Jibralta

Last Tuesday, I forgot to eat dinner before I ran out to an orchid-growing class. Midway through the class, my stomach started rumbling, and I got the devious idea to stop for some fast food on my way home. After class, I rolled up to a Burger King drive-thru and ordered a Crispy Chicken Sandwich. I waited a minute or two in silence before the attendant said, in an exasperated voice, "Do you want anything else, ma'am." I said, "No," and thought that I must be very rusty at drive thru ordering, and that I'd probably thrown a wrench in the whole system by not adding, "and that's it" to the end of my order. Note to self: do that next time. I rolled up to the window. There was one car ahead of me. I rummaged around for some cash while I waited. I usually pay for things with my debit card, but I knew I had two fives on me. I wondered if the Crispy Chicken Sandwich would be more than five dollars. I doubted it, but I took out the second five just in case. The woman at the window was wiry and tough-looking with a couple of tattoos on her neck. She had a spartan sort of prettiness that I admired. I felt like we could have been friends. The Crispy Chicken Sandwich was $5.46. So, I gave the woman both fives. She gave me $0.54 cents back. It took me a minute to realize, then I said, "Excuse me, I gave you two fives." I didn't say it rudely or anything, but I did look her straight in the face and mean business. It can be a tricky situation. One time, at Bed Bath and Beyond, something similar happened to me and the manager broke out the cash counting machine in front of everyone. I felt a little silly, but I got my eight bucks back. The drive-thru woman got flustered. She started to say, "Ok, you don't have to--" and then she cut herself off and got the manager to open the cash register. She'd jumped to the conclusion that I was angry, but I really wasn't. For the record, I didn't think she was trying to steal my money, and I still feel that way. I think she probably just had a lot on her mind and customer service probably wasn't a good fit for her. I didn't blame her. I'm horrible with customer service. I've gotten into an embarrassing number of fights with rude customers. I once threw a knife at a lady. It was a plastic knife, but I now know my limits. The manager opened the drawer and the woman handed me a five back. I sat there for a moment. Now it was too much money. I didn't want to take it. This lady obviously hated her job. She might be doing it only because she had to. I didn't want her to be short at the end of the night and then lose a job that she needed. I said, "Excuse me, but you gave me back a five and you only needed to give me back four singles." The woman looked pissed and then said, "Come to think of it, you gave me a five and a one. Because I only had one five here and I accidentally put it in the ones' slot." I was like, "No, you had two fives." She said, "No, I saw you going through your wallet. You took out a five and a one." I said, "No you did not. I rolled up holding two fives." I could see her getting more upset. She said, "Well I know I wouldn't have taken two fives and given you change for a five and a one." I said, "Well, you did." She pulled out another five and said, "See? I put this in the fives' slot and your one in the ones' slot." I said, "No, you put that five in the fives' slot and the other five in the ones' slot." This was ridiculous. I knew I could pull away and be done. I had the five in my hand. There was nothing she could do about it. But still part of me wanted to resolve the situation properly. I said, "Lady." She got all twisted up and said, "Do not call me "Lady." You ask me my name first and call me by it." This made me laugh out loud without thinking. I said, "Alright. I am very sorry. I hope you have a wonderful night. I am truly very sorry." Then I pulled away and went home. The sandwich was dry and I wished I'd gotten a coke as well. I just felt like it was the stupidest, silliest argument and I was sorry that she was sooo keyed up that she had her head on backwards.

Years ago, I was leading a fully tacked horse out of the stable when he slyly grabbed a mouthful of hay from a nearby bale. I've always been told not to let a horse eat with his bit in his mouth, and furthermore, I didn't want him getting any ideas that it would be ok to do this when I was riding him. So I grabbed the hay that he had in his mouth with the idea that I would yank it out. Well, the horse clamped his teeth down on the hay and said, "No." Up went his head, up went my arm, and up I went onto my toes before I thought to release the hay and let him eat it. I was amazed at this effortless strength, and it got me thinking. Moments before this happened, this same horse let me put his bridle on. He let me put the bit in his mouth. He let me put the saddle on, and he was going to let me ride him and use the bit and bridle to control what he did for the next hour. I knew he would rather stand still than be ridden. I was sure that in general, he and the other horses would rather roam free than be kept in a corral and ridden. Yet he and the others never jumped the fence and ran away. And they always came back to the barn and let themselves be tacked for riding. The fact that the little strands of leather that comprise a bridle could have so much influence over such a powerful animal seemed incongruous to me. And for many times afterward, I marveled at the fact that the horses allowed themselves to be subjugated in this way, that they never got smart and overpowered us. But as I got older, I came to understand it better and I know that people are the same way. It's not for lack of strength or ability that we become mindless. It's through our complacence, our desire to be told what to think, our desire to fit in and belong, that dissuades us from drawing independent conclusions. Critical thought is difficult. It requires effort. And it's rarely reinforced by conventional wisdom (or friends and family). In fact, it's usually criticized. Many people quail at the idea of exhibiting such mental independence, and yet deny that they do so. Instead, they passionately defend popular opinion as being the most reasonable. Only future generations (and other cultures) are emotionally distant enough to question those beliefs. Imagine. An adventurous, trusting young woman who likes to take drugs and drink like a sailor, who is yet virginal, and not a closet sl-t, a girl who doesn't have any mental defects, and who is strong enough to deal with devastation at the hands of a predator (after getting her feet back under her). Impossible! say the masses. You might as well be describing a unicorn! And even if she does exist, she is the exception, not the rule! Female human beings aren't like that (at this point a chorus of women pop up and assert the truth of this statement. People always defend their stupidest beliefs with great ferocity. Interestingly, I notice that the majority of men remain silent on the matter). Makes me shake my head, it does. Over-simplistic thinking. If you do this, say this, behave this way, then it means this. No gray. When I meet someone like this, I know I am in the presence of a true fool. Nothing for it, though. Another example is the immense rash of political bigotry I am seeing in the media and online. It's never so bad in person, where people have to physically stand up for the stupid things that come out of their mouths. I think that mainstream media in the United States has left the realm of true journalism. A good rule of thumb is, Nothing is free. If you're getting free information, it's probably useless. Or propaganda designed to do your thinking for you. If you accept it as true, you are accepting shackles much like a bridle. Beware. People are so easily controlled. For every towering monument of human intelligence and accomplishment, there is a black hole of total stupidity waiting to gobble it up. This keeps the human race bound to a status quo, no matter what technological advances happen around us. I no longer wonder these days at the strength of horses. They're cursed, just like we are. I hope that I can keep my mind clean of mean prejudices, but I know that I am as susceptible as any other human. I have to repeat to myself what Maya Angelou said, “I am capable of what every other human is capable of. This is one of the great lessons of war and life.”

It's so awesome to have a nurse in the family!

Some places are like that. Actually, some departments are like that. It sucks. When I started working where I am now, I was in the worst department. Similar group-think dynamic, though not comprised of millennials but people who worshiped their despotic, idiotic bosses. I said the same thing to myself as you did: I fit in in my personal life, and that's what counts. I even posted group pictures of friends on my wall so that I was practically staring at them when seated at my desk. I never do that. But desperate times call for desperate measures. It did help a little, but the day to day undercurrent of rejection still wore on me. Then the company went through some major upheavals. Most of the zealots and Luddites jumped ship or were purged. But a few hung on, surviving with the skill of cockroaches. I secretly enjoy watching them scramble around, trying to remain relevant. One thing that irks me in general is the fact that since we are the acquired company, we all seem to be regarded as bastard stepchildren by employees of the acquiring company. Our holiday party has been moved to mid-January. Last year, all of our name tags were printed Last Name, First Name, while the acquiring company attendee's names were all properly stated.

This one cracks me up, too.

This guy does a good impression of all of the moms in my neighborhood growing up.

It sounds like things are going really well. I'm happy for you!

Awesome. Glad you enjoyed

Wait for What Will Come By Barbara Michaels I'm purging my book collection. I have these two books by her that were gifts from back when I was like 10. I've read them before, but don't remember enjoying them. I wanted to give them another chance before I donate them. I just finished Be Buried in the Rain, and wasn't particularly impressed. But this one is actually kind of good.

Nina Simone's version of How I Feel that song is a classic. I like this remix of her performance. Odd, but somehow very catchy: [video=youtube;8pxnkri6cm0] ]

That's exactly what happened, and it was indeed extremely annoying. He was too anxious to think straight. He demanded an answer and yet would accept no answer. He didn't even want to email the structural engineer! He just wanted to stress out about it. But he did finally email the structural engineer, and he did learn that it was not a major disaster. In this case, it was a flood wall, so above the footings the concrete structures are about about 16" wide, and the footings themselves are probably 5'-0" wide and 3'-0" deep (deep as in dimension, not as in buried under ground. The footings are poured over 10'-0 sheet piles that have been driven into the ground). As long as they have 3" cover, it is ok. 2" is actually fine for that small area.

Thank you

Since I finished my licensing exams, I've been making more time for creative endeavors. I recently took a couple of bead weaving classes. It's amazing what you can do with a needle and thread: ]

Thanks It's not the worst flu I've had, thankfully. Unfortunately, I also have an upper respiratory infection. This is definitely my coworker's fault. We sat shoulder to shoulder at the same desk last week and he coughed all over my desk and keyboard. I was so aggravated. I didn't want to say anything, but finally I was like, "Are you sick?" (which isn't actually saying anything). He was like, "It's just this darned cough," and he got up to get some water or something. But right after that, I started to feel the twinge in my throat. I think I will be able to return to work tomorrow.

The one with Clint Eastwood?

Master and Commander Saw this years ago, but never rewatched. It was good. Unforgiven Totally awesome. One of my all-time favorites.

I have the flu. Ugh.

Have you heard the soundtrack from Manhunter? It's chock full of 80s art. [video=youtube;XnunwrqPw_o]

How frustrating!! That's how it feels! Love that movie...

Haha cool I'm definitely not big on coddling people. And I refuse to do another person's work for them. It's just gonna be Groundhog Day until they get it right.

This week, the resident engineer for my construction project had to fly to Romania unexpectedly. His mom died She was quite old (87) but I know he is very sad about it. It's a bad week for him to be out, because I promised my boss I'd be in the office all week this week to help meet a major report deadline. That meant I wouldn't be able to put much time into the construction project. With both me and the resident engineer out of service, the project manager for the construction project had to scramble to find someone to cover the resident engineer. Even though I planned to be in the office all week, I had to spend Monday and part of Tuesday on site with the new guy, to get him acclimated to the project. Well, what a pain in the ass this guy is! Right from the beginning, he was challenging everything I said. Why? What's the point? I laughed to myself about it. Like, I'm not wrong, dude. I've been on this job since the beginning. I know all of the ins and outs. You can challenge me all you want, but you're just wasting both of our time. I felt kind of bad for him because he was so busy arguing that he wasn't listening. Even after a day of work, he couldn't find his way around the site, and so he had no idea where the construction activities were taking place. He also arrived on the site at 9AM (which is absurd, since construction begins at 630-700 AM) and couldn't understand how so much work got accomplished in one day. Right as I was leaving on Tuesday afternoon, New Guy decided there was a crisis with the rebar. The wall might not be built to spec. He says, "Is the wall supposed to jog out by the admin building?" I said, "I don't know. Look at the drawings." He said, "Where are the details for the monoliths?" I'm like, "They're in the drawing set. Look at the index." I don't know why he couldn't navigate the drawing set, but I had to walk over to him and page through the drawings for him. Then he complained that he couldn't see where the details were taken, as if there was something wrong with the drawings. It was unbelievable. In frustration, I said, "Listen, you need to read the drawings. There are call outs. There is an index. You need to use these things. If you are uncomfortable with the way something is being built, you need to talk to the contractor and make them stop working." He was like, "But the work is all done." I was like, "No is isn't. It's just rebar. There's no form. There's no concrete. If they poured concrete over it, then you can say it's done. But right now it's rebar and all they have to do is cut the wires holding it together. It's only a day's work." He said, "No, that was built when I came in yesterday." I was like, "No it wasn't. You came in at 9. Those guys start at 6:30 and they're fast." He said, "They didn't build all that yesterday." I said, "Yes, they did. But that's beside the point. The rebar form is not permanent and can be easily dismantled UNLESS you pour concrete over it, which is happening tomorrow. So, if you have a problem with the rebar, you need to tell the contractor now, because they're building the form. Or better yet, call the designer. I'll give you his phone number." He said, "No, I don't even know if it's a problem. Look, here's a picture. Do you see what I mean?" I said, "No, I can't tell. Let's go out and look at it." We went out and looked at the monolith rebar. I could see what he was talking about: three or four bars bulged outward more than the rest. It was a small amount, but it caused the subcontractor to build the form out so that extra concrete would flow over it. It was a question of cover. I wasn't sure if it was a problem or not (it turned out not to be a problem). The new guy said to me, "So can you call the designer and tell him?" I was like, "No. You call the designer and you ask him. That's your job. That's why you're here." He was like, "You're kind of throwing me into the fire." I was like, "Yeah. This is the job that you're here to do. Good luck. The assistant project manager will be here to help you later today." It was so frustrating. And then I felt guilty because I pretty much yelled at him. But it was like the only way to cut through the crap and make him listen.

Flock of Seagulls I Ran [video=youtube;iIpfWORQWhU]

A Christmas Story actually flashed through my mind when I was rereading it. I relate to Ralphie's stress, I really do! I'm not sad, either (so don't worry, Pippy!). It was unfortunate, but it's over. Well, mostly over. Last year, we spent Christmas at my sister's in Florida. My mom started to have a mini meltdown when I was making the turkey. She thought I was supposed to do something a certain way (can't remember what), and I disagreed. She didn't fly into a screaming rage when I disagreed with her, probably because my boyfriend was there, too. But she was on the brink of tears and wouldn't talk to anyone. My boyfriend, of course, was bewildered. My sister and I exchanged meaningful glances, not without humor. My sister is usually my mother's protector, but when my mom gets especially crazy, she becomes my sister again. I think the trigger was actually that my sister's friends were going to be joining us for dinner, and my mom is obsessed with looking perfect to outsiders. God, that was a stressful week! I love those people, but I'm not looking forward to spending the holidays with them again.

I will, I'm sure I'm not a Grinch. I do love the holidays. I think I'm just taking a little rest from decorating (and from Christmas music--but I blame the radio for that).