LootieTootie

Agree with everyone's post. You haven't really told us if you are actively and proactively involved or engaged with any groups outside that church group. Tell us what you've done so far to put yourself out there?

Please know that you are not entitled for anyone to do anything for you - boyfriend or not. If you possibly can't self-sooth and therapy hasn't helped you in managing your ego, you should dump this poor man and look for another therapist. Stop forcing and fighting this man to give you something he clearly does not want to do.

One step at a time... talk to a divorce attorney.

I think you have a low self-esteem. That's the only reason why I think someone would allow a "friend" to treat them so horrendously. Do you have a low self-esteem?

Um you should feel bad for yourself. Why on earth would you hang out with someone who clearly is all about herself?

She doesn't sound like a friend period

How many times did you go out? sounds like one time. Also if you aren't seeing anyone you are attracted to at this church, I would look at some other local churches. Have you thought about changing church? Or maybe attending different churches as long as its the same religion/same denomination? You also come across like you're burned out from dating and if thats the case, I would take a break. When I turned 29, I was tired of dating and tired of going back on and off on this 3 year relationship. So I just stopped dating and focused on my career. I did end up meeting my husband when I was 32 and it happened so fast and it was the easiest and most loving/supportive relationship I ever had.

When I haven't seen someone in ages because of distance and I bump into them and I start chatting up with them, it can turn in to an hour or 2 hours long chat. Because what you're doing is catching up with them. Before you know it, you're having this bonding moment with them and it feels nice, and even make you feel fuzzy. And then you say "Oh ok well I have to run. It was nice seeing you. Let's keep in touch? When do you usually come back to town? Maybe I'll try to catch you then? Ok. Bye!" I just think it's all pleasantries - its just what people say to acquaintances. & no doubt, people will reach out sometimes for that quick meet or quick bite because they find you kind or interesting or both, and yes, they might even have some romantic feelings for you, but its not enough for them to make that overture to romance. And thats ok. It just tells you that time to move on and yes, start dating again. If dating apps are not working, please consider joining local meetup groups. Do you like to read? Join a bookclub. Do you like animals? Maybe do animal rescue. Are you religious? Church have a lot of groups for different age groups. Do you like hiking? walking? Trivia? creative writing? coding? Theres lot of groups that caters to people hobbies.

So are you not dating right now because your job is your main focus at the moment? You said you're not on dating apps any more. I asked because when you have time for a 5 hour date, and spend hours texting someone back and forth (even if it was not a regular thing), I think you do have time to get out and go on dates. I mean definitely would understand if you said "terrible luck in finding a good match on those dating apps so I stopped." But if you say "don't have time." I don't know, I think you do have time but you are putting all your eggs in one basket hoping this guy shows you that he is invested.

Or maybe you just want it too much that you're willing to eat the table scraps? Finding a romantic relationship is like finding friends. Its hard to find someone you can truly connect with. It's better dining in a feast by yourself than dining with someone while they throw you crumbs.

I think when you agreed to being exclusive, it's ok to check if the other has deleted their account or hid their account. Alex, do you know if he's still on the dating site? And if yes, is he active?

Yes its the same ones they set up for ppl who work on cruise ships. I think its a cruise with family. But cruises are good way for people to go the clubs and get wasted. I'm not sure I would like partying all night and coming back to my bed with my parents next to me. I don't know. I just don't find that fun for anyone in their 20s or 30s.

You dump him. Tell him "we jumped the gun and I apologized for my part but I realized my standards are higher and don't think we are a good fit." Then you block him. You don't need to elaborate anything after that.

Right. This is good you recognize this. There are men who just want an ego-boost and you being there for him, listening to him, responding to him, that makes them feel good. He relies on his parents for money, he doesn't have a great living situation, he is a divorcee, he struggles to make ends meet... as a grown man, he is probably not happy with himself. Then someone like you, who has their shyt together, likes him and caters to him, he probably feels like "yea, I still got it." What you are doing is you're feeding his ego while sacrificing your own self-worth.

Thats a pity because he could really get to know you and what matters to you but he isn't. Have you thought maybe its because he is not that in to you?

Did he asks you any questions about YOU?

I been on cruises before and those are tiny rooms. I would never be stuck in a tiny room with my parents for a week 😑

Alex, My question is about last night call with him. You said you both spoke almost an hour. Can you tell us what you talked about? I want to know if this was a two-sided conversation or just him talking about himself. If you don't want to divulge that info, no worries.

Probably because as he said, he didnt have the mental and emotional capacity for you. He is taking care of himself on his own, unfortunately. You're probably asking yourself why he doesn't want your support after everything that's been said and done? People with depression know they can be a burden on others and/or they think others don't understand their pain and so they rather suffer/power thru alone. I think you did the right thing. Give yourself space and give him space. Mental disorders are tricky. My husband has bipolar and he still gets mood swings once in a blue moon even tho he's on top of his medication and works out. I think chronic depression is totally different and theres really no cure to it except being consistent with your medication if you ever find the right doses. Again my heart goes out to you.

So I recalled you said you guys don't have a lot to talk about. Can I ask what you guys talked about ? If you don't want to share, thats fine too. I just hope he isn't just talking about himself and is enthusiastic in treating you like a queen when he gets back.

I wholeheartedly agree. I would also stop using reddit and enlisting the help of a 'psychic'

I think that this is a question only for you to decide. My husband committed suicide once when he was 23 (long story) and he told me maybe a year in to it when we were together. I have never seen any signs of him being that low to go there again, so I'm not too worried about it. He is now 35.

Yea I thought that was weird he offered to tell Alex how many times he masterbates - way too early to offer that info esp when you just did a poor job in bed with her the other night. I also would think he would be too embarrassed about his performance that he would still try to rectify it by wooing her pants off tonight before a week vacation. Yet it seems like he is nonchalant about it all, which is why I feel bad for Alex.

I am sorry how you're feeling and it sucks but I would believe him. If he tells you he doesn't have the emotional and mental capacity to invest in the relationship, it means he's checking out and will now do so physically. When you have a loved one who is chronically depressed (my dad) and being around them regularly, it can be draining. Maybe he knew this and didnt want to do that to you, knowing you already have a high stress job. Sending good vibes to you and just know you need some space to heal.

why do you need new clothes for a vacation with mommy and daddy?