jazn84

Well today I found out my ex isnt comin back till June now so there is absolutly no chance for me anymore. Iam havin got to move on now and the reason shes comin back in June is because her new BF cant get time off to come back in April cuz she doesnt want to drive back 1500 miles alone. My chapter with my first love is now over, I have thought about callin but everyone is right, im too good for this and dont deserve someone like this.

Well today I was doin ok at work but I did a hour of research on rebound relationships and feel alot better about my situation now. Iv learn after a long significant relationship the worst thing todo is to jump right into another one as my ex did. She thinks this is goin to solve all her problems buts its not, shes using him to replace me and continuing to rely on someone emotionaly which was me. Shes the one who isnt independent and I think she had the right intentions for us to get away and work on ourselve which I have been doin and I do feel alot stronger and Im learning how to be alone again, and shes the one NOT . I relized everytime we use to break up she would always be crawling back because she doesnt know how tobe alone. This new relationship she has now I am pretty sure it will not work and my friends agree too. She ran away to get away from work, family, me and to take time for herself, Well she is but shes not focusing on herself to heal and learn how tobe alone and stronger. Im gonna leave her alone now and let her learn herself and when our problems in our relationship turn up in her new one shes gonna get real hurt. And you guys are right I have history behind me, no one can completely stop loving someone they have been with for 4 years in one week. Her impulsive behavior to quit everything and move 1500 miles away out of the blue and jump into another relationship while suppose tobe have time single or alone is rushing their relationship so fast.Iv read things can seem perfect for hem in a rebound relatinship but soon issues shes had before come back because she never solved them. When she gets back she wont have all the attention shes having out there because she wont be living or working with him nomore I believe, but then agin if shes goin out im not sure if hes staying out there or not ugh!. This experience has made me stronger and I still love her but I gotta let her be and let her do whats she thinks is right for her which everyone believes is WRONG. Thankyou everyone for the advice and help and I will keep you guys updated. I am the person getting better with myself from this break up.

Thankyou for the replies, This makes it so much harder for me now I feel my 3 weeks of NC have been for nothing. I did take this better than I thought I would and Iam stronger controling my emotions and only made onlya couple holes in the wall. I cant believe someon can do this and it explains why my ex was so cold and heartless tome the day she got there. I really hope this is a rebound and it kills me everything she said tome b4 she left like "dont worry im not leaving you for him" and other stuff was total BS. God! this is the worst thing that I feared and now that I know its true, I really do feel my last 4 years with her were for waste and all the knowledge I have learn I will never be able to use when she gets back to. Iam goin to try my hardest to not think about this and wonder the things shes doin with him that she use to do with me. Its so crazy you really think you know someone then you dont, and her best friends cant believe this either they all say this is not her and shes dealing with it the wrong way.They told me to ride it out and wait til she gets home and see where all this stands because no one knows whats really happening out there. My hope has now dwindled to almost nothing but Iam continuing to move on and be strong, shes my first and im hers and its killing me i think shes sleeping with him but everyone says if they are goin out it doesnt necessarly mean it but i know she wouldnt sleep with him unless there goin out and they are now. How can she jump into another relationship a in less than a week we broke up? How can she drop me for him? I wish I can wake up and this be a dream! I should have let her know how it feels tobe alone when she was here like my frineds said and stop being there as a security blanket. The things she said tome like " I am goin to sleep with him b4 I get back and I want you out of my life" now seems like it is true and it wasnt just anger. You guys said to take it at face value and she really meant it. I thought I went thru the worst part already now this happens and it cant get any worse than this can it?

Shes dating the guy already i found out today OMG everyone says its rebound and Im sooo ANGRY!!!!

Iv been listening to this song recently Amanda Perez- Angel

Thanks again Heavenlee, I really am tryn to stay NC and its just wondering whats she doin with the new guy hurts! I know whats keeping me in there is believing shes not doin anything and I know its not the right mentality but Im telling myself still be prepared for the worse but keep faith in her. What do you think about 4- Keep NC and tell her friends (my friends too)when she asks them how Iam doin tell them to say Im doin real good ( and Iam on that path) and say I said "Hi" to her. ^^ I was thinking this is a good way to hint her Im doin well and becoming independent again like I was before when she met me but are there any drawbacks of this? Would it be breaking NC?

I just wanted to let you guys know how im doin. Well its been exactly 2 weeks on NC and man was it hard! I have been having severe anxiety and I had this really bad attack 5 days ago and relized I have to get my self together! I really felt like I was goin to die and I cant let myself have a attack like that again. Things have been getting easier for me and I have learned to control my emotions better. I relized being a baby about the whole thing blew it. Iam now working on myself to be stronger and to be happy without her and if things work out it would be great but I cant force it to. I have found out she is coming back in April and that guy is not thank god! Now, I know I must focus on myself but I still want to work things out with her teh right way. I know I cant rush or pressure her and must be only a friend and show her the new person I am now. My questions what to do now are: 1 Should I call her in 2 months and break contact and keep it short and just see hows shes doin and do not talk about "us"? 2 Keep NC and tell her friends (my friends too)when she calls them to say Im doin real good ( and Iam on that path) and say I said "Hi" ? 3 Send a letter I wrote in 2 months, which is non pressuring and about me saying Im sorry and just want tobe friends and things will work out if meant tobe.(my friends say I should send it and its really nice and sincere but not too soon) 4 Contact her when she gets back in April, let her have her space now and show her the new me when she gets back . 5 Continue NC and move on and if she ever contacts me do everything Iv learned and get her back the right way if I still want her.

Iam in the very same situation with me ex girlfriend. I kept on fighting with her and pressuring her tobe be back together and I finally pushed her buttons and she wanted me out of her life and not even a friendship. I really regret arguing with her and it has been a week of NC. I just want her friendship now and we have been together for 4 years and its hard to forget someone thats a big part of your life and your best friend. Should I wait for her to call me back or give her more NC time to cool off and call her. I know she didnt mean what she said because shes the kind of person that always says things then takes them back and she always said she never wanted me out of her life before I finally pushed her over the edge.

I know you guys are right but for some reason I dont believe she meant the things she said and they were out of anger and I forced her to say it. You see, Iv been reading ALOT about how to get back with your ex and I completely did the wrongs things and it led up to her saying its over and NC. What I should have done was respected what she wanted, and do anything to avoid arguments and act like it was ok what she wanted. I did the exact opposite and I kinda feel I forced the hurtful words out of her mouth by bugging and bugging her. I mean her excuse to go out there was to get away from me and she did tell me not to worry and instead I did and argued with her and she finally couldnt take it and finally gave up on me. I now feel its my fault. Well I do have my reasons tobe angry but I totally acted the wrong way about it and now I do know how to react and what exactly was our problem in our relationship, I put to much pressure on her and argued and argued when I should have listened and respected.Ugh! I wish I can tell her Iv learned so much about myself and what a relationship needs and what I was wrong, she really was tryn to make this relationship work and I did not relise this until these past couple days. It was me not knowing what she needed, she needed me to stop being dependant on her and to stop thinking she was the only thing that made me happy and to stop manipulating her and to stop crying over her. I feel so terrible, it was me and I wish I can tell her, I wish I could have learned all this before she decided to leave because I was blinded and stubborn and did not try hard enough till now to figure out what was wrong. I feel so stupid and I hate myself. I tell my friends what I have learned and what our problems were and they are amazed of how my thoughts are soo different from last week and how they make sense. What can I do, I need to tell her this and let her know I know what our problem was, the first step to getting back is to acknowledge the problems and I have now, and hope its not too late. Help me get back what I lost. I want to call her but I need to respect that she wants the NC, is it ok to get my friends to ask her if we can talk? or atleast leave a voice message? I have a new perspective now and hope its not too late before she falls for that guy she living with.

If your ex is immediately seeing some else already I would assume NC would be the best option right?wat if you want her back? I feel the NC rule will be a disadvantage maybe. Im not sure.....

Well yesterday I spoke to the person that is closer to her than anyone else other than the one she left me for, her best friend. I told her what was goin on and she could not believe it and she said that is the person she is. She told me my ex has always been that person who is up and down with her feelings and never consistant and irrational. That is exactly right and ever since I v know her she has been emotionaly unstable,cutting, not confident and insecure. I have always been there for her with all her problems no matter where I was and what I was doin and never gave up on her. I put so much time and effort and I even changed myself and my friends to be perfect for her. I feel now I have lost all my confidence and myself and was used until she had someone else.This is why it is so hard for me to let go and take her seriusly . All week I have not been able to sleep or function right and even at the club dancing with 2 girls Im still thinking of her because I am truly in love with her. Today at work I almost broke down and I then did at lunch and have decided to seek professional help. My appointment is tomorrow to see a psychiatrist. I hope this helps me and my friends agree I am emotionally damage from the heartless cold words she has said tome.No one should be treated like this especially the person who cares for her more than anything. I will let you guys know how I will be doing in the next days. Thanks again

Thank you for the reply, you said if I wanted to, to call her and let her know im disappointed in her decision and hope she will be happy and love her, when will I call and tell her? Would that let her know I have given up? and I truly dont want to lose hope, that would break the NC, would it help her forget me easier or benefit me to get her back? More replies would be aprreciated thanks.

Heres my story, last week my girlfriend of 4 years has moved out to minnesota to live with her "friend" who is her co worker who always seems to be in our picture. Well the last 3 months we have been on and off because she does not know what she wants and says she doesnt have the same feelings for me anymore but at the same time she decides to wear my ring again randomly then take it off on and off and say shes happy only sometimes with me. Well basically she said she needed time away from me and her parents and she did not want to move anywhere else becuase she had nowhere else togo and if she moved in with family there would be ?s why. This guy shes drove 1500 miles to live with has been causing problems in our relationship and she jus says im insecure and its all in my head about it. So what really pisses me off is she decides one day out of the blue she moving out there with him without speaking tome about it or seeing what i had to say. She said she told her parents she was doin it and did not ask. So she quits her job and school to go and for some reason actually convinces me its what she needed and not to worry or be afraid of her leaving me for him. BIG MISTAKE. Everything went well the days before she left and she said she cannot make any promises and I understand because I cant make her. Well I spoke with her on her 2 day trip the whole way and everything sounded real well and it was just a break for her from me thats it. First night she got there she immediately changed. She said she could not speak tome everyday or talk for long and before she left she said I could speak to her anytime I wanted? So I obviosly got angry and we argued and I played the I cannot live without you and would do anything for you lines and she stop picking up the phone which made the fire bigger and that led to me leaving voice messages that I wish I can take back because they were out of anger and wrong. After I goin insane and callingso much because she would not pick up she calls after not picking up for 3 days. I told her I was sorry and wanted to trust her and give her all the time she needed and she replied in anger "I dont want you to trust me and its over". Then I ask why she changed and she said she was thinkin and its not goin to work. I then ask did she have feelings for who she move out there to live with and she said I dont know. Then I ask have you done anything with him shes says no and then I ask do u want tobe with him? She says I dont know and I got very upset. My last question was will you be sleeping with him b4 u come back in 2 months and she says I dont know, probally, expect the worst. I know she is saying this all in anger because I was blowing up her phone and leaving nasty messages and I really feel she still loves me even tho she says she doesnt . She is falling for this guy and I want to stop it. Well her last words were dont ever call me i dont ever want to see you again and that hit me emotionaly and I was at work with my mind not beliving its true. She said I cant be friends with you either and I no idea what i should have said because all of this was unexpected. She always said never to lose hope in us and she would always be there but when there is someone else to lean on she a different person and cold and heartless to my emotions. Before she left we hung out everyday almost just like we have for the past 4 years and slept together 3 days b4 she left. I want be back with her and this is my first day of the NC rule but I if I keep going, thats what she wants and she might end up sleeping with this guy and will completely break my heart, (we were both our firsts). Where do I go from here to have her back? I made the mistake saying I will be waiting for her and never lose hope and I have basically told her im her doormat. Should I not call her or give it a week or 2 and then call? I m so in love with her i cant go an hour without thinking of her I need help! Sorry for the long post.