SuperDave71

Sad, All you have to do is have faith in yourself and post here. -SuperDave71

SOMEBODY GRAB THE DUCT TAPE IN CASE MATTIE TEXTS HER BACK!!!! -SuperDave71

Sad, You wil be ok no matter what. -SuperDave71

juha, Of course you can my friend. SuperDave71

Hmmmm... Did someone say NC? I have heard of that somewhere? --SuperDave71

Juha.. You text her and I am coming up there with duct tape and stick you to the floor !!!! -SuperDave71

Wow..... I would say slip this woman poison but I am a nice guy. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS WOMAN...she USED YOU LIKE A SHAKE AND BAKE BAG!!!! DO NOT GIVE HER THE SATISFACTION OF YOU ANYMORE!!! Gosh..was that out loud? I think I just ruined my reputation!! -SuperDave71

Don't send it.... You need a short, direct to the point e-mail stating what you are doing and why. Do not put the "what we used to do activities". Why?...Because it makes him feel guilty. Just create an email that says youare going to take time for yourself and you really want to focus on you right now and do not need distractions. Tell him yoru taking time out to focus on what your needs, wants and desires are and you don't need outsode influences right now. blah blah blah... It's really simple...just be honest and no mushy stuff and leave the dog out of it.... **Geesh -- Trying to use your poor, innocent pup for sympathy!! How sick!! HA HA HA HA HA ok ok ok I am kidding!! -SuperDave71

I am in TN as well.... The easiest way to NOT worry about the "him being mad" issue is to tell him. E-mail hima nd tell him you feel it is in yoru best interest to not have any contact with him. Tell him you need to work on you and you didn't want him to assume that just because he doesn;t here from you doesn;t mean you DON'T care...its because you do. There is no need to worry about petty things when you are honest and forthright about your intensions. If he gets mad anyway....oh well. Its on him because you were honest. Make sense? Just be polite and curtious. You can do it! -SuperDave71

Hey there, It's easy to use someone as a distraction if the past relationship was rocky or had issues. If it didn't, you wouldn't be having this issue. I think he is having doubt right now because of two things. 1) The new girl hasn't given him an issue to deal with ...yet 2) He doesn't have to guess with her I am certain he thinks of you and she is a distraction....for now. I would start NC right away and stay away for a few weeks. I am sure he will e-mail you soon or contact you within a few days or weeks. Hang in there. Give him what he needs right now.....SPACE...... Give him all the space he needs.... Good luck and keep me posted, SuperDave71

OCD, I am not a professional, nor a doctor or a therapist.... You can do this. I give advice based on my mistakes and what I know has worked for me and thousands of other people. I wish you the best in your endevor. Please remember, none of us have the answers..we can only help you based on what we know. Good luck my friend! --SuperDave71

OCD, NC is working for you so far. Remember, NC is for you..NOT her. This is not a plot or a scam to get her back but a loving gesture in letting her see what life without would be like. **WARNING** It dosn;t sound lie you are ready to speak...yet. Why? Beacuse if you do answer and she just wants to "see how you are" and then says bye...you will be crushed and start the "Why" and "What if" stage again. Let her make the effort a few more times ..2 or 3. Then when you feel strong enough ...pick up the phone and have a BRIEF converstaion with her. DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP, LOVE, I MISS YOU.... You can do it OCD, Your Friend, SuperDave71

Juha, Don't ask questions no one can answer. What I mean is..you can 'what if' or 'will she' all you want......but what you need to focus on is you. You have all the answers about you....all you have to do is look within yourself and find them. -SuperDave71

Thank you Juha, "You said she is angry becauses she misses me and then said she is not mad...I am confused... " What I mean is she is NOT really mad she is SUPER frustrated because she cannot get a hold of you....I should have been more clear on this one. She has no right to be mad at you since she is the one who left you. So she may ACT mad at you ..but deep down under all the shallowness is a caring person who doesn't understand how you can say you love her and then NOT pick up the phone. This is EXACTLY why NC CAN work for you no matter what. It forces the individual to face the true feelings rather than just those on the surface. Keep it up and be strong!! You can do this !! --SuperDave71

It's easy...guys don;t tell you because they are not ready or hurt or possibly ...they just don't want to show their vulerable side. Ya never know! -SuperDave71

I replied Juha.. -SuperDave71

Juha, She is obviously hurt because you won't pick up the phone. Let her call. SHE CANNOT have her cake and eat it too. If she left you..SHE LEFT YOU! She cannot make you feel guilty for something SHE did. That is ridiculous. Im my opinionm, she should worry about her new boyfriend but since he seems like a distraction to me, I think your doing just fine. You may not feel that way... but you are. Let her be upset because gawd knows you are. She is angry because she misses you...plain and simple. She isn't mad....she is trying to make you out to be the bad guy. Its easy to pass guilt....its harder to tell the honest truth sometimes. Keep doing what your doing...you can do this!!! --SuperDave71

Let me try my two cents worth here.. Actions speak louder than words. Sure she isn't with you and it was awful!!! I did the same thing. I couldn't concentrate on anything BUT HER. It was driving me nuts. Hell, I didn't think that much of her IN the relationship.(meaning as much as I did think of her now) Yes, she was with someone else. That made it MUCH MUCH worse....UGH!! After about a month of this, I decided NO MORE!! The thinking, crying, depression was getting the best of me. Hell, even the roaches wouldn't even listen anymore!!! **sigh** ( Just Kididng) so what did I do.....I turn away from her and focused on me..Wasn't easy but I did. I started NC but I started with the thought of never hearing from her again. 3 weeks later...I got a call. Then 2 weeks... then every week. Man oh man was it hard. I wanted to ask 1000 questions. I wanted to tell her how much I missed her and how much I was hurt. I did neither. I didn't pick up the phone. It was the hardest thing I EVER had to do. I woudl make myself mad by telling myself if she didn't want me....The heck with her ( Ok who was I fooling ) but it worked...until the night came. I found being alone in the evening was the hardest thing. What was she doing? Was she with him? Was she thinking of me? AARRRGGHHHH!!! The torture!!! It was probably 3 months into the breakup when she kept trying to talk with me. It was only to see if I was ok, but she missed me. I found this out 8 and a half months later when he dumped her. She spilled her guts to me. She said she always thought of me. My point is this...you can torture yourself or you can get on with your life the best you can. Try your harest to put doubt out of your head. Try to see things from a NEW point of view. You can learn from your mistakes but you cannot live in the past....Take it from me. YOu can do it too. Your Friend, SuperDave71

It will be difficult but during lonely times...post here. We can get ya through it! -SuperDave71

OCD, Keep doing what your doing.....let her contact you no matter what. --SuperDave71

Sadandlonely, I don't think you fooling yourself whatsoever. Be aware of potential signs that it could be using you. Make sure you take care of YOU and the kids first. I feel foolish stating this because its so obvious. I am sorry things didn't go as planned but just remember, you can make it through this. As far as the gilfriend is concerned, do you best to NOT let this try and get to you. It almost sounds like he wants his cake and eat it to. He may rely on her for a physical relationship and you for the emotional part. DO NOT LET THIS MAN USE YOU. I know you love him, but sometimes people can be so cruel and the heartbroken ex will settle for whatever the dumpee will offer. Get you pride back in order and lay down some rules for yourself and him too if you need them. We are all here for you and God bless and your children for going thru such a hard ordeal. Your Friend, SuperDave71

OK....somebody hold waiting down while I duct tape him to the floor... anyone.....anyone? Hello? ha ha Just kidding!! NO cut that out!!! --SuperDave71

Comets_21, Talk is so cheap..( Meaning her words to you). I know this because I used to do it. Not anymore. My actions will always speak louder than my words from now on. You know...the sad part is, she probably believes herself.... -SuperDave71

Hey Guys, I just wanted to add my 2 cents... If there were any amount of love and understand betwen 2 partners, they will always think of you. YOu must remember this...in our time of hurt ( the dumpee ) we always play the "What if" game with ourselves. We are hurt. We second guess everything. How many times have you analyzed what they had to say BEFORE the breakup rather than EVERY WORD they convey to you now? What I mean is this...they call you on the phone and you pick up in a weak moment. They tell you, let's say, they still care about you. We would sit for hours asking ourselves, if they cared, why are they doing this to us? Or even worse..what do they MEAN 'care'...does that mean they still love me? ( Good grief!!! ) We over-analyze and it keeps us up at night. It consumes our thoughts. We can't concentrate on anything BUT THEM. Do they have the same issues? Possibly..but right now YOU are the one that matters. You are reading this forum...you are seeking guidance..not them. You can sit there and mope and feel sorry for yourself all you want. What REAL good it it going to do. I live by this: "The smallest effort is greater that the BEST intension." If we all could dry our tears, stop thinking the worse and pick our chin off the floor...we could realize YOU DO HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THINGS FOR THE BETTER. The sooner you realize this the better. Time is of the essense. I preach over and over again about what not to do...Mistakes happen because you cannot pull yourself together. No one wants to hear "There are other fish in the sea" and you certainly don't want anyone else to step in and take them away from you either... Are we more upset because we have to find someone else, or is it that we have put in all of the valuable time and efffort in getting to know this person and you don't want to have to do it all over again with someone new...or it is the fact you are unhappy with yourselve and we are putting pressure on the EX to provide us with part of ourselves? I think we relate the person (our ex's) with happiness. This is were we are all wrong. Sure they can make us happy..but WE are the one's responsible for our own happiness. They just happened to be there. Think of alllllllllllllll the times growing up that your partner wasn't there and you were happy... We must remember, the secret is NOT FALLING IN LOVE....it's STAYING in love and apprciate what you have WHEN YOU HAVE IT. People come and people go in our lives. When you find that certain someone you click with...don't take them for granted. The reasoning is because someone may treat them exactly the way they WANT to be treated and take them away from us. Who fault is it? No one's. That's just the way life is. It's all about choices. We make good one's and bad one's...the key is to learn from your mistakes. Let me say this again... THE KEY IS TO LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES Have you ever seen an old couple in a resturant not speaking to one another? Have you ever been in a room with your lover and NOT acknowledge them? These are just some of the things I think about. "Get busy living, or get busy dying" Love like there is no tomorrow and let someone know everyday while you have them how much they enrich your life. Those out there suffering through NC, I wish you well. Keep doing what you are doing because in the end 1 of 2 things will happen. 1. You will leearn to love yourself first 2. You will realize that if they come back...it will be because THEY wanted to and if they don't ....so be it. I wish you all well....until my next post... Your Friend, SuperDave71

Sadlyalone, Rememer this....you can't make anyone love you....but you sure can make them NOT love you... - SuperDave71