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Deciding what ex’s say


Bro32

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If an ex told you that her values and preferences had changed all of a sudden in a long distance relationship and she did not love you anymore, would you assume that they met someone else and that the new guy was what her preferences changed to?

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I would assume she is pretty well over me, and probably has been over me for a while, and it's time for me to start my grieving process and then move on. I would assume that further inquiry into whether or not she was cheating on me will hurt me more than they will help me. I would assume that I am a really good boyfriend normally, but that the long distance situation just really wasn't working for both of us. I would assume that we had a beautiful relationship at one time, but the time in which we can learn from each other has come to an end, and someday I can take what I learned in this relationship into a new one with someone else.

 

Hang in there, none of this is supposed to be easy.

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I was respectfully able to let her go two weeks after the break up and told her it was all for the best and i haven’t contacted her since! I never said anything disrespectful! However I was made aware that there was another man in the picture and that crushed me! Here I am almost two months later still not completely over her! I have more good days than bad now but sometimes my mind wonders and I wonder if I could have been better. I’m also adjusting to losing all the mutual friends I met through her. She cut me off completely like I didn’t even exist.

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If she is an ex, she really doesn't need to tell you anything. It is super hard to deal with, but it is life.

 

On the other hand, YOU are now free to explore! If her values changed, would she even be the same person you loved? Probably not. As far as you wondering if you could have been better, the answer is no. You were you. That is all you can be. And YOU are just right for the right person.

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Yep she said this!! We dated 4.5 years! 2 in the same town and the other 2.5 was distance. I visited as often as I could. I did notice that once I started my business and started focusing more on that we started to grow apart some.

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Yep she said this!! We dated 4.5 years! 2 in the same town and the other 2.5 was distance. I visited as often as I could. I did notice that once I started my business and started focusing more on that we started to grow apart some.

 

She said what?

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She blamed me for everything and just cut me off after we met up! When i last saw her which was two weeks after the break up I could already see how removed she was from me. She told me when she met this guy which was like 3 weeks before we broke up is when she realized how disconnected she was from the relationship. She said she was sorry for stringing me along! She had mentioned having feelings for someone but said he wasn’t in the picture anymore and I let it go on! I was played

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Working on yourself is the best you can do. I've been cheated on in long distance relationships before and theres really nothing you can do except work on yourself. I'm sure her values weren't as intact as she made you to believe. So you're better off without her in my opinion.

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She wont reach out and if she does she is just going to hurt you more. Follow the BFF's advice. Work on yourself, and stop thinking about your ex. Build up your contacts at work. Work out. Start building a network of friends because being on your own and losing the network that you were attached to through her is one of the toughest parts. You need help. If you have no one to talk to, think about counseling or therapy.

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We all have to start over sometimes. You may find starting over easier or harder. It's taken a while to find her, but my current girlfriend and I developed a closer connection much faster than I had with previous relationships. You aren't the same person you were 4 years ago, so who knows what it will be like? You are still struggling with the breakup, so I wouldn't jump into dating right away. Take some time to get your head right. That means moving your focus away from your ex. You'll never heal if you keep trying to figure out how to fix it and bring her back. Maybe instead of just exercising, you can train for something, or join a sports club. It's summer you should be out there having fun. Find new goals to work toward to give your mind a new focus.

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I wouldn't assume nor presume that she met someone else and that the new guy was what her preferences changed to. You don't know if she's with someone else or not. People can change their values and preferences without switching to someone new. A lot of people have their preferences yet they tolerate a person for the time being until they cut them loose.

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