taylorb

So I wrote him an email. He's reply is below mine. I guess I'm a little sad because of course I wanted him to turn around and say, "but I just want to be with you, Taylorb." But alas, a huge weight has lifted off me. (my email) Glad you had a nice time. I am so annoyed at myself for writing this to you over email, but here it goes. I like you and I realize that I can't just casually see someone while they are seeing someone else. I totally understand that you had other things going on before you met me. But after being intimate with you, and how nonchalant you were about the whole thing (meaning your friend in Jackson), I realized that I just need something more stable. What I thought I could handle in the beginning, is not after all what I really can handle now. I really hope this comes off the right way, and if it doesn't please call me to clarify things. If you want to be friends, that's totally fine. We can still meet, eat (because you know I like to do that), and have fun. Have a safe trip, me (his reply) taylorb, I am about to leave for the airport so I can't write much. I understand where you are coming from. I am sorry if I have made you feel unhappy or hurt your feelings. I guess these things are difficult to do and feelings get complicated. I am sorry I am not as 'free' as I could have been. I would like to stay friend Jo, I genuinely like you and think you are wonderful. I understand that more than that could lead to hurt feelings for either of us. So lets eat. I will call you soon. Thanks for being honest him

I guess he wrote this to me last night. I almost want to tell him how I feelover email, but I don't want it to come out the wrong way. Please read and give me some advice. Hey, How are you doing? Well I hope. I just got back last night after a killer drive back from Vegas (stopped on way back) - the 15 was about shut down for 2.5 hrs so it made it a hard drive. I have to leave tomorrow as my future boss called in a favor and wants me to help with some recruiting in Minneapolis over the Friday-Sun time period. Not 2 thrilled to be heading to the midwest but that was the trade for the later start date I guess. Hopefully if you still want, we can together for dinner or whatever next week. I don't get back from MN until Sunday night. I feel like I live out of suitcase this last 3 weeks. Best, xxx

I guess "when one bus leaves...another comes along." I gotta just keep plugging through. And hopefully...one day...when I least expect it...he'll be there...the one I've wanted all along

I still have not heard from him. I hate this. I know that I am breaking it off with him, but basically I guess he's breaking it off with me by not calling. I am so tired of this crap. I am so tired of letting myself open up and feel comfortable with someone, only to get shut down. I am so tired of feeling lonely. And I am so tired of never meeting the right one.

ugh...the anticipation! I guess he is still not back from his trip. I still have not received a call or an email. Now I actually feel sad. Maybe he is going to come back and tell me that she and he are exclusive now. Sorry to pity myself, but I feel like I always get the short end of the stick.

annie, thank you so much for your reply. I guess if he emails or calls, I will tell him what I think. I hope I articulate it well. I just don't want to come off angry, or sad,basically emotional. Isn't it so hard? I hate the dating game.

So to try and make a long story short...I met this guy over a month ago through mutual friends, from there we started dating. He had told me the night we met before our first kiss that he had been dating a woman for about 8 months long-distance. And...he also told me that he was perhaps moving upstate for a new job. She does not live upstate but in another state. I had no qualms about this at first because I was not attached. During our "courtship" so to speak we never talked about the other woman. i never asked questions and he never brought her up. I guess I thought, if we don't talk about it, then she'll go away. About a week and a half ago he went on a trip to Arizona to visit some friends, which was fine. He came back into town and told me he wanted to see me because he was going to make a few trips soon and wanted to get to spend time with me beforehand. We meet for lunch. I ask him where he is leaving to and he tells me he is leaving to visit the other woman the next day. He tells me that she has been nagging him to come out and see her. He also tells me that he isn't really excited to see her, but he looks at me and says "I should be more excited, don't you think." I reply and tell him that I don't want to talk about it and that he is providing me with too much information. I then become distant and a little angry. I tell him that "it just bothers me because he is having his cake and eating it too." He tells me that he didn't mean to offend me and that he and this woman have this type of open relationship. He proceeds to tell me that he really likes me and that if our relationship progresses, great, or even if we become just friends that's okay too. But, he doesn't want ot lose me as a friend. I decide in that moment to put on a sort of happy face because I don't want to ruin the lunch. I can tell he wants to reach out to me and touch me, but it is hard for me. At the end we say good-bye and I wish him a safe trip. a day later (while he is staying with the other woman), he sends me an email sayin "hello and that it was good to see me the other day, and that he is sorry he has been traveling so much and he wishes me the best and a big hug." I don't write back until 4 days later telling him "thanks for the email. Call me when you get back in town so we can chat. Have fun." I just can't do this. He has been up front with me and I appreciate that. But I can't lie to myself. This type of relationship just makes me feel bad. To top it off I feel like he is still not back from his trip, and it just makes me sad that he is obviously having a good time with her. What do you guys think? Do you think it was tacky of him to send me that email? Do you think I am making the right decision for myself? How do I tell him?

Only, I'm doing okay. I have resided myself to the fact that my kiwi ain't coming back. I'ts hard and I'm still angry. But time and NC has really helped me start to get over him. I feel for you. I know exactly how you feel (mulling over everything that he said in your head). And it's hard when you have been with someone so long. And It's especially hard when you have lived with someone. You just seem like such a wonderful, funny, intelligent person. I know that there is better out there for you. I know you don't see it now. Maybe he'll shape up. But I just want you to feel better and move forward. And maybe when he finally does realize what he's lost, you won't want him anymore.

Ok... You have been there for me and I only hope that some of my thoughts will help you. This guy is making me feel so angry. I hate the way he is treating you. And like I have told you before, you are letting him have all the control. Of course I don't believe he hates you. And of course I don't believe he doesn't miss you. But he obviously needs space. And so do you. You most importantly need to get control back. You need to find things that make you happy that have absolutely nothing to do with him. You and I both have talked about exercising. You need to do it. It makes you feel so much better. And although it is so freakin hard, I really do recommend NC. NC is so that you can start to move on, start to heal and start to get your confidence back. I also recommend buying the book 'He's just not that into you.' It has honestly taught me a lot about what guys think and how so many women make up excuses for them. But in reality what's really going on is that they "are just not into you." Girls tend to stick around longer than they should. It is just a waste of our time. I hope my words haven't been too harsh. I just know that you are so much better than him. I know that he'll realize what he has lost.

xtine, Our situations sound incredibly similar. He was the one that was moving extremely fast with me too. Wanted me to leave my toothbrush at his house. Wanted me to leave my bathing suit, clothes, etc. I also tried to keep things light because I knew he was still getting over his past relationship. I too (like you) just got out of a 2 1/2 year relationship before him and didn't want to get hurt again. And finally (like you) I decide to let my feelings go AND BAM it happened!!! He hurt me. I was his rebound. And the whole time we were dating I had a feeling that this was going to happen. I too am so freakin angry because I would ask him if he wanted to get back together with his ex and he would always say no. I guess in the future we need to go with our gut. When a guy is unemotionally available (no matter how hard it is) we must stay away from them (in the romatic sense). Sometimes I get pissed at myself for not stopping the relationship sooner. But what can you do? The best for us is just to keep moving forward. We have to remember that this wasn't about us. This was about them and their issues. Thank God it happened to us sooner than later. Imagine if they did this to us 6mos to a year down the road? Then we would really feel like crap!

You're right, I am freakin angry. I'm really angry. He ruined it for me for awhile. No more dating. I am emotionally unavailable. I just wanted to pretend to be upbeat but mean at the same time. What's the freakin point? He's not coming back. I need to keep moving forward. what's sucks is that I work with people that know him. So I can't get away from him entirely. I'll be fine. This can only make us stronger, right?

So why can't I just send him a smart a** email. Telling him in brief: "you suck." It's been 10 days of NC.

Awesome post happythoughts. You are 100% right. I need to adopt that attitude too. Foz, the guy I'm dealing with can't decide between me and his ex. She is 36 years old. And I know that she wants to have kids right now. All I can say is thank God I'm not in her position. I would hate to be tooled around like she obviously is letting do.

So I never called him or emailed him. Thank God!!! I realize now that it is just over. I also never ever ever want to date anyone ever again. I'm so angry at the kiwi for using me. I am so angry that I let him!

Evy, Thank you so much!!! I didn't call or email him yesterday. I'm so hurt. I know I can't compete with his ex...I know, but I just don't want him to get back together with her. You're right, if I would have called it would have accomplished nothing. And not to mention, I would have felt like total crap afterwards. I just don't understand why it so hard for me to get over this? Why I can't just let him go?