derek_w

Here is some history about me, an my situation. I am 24, and manage a department here at work. A women from one of our other offices (accross the street) started becoming very flirty with me. I asked her out to lunch, we went, and had a great time. No awkward moments, everything flowed. I was totally surprised because she is a complete knockout, definatly a 10 out of 10 (i am no slouch myself...). When lunch was over she gave me a hug, said she had a great time and said we should do this again. I've run into her a few more times and we're still very flirty. She always ends our conversations by looking straight at me and saying "it was very nice to see you again". She wanted me to take me for a ride in my car again (a vintage bmw setup for track and autocross.. one of my hobbies is solo racing) and she also wanted me to drive her car to see how it felt (a lexus is300). I was in her office about to ask her on Monday, but the phone rang.. So I ended up sending an email. She said how about friday? Not sure if she meant during lunch, or after work. I still don't know. I'll find out soon So I'm going to see her again friday, sometime. Now this is my dilemma - I have no idea how old she is, I think mid to early 30's. The other problem is, I think she thinks I am a little older than I am. She obviously knows I am at least a big younger than her, and has no problem with that. Hmm.. One more thing. I know she was living with a guy as of a few months ago, but one of my staff told me they broke up. She says she lives alone now. At our lunch she mentioned this guy, said they had gone out saturday. I don't understand this. Obviously their relationship degraded, because they dont live together anymore. And she obviously has something for me. I never feel comfortable asking a girl if she is seeing anyone, or what her situation is, and I would feel even less comfortable seeing as how she is older than me. So, your thoughts? I'm a bit confused. Thanks D

I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years a few weeks ago. It hit her pretty hard. Also, the same day I broke up with her, she had a falling out with 3 of her best friends. She says her life 'fell apart' that day and doesn't have any friends anymore. I would have done the NC thing with her, but before we broke, I started taking apart her 76 corvette, to fix it up and sell. I did not want to let the car go to shambles so I agreed to come over sunday morning and work on the car. She's giving me part of the sale $$$$ too. Fortunatly, I managed to finish most of it yesterday. When I saw her yesterday she looked bad. She said she drinks excessivly (sp) everyday, has taken up smoking cigarettes again, is probably using other drugs, doesn't eat, is "depressed and insane" (her words), and she also said she cut herself as well. I saw a deep cut on her leg and tons of bruises. She looked like total crap. Even know I broke up with her, I still don't want to see her get hurt, or in trouble. What the_hell should I do??? I don't want to spend time with her. As far as I know, her remaining friends are not good influences on her either. Any ideas? Thanks, D

Don't do it bro. It's not worth it. Have you ever quit smoking and then picked up a cigarette weeks later only to find out it tastes nasty? Go call some friends or take a walk.

Thanks. I actually called her just now, unfortunately she knew something was wrong when i said we had to meet soon and demanded I told her. I didn't want to break up over the phone but that's how it dropped. We were together for 2 years. Feels good to have done it. peace, d

Adam, I am in a very very similar situation. My gf and I of 2 years have grown apart and our relationship has dwindled. We are now in an "open relationship". I don't confortable dating other girls and being in some pseudo relationship with someone else, so I am going to break it off this week. It's weird, it won't hurt like other breakups, as I am alreay convinced our relationship died weeks ago (at which point, it did hurt). There are oodles of young, good looking girls at my office. I've struck up conversations with some of them just by saying hi, and saying "i've seen you around, but never got your name". Since you work at the same company, you already have a common link. Make small talk about work. That's your IN.... take it from there. I took a girl out from work once, but nothing ever came of it. Then I've been with my g/f for the past 2+ years. As for practicing talking to girls, I am also in the same boat. This is how you overcome it. Talk to as many girls as you can - old, young, unattractive, normal, tall, short, single, married, hot, fat, ugly (maybe not so much the latter 2, but you get the point). It's helped me a bunch off topic, your screen name e30adam. do you drive an e30 bmw? ignore this if you don't -d 24y/o, boston MA edit, i guess you do, after looking at your website. i have a 90 325is that I am setting up for track use. here are my mods freshly rebuilt top end 10 pound flywheel (vs 18lb stock) jc chip m3 offset control arm bushings m3 5 lug/brake conversion (coming this winter, parts in garage already) z3 1.9 liter shifter poly filled subframe mounts poly trailing arm mounts m coupe diff mount 4.10LSD from an m3 removed all a/c components, and all sound deadening custom gauge pod, deletes the ashtray but maintains the little storage tray h&r springs koni adjustable shocks m3 rear swaybar air bag delete, now have momo 320mm wheel schrotch harnesses i've probably forgot some more.... everyother mechanical system has been rebuilt/renewed. i did all of the work myself. car has 0 rust and 130k miles. it has never seen snow, salt, or sleet in it's life. the car is getting new paint soon, then euro elipsoids and Mtech I rear spoiler. also have an e28 535i daily driver chipped, 3.73diff, big brakes, lowered, ssk, more. makes the ride to work fun this is long. sorry for the off topic rant. i love e30s.

I've decided to break up with my gf of 2 years. My reasons are valid, mainly because we have grown apart and are at different stages in our lives, but this isn't the thread for that. I have plans to see her on the weekend sometime. I am eager to break up with her, so I can get on with my life. Should I just wait until I planned on seeing her next, or demand that she make time for me tonight or tomorrow. I think if I demanded that she make time for me, because we need to talk, she may get spooked. I'm probably waiting until the weekend, but I need someone to back me up (or prove me wrong..) or give any other advice. Thanks ya'll -d

to people you've never met? what about GUYS writing that to girls... I understand girls may type such things.... personally, I would never write "love" in an email to any of my friends who are girls.

on the internet.... Here is my problem. Been dating my girl for ~2 years. 2 or so months ago, she suggested we start an 'open relationship'. I said OK as long as we are honest with each other about other "doings". I had to pry the fact that she was with (didnt sleep with) 2 other guys, and considered that cheating. Because she broke the rules. Then I took the upper hand and said - Im out unless we drop this open relationship. She felt bad about not telling me about the other guys and agreed to go back to a "closed" relationship. I lost a lot of trust in her and still dont completely trust her, but today we're still together. So thats some background. There is some guy she knows on the net thru some poetry list. Lets call him Matt. She's never met Matt 'cause he lives in South Carolina and we're in Boston. She's mentioned to me that he writes he all sorts of stuff in email, stories, poems, etc. One was a 15page letter(she told me about). He wrote her a friendster testimonial and from the look of it, I got suspicious. It was very flattering, especially for someone who she's never met. This guy has a way with words. One day she checked her email from here and forgot to log out, or the cookie hadn't expired. I saw tons of letters from him and most of them were "lovey", some were even signed "love". One had his new phone # in it. I asked her about this, not letting her know I saw her email and she said "well, ive never met him, i only know him from the net". WTF. I don't know what she writes back to him, but she must be beause he writes a lot to her. And many of the emails had the little "replied to" icon next to them. I want to email this guy (have his friendster info) and tell him to STFU. Also, what should I say to her? Arghhh.. what to do? Oh yaeh, we're also driving to Georgia this week. One of the emails was hinting that she would come by when we were down there. Not on my watch, because I'm driving. Thanks, D

Last night we got together. It was her birthday, and the plan was for me to stay over. The night before we celebrated her bday, so it was just going to be a quiet night. I wanted to bring stuff up with her on the the weekend, as to not spoil her bday. But it turned out that we spoke about stuff last night. I told her (again) that I did not want to be part of an open relationship and if she would consider being exclusive. She said no, and then gave me reasons why she said no. We spoke about this for some time, and then I asked her if she had been with anyone else (except the guy from before) and she said yes. Turns out she made out with some guy a few nights ago, but she said she felt really bad afterwards and hasnt spoken to him since. The situation was pretty grim, but we had plans to go over to a friends house so off we went. We stayed for a bit, and then went back to her house. On the walk back I told her it would be best if we stopped seeing each other, for at least a few weeks, because being in a open relationship hurt me too much. Well, she a little upset and said "I can't even email or call you on the phone". I said no, nothing, no contact. It's too hard for me to be in touch with you, I will never heal. Then she went on about how she will have no one to talk to, no one to call. I said what about those guys you were with, and then named a few more of her friends. She seemed pretty hurt by me not wanting any contact with her, and it was tough saying it but I had to. Back at her house, I told her that I have lost lots of trust in her, because of the lies I discovered. She had nothing to say and again was pretty hurt by that too. I also told her I'm not mad at the guys she was with, because it was her decision. Initially I wanted to say something to these guys, but they're not at fault. And I said I'm also not mad at her, nor do I think she's a bad person, because I can understand where she was coming from. Our relationship was getting a little stagnant. That made her cry, but the real kicker was when I told her if we broke up for good, I would learn from the opportunity and make myself a better person because of it, and not fall into depression or stagnation. At that point she said "I will not see anymore guys" and gave me a hug. We watched a seinfeld rerun and went to bed, but slept apart from each other. I was still unsure if we were going to do the no contact thing when I fell asleep. When I got up and left in the morning (at 6.30, she was asleep), I woke her up and said bye. She said 'since i gave you what you want, are we still going to see each other' and I said "ok". But she has plans with her band this weekend, and I am renting a house out of town memorial day weekend with my car club buddies, so I won't see her this weekend, or next. We see each other during the week, but I don't know if that will happen either. I probably won't call her, but I might pick the phone up if she calls me. I'm still hurt and I need to build up trust with her again. And even after that, I don't know if Ill want to stay with her. Ill know in a few weeks. D

Thanks Maggie. What's ripping me up is I don't know if she was with Trevor and THEN wanted an open relationship, or if after we agreed (well, she sort of said, this is how it's going to be) on the open relationship. The dates are foggy, and entry in her journal was not specific on the day(it said 'last week'. I wish she would just come clean with me. I'm milling over my options, and I'm probably going to tell her we cant see each other anymore after this weekend. Unless she does something out of this world to build my trust in her. Not bloody likely...

I think within time, you two can be friends again. The best thing to do is NO CONTACT. No phone, texting, emails, im's. I'm going through some hard times with my gf of 2 years and if and when we break, I plan on deleting her numbers from my phone, buddy list, friendster list, remove (but not destroy) any letters/photos of her from home/office, redecorate my room (because she's given me some of her paintings to hang). If she contacts me I will just ignore it. Try embarking on some new social activities, I plan on joining the gym soon to take my mind off things, and possibly meet new people for friends/dates. Hope this helps. I just registered here today, seeking some advice for my own relationship. D

Hey ya'll, I'm going to keep this as short as possible. It's always nice to get advice from strangers. I'm not sure if I posted to the proper forum, as well. My girlfriend and I have known each other for 2 years and have been dating for more than a year and a half. When we met, she was in college and I was out of college. We're 2 years apart. Our relationship was great; we shared many mutual interests, found out we had mutual friends, went on many vacations together, i've met her parents a number of times, including staying at their house for 10 days and going to vegas with them. Her parents love me, usually me and her dad go off and do things while the ladies go shopping and stuff (when they are in town, they're 3000 miles away normally). Now, go back about 6 weeks. She starts talking about someone in her poetry class. Some guy who has been writing her all sorts of poems. She says they are friends, but she only wants to keep him as a friend. She also said he isn't very attractive (both of us are very good looking), and that I have nothing to worry about. Writing isn't my strong suit, I'm more of a mechanical guy. So I trust her, and think nothing of it. She tells me he is intersted in her romantically (because he hasnt had a gf in 3 years) and that she's been writing him poems telling him no. This guys name is trevor. So she's on the virge of graduating college. She doesnt know what she's going to do. Big changes. She's uncertain of where she's going to live and be after september. So she told me she wanted to have an "open relationship". Gah. During our glory days, she told me "i think open relationships are stupid, if you want to sleep around just become single". She justifies it now by saying, "well, I'm not looking for anyone, but if something happens I dont want to be held back by you".But she said she still loved me, and did not want to hurt me. Ok, I can take this, for now. I tell her, if this is going to work, we both need to be HONEST. If anything happens with someone else, we need to tell each other. I'm not interested in anyone else. I asked her a few times if she's taken advantage of the "open relationship" and she told me No. One day last week, she was sleeping, and I was suspicious, so I read her journal. One entry said "I did trevor last week". It felt like I was kicked in the teeth. I shouldnt have read her journal, but she was lying to me, and a pretty big lie too. I woke her up and she knew I read her journal after I told her. She said she didnt want to tell me, because she's not interested in this guy anymore, they were drunk, etc. Then she says she didn't have sex with him (do him?? sound like it to me), but they just fooled around. I don't believe that and now I have a hard time trusting her. When I'm not hanging out with her, she seems distant on the phone, and is hard to reach. I want to ask her if she's been with anyone else, because I have a feeling she wouldnt tell me if she has. In person she is a little better, but something feels different. Part of me wants to just tell her we should not see each other, part of me wants to know the truth about everything, and part of me wants to be with her. I dont know what to do. How do I get a lying girlfriend to tell me the truth? Also, I know how to contact this trevor guy. I have held back, but part of me really wants to let him have it. He knows about me and is afraid of me. He asked her if I could beat him up, yeah I could. But I dont want to, I only want to write to him. I've also held back from doing anything stupid or rash, like wildly accuse her of things, burn bridges, etc. I'm 24. Thanks for reading. D