hurthurthurt

Hello everyone, I have been struggling with my weight all my life, and recently came to realize that I do eat when stressed or emotional. I've tried rigorous exercising to help my stress level, but a month of bronchitis recently prevented me from continuing with the cardio, and the weight is coming back on b/c work is stressful! Does anyone know of any good books, articles, or websites that help you make the connection with why you eat when stressed or emotional? I really want to kick this habit, and don't know where to start. I recently read "Passing for Thin", about oevereaters anonymous, which made me realize that I'm not just addicted to cookies-- my brain needs to be switched on somehow. Any leads would be much appreciated! thanks!

Hi Suzy, I'm very sorry you are feeling so down. It sounds like this break up was unexpected and harsh. It also sounds like you were left without explanation. I am not a psychologist and don't know much about psychology, but it seems that your ex has issues with relationships. He apparently can't maintain relationships with his adult children without trouble or space, and you mentioned that he went through an awful divorce before meeting you and swore off marriage. Unfortunately, the fact that he swore off marriage in the beginning of your relationship may have been a sign that he did not want a serious long term relationship. It certainly was convenient for him to continue to receive your love, support, and intimacy in a personal relationship--while also taking all of your support, friendship and HARD WORK at the office! I would be angry if I were you, it seems that he did an awful lot of taking for many years. It also seems that he could be terrified. Perhaps he recognized how much he loves and needs you, but was terrified being so close to someone after his failed relationships in the past, and then decided to cut it loose quickly. (I was in a relationship recently with a guy who pursued me like crazy, I thought it was going to be something wonderful--he was divorced and had problems with his family members, but I ignored those red flags and jumped quickly into a physical and emotionally intimate relationship-- one night, without any warning, he ended it. I never learned why and am sometimes still stunned when I think about it, two months later. I can only see that we were growing closer every day, it was becoming serious, and he got scared and ran away!) Perhaps your ex was too afraid to be so close. I realize that 11 years was quite a committment and it must be frightening for you, esp. after losing your job to this relationship as well. But you are a fighter, and you dont even recognize it! Instead of wallowing in your sheets eating ice cream and ignoring the world, you recognized that your feelings have been affected so deeply that a therapist could help. Instead of hiding, you put yourself out there, found a therapist, and are trying to work through everything. You, like many of us suffering through a break-up, decided to research teh world wide web, found this site and put yourself out there to work things out in a different forum. Keep the energy up! You can and WILL get through this. it is true that time heals all wounds. I know your wounds are deep, that you lost a friend, co-worker, and lover. But you are out there, working through your feelings, talking to new people-- all of these actions will create new energy for you, and soon you will see that it is exciting to be active, to take control of your future and make it happen FOR you instead of TO you. I know you are in pain, but it time it will subside. Continue to work things through. Read these forums, you will see that you are not alone-- that many people are experiencing pain caused by loss, grief, and confusion. And read about how many have overcome the pain and moved forward in their lives. I promise that the anger and pain will subside and you will find yourself again-- you will surface a stronger and smarter woman. Are your girlfriends around? make plans with them. Keep yourself busy. Are you pursuing hobbies? Keeping up with yoru own family? Throw yourself into the people in yoru lvoe who love you, let them give you some much needed TLC. Hang in there!

Hello, I have been so relieved to read this thread, the timing was fate. I have been dealing with a terrible bout of loneliness, worse than ever. I was especially interested in the post that discussed sensitivity and unique personality. My "tragic flaw" is that I am "too sensitive and emotional"--everyone tells me that. Somehow I ended up a lawyer. I recently left the private sector and moved to a non-profit where I can help people who really need it, hoping to find fulfillment-- and am shocked and disappointed by the awful office politics. And frustrated b/c I cannot do my job due to the office politics. I feel so lonely and alone. Not only have I lost my 20's to grad school and career development, but now the one thing I focused on--my career--does not offer any happiness or satisfaction. For years I have been fully aware of how empty my life is, how lacking in love and true friendship. But I worked hard to fill that void, assuming it would get me somewhere later. Also, I believed in all the magazines and advice columns where women told women that if we work hard and focus on ourselves, we'll become more complete and great men will come our way. Ha! Instead, I missed out on dating, failing, dating, and failing again-- a necessary process, I believe, to learn who you like or with whom you may not be compatible. I didn't socialize or have fun. I didn't expand my social circles. Now I am one of the last single people I know, and have not even dated for so long. And my friends are involved in serious relationships or marriages-- they do not think to check in on their single pal to see how she is. And I can't seem to meet other single pals to pass the time with. It is so tough out there! To the point-- it is not even a romance or dating issue. It is simply being lonely and alone. I used to enjoy having time to myself, but now I am afraid that I am not getting out there to meet people enough, and limiting myelf to this "alone" existence, which results in feelings of loneliness. Or, the people who are in my life, for whatever reason, no longer satisfy my needs. They are too busy to be there, or our values have changed and it is difficult to relate, or we work so much we don't have time to relax and catch up. It isn't just Denver, Scout. It is also New York City. It could be a mountaintop in Nepal. Maybe loneliness is the result of a lack of satisfaction in life. A need to fill a niche. I am waiting for that magical moment when I suddenly understand the purpose for why I was meant to be here. Then I can use my life to pursue that purpose. You can never be lonely when you are filled with passion and have a purpose or outlet for it, right? you are too busy to notice loneliness. And, when you enjoy what you are doing and are happy, maybe things really fall into place-- you meet similar people with similar likes and needs, and fall into a community, a great family that can cross the globe. Then, how can you be lonely?

Please help. I finalized No Contact and said goodbye, so now I can never reach out to him again. He has clearly moved on. Our paths will never cross again. I guess he already made the transition at the time he broke up with me, and it took me weeks to accept that it is over. I cannot stop thinking about him. I miss him so much. I am working out, keeping busy, doing everything I am supposed to do. I run every night in hopes of sleeping through the night. I don't understand how he can just drop me from my life after we were so intertwined every day. Does he think about me ever? I'll never know. Each day is worse and worse, and my mind keeps replaying the early days when things were wonderful. The worst part is, this guy did me wrong. He did not treat me right at the end, and yet I can't stop putting him on a pedestal and fearing I will never have anyone care for me again. HELP!!!! I wish I could read his mind and know if he ever thinks about me at all! And when will the hurting stop? I feel so awful, it has been weeks already! How can he drop me from his life and move on so easily? Why do I pust him on this pedestal? Does anyone else do that?

Hi, I can't type the details b/c they upset me, but he broke up with me a few weeks ago. I attempted friendship and came to realize that he had no intention of ever seeing me again, or calling me without my prompting him. So I left him a goodbye letter, and even though I am so angry, hurt and disappointed, I was nice. I said that I get it that he is done with me, I thanked him for the good times, told him I needed to say goodbye and that he would be in my thoughts. Now it has hit me that I shut him out and cut out any chance of a friendship in the future. We will never run into each other or anything like that. I am so depressed. I feel like I will never have anyone show interest in me ever again. I can't concentrate at work and it is catching up with me. And, to make matters worse, I slept with a random guy over the weekend and then bawled for hours afterwards b/c I felt disgusting, and that is not the type of thing I do. I am trying to tell myself that that was the lowest low of my life and it can only go up from here. But my heart feels like everything is going to get worse. I can't believe how much your heart cna hurt physically when you lose someone you care about so much. My friends are sick of hearing my cry over him. I feel like I have nowhere to turn except inside myself. This is the most rotton raw rejection and pain. I am terrified that I am always going to be alone. I am 29. I always wanted to have a big family, and feel like I'll never find someone. Has anyone else been at this point? how did you get through it?

Hello, I need to understand this No Contact concept. I am hurting so much. Can someone explain it to me? In the past, men have always come back to me at some point, to apologize or seek friendship or try to get back together, but I don't think that this guy will. And I truly believed he was one of the rare good ones. He was funny, sweet, affectionate, and I cared for him. He broke it off with me with no warning saying he needed time for himself. I can't believe he has not even called to see if I am ok and pursue the friendship he claimed he wanted. He's been in my dreams even, where I try to talk to him and he ignores me. I'm trying to be proud and be the efficient mature professional I need to be and not talk about it with friends or co-workers. I am humiliated because I slept with him and cared for him and saw a future, and he suddenly just wanted to be friends. How can he just cut me off like that? And his idea of friendship was for me to call, for us to never seee each other, and his occasional halfass messages. I finally stopped reaching out and ignored the last few from him. I know I should not contact him for my sake, for self preservation. But then I actually feel guilty for not responding to his messages. And I want to be the nice one--- even though he dropped me from his life, I feel like I should continue to reach out and say hello, see if he is ok, etc. Why is that? How do I let go of someone who was so special to me? it does not make sense. Shouldn't I fight for him? SHouldn't I show him I am still here and interested, in case he wants to try again? Please someone, explain this to me, how does this all work? I am trying to be busy, work out everyday, but can't concentrate at work and am so sad over this. I am just hurt hurt hurt.