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Thread: Feel myself slipping away.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hutchypro
    She definitely saw me, she told me that in text. I do believe she might of panicked and didn't know what to do. I don't believe she is sinister too. She still carry on the conversation though, it's nice to talk to her but I know it's getting me nowhere. I think she knows I still like her. I have asked after breaking to try again. I've told her how I feel, and I asked for coffee. I left it after that and I also didn't keep texting her after she ignored me. If she hadn't of messaged me first I wouldn't be chatting to her now.
    I'm sorry but you're way too passive. When we blame others for the way we feel what we're really doing is giving another person that power over our emotions and daily lives. It's that relinquishing of personal autonomy that I don't agree with. Take that back. You owe it to yourself.

    Your last line "If she hadn't messaged me first I wouldn't be chatting to her now" suggests that you are powerless and reacting without restraint or without thinking in your best interests. Your self-confidence seems very, very low or you're in terrible pain. Please don't feel like you have to respond when someone messages you, most of all an ex whom you still have feelings for or in a break up you haven't made peace with. I think you need a lot more time and try and be proactive about the way you live your life - get out of this passive place. Start taking charge of your life and don't let things just happen to you. If they do happen, sidestep/bypass them if not worth it or deal with it head on and let it go.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Rather than unfollow her, delete and block.
    Itís doing you no good and you know that!

    Leave her be.

    She doesnít need you to look after her well being just like you donít need her to look after yours.

    Stop trying to over analyse. Itís over. You know that, she knows that, we all know that.
    It hurts. We also all know that.
    But make it hurt less by removing her from social media.
    Thanks. I'm really trying my best

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'm sorry but you're way too passive. When we blame others for the way we feel what we're really doing is giving another person that power over our emotions and daily lives. It's that relinquishing of personal autonomy that I don't agree with. Take that back. You owe it to yourself.

    Your last line "If she hadn't messaged me first I wouldn't be chatting to her now" suggests that you are powerless and reacting without restraint or without thinking in your best interests. Your self-confidence seems very, very low or you're in terrible pain. Please don't feel like you have to respond when someone messages you, most of all an ex whom you still have feelings for or in a break up you haven't made peace with. I think you need a lot more time and try and be proactive about the way you live your life - get out of this passive place. Start taking charge of your life and don't let things just happen to you. If they do happen, sidestep/bypass them if not worth it or deal with it head on and let it go.
    I didn't realise I was being passive but you're right. I'd say I'm in pain and my self confidence is low. It's taken a battering the last few months. I'm working on it, I was a very confident person when I met her and I need to get back to that state.
    I guess my mind is still in the denial phase a bit, I take a while to overcome things, especially with emotions.
    A lot of people tell me just to 'get over it' it's easier said than done. I fell badly for this girl, I know she doesn't feel the same way at all. I will never know the true reasons why things happened the way they did but that's ok. I have to accept that I will never know.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Give yourself a chance to move forwards. I do feel you are in a bit of a denial phase too. Get out of that denial thought cycle. It's not healthy. It's ok to process but you have to accept that it's over and give yourself a chance to live on your own terms - redesign everything, your life and how you want to live. It's forwards now.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Give yourself a chance to move forwards. I do feel you are in a bit of a denial phase too. Get out of that denial thought cycle. It's not healthy. It's ok to process but you have to accept that it's over and give yourself a chance to live on your own terms - redesign everything, your life and how you want to live. It's forwards now.
    Thanks I'm making plans. I'm meeting a girl for a drink, nothing more than that at the moment.
    How do you get over the thought of them 'together' it's horrible. He looks really manly and very different to me. Makes me feel inadequate. I know that's my own insecurities but it's painful

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent. Enjoy. One step at a time. Healing is more of a dance with some do-si-dos along the way rather than a linear one foot in front of the other progression.
    Originally Posted by Hutchypro
    Thanks I'm making plans. I'm meeting a girl for a drink, nothing more than that at the moment.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hutchypro
    Thanks I'm making plans. I'm meeting a girl for a drink, nothing more than that at the moment.
    How do you get over the thought of them 'together' it's horrible. He looks really manly and very different to me. Makes me feel inadequate. I know that's my own insecurities but it's painful
    Pain, the emotion itself, is a very real indicator for room for improvement. Visually, physically, there may be nothing you can change about yourself. When I was young I didn't fit in with my peers either and I certainly wasn't the prettiest girl in the room (far from it, a superbly ugly duckling). Even though you think you don't fall within the stereotypical idea of what 'manly' means, you should still recognize that you are no less of a man. Whatever you are, whatever you look like, you are what you identify with and if you identify as your own kind of manly, you'll be surprised how many will think of you as plain... manly. It's about what you think of yourself and how you project your identity forwards.

    I think all of us at some point in our lives wrestle with feelings of inadequacy. Whether it's mental, emotional or physical... sometimes it's financial, family-related, feeling inadequate because of failed opportunities etc. Part and parcel of learning from all of this and making peace with them/moving forwards positively is understanding the things we are uncomfortable about in ourselves and finding ways to confront that and put it to rest. If you're not feeling manly enough in your own mind, ask yourself first what you think is manly in the first place and engage with those ideas that define manliness or masculinity. Search for different representations of what manly means in your world and then see how it compares to how others define masculinity. You might want to explore your set of ideas and look representations of what man means. Perhaps your ideas may be a little limited.

    In every instance that I've felt inadequate I couldn't help but notice that they were constructs in my mind that I'd subconsciously built. Sometimes they were triggered by events that made me feel insecure and other times they just developed on their own over not one event but a series of small events in my life. In order to break that cycle of feelings of inadequacy I had to go back and revisit what caused those social or ideological constructs in the first place in my mind and ask myself why I thought I fell outside of those ideas/ideals. Don't be afraid. Work things through and accept yourself. Grow from this.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Excellent. Enjoy. One step at a time. Healing is more of a dance with some do-si-dos along the way rather than a linear one foot in front of the other progression.
    Thanks! It definitely a roller coaster. This relationship was one which I class as I truly fell in love with the girl. I've never been through heart break like this. I know it happens to nearly everyone at least once in life, but when it happens nothing can really prepare you.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Pain, the emotion itself, is a very real indicator for room for improvement. Visually, physically, there may be nothing you can change about yourself. When I was young I didn't fit in with my peers either and I certainly wasn't the prettiest girl in the room (far from it, a superbly ugly duckling). Even though you think you don't fall within the stereotypical idea of what 'manly' means, you should still recognize that you are no less of a man. Whatever you are, whatever you look like, you are what you identify with and if you identify as your own kind of manly, you'll be surprised how many will think of you as plain... manly. It's about what you think of yourself and how you project your identity forwards.

    I think all of us at some point in our lives wrestle with feelings of inadequacy. Whether it's mental, emotional or physical... sometimes it's financial, family-related, feeling inadequate because of failed opportunities etc. Part and parcel of learning from all of this and making peace with them/moving forwards positively is understanding the things we are uncomfortable about in ourselves and finding ways to confront that and put it to rest. If you're not feeling manly enough in your own mind, ask yourself first what you think is manly in the first place and engage with those ideas that define manliness or masculinity. Search for different representations of what manly means in your world and then see how it compares to how others define masculinity. You might want to explore your set of ideas and look representations of what man means. Perhaps your ideas may be a little limited.

    In every instance that I've felt inadequate I couldn't help but notice that they were constructs in my mind that I'd subconsciously built. Sometimes they were triggered by events that made me feel insecure and other times they just developed on their own over not one event but a series of small events in my life. In order to break that cycle of feelings of inadequacy I had to go back and revisit what caused those social or ideological constructs in the first place in my mind and ask myself why I thought I fell outside of those ideas/ideals. Don't be afraid. Work things through and accept yourself. Grow from this.
    Thankyou so much for this. It's the fact he appears to have everything she wants and that I couldn't give to her.
    I suffer badly with anxiety at the moment from the moment I wake until the moment I go to sleep. This is the problem. I get times where the clouds separate and I feel 'normal' and I don't care about what she is doing, then the depression sets in again.

  11. #20
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    I met the other girl. I didn't feel any spark between us and I didn't feel attracted to her :( she liked me though but we've both asked to be friends so I might of made a new friend out of it at least :)

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