Am I being manipulated into marriage?

I’ve been in a serious relationship for almost a year. Since we live almost 2 hours apart we generally only see each other on weekends however we have taken certain weeks where we spent most of the week together for vacation at the light. We are very much in love and are very compatible but now that our relationship has progressed to this point I can see an issue. Specifically, since about the fourth month of dating my boyfriend has been asking to marry me yes very early indeed! I tried pushing it back and of the last two months it’s gotten much more Intense in terms of him constantly asking me why we’re not getting married like now. When I hesitate he says things like “are you still shopping like going on websites?“ “We’re not youngsters what are you waiting for one of us to either get sick or die?“ And things like that. I’m 63 and he’s 68. I’ve explained to him that in my experience The thing that makes good relationships work is communicate communication and compromise. When he first put up marriage to me several months ago like in February he explained that he would not live with me in my home unless we were already married. Once married, he would then go back to his his home sell his house and his business and come back to me. This sounds very backwards but in any event I told him that didn’t sound like a game plan to me because I would need to spend a lot more time with him before I would marry him. He then said OK you can move to me well that’s easier said than done because I know they work full-time hi I am a partner in a small law firm with with staff and I help run the office even remotely it’s going to be very difficult. Plus what would I do with my house? I can’t just dump it it’s a very large how much larger than his and I can’t retire right now although I could probably work part time for the next few years until I retire. Explain to him why don’t we find a middle ground and perhaps I can work one or two days a week and so can you so we can spend more time together we can even alternate weeks so that way it’s more than just a weekend. That didn’t seem to go over very well he seems to be getting a very aggravated with me I just cannot understand why I’m hesitating. Finally the other day he says I don’t think you’re ever really gonna be ready to marry because you’re really independent and I think you just think I’m going to keep on coming down to see you every single weekend and drive two hours in each direction.

Again, this is not necessarily accurate but the bigger issue in my head is that he doesn’t seem to be compromising in any regard it’s like his way or the highway. His two options that he’s offered me or the same two options that he offered six months ago and nothing seems to really change. The other issue is I really doubt sometimes that he’s really ready to leave his hometown given that that’s where he grew up and he’s lived his whole life and he’s a big golferAnd his golf course is only a mile from his house and he absolutely loves it. We’ve tried to go golfing near my home because one of my clients owns a beautiful golf course but if we really want to do a regular basis we would have to pay a lot of money to join. How do I move forward? I don’t wanna waste time but I don’t want to give up unless we’ve tried everything? The big thing again im my head is that is he going to be willing to compromise a little bit to give me some more time to feel comfortable moving into a marital relationship.

Pushing for quick involvement is always a red flag. Discuss things with your accounts, attorneys, financial planners and trusted adult children, friends and family.

I dont like being pushed into anything, so I would have left him ages ago.

I think he is looking for someone to be his full time partner, not an independent lady with her own interests.

I don't see that you're "very compatible". I see the opposite.

Do you know his financial situation? For example, do you know if his house is paid off or does it have multiple mortgages on it?

There's a reason why he's pushing you. I would hold off marrying him until you know what those reasons are.

Yikes. To answer your question - yes you are being pushed and manipulated to boot. Any relationship that starts off like this - hard, hot, and fast with marriage immediately on the table is a red flag enough to cover China tenfold.

To be frank, at your age, you both should be more focused on securing proper retirement, estate planning if you have kids and family and NOT marriage, especially one you are being pushed and manipulated into. Beware.

A lot of cons are brilliant at mirroring you, your interests, your beliefs so that you feel this amazing instant connection and compatibility. Combine that with a whirlwind romance and then a hard push toward whatever else they are after - marriage, aka your access to your assets and income, moving in, etc. You can google more on this yourself and see if that perhaps raises some bigger questions and more awareness for you. Noting about his behavior, comments, and strong arming you is normal and shouldn't be acceptable to you on any level.

Do you ever drive to see him?

That's a long drive, he might be getting frustrated mainly due to that (I know I would!). Perhaps if you took turns, then he wouldn't feel like he had to rush things forward so much.

I offered to drive every other weekend but he wants to be with me all the time. I have driven up to him on occasion.

I offered to drive every other weekend but he wants to be with me all the time. I have driven up to him on occasion.

Is that something you want or would you find that suffocating after awhile?

I assume each of us would still work several times during the week. It would be a major adjustment though.

How do I know he really wants to move from the only town he’s known all his life to me where he knows no one?

Any time I've seen people in a rush to get married, it's usually not a good sign. While I can see falling in love fast and wanting to spend your life with someone, these people seem to think that just the act of marriage somehow makes everything all right. But if you are really happy with someone, really love them, shouldn't just being able to be with them at all something to cherish? Shouldn't you be willing to wait until the other person is ready and you've been able to work out a plan for starting a life together? As the saying goes, only fools rush in.

Marriage is a partnership, built on mutual respect, compassion and compromise. He should not be trying to force you into anything you are not ready for. He should respect the life you have and that you can't just throw everything aside to rush to him. Likewise, he should not be expected to throw his life aside for you. If you are hesitating, there is a reason. Think about what you want and how serious you feel for him. You sound like you are being reasonable on coming up with compromises (alternating between who goes to visit the other). I think you should lay it all out for him, exactly how you feel. If he is serious about this, he will work with you to come up with a compromise that works for both of you. If he continues to pressure you, then he may not be the one you were hoping for.

Nobody can manipulate us without our consent. Make the choices that are right for you, and without blaming anyone else for those decisions. You will thank yourself later.

How do I know he really wants to move from the only town he’s known all his life to me where he knows no one?

It depends on where he finds his security and comfort/happiness. It sounds as though the way he talks, he would be happy as long as he had a secure/happy marriage and a partner. After all, what does he have in the city he's in now? To come home everyday to an empty house? So, if he had his wife to come home to, then yes, he would adjust easily enough.

Though it really does come down to if you truly want this or not. Don't let anyone make you feel strong armed into a life changing decision like this.

Only agree if you wholeheartedly want the same.