distance yourself from her. If on top of the rejection she has ill-treated you then you should not just walk but run away from this woman.

I really really feel for you! It just sucks to like someone and not having those feelings returned. But trust me its just a matter of time. I have personally undergone and am still undergoing the same things as you are now. But I am now at a point where if even she wants a relationship with me I wud ask her to fcuk off!!!!! I have more self-respect than to just keep waiting for some woman to change her mind.

Monsieur, I am sorry but you are really getting pathetic!! Just imagine what your OA will think if she happens to read these posts. Even if she had a shred of attraction for you I bet she will lose it in no time.

How old are you? and how old is she?

That's exactly what I am trying to do. I really know how painful it can be b'cos his situation very much mirrors mine!! Monsieur let me tell you man... As long as you keep thinking about her its only going to get more and more painful. Over-analyzing about why she rejected you would only create more frustration. Who knows why the hell she rejected you... may be she is not destined to get good things in life. Big Deal, Her Loss!! Just move on dude.. I know its easier said than done but really that's your best bet.