sageblue

I know it has existed, I am sure that you can fall in love with someone, even your best friend. There is a theory that this is not possible, that women will either like you as a friend or as a lover and never the twain shall meet. It never sounded right to me, but I thought that maybe its true. I dont want to rush into anything anyway, but we are so close and I didn't know whether I had to make a move or whether its okay for me to just stay friends for long time, until the time is right. I feel that she and I are destined to be together, she does as well, but whether it be as friends or lovers, I dont know. So, it is possible to move from being a friend to a lover? There is no firnedship zone that you get stuck in by women?

I have been single for a little while now and I am unsure of this. I have read theories that women either see you as a friend or lover and the two never meet. Is this true? I am very attracted to a woman who is very close to me, I am attracted to her. Is it possible she is attracted to me? I can wait, I am not desperate for a relationship but, is it possible that we can ever go from close friends to lovers, or is that unlikely. She kind of knows how I feel about her, but I have never tried anything at all. What is your opinion?

There is so much debate about this subject. Some sites say that women stick you in a "friends" zone, and once there, you are stuck there. Others say that one of the best ways to be good lovers is to be good friends first. I know there is no conclusive answer, but I have seen friends become lovers and vice versa. What is the general consensus? Can friends become lovers? There are some very masculine/male sites that espouse this as impossible, however those sites seem to categorize almost everything about women into one, perhaps two dimensions. Can a woman be loyal to a man, and care for him and respect him and be his confidant and also "fall in love" with him? I think I am witnessing this very thing right now with a couple of friends, however other sites would say this is simply not possible. So, what is the general feeling in here? Can a woman fall in love with a close friend? Does it happen?

She was a friend of my wifes initially, they both are in HRM. My wife is a very tall, attractive woman who has many friends basically, she was one. Look, I know this is the most common story in the World, I wont really labor the point too much. I think that this girl is simply a very mixed up person, she was from a strict family in the Mid West and she probably should have stayed there. I know how this all ends and I wont let it happen. Yesterday she was a heap of fun to be with and had a good day. If she can have more good days then bad days, thats what matters most. There is no happy ending, sometimes you just have to let go I guess. Anyway, it's time I should get off to work, so I will be catching up. You take care Pineapple, you deserve better, a lot better. Its gonna be a cold winter.

She didn't say to me to leave my wife for her, she said I should leave my wife because I am not happy and my wife is cold. When she had a boyfriend she would say that my wife and I will patch things up. In other words, it is a subtle thing. We have deep and meaningfuls all the time but I recently started to see what my wife has said along...she wants to be with me. Its a hundred little things, body language, time togther, what she tells me and nobody else, who she describes as the perfect man. When she finally said that women wouldn't mind my having baggage, etc, I finally realised that she probably wants a relationship with me. She would never pursue me directly, it isn't her style. She would hint at things. So, I only recently realized that she wants me. PROBLEM, I want her but I dont want to hurt my wife and kids. It is just so damn painful. If I dont pursue anything, nothing will happen, thats the plain truth. I just dont know what I want. Pineapple may be correct, she provides me with those things my wife doesn't. She respected my thoughts, she sees me as her mentor/leader, she actually needs me. This girl should have had a Brady Bunch life but it all went horribly wrong and her Father is to blame. A strict Catholic who said she couldnt have a man until she had a career. When her Mother died he basically went out and got another woman and said, do what you want, just accept this new wife, Im starting over. She lost everythig. I love her, how do I stop loving her?

I am sorry tea, I just read your age detail. You are younger than the confused girl I am trying to help...sorry, I am really more interested in advice from people who have lived more life. When you have had friends die, nursed a woman dying who you love, failed, won, lost, been betrayed, had kids, lost everything, worked hard etc etc etc, I would then listen to your advice. Now, that sounds horrible but I would listen to you on any sibject you studied and I certainly wouldn't think I am more intelligent than you, just, this is perhaps a little heavy for you to really understand.

Please, get a mentor quickly. Ring the helpline, you know the one. Please, DO NOT hurt yourself and be very weary of any older man who says he loves you. Seek a mentor, a female who is older. Try the helpline, its free, they can get you a social worker, ask for a female and tell her EVERYTHING! You need more than the type of help this site will provide you. You have a possible 74 wonderful years ahead of you. If your Father literally kicks you, abuse, NOT ACCEPTABLE AND NOT YOUR FAULT...OKAY? PLEASE, do what I said, kids helpline in Australia and take it from there. You had the gumption to seek help, now just go that extra step. It is confidential and will help. If you dont know the number, ring 1223 and ask for the number.

Re read my post, I think I made it pretty clear that I DONT want to hurt her. She is hopeless on her own, I cant be ther 24/7 unless I am literally there. My dilema is not having an affair, I wouldn't do that to her. My dilemma is the choice between my wife and kids and her. The other thing is, I am trying NOT to be predatory. SHE wants to be with me unless I am the worse body language reader of all time. So, dont be angry with me, empathize with me. Do I give her what she wants? How do I help her and, oh hell, whats the line of least pain for everyone? I am not a guy who gets involved and confused, in my prime I was more predatory but this girl brings out the nurturer in me. WHY? I just dont know. I am offended at your "fee on the side" comment, if that was the case I would simply have an affair and not pour my bloody heart out online. I hate the way you off hand dismiss me as some pig when I have tried so hard to be the exact opposite.

If he was given the option, YOU or HIS WIFE, which would he choose? He is obviously fairly comfortable where he is right now. Do you want/deserve more? Have you thought of seeing exactly where you do stand? I know your initial post touches on this but are you happy? It was so refreshing to read your post, it gave me insight into the other side and somehow eased my own pain somewhat. I have no idea what you look like, but your writing and your thoughts seem to indicate that perhaps you simply deserve more. Are you happy at all?

You provide something he needs but the pain of hurting his family is a shocking thought. A scene of emotion that send shivers down my spine. He may even love you more than her, but he owes her more. He signed up, how can he break that? I really feel for you but I think it is doomed. I would never hurt this girl, I will either do nothing or I would leave my wife. I dont want her to hurt anymore, when she cries, somethig inside me dies. I just sit and wantch because, as she says, I would only make it worse. She says that other people make her angry whereas I would simply make her cry, I could hurt her. What does that mean?

I have yet to have a real affair but am in a position where I think I easily could. This young girl who I kind of rescued sees me as a Father figure. I am the only person in the World who knows basically everything about her. She sits there opposite me srying and telling me about her spiral downhill in life. She describes her perfect man, and he is basically me. She even suggests I shoud leave my wife because I need to do it while I am young enough. When I respond, "I am 37 and have 2 kids, thats too much baggage", she responds that women dont really care about that. In other words, I have gone from mentor/employer/Father figure, to possible lover. She would never make a move, even though she was a stripper, she is extremely introverted and shy. My problem is, I love her genuinely. I dont want to have an affair with her because I dont want her to be hurt anymore. She was rejected by her fiance, had an affair with her friends fiance, her Mother died at 16 and her Father turned his back on her. She NEEDS help, I do not want to hurt her. I am worried about the next predatory male who will seek her out. So, what the hell do I do? Leave my wife and kids and protect this girl who is only 23. Watch some mungrel hurt her? WHAT? I am assertive, I am strong, I look pretty good, I am ambitious, I am basically the Daddy she always wanted. I have invested myself in to this girl. WHAT do I do? I dont want to turn her into my roote rag, but someone will. She had a nice boyfriend, but he was a (boy)friend, she needs a (man)friend. See, not all we philander males are [PROFANITY REMOVED BY MODERATOR], we are often as confused as you women. At 37 I look better than I did at 27, my wife doesn't. Nature is unfair to women. Just plain unfair. Men get more powerful, better looking, prosper and the woman has kids, loses her identity and her figure....IT SUCKS.

I employed a girl who has everything but her boyfriend/dream man left her after 3 years. She then had an affair with one of her friends fiances for a year, he wouldnt leave her. She then spiraled down hill from there. She ended up doing strip shows and then I met her, had a very brief fling, found out her history, felt like a Daddy and rescued her. With all the people she knows, I am the ONLY person in the World who knows all of this. So, she got a boyfriend, but broke it off, why? I think she likes strong men, father figure types and he was a boy. So, she sits opposite me, informs me of her dream man...who, by the way, is almost ME TO A TEA. Then, later, starts to tell me how I should probably leave my wife because she is a bit cold and distant and doesn't make me happy. So, here I am, thinking, I dont want to hurt my wife and kids but I am pettrified about WHO this girl will hook up with next. I love this girl, I don't know why..I just do. I have a wife and kids, I never made a move once she was working for me, and she would never make the first move. It seems obvious to me however that she wants me to. I would never judge you, I am so confused with what to do I can understand your position. Good luck to you, I hope something works well for you. Just dont count on him. Now, quid pro quo, advice for me my dear lady?

She has a boyfriend and I thought that meant protection from any issues. I dont know if she is really that close to her boyfriend, but I do see your point. I really enjoy my time with her and we have fun. The other thing is that I am not a predatory male. As for breakfast, she has a health kick breakfast that we both eat in the office. She gets breakfast and I get lunch. Scout, does that change things a bit?

I know this is a common story. I recently employed a vulnerable young girl who was a stripper. I met her at my poetry class and she got caught stripping and everything was very ugly for a while. Anyways, I helped her out with advice and friendship and, considering she is highly intelligent, I offered her a career in my firm as a HRM consultant. She was offered another job in her chosen field and asked my advice. I told her to take the job. She decided to stay with me because "I am a mentor and like a Father figure" quote. Anyway, we are pretty close, she is a touchy girl who likes to flirt a bit, she's a mans girl I guess. Quiet, shy, vulnerable etc. NOW, she purchased a personal item for my birthday in Feb, she makes me breakfast every day, she text's me when I am out and we have a special luncheon every Thursday. She wants to help me purchase personal items and we are going to start playing sport with each other every Saturday for a couple of hours. She has a boyfriend now and I dont know if he is aware of me or not. My wife and her gossip crew believe that she is interested in me beyond friendship and that her boyfriend is simply there to fulfil her need for companionship. I see her as a very close friend who I love like a little sister but, yes, I could easily fall for her. My wife isn't too worried because she has met her and likes her but also because she trusts me and knows I am not a predatory type of guy. I am ten years older than this girl and I have two kids. I just want to be double checked here. Am I doing anything wrong? I know she loves me but as a Father figure. For that to change I would have to instigate it and I simply wont. I had no secret agenda when I hired her but I do get a little jealous when she mentions her boyfriend. I spend stacks of time with my wife and kids, but am I doing anything wrong from a female perspective? I just feel good helping her and talking to her, and I enjoy her company. My oldest boy is 4 and I have a 2 year old girl as well and I love them both very much. What r your thoughts?