Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 right. I have an amazing husband, we have been together for 22 years. He’s so lovely to me, we have a daughter aged 9 etc and on paper everything is good. Apart from the sex. Now don’t get me wrong it’s good sex and when we do have it it’s great but he does not want it as much as me and I find this hard. I just crave the sexual attention, I am terrible. Here’s where it gets awful... I have this friend from the past and we were friends as couples, they were married and me and him just used to sext/ flirt and we kissed and did a few bits drunk but we stopped it all. Now only lately we are talking again but I am trying to stop it but I’m just under the silly spell again and I am a I know. He texts me for hours and he wants us to take this into a full blown FWB situation. Now he’s as horny as me and thats how this started he wasn’t getting much sex either. Now I’m too scared and I really do love my husband but I’m just craving this attention does anyone have any advice for me? Or anyone done anything similar? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Just get divorced. Period. And tell your husband what’s going on. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 You are going to get really lambasted on this site! Are you sure you want to ask that question??? Link to comment
SherrySher Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 You don't deserve your husband. What's his details? I know loads of available women who would love a man like him. Link to comment
Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 Yep. I’m up for any responses. I will be honest. That’s how I feel at the moment don’t tell me there’s not one person here who hasn’t felt like it . Link to comment
SherrySher Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Not kidding..what's his details? A man like your husband is rare and he needs a woman that appreciates that kind of loyalty. You won't be loyal back so at the very least, be decent and let him go so someone else can treat him right. Link to comment
Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 I have been loyal like I say we’ve been together since we were kids. You know it’s been the odd flirt here and there etc, but until this situation nothing like this. My hubby can be affection less at times though that is what’s wrong here and as you know things aren’t always rosy, sometimes I do get fed up of being the one who always seems to initiate sex, hes just not into it like I am. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 But you haven't been loyal. Google emotional cheating. Plus you've engaged in making out with another man and are sexting behind your husbands back. End the affair or end the marriage...those are your two choices. But to string both men along is very wrong, especially if you've got children involved. You could also consider getting sex toys for yourself. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Would this be ok if your daughter was married and her husband was doing this? Would it be ok for your husband to do this? Link to comment
Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 I have been for donkeys years. I’m not going to engage in a full on affair though I have been very tempted but no I’m not going to. I just i supppse don’t know what to do in my marriage with regards to sex Link to comment
Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 If he was doing this I guess I’d understand - he’d feel disconnected which is how I feel so I’d work through it with him it he doesn’t, this is just how he is. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 I know it sounds very basic, but you can't force someone to have the same sex drive as you, nor should you. It sounds like he does as much as he's willing to do, (hey, at least he is giving you sex). But I was being serious, get some sex toys, do what you have to do, ALONE. Link to comment
Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 Sherry. I know you can’t but I’m kinda sad. I wish that we were both on the same page with this. More often than not it’s always me initiating it, and I just feel so fed up. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 But you don't have to have an affair - you know you want to have sex with this guy and you are married. So you have to decide whether the sex is worth ending your marriage over. If it's not worth it you have your answer. Surely you don't want permission to cheat on your husband? Have you tried marital counseling? And sure sex toys should help take the edge off. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 You are playing with fire with this other guy. You need to stop it before it gets out of hand. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Hey Debbie, I have been on the same page. I know exactly what it feels like. But cheating is not a fix. Talk to your husband, get to counselling if need be, get some sex toys, do what you have to do...but cheating and lying and doing these things behind his back is wrong and they aren't solutions. Link to comment
Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 I do want to yes but I know that I’m not going to it’s just a few messages. He’s also in a relationship. No not permission I wanna just wondering if perhaps someone would come along who’s had a similar experience Link to comment
SherrySher Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 *raises hand*...yep,..been there. Going to another man though is not okay, not even a couple messages. Link to comment
Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 I know that it is wrong. I do also know I need to quit while I’m ahead. I’m probably going to have a discussion with him and tell him it’s best if he deletes my number and we quit the texting for a while Link to comment
Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 Sherry what did you do if you don’t mind me asking? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 I do want to yes but I know that I’m not going to it’s just a few messages. He’s also in a relationship. No not permission I wanna just wondering if perhaps someone would come along who’s had a similar experience Many people have I am sure. That is why the wedding vows exist -if people were never tempted you wouldn't need to reiterate those vows. I have a kind of celebrity crush on a radio personality and it's fun for me - and no I'm not going to tell my husband because it might hurt his feelings and why? It doesn't affect my marriage or vows -it's just fun to listen to his radio show and his banter and feel a slight tingle. It's normal. Sure you might get someone who cheated on her husband because she wanted to have sex more than her husband and figured cheating was an easy way to take care of needs as well as have that thrill of being naughty (and then likely feel like vomiting but whatever). I think you might get validation for "I know how you feel, my husband gained weight after we got married, stopped wanting to have sex, etc - and my neighbor was a body builder and unhappy in his marriage too so ..." How is that going to help you?? Link to comment
SherrySher Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Sat down, told him how bad it was bothering me, tried to find a solution that worked for both of us, considered ending it if we couldn't find a solution. Cried, got frustrated, felt bad. But I still worked it out with just me and my partner and didn't involve anyone else. Counselling is a huge consideration though..seriously, not just marriage but individual counselling or a combination of both. But cheating? Nope, I won't lower myself to that. I have needs, but I can control it and I would prefer to either fix my relationship first or admit its non fixable, end it, then find someone else. In that order. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 and then likely feel like vomiting but whatever lol...its not funny but it is so true. That's why I can't and won't ever cheat. The guilt alone would eat me up and it would be sickening feeling to know what you've done..ack! I won't live that way. Link to comment
Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 Can I explain though I don’t know what it is about this other guy. I can’t work him out at all He acts not bothered but I can tell he must be for the amount of hours that he speaks to me. I don’t know why he’s wanting to cross the line Link to comment
Debby39 Posted July 20, 2019 Author Share Posted July 20, 2019 I do agree with you that is is disgusting and sickening But somehow when you’re in it... Common sense has gone Link to comment
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