Sally7829
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Everything posted by Sally7829
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Still no word... now I'm just worried.
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oh, they know they have the power, make no mistake! i've been in that situation too! my current situation is really bizarre, as it's a new "relationship" (not even that yet) and he's been trying really hard (definitely more him pursuing me then vice versa). that's why tonight's events have really thrown me for a loop. also because i've had a bad history dating "bad" guys, and this one was a "good" guy -- till tonight! very disturbing indeed. and i'm pissed that i wasted a perfectly good saturday night doing absolutely nothing.
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the phone excuse he left is LOUSY! but i'm glad you see it! i still have not heard a dang word. the older i get, the more i put up with ... why is that? if he has some reasonable explanation, i will see him again. 5 years ago, i never would've spoken to the guy again, unless it truly was some sort of medical or family emergency. why have i conditioned myself to put up with so much more, while expecting more at the same time? the curse of being a woman in her late twenties, i guess?
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seems a call would have been in order. i've never been stood up before, and i honestly am so offended! and extremely disappointed, as he seemed very genuine. what constitutes a reasonable excuse? this seems like horribly rude behavior.
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A few months ago, I was set up with a really nice guy - we went out about 3-4 times, but I was coming out of a bad relationship, and decided I wasn't ready to be with anyone. We fell out of touch. I went back and forth with my ex. Last week, the "set-up" and I started talking again, and decided to meet for lunch. We totally hit it off, and I decided he was worth pursing. We made plans to do something today. We talked the past couple days. He called this afternoon to brainstorm fun things we could do. We ended the conversation by saying he'd call later and we'd set a time and make definite plans. He did, but I missed the call. I called him back w/in 20 minutes, but no answer. Left a message. Never heard from him tonight. Am I missing something? It's now late, and I never got a call, a text, anything. He seemed really nice. But this is definitely a stand up! What the heck do I do?! It seems really out of character for him. I really thought he had potential. I finally left a message, saying "Not sure what happened tonight, hope everything is ok." But really I'm pissed. There are other things I could have done, instead I sat at home feeling sorry for myself! Any advice?
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well, i lasted 1 week of nc, then called and left a message... then another one... then a text. i SUCK! he called me mid-week, i managed to not return the call, was doing so good, then just lost all willpower this weekend. feel like this will never get better.
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entering day 3 of NC... so hard. so hard. i wish there was a button to push for "turn love off." or "rose-tinted glasses disabled". all i think of us the good stuff i miss. that's easy. it's too much effort to really digest the bad stuff.
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i think i am an obsessive ex-girlfriend. can't stop calling. can't stop fixating on what could have been. torment myself with feelings of i'll never meet someone like him again. feel like i have no idea where to meet people. what to do. feel so dang lonely. does anyone have any suggestions at all as to how to get out of this vicious cycle and on with my life? and how to do something else everytime i want to pick up the phone and call him or get in my car and drive over there? it's absolutely destroying me. thanks for any thoughts.
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My dear John letter... what would you think if you got it?
Sally7829 replied to Sally7829's topic in Breaking Up Advice
I tried to send it and I can't... I don't know what that means. It's just so final when it's sent. I don't know what to do. -
My dear John letter... what would you think if you got it?
Sally7829 replied to Sally7829's topic in Breaking Up Advice
i want him to feel that it's really over. but that's such a hard thing to express... i guess really, it's that it's over unless he commits. which he can't do. so it's over. -
*removed*
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See some of my last posts... the relationship with my [ex]boyfriend continues... i don't know why i let it. he's like a drug. i feel like the only times i'm truly happy is when we are together. all the rest of the time, i'm off my wits ends. i finally decided to start seeing some other people - have been on a few dates. each one only reinforces how much i want to be with my ex. i told him i went out on some dates, and that really upset him (thank god - would be more worried if it didn't!) but he didn't confess to doing the same. While all this is happening, we're still sleeping together. ugh. well, then tonight: I go out with friends. We aren't in a real partying mood, so go home about 11:30. Immediately thereafter, I get a phone call from a guy I work with, who says, "I think you should come to Champps" in a very ominous tone of voice (not like, come have fun, more like, come here b/c something very bad is happening). So I go, and why did he want me to come? Um, to see "ex" out with some other girl. We end up getting into this big fight (go figure... considering I just slept with him LAST NIGHT). Somehow it didn't occur to me that I'd been out with someone else tonight; I was more pissed that he was... and that he was leaving with her. I want to crawl into a black hole and never wake up. Somehow his "but you said you're seeing other people!" comment didn't do it for me. In my really mature, together way, I then said, "I am going to tell her what you were doing with ME this very morning"... not so good when his response is, "I'll just deny it." wow. Yeah, me too: deny this night ever happened! THEN, we get into some car chase b/c he speeds off, and me, being an idiot follow him. This is SO not me - no idea what I'm doing, what he's doing. I just wanted to know if he was taking her home. I'll never know; he managed to lose me (bmw's outrun mazdas, go figure). Worst part of all of it is now I have no chance of falling asleep b/c all I can think about is: is he with her?!?! To make matters worse, this is the girl who's car was parked out front of his house in one of my previous posts - she is not his ex; apparently she's a "new" love interest. sick. I HATE BEING SINGLE. i need drugs...
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He called this afternoon. Said he wasn't home either time - Last night was out with friends; one of them drove. Said I could have come inside and seen that he wasn't there. And then gave me the make and model of the ex's car and said I could verify if I didn't believe him. Said he was out on the boat when I was there today, hence no answer plus cars being there. Said he understands why hypersensitive, given his past actions, but then said I need to not think that every time he's unavailable, he's somewhere he shouldn't be. Everything he told me is easily verifiable (can ask friends if he was with them, etc.). That's no longer the issue, I don't think. Now the issue is the glaringly obvious one: I obviously have no trust whatsoever of him. And I am second-guessing every single thing he does. I hate that I have begun doing that, but don't know how to stop. And it's circular. I don't trust him, I get mad, then he doesn't want to talk because I'm mad and not trusting him for things he hasn't done. I don't know if or how to ever break free of that cycle. I don't want to be the GF who requires a minute-by-minute report of where he's at at every second, but that's basically what I am right now.
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I'm sure he was there, as once again, both his cars were there, and he never carries a key to his house - he just locks the door behind him when he's home. So he was home and just not answering my knock. This is ridiculous! But as much as I know that, I also know I love him, and that insanity is making me want to see him, talk to him, hear something. I want an explanation.
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I did go to his house, thinking an in-person conversation would be the mature thing to do. He had locked the door (I have the garage opener, but no key). Apparently for 39, he's well-adept at acting as if he's 9. So, that got me nowhere. Avoidance seems to be his mantra. WHAT DO I DO?!? I am not the person that can just walk away; I need closure. I just want to end it, and he's not even permitting me to do that (by continuing to avoid contact).
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I keep calling him. No response. I'm going out of mind. I don't know what to do.
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We've been talking for the past couple of weeks, trying to repair our relationship. Today I was out of town. I got back tonight and went over to his house (unannounced) - I think there was some intuition in play. I hadn't heard from him all day. I drove up, and there was a car I didn't recognize in the driveway. I opened his garage door, and his cars were both there (meaning he didn't drive some buddy to go out to drinks tonight). Meaning he was probably home, with her. I did not go in to verify. Called his cell; it was mysteriously on (he ALWAYS shuts its off when he goes to bed). But no answer. Called his house. No answer. I really think it was her car. What do I do now? PLEASE HELP give me the strength to walk away, and not keep taking his excuses. I feel so weak and in love with him, and would do anything to make this work. Don't know why...
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of course, the new problem is that i am paranoid. he didn't answer his phone tonight, and i convinced myself he was with her. by the time he called back (20 minutes later... felt like hours), i was a basket case. and he wasn't, of course. and as he said, he deserves this reaction for a while, but how long am i going to be paranoid about his every move? it may drive me insane.
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Well, he's cut off all ties with her. No more rent -- no more reason to get in contact with her. He's basically doing everything I ask of him, which is to remove her from his life or lose me. However, while I totally believe him that he and his ex did not "get together" the night he spent over there, my friends are saying that I am an idiot, and of course he slept with her. I truly believe him. He has been up front and honest about everything that happened, and is steadfast that nothing happened between them. Should I listen to him, or to my friends? And once again, the question presents itself: should I just call his ex? Or is that inappropriate?
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I asked him if he still loved her, and he had no reply. I asked him if he loved me, and he said, "of course I do." I told him, "you can't be IN love with two people." I don't know what to do, as I love him dearly, and don't know why he persists in having a relationship with her, at any level.
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They dated for about 3 1/2 years. She moved out in September/October, so there's still about 5 months left of him paying for her. I never got the impression that it was an amicable break up, but he ended it, and I think felt guilty, hence the apartment. Money is not an issue for him, so it's not a situation where this is placing any financial burden on him whatsoever. Frankly, this means nothing to him financially to have this payment. I think the issue is that he feels guilt for the way it ended (she thought they were getting married, he wanted out), and this continuation is a manifestation of that guilt. Does not help me, obviously. I want to ask him to cut her off. I just don't know if it will happen, and I would rather he be honest with me in the future (if there is, or should be, one), rather than feel as if he has to hide something from me. Does that make sense?
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He said that he will always care for her. And I know that I will always care for my ex too. I would never accept his request for me to cut off all ties with my ex, but I feel compelled to demand that of him. But yet I know he will say no. Which of course is unacceptable, if he truly cares about me. Logic is easy. But the emotional part is so hard. Part of my gut tells me to be patient, he's worth it. I am always so impatient. But the other part of my gut tells me these should not be issues in a healthy relationship. I don't know which part to go with.
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My bf -39- and I -26- have know eachother basically our entire lives. We did not start dating, however, until last fall, on the heels of significant (3+ years) relationships on both our parts. We likely started dating too soon, but we feel in love very quickly, and while we discussed if it was a good idea to get invovled so soon after we'd both left other relationships, we took the plunge anyway because the feelings were so strong and undeniable. In the 6+ months we were together, we endured a lot, including overcoming the complete-against-this-relationship attitude of my parents (for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which being that my bf was effectively my father's boss--hence why we'd known eachother for so long) -- recently my family had completely come around and totally accepted my bf into their lives. A couple weeks ago, his ex called him at home at 6:30 in the morning one saturday; he said b/c she'd seen us out and also b/c she'd been contacting him that week as she and her boyfriend had just broken up, and she wanted to get back together. That same day, he told me we needed to take a break. He told me it was to get his life sorted at work, that he just needed a couple weeks to devote to work, and he could devote the time he needed to to us. He said it was not b/c of her. I of course, did not believe him. I since learned that he went to her that very night. He did not deny it when I asked him, but said they did not sleep together. He has long spoke ill of her, and I want to believe him. He now wants to "end the break" and says the appropriate things-he is so sorry, she is not what he wants, I am, etc. I love him dearly, have gone through a lot with him, and have always seen a future together. I felt very early on in the relationship that he was "the one" and being with him--and the way I felt about him--explained to me why past relationships had not worked out. Knowing that he still explored a past relationship, when he had me, breaks my heart. I want so badly to forgive him, because I can see the rest of my life with him. But I fear now that I will never be able to trust him. His ex was completely financially dependent on him, and I've learned that in order to get her to move out when they broke up, he agreed to pay for an apartment for her for one year. So she will not be out of his life for several more months. Can I ever get over this deception, and should I? Has anyone ever experienced the same situation? Am I an idiot for wanting to believe that he wants to be with me? Will he ever be able to let her go, and can I demand that he cut all ties with her? I have her phone number. Should I call her and ask her what's going on, or should I just trust him at his word? PLEASE HELP!
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WILL ANYONE HELP??? not being permitted to let go
Sally7829 replied to Sally7829's topic in Breaking Up Advice
still no word. i am going crazy. please, can anyone offer tips of what i should do, presuming i never hear from, which in and of itself seems unfathomable??? -
WILL ANYONE HELP??? not being permitted to let go
Sally7829 replied to Sally7829's topic in Breaking Up Advice
there are so many facts that complicate this two... he is the CEO of my father's company - the company knows we were dating, and now the company sees here being brought to functions. you would think he's be more cognizant on a professional level of what messages this is sending. and because our families have worked together for so many years, he can't really just run away, run? how can someone who tells you you're "the one" on saturday, never contact you again???