queenieL41

I can so relate to your story. I don't know if you read any of my posts,but I know exactly how you feel. My x gf was very close to her mother, a little too close, that it came in between our relationship. I loved my x very much which made it so hard to leave. She had her head on straight, structed, didn't drink or do drugs, and had a great job. I tried so hard to make her happy everyday. We also lived together which fell apart about 4 mos. after we moved in. Read my post to learn about the whole story. As for you, don't give in and go back to her. You have already stated in your post that the same problems would re-occur. Don't forget about how you felt in the relationship. You are not wrong to deserve someone to put you above most people in their lives. Love does not go away when we want it to, it takes time and for some it takes longer. Give yourself time to heal and try to avoid talking to her if you don't think that your problems could be mended. You will be wasting your time and could lose out on the love of your life. I haven't dated anyone since my x and I'm fine with being single for now. Be strong and stand clear of any further headache....

I so know what you are going through girl. I don't know if you read my post about my recent breakup or not. But I will tell you a little bit about it. I was with this girl for a little over a year. I know that doesn't sound like a long time, but it was long enough to feel intense feelings for someone. Well when I met her, she wasn't single at all and she was with a girl who would occasionally hit her if her medication wasn't working. They didn't live together thankfully, but they were together almost 4 years at the time she introduced herself to me. She was 14 years older than me, had a great job, had her head on straight, and seemed to have her life together. I thought it was a little strange that she was putting up with her gf aggressive behavior, but I could tell she wanted out so I didn't look too far into it. On the flip side of things my x was 38 years old and never lived away from home from her mother. Her dad died when she was 28 years old and she was the only child. Six months after we started dating we moved in together. At first things were ok, but I could tell her mom was still trying to control my gf by making her feel guilty if she didn't come over on the weekends to visit for the whole day. At first I tried understanding that my gf lived with her mom a lot longer than the average person and didn't care that she went over to her mom's on the weekends. About 4 mos. after we moved in together things went terribly wrong with my job and I found myself unemployed for about a month. I still had money to pay half the rent and the bills so my gf didn't have to do it alone. That's when she started criticizing me and never complimenting me about anything. Not only was I down about my job not working out, but I also had to deal with her never giving me credit for anything. It was the beginning of the worst 3 mos. of my life. When I started working again at a new job, her mother started having stomach issues and pains in her sides. Her mother was with her bf at the time for over a 11 years, but claimed that she didn't trust him enough to stay alone with him so she started asking my gf to stay every night over there. At first I was understanding about it, but then my gf started acting really distant towards me and not giving a care about me being alone all the time at our place. I would find myself continously asking her what was going on and stating that I felt that it was more than her mom being sick as to why she was staying over there. She would get mad at me and then start saying I was crazy and obsessive. Since I had no proof at the time of her being guilty of anything, I started to believe I was just insecure and crazy for me thinking things and saying stuff to her. Well in January my gut insticts were found to be true and it hurt real bad. As I said at the beginning of the story she was with this girl when she met me. Well her gf at the time found out about us together and tried killing her and my x on New Years' Day of 2004. Needless to say my x filed a restraining order on her immediately. My x also traded in her car because she was in fear of her, bought me pepper spray incase the girl tried coming after me. I never met her x and thankfully I haven't because I wouldn't be here to tell this story I'm sure. Anyways I found out in January that my x bought her x whom she had that restraining order on, a cell phone in late October when we were still living together. She claimed that it was to help her x gf get a job because she had no means of a phone and swore to me that she didnt' have contact with her at all after she bought her the phone. What makes me most upset about this situation is my x could of put my safety in jeopardy over her past that I had no control over. When I found out she tried lying about it at first and then she knew that I was not going to stand for her lies. She didn't try being sincere about it either. She basically told me to get over it in the matter of a couple of days or leave. Currently I have been broken off with her for almost 3 mos. now and for some strange reason I still love her so much, knowing how much she never gave me credit for anything and put my safety in harm's way. I tell myself that I shouldn't miss or want to be with someone that didnt' make me feel more alive or better about myself. We rarely ever talk and when we do she constantly blames me and says that I drove her nuts and it's all my fault as to why we aren't together anymore. So when people tell you love yourself first and love others 2nd then listen to it. My problem was I didn't love myself enough and I let someone feed into my self-esteem and it caused me to go crazy for a while. All I did was blame myself and sometimes I still do, but I think of all the things I have gained from not being around her too. Everyone could see how my x was too, but I was too blindly in love. Everything happens for a reason and no one deserves to be put down no matter who they are. It's hard walking away when you are in love and not wanting to let go. If you ever need to talk, let me know ok. Take care and start getting involved with new things to keep your mind off things. Join a gym or a support group to discuss your feelings with other people going through the same thing. It's tough to be strong at times and it's ok to need a helping hand. Time heals all wounds.

Thanks for all of your words guys. The answer is yes I do want someone to love, respect, and be truthful with me at all times. I think that was part of my problem of not letting go for so long is because I was thinking of her outside qualites rather than what she gave to me in the relationship. I truly did love her for her as a person, but I knew that she couldn't give me what I thought I deserved in the relationship for a long time. I guess I didn't want to let go of her because I was with her for a while and I was afraid of being alone which is a poor excuse. It still hurts not having her in my life, but life will go on.

See you are starting to get angry with him already. Today my x wrote me an email saying that he didn't care if I still care about him and he doesn't want to hear from me again. He also told me that I owed $805.00 on apt. damages that his dog mainly did. So I am very irate with him and could care less if he drops off the face of the earth right now. I still miss him and wish we could have worked things out, but I am already feeling better without him in my life. He brings me down when he emails me with nasty things to say about me. Just don't forget about all the pain he has put you through when it comes to wanting to talk to him again. I know it's hard and even I have caught myself writing him emails still. Love is such a powerful emotion and it enpowers us to do stupid things that we may regret later. I know after today I vow to never write him again. I don't know about your x, but mine thought it was easier to pin it all on me and blame me for us breaking it off. That is why I have such low self-esteem now because of it. I found myself begging and crying to him to show me that he cared about me when we were together. It was the most painful time in my life. Sometimes I still sit and cry when I think about how lonely I felt when he left me night after night not acting like he cared. Keep your head up ok. We are all on this together and feel free to write me back anytime.

I wish I had a good answer for you, but I don't. Everyday I just try telling myself that I'm worth someone else's good time when I am ready to get back out there. It's hard because it sounds like your x along with mine bewittled us to think we didn't deserve them, which isn't true at all. Look at me I quit my job in RI and came back home because I couldn't handle the reality of things. Now I'm angry because I let someone take over who I was as a person. Please don't let it happen to you. I have learned so much about myself in the last two months than I have in my whole life. Do I miss him? yeah of course I do, but I know that I feel a lot better about myself in a big way too. Up until yesterday all I did was blame myself and asked myself what if I hadn't complained as much or questioned as much? But you know something I have realized out of all of this. If I was secure in the relationship then I wouldn't of questioned things to him as much as I did. Also I didn't wake up and see the big picture of the way things were between us even before we moved into together. I was so wrapped up in love and didn't want to be alone that I didn't admit to myself that I was unhappy too. You are still in the grieving stage so you won't blame him at all for what he has done. Just sit and think about how he used to make you feel inside when you were around him. I know it's hard, but you will get through this. Try to join activities and meet new people, just as friends. I'm sure you'll meet someone that has been through a breakup or a divorce which was painful on them. You can talk to me anytime. Keep your head up and I'll try to do the same ok!

Oh I totally know what you mean about not imagining your life being so different from the way you imagined it. I was so devastated and upset that I moved back home to my parents house 6 hours away to get my act together. It still hurts incredibly too. I'm at the stage now where I'm angry at myself for letting someone get me that upset that I gave up my job and my life where I truly loved living. In this time away though, I have been able to learn more about me and what I need to work on. I'm also starting to realize that the relationship wasn't my fault at all. He just wasn't ready for a true,commitful relationship and no matter what I did he would of done the same thing to me. You keep your chin up and go out there and meet new people. You don't have to get serious if you don't want too. I know as for me, I'm not going too for a while. Try not talking to him either...usually helps. The pain will ease with time. That is how I keep thinking so I don't go insane. Surround yourself with people that love you for you and will listen to you no matter what.

I can soooo relate to your situation right now and my heart totally goes out to you. I was also living with someone that I totally loved and trusted. They had all the qualities I wanted in someone.....a good education, a great job, and family oriented. We moved into together six months after we started dating. He was 38 yrs old and never lived away from home in his whole life and he was the only child to make matters worst. Anyways after a few months living together things started to go for a downward twist quick quickly. His mother started to get ill with minor little symptoms which personally I think from knowing the woman, were a little exagerated and my x would stay with her. At first I thought well his mom will get better and he will be home soon. Well days turned into weeks and then months. He started acting very distant towards me too. I tried everything to make him happy because I loved him so much, but he just would push me away. I would constantly ask him if there was more going on than his mother being sick and he would get mad at me for asking all the time. To make a long story short, I found out in January that he had bought a cell phone for his x girlfriend. This X girlfriend of his was a psycho that used to strike him when she was upset. He filed a restraining order on her when they split up because she tried killing the both of them when he tried breaking up with her. He would even buy me pepper spray and pocket knives when we were first together because he was afraid that she would come after me. To say the least I was hurt and irate with him when I found out. But in another way I was glad I found out the truth about him because for months he made me feel that I was crazy for having these thoughts about him not telling me the truth. At first I blamed myself, but I know now there was signs right infront of me that I saw but chose to ignore even before we moved in together. As my cousin told me "you can control your reactions, but you can't control someone else's actions". I know that you are probably blaming yourself and doubting yourself, but this guy sounds like a dirt bag to me. They are out there and it sucks when you fall for one. My x also started going out soon after we broke things off and started ignoring me when he met new friends. If you ever need to talk let me know. email removed

This is my 2nd post regarding my past relationship. I was with this woman who was 14 years older than me. When we met we were both involved with other people. I was with my gf for for over 3 years and she was with hers for almost 4 years. Her gf was mentally unstable and struck her a few times in the relationship. When she found out about us being together, she tried killing both of them and my x filed a restraining order on her immediately. On the flip side of things, my x was 38 years old and never lived away from home before. Her dad had died when she was 28 and she was the only child. Her mom is quite controlling of her life too. About 6 mos. into our relationship we moved into together. At first things went well living together and then they got really bad in late September because I found out I was going to be out of work. I was still able to pay the bills and my share of rent though, but she would still heckle me about money. It caused a lot of strain on us because I didn't feel she was giving me any emotional support at all when I needed it most. My self-esteem was down because I lost my first job. I found myself begging her to show me that she cared about me and wanted to support me. She would tell me to stop crying and shut up. I would ask her repeatedly how I could make her happier and she never wanted to communicate with me and then I would find myself crying and fighting with her. In early November her mother started having severe acid reflux issues and didn't feel comfortable enough to have her boyfriend whom she was with for over a 11 years to be there so she asked my x to stay there with her. At first I just didn't care because I thought that the dr's would find something wrong with her right away and she would be home. As time went on, my x started acting very distant towards me. When I questioned her if something more was going on, she would get angry and tell me to stop questioning her. I just had this bad feeling that she was using her mother's house as an excuse to avoid me. The fighting continued into January. In January my x had to move back home because her mother's boyfriend who she was financially dependent on left her. I was asked to live there and agreed at first, but declined later because of the status of our relationship. When deciding where to live, I found out that she bought a cell phone for her x gf whom she had filing the restrainging order against not even a year ago. I was irate and so hurt. She acted like it was no big deal. I tried to move on and still stay with her because I loved her so much, but every time I was around her, she was still acting cold towards me. Due to my job not being so secure I decided to move back home at my parents house in upstate ny. We talked at first and I still very much want to be with her for some strange reason. A couple weeks ago I saw her in person and she told me that she wanted to work things out with me when her mom got better. She told me that she never does anything because she is always taking care of her mother. The following weekend after seeing her, she goes out and meets some friends. Now she doesn't want nothing to do with me. It hurts so bad and all I do is blame myself for losing her. Please someone give me advice to get over this. Am I crazy for still wanting to be with her? She has all the qualities I love in a person.....a great education, family oriented, doesn't drink too much or do drugs, and has a great job.

I am going through the same situation that you are right now. I was with my gf for about 15 mos. We were living together for about 6 mos. and she had to go home because her mother's boyfriend who she was financially dependent on, left her. In the midst of deciding where I should live, either RI or Mass., I found out that she bought her psychotic x girlfriend who she had a restraining order against when we were first together, a cell phone. Needless to say I was apauled and hurt beyond belief when I found that phone. Anyways currently I am living in upstate ny, about 6 hrs away from her. She wants me to come back to MA to be closer to her. When I call her she rarely picks up the phone. There are some days she says that she just needs her space and there are other days she tells me to move back there to be closer so we can work things out. When I'm around her I tend to be the weaker one and blurt out how hurt I am not to have her in my life, which is totally the wrong thing to do! I think in your case you should hold back from letting her truly know how you feel. Present yourself to her as if you are fine. I know that is harder said than done. If she wants to bring up how she feels about you then let her tell you. She is the one that is confused. When she figures it out she will tell you especially if she wants you back.

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 15 mos. When we met, we both had girlfriends. I was with mine for about 3 1/2 years and she was with hers for almost 4 yrs. My gf at the time was quite normal and was going to college still. Hers on the other hand had a lot of mental problems and had the tendency to strike her. When they broke up because she found out we were seeing each other, she went crazy and tried to kill them both one night. My girlfriend immediately filed a restraining order on her. On the flip side of things my girlfriend is 38 years old and never lived away from home her whole life. Her father died when she was 28 yrs old so she felt obligated to stay at home with her mother. Her mother is very protective and often controls my girlfriend like she is 16. About 7 mos. into our relationship we moved into together. At first things were tough because my gf had a tough time transitioning from living with her mother all of her life to living with me. About 5 mos. after living together, her mother started to get heartburn, pains in her chest, arms, and head. Her mother had her boyfriend of 12 years living with her, but she claimed she didn't trust him with her health because he had a tendency to drink a lot. Due to her not trusting him, she made my gf(her daughter) stay almost every night. It caused a lot of friction between my gf and I because I got sick of staying alone all of the time. My gf would never tell me she missed me or needed me. She isn't an affectionate person to begin with. Around new year's my gf mother's boyfriend left her. She was financially dependent on him so she asked my gf to move back home to support her. Without hesitation my gf moved back home. In the midst of figuring out where I should live, I found out that my gf bought her x girlfriend who she had the restraining order on, a cell phone in October when we were still living together. She claims that it was innocent and she did it because she has pity for her x. Anyways I ended up moving back home to upstate ny and now she wants me to come back to Mass. to live close to her. I love her very much, but I don't know if moving back is going to gain my trust back. I want to work things out so badly. Her mother is still sick from what I understand. My gf never calls me or emails me. When I call she rarely picks up the phone. Should I move back there or should I just forget about it and try to move on?